Title: Dealing
Author: whatchasayiin
Disclaimer: It's still on the wishlist.
Rating: PG -- nothing harsh
Spoiler: Seaons 6, Sam's Pregnancy
Summary: Martin's reaction to Sam's news.
A/N: Posted it on the board. Just archiving for no purpose.
The shrill of his cellphone rang throughout the room his wife nudging him not so lightly pleading for it to stop. The late night calls were something he expected once in a while for it was his duty as a sponsor for many recovering addicts. Well, truthfully, he didn't like to use the certain word. It made them all seem so low when in reality events and people have just push them into being addicted. He rather called them individually by their names, no labels.
"Baby, please answer that damn phone!"
"Hello?" he answered. It was about three in the morning and whatever it was someone was calling for was an emergency, but he just got off street patrol! That wasn't a good enough reason though.
"Ed? Ed it's Martin. I... I need your help, Ed."
Martin Fitzgerald was a man whom he's never had much trouble with. He was always in line, it almost surprises him that a person such as Martin would be addicted. He understood that events change a person, but he spoke to Danny privately to tell him how Martin was doing and asked any other information about Martin that he might "forget" to tell him. All Danny had said that former NYPD – and current Special Agent – Samantha Spade was his girlfriend. He knew about her of course, she was that blond that he had caught time and time again using the interrogation room for... other purposes.
"Martin, what's wrong what happened?" he questioned kicking his feet off the bed.
"It's... I... I don't know... I don't know what to do, Ed. I just have this... I need..."
"Where are you right now?"
"I'm... I'm at Cen... Central Park. I'm at Central Park," Martin answered in stutters. He didn't know how to deal with everything. This was maybe the only time that he ever had thought of taking those pills this much in the past year and so months. True that he had occasionally thought about swallowing pills after an unsuccessful case, but not this much. Never this much.
"Okay, Martin I need you to listen to me. Are you listening?"
"Yeah."
"I need you to walk over to the Angel Statue, could you do that for me?"
"Y... Yeah."
"Sit down on a bench and wait for me. Don't think about whatever it is that's making you... you know. Think happy thoughts. I'll be there in about five minutes."
The five minutes seemed to have lasted forever in Martin's point of view. He was stuck there hands fidgeting just wanting to run. Run to the nearest pharmacy and take whatever painkiller was on the stand and gulp it down his throat until he was numb. Until there wouldn't be anymore feelings of pain, of hatred or even happiness because eventually reality always draws him in and the pain is ten times the happiness. But he can't, he knew he can't. He's too coward to even try and jump in the water and not swim.
Martin walked as slow as he could trying to gather his thoughts. Easier said than done to "think happy thoughts" when all happy thoughts either landed on his deceased aunt or Samantha, two things he shouldn't think about. It seemed like at this early morning hours, lovely couples in their passionate embraces greeted him or joggers with happy content faces ready to start the day early and fresh. He just felt like the world was trying to tell him something, slapping regrets and happiness in his face. Showing that the rest of the world was revolving -- happily at that -- while he was there miserable as he could ever be. He wished that it would stop being that way, wished he could stop the cruel attempts of life trying to punish him for all his wrong doings and bad choices. One mainly, breaking up with Samantha.
It was like some sick twisted think slapping what he lost in his face. Why did faith have to play with him like that? He didn't know. He wished he did so he could stop the cruel attempts of life trying to punish him for everything he already regrets. One mainly, breaking up with Samantha.
"Martin, I'm sorry I took so long," Ed said apologizing as he sat beside Martin overlooking the pond, "talk to me."
"I... I'm sorry I called you in the middle of the night. I just..."
"It's okay, Martin. Everyone has these urges, I'm just happy that you called me instead of giving into them and throwing away all that you've worked for."
"Yeah," Martin breathed. In all facts, he'd rather throw away that whole year for a little pain killer. At least he wouldn't have to worry about memories when he ODs. He heard that while they were OD they wouldn't even remember anything. Gosh, how he wished he didn't remember.
"So tell me, what happened?"
"I hum, I..."
"I know it's hard to talk about whatever it is that's depressing you Martin, but we need to talk about it. You need to talk about it, to get over this."
"That's the problem," Martin admitted in a whisper. "I never even... It was just over. There weren't any other words there. She dropped off a box and when I opened the door she was gone. I got shot, came back to work and I was too busy with the pain killers to even notice her – to even talk to her. I just... now? Now it's just too late."
"It's never too late, Martin," he replied only then realizing he sounded a little like a shrink rather than a sponsor – a friend.
"It is... I didn't mean to... I mean... I really..."
"Get it out one by one."
"She's pregnant, Samantha's pregnant."
Ed looked over at Martin trying to read his facial expressions as he said it. His face was full of regret there, hatred and pain. He understood the young man that sat before him. It was always hard to see a love move on. He knew that. Maybe as much as he did.
"And... I wasn't suppose to know. She told Danny, and Jack and Elena and Viv but she didn't tell me," Martin paused running his hands through his hair. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"Maybe she was scared?"
"What... What would she have been scared off?" Martin asked him his eyes showing the same confusion as a four year old asking about how babies were put on Earth.
"This," Ed explained motioning all around. "You told me so much about her, how much you think she knows you. Maybe she expected this as your reaction to it? Maybe she was thinking of you?"
"But why tell everyone else, Ed? Why everyone but me? I have to find out from Danny telling me to help him arrange a baby shower for her."
"You'd have to ask her yourself Martin, I don't know everything."
"It's just that... After everything we've been through – me and her – I think I at least deserve to hear it from her, you know? I at least deserve her telling me straight to my face that she's pregnant. Hell! She didn't even tell me she was dating!" Martin exclaimed clearly hurt by the fact Sam wouldn't confined in him any longer.
"Ask yourself this Martin, why would she have to tell you what's going on in her private life? Are you guys... Colleagues, friends, best friends... what?"
"We're... friends."
"You guys don't usually sit down and trade the tiny bites of secrets over movies and popcorn do you?"
"I well... I, no," Martin replied. He wouldn't give her the chance to hear those three words come out of his mouth. It would just give her permission to rip his heart in two without knowing it once again. But he wished that they sat down watched some flicks and ate some popcorn to mend their broken friendship.
"And do you think that this pregnancy thing is a secret – at least to her?"
Martin sighed in defeat. "To Samantha, everything has to be a secret."
"Right."
"I know we're not even close to being what we were before but... I thought she would tell me before..."
"Before?"
"I don't know anymore," Martin whispered looking out at the pond water knowing that after the relationship even though she had helped him through his addiction and even though they could joke now, everyone else was still closer to her than he was. Elena had become her best friend and Danny had always been. Vivian on the other hand was the 'mother hen' of the team and was close to everyone while Jack was the boss and he must know about it. He, he seemed like nothing now. Just another men in her little black book that she just happened to work with. Trust wasn't the issue and neither was care, because he knew that he would jump at a speeding bullet to protect her and she would do the same. It was about priority and friendship now.
"Martin, as your sponsor, I'd tell you to mend things with Samantha. Start small and develop a strong friendship," Ed advised him looking at the spot Martin was looking at as well finding it all the much easier.
"But?"
"But as your friend, I would tell you to just drop it. Forget about her, there are a lot of fishes in the sea and..."
"And a lot of birds in the sky," Martin continued his famous quote for him with a tiny smile. Ed chuckled as well waiting for Martin's response, but he got nothing. Instead Martin stood up from the bench and turned around facing Ed his hands out to help Ed up and off the bench.
"I'm sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night."
"It's all good, what are sponsor's for?"
Martin nodded with a smile as he stuffed his hands in his pocket parting ways with Ed. He crossed the bridge looking to the East seeing the bright yellow star come rising up to light the city hearing the birds with their morning ritual singing. He just shook his head and kept walking forward.