Trigger warning: self-harm, suicide, apocalyptic scenario.

I looked out into the horizon, into the desolate landscapes of this world. The dry cracked soil was barren and infertile while the oceans were muddied, and its waters had an acrid smell and is toxic to all known life. The air was filled with smog and poison; the atmosphere can no longer sustain the lives of organic beings that once lived here. This is my prison, my hell and my home.

This dead planet was called earth. Several years ago, it was teeming with life. The forests were lush and green. Beasts of all forms roamed the lands and lived in different biomes. The oceans were filled with diverse life forms of all shapes and colors. Birds and other winged creatures glided across the sky. It was beautiful and livable- it was paradise.

Among all of these beings, the smartest endemic species in the planet was known as the homo sapiens or humans for short. I was once one of these creatures. I lived a life that humans would have considered normal; I had friends, a family, goals, dreams, problems and insecurities. I was not happy but was content. That is, until I became the catalyst for the destruction of this world.

Years ago, humanoid beings that were actually polymorphic sentient rock came upon this planet. This was their second attempt at conquering this world- my world. They intend to use this land for the purpose of reproduction and extraction of resources. They waged war with its inhabitants and they performed unethical and inhumane experiments on every single species. Even their kind was not spared from these horrific acts.

I was one of their experiments. They took me away from my family and forced my consciousness to enter into a gemstone. They destroyed my organic body to make sure that I can never return to my previous state. My mind was altered, my memories were wiped clean and were replaced with new ones. I believed that I came from Homeworld-the conquerors' home. I fought alongside them- I thought they were my comrades.

I celebrated when they they eradicated the humans. I smiled after I slayed my own family. I laughed when they hollowed out the earth and poisoned the waters. Lastly, I killed this planet's saviors without mercy. I was their most prized experiment- I was their secret weapon and I was proud of this fact.

They left me here. I was created to become one of the most powerful gems but they never saw me as an equal. I was still a human to them; a creature that they considered inferior to their own. I was a mere pawn in their plans- I was just an object to them. Their property, something they can easily take and abandon. It was no surprise that when the earth had served its purpose, they restored my memories and left me here to rot with no way of leaving this godforsaken planet.

So many lives were lost because of me... I can never look up and see the birds flying across the sky. I can never sit down on the beach and watch the sun disapear into the horizon together with my loved ones. I can never see movies with my friends or just sit down and take in the beauty life has to offer. I can never travel outside of the country and witness the culture of other humans. I will never be able to get that dream job or meet that one special person I'm willing to spend the rest of my days with. I will never hear the cries of my newborn baby nor will I witness the growth of this child. I will never be able to grow old and happy with the life I had lived.

Sometimes I wish that this was just a nightmare. I'm back at home, together with my human family, living the normal mundane life that I had. But no matter how long I waited or how many times I hurt myself, I cannot wake up. How can I? I was never even asleep...

How I longed for the ordinary! Why wasn't I pleased with the way things were? Now, I just want to go back to living as a normal human being in this doomed but livable planet. Yes, it was doomed from the start. If it wasn't going to be destroyed by the gems, the humans will surely bring about its end. They were unable to appreciate what they had and would abuse their power. I had always helped in its destruction but my involvement in the war hastened this process.

I walked towards the area of my last confrontation with the protectors of the earth. They were called the crystal gems. They were veterans of the previous war wherein Rose Quartz led the forces that went against the conquerors. They defended the earth, protected it and nurtured it- everything I should have done but did not do.

I reached down and took the small gem fragments strewn on the ground. This is what all remains of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. As for the boy they called Steven Quartz Universe, his crystal fragments intermingled with that of his friends and I had his organic body destroyed. This is what is left of the heroes- the ones I should have sided with... The ones I should have emulated...

I knelt down on the ground and wept. I held the fragments close to my heart. I mourned for the death of these heroes. I mourned for the death of the innocent boy who did nothing but carry on the name of his mother. I mourned for the friends I could have had if I had just listen to their pleas. They knew what I was and they knew what could have been but I was too proud to listen. I killed them all without mercy myself. I made their deaths painful...

Now, I am cursed to live a lonely existence on the world that I helped destroyed-the world I did not appreciate until now... I will always live with this pain- I will always live with this regret.

I was a victim- I was brainwashed, deceived, used and abandoned! I destroyed my home against my will! I eliminated those who had sworn to protect it. I am not blameless... I am a killer... I am a destroyer... I am death!

This is my fault... I did all of this. I caused this... I allowed them to do this! They may have brainwashed me, manipulated me to consent to such an unholy act but I'm still to blame. Regardless of my condition at that time, I still did those horrible acts.

Now there are no lush green plants that extends beyond the landscape, there are no animals roaming the earth and flying above the trees . There's no more clean water... I have no more friends, no family- I have nothing...

I am nothing- neither gem nor human, neither dead nor alive... I'm merely existing in this dead piece of hollowed out rock floating in outer space... I wish that wasn't the case though... I just want this pain to end...

Rose's sword lay on the ground before me. Its sharp blade was taunting me... Teasing me... I gave in to the temptation, I slowly picked it up and aimed it straight towards my gem.

Oh Rose, the defender of this world... How fitting it will be to have your sword taken the life of the filth who destroyed the planet that you had sworn to protect...