Prologue
I wanted so badly for Martin to want me as me, and not as his best friend. I wanted him to want me as his girlfriend. The men I was sleeping with were just a way for me to be with Martin. I would pretend every man I slept with was Martin. To get through sleeping with them I would cut. It seemed like the cure to all. Every day seemed to pass just as the last had. Sadly my father had passed away earlier in the year. My mother and twin brothers left for Africa a month ago to help out. Mom worked at the church now. Lucy, Kevin, and Savannah had gone with them. All I could now see was my own pain. Every time I thought I was going to be able to see past it something else happened. So I no longer tried.
"Baby, I won't be back. I'm leaving Glenoak for good. I start college in the fall. I know you are seeing other guys. So I thought this wouldn't bother you, but I still thought you should know." Mac said, and left.
After Mac left I walked into my bathroom, and did what I did after every guy left. I cut. It relieved every pain inside of me. I never cried anymore. My way of crying was through my cutting. It took all of the pain, and hurt from me. Martin walked into my bathroom. He wasn't supposed to be here. Martin was still mad at me for all the guys I had been sleeping around with, but at least he talked to me as of late.
"Ruthie why are you doing this?" Martin asked as he placed a washcloth on my arm, and applied steady pressure.
I kissed him then gently at first, but then proceeded with more passion. To my surprise he kissed me back. Removing my shirt he began to undress me. I knew this moment meant nothing to him, but that didn't stop me from wishing that he did. I loved him. He didn't love me, but cared deeply for me. I guess for tonight that would be enough.