Disclaimer - I dont' own anything TinMan.
This was written for the Tinman GrandPrix Challenge involving a quote "Did I say you could move?". I am not sure how I ended up with this piece. If I knew exactly what "crack" fic was, I might think this was a crack fic. Tell me what you think.
"You know technically this is all your fault
"You know, technically this is all your fault."
"My fault? Excuse me, but how do you figure that?"
"Well, I did tell you not to move. You're the one that walked in front of me. Ergo, your fault."
DG listened outside the door at the conversation between Glitch and Cain. She was a little confused as to what they were discussing.
Cain's voice drifted through the shut door.
"You told me not to move AFTER you shot me, Zipperhead."
"Still say it's not my fault. I'm a headcase with a crossbow. That should explain enough."
"Well, I'm still bleeding and I have an arrow sticking out of me."
DG gasped and rushed into the room. There, half-lying on the sofa with Glitch by his side was Wyatt Cain. A small arrow was sticking out his upper thigh near his left buttock. DG's eyes widened in horror.
Both men jerked as the door slammed open, and a woman's voice gasped.
DG shrieked out, "Az, come here, now. I need help."
"Now, princess, it's not that bad." Glitch walked to the young woman with his hands outstretched.
"Not bad. Open your eyes, Glitch. That is an arrow, and blood is getting everywhere." DG snapped at him.
Wyatt smirked slightly at DG's tone. Obviously she was concerned about him and was willing to tear a piece of hide off of Glitch due to that concern. He was quite the Tin Man, Cain decided. Just then, Azkadellia rushed into the room.
"DG, what in the world….Oh my Ozma." Az's eyes widened in horror just like DG's, then she began to yell at the top of her lungs. "Help! Mother, help! Someone please help!"
DG grabbed her sister's hand in support. Both women's eyes were trained on the arrow jutting from Cain's leg. Each winced as they watched the blood soak into his tan pants.
The Queen rushed into the room without her usual grace. "What is going on?"
Az and DG reached out to their mother as DG spoke. "Glitch shot Mr. Cain with an arrow."
The Queen turned to the slightly embarrassed Cain, and the totally mortified Glitch. She then turned her attention to Cain's blood-soaked pants. A scream of intense pain erupted from her lips. "No, no. We have to save… We can't let..." Broken words spilled from her lips.
Cain was a little concerned now. It was one thing to have DG expressing such heartfelt concern, but having Az and the Queen behaving almost fanatically was a little scary.
Glitch himself was also a little bewildered by events, but dismissed it all due to only having half a brain. But still, he thought he should at least explain to the women what had happened to Cain.
"Um, Your Majesty. I was demonstrating to Cain about the benefits of the 1500 Crossbow series, when he walked in front of my demonstration shot. The arrow went into the back of his leg, but I promise there is no permanent damage."
Three sets of eyes turned to glare at Glitch. DG's finger poked Glitch in his chest. "No damage? Open your eyes. There is a hole and blood! That is considered damage!"
Cain, growing more concerned by the women's reactions, moved to raise himself from the couch. A hand pushed him back down, none too gently.
The Queen glared at Cain. "Did I say you could move?" Her eyebrows were raised in question.
"Um, no your majesty," Cain responded hesitantly.
"I thought so. You will lay there until we can repair the damage."
"Your Majesty, it's really not that bad. I'll be fine." Cain spoke, attempting to calm the irate Queen and her daughters. He had no idea they thought that much of him. Even Glitch was a little taken aback by their reaction.
DG's head swung toward Cain's in confusion. "Of course you'll be fine. It's just an arrow. You've been shot worse. But, your pants! Why did you have to shoot the pants, Glitch?"
Az and her mother nodded in agreement. Cain stuttered in confusion. "My pants? You're worried about my pants? DG, I'm bleeding here with a wound the size of my fist. I could be dying."
DG waved her hand at Cain's words. "Oh, please, drama queen."
With a wave of her hand, the Queen used her limited magic to remove the punctured pants from Cain's body. Cain's fair skin flushed in mortification at being half naked in front of the Royal Family. Glitch took one look at the Tin Man's naked backside before throwing a cushion over his exposed anatomy.
None of the women gave Cain or his famous backside a second glance. This had never happened before. Women were known to swoon at the sight of Cain bending over. Now, when faced with the real deal, sans covering, the three most impressive women in the OZ were acting like he was chopped liver.
The Queen laid the torn and lifeless pants ceremonially in DG's outstretched arms. Az sniffed delicately as a tear rolled down her face. Wordlessly, she and DG turned and walked out of the room.
The Queen turned to face Glitch. "I hope you are happy, Ambrose. I now have to set aside a day of mourning for those pants. Women across the OZ are going to be in despair." Cain thought he heard her mutter something about the "Holy Pants of Hotness", but he wasn't sure.
As the Queen left, Glitch turned and looked at Wyatt confusedly. "What just happened here?"
Cain shook his head. "I don't know. But I think my pants are getting more action that I've gotten in years."
Glitch shook his head sagely. "I know what you mean."