IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO READ/FOLLOWED THIS STORY!

So I already posted this story but I really didn't like some parts, enough so that I had trouble continuing the story and leaving them in... Anyway, cut to me just sucking it up and editing it.

The big changes are:

- I condensed chapters, so now the chapters are longer but there are less of them

- I changed it to be a better semi-self insert by rounding out my sorta-me character better. Before I just cut out some aspects that I thought were too personal and didn't replace them with anything, leaving a wishy-washy 2 dimensional character which is just insulting (to myself, she is based on me after all, and to you guys, for expecting you to identify with or even like my dangerously Mary Sue character).

Ok, onto the new(ish) story!

Chapter 1

Sometimes I can't help but notice how much of a spoilt baby I am. Oh sure, people call me responsible and sweet, but my internal bitchy-ness would surprise them. I swear 70% of my thoughts consist of swear words (though to be fair they do make up like a good portion of my spoken vocabulary too) and all of them are directed at other things and people.

This brings me to my current predicament. My computer wasn't working. Well fuck this piece of crap. Useless shit, you have one job! I don't have time for your shit. God FUCKING damn it! I throw my hands up in frustration, and even though I really feel like screaming the profanities going through my mind I settle for a little huff of exasperation. Wouldn't want to bother the dip-shits around me, I think bitterly. Immediately my conscious pops up with thoughts like, calm down, you're just frustrated and you don't actually mean that. I know that I'm just throwing a hissy fit, so I slow down my breathing that had started to come out in broken huffs and almost-snarls. I relaxed my muscles, and shoved my bitchy self to the corners of my consciousness, knowing it would retreat to some dark unreachable part of my psyche with time. OK, time to problem solve.

My computer had started taking forever to complete commands for a couple minutes, but now it was practically frozen. I scanned my limited tech knowledge and came up with a couple ideas, first force quitting all my applications, then doing a software update. After a couple dozen minutes I was up and running again.

I've sigh in contentment and take a sip of my cappuccino. Good thing I learned to control myself, imagine what would have happened if I had freaked out back there. I chuckle in amusement at the image of me jumping out of my chair screaming, with the horrified and confused gazes of the patrons and workers of the coffee shop as I dealt my verbal beating to my computer.

I don't know how long I sat just contemplating life, but after a while I went back to browsing the Internet and generally avoiding doing work.

After a couple hours of doing nothing particular I decided it was time to head back home for food (I was not willing to pay for an overpriced mediocre pastry). As I walked down the street I let my mind wander, trusting my feet to take me home.

I thought about who I was, and, as usual, I was disappointed with myself. I was introverted and had trouble being around other people, and could be pretty insensitive. But it's not like I tried to ignore other people's feelings, I just didn't notice. At all. Maybe if I could just survive on my own, support the few people who cared about me a bit, it would all be OK, but the sad fact in this society is that being independent is impossible. We humans are naturally social creatures and those of us who don't socialize are persecuted and marginalized by society. You can't succeed on your own, without talking to others and trying to connect with your fellow man you are as good as dead. Where does that leave me, the classic "loner" who was about as naturally empathetic as a teaspoon, then? We were supposed be social creatures after all, and yet here I was, in all my oblivious glory. A true failure of a human being.

I frowned. Did it worry me that I thought I was a despicable human being? No, not particularly. Too much effort to hate myself, so I just accepted it. My grand plan in life was to find some way to make myself some money before retreating into the wild like a hermit, where I could make up for my bitchiness is some way or another.

My random thought process was interrupted by the sudden realization that something felt off about my body. I paused and directed my brainpower towards what was wrong. OK, my brain was telling me that I should be leaning to the left but by doing so my balance was being thrown off. Why did it want me leaning? Why do I usually… Oh shit, my computer case. My body had to lean the left to compensate for the weight, but since now it's gone…

OK, so now the question was, WHERE THE FUCK WAS MY COMPUTER CASE!

Since the weight had just suddenly disappeared and I remember putting it on my shoulder as I left someone must have taken it, recently. Now it was time to find that little fucker. I turned my internal concentration outwards and searched for the closest person who was… no one. I was completely alone. Ok, now I'm freaking out. What's so scary about being alone you ask? Oh, that wasn't what I was freaking out about, I was freaking out about the fact that I was alone, IN AN ENORMOUS FOREST!

My brain just stopped working. I honestly have no idea how long I was just standing there, it felt like a second but It could have been 5 minutes, just staring at where the concrete should be. I was good and problem solving, but at this moment I had no idea what to do.

What the fuck was going on? WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? The swearing was a good indication, but I felt myself start to get more and more hysteric. Before I went completely bat-shit insane, I spun around and sat at the roots of a tree.

Okay, lets think this though, I thought. I knew I was clinging to my familiar companion, Rationality, mostly for comfort but I allowed myself to indulge in my need for familiarity. Thinking rationally wasn't the worst thing I could want to do at this moment at all, it was actually the only sane thing I could do.

Option 1: I forgot a part of my day… week… Okay so I have no idea how long I could have been out of it. Don't think too hard on that part, you'll only drive yourself crazy.

That didn't make too much sense for multiple reasons though. First off, I realized something was wrong because my computer case was stolen, which isn't a life event that would induce amnesia. Plus, I did a quick once over to double check, my clothes were just as fresh as they were in the coffee shop, my hair was exactly the same length and style and I didn't feel any different from when I left the café. Okay, so that isn't a very likely scenario.

Option 2: I was dreaming.

That's not possible. I can nearly always tell when I'm dreaming and this was most certainly not one. Plus, what would be the scenario if that were true? I just fell asleep while walking? Yeah right.

Option 3: I was dead.

Depressing... but unlikely. What could have killed me instantly, without feeling any pain? Nothing I can think of, but I'm not an expert in potential causes of death so I'll just keep that under "unlikely".

Option 4: I was so out of it I just kept walking till I reached a forest.

….

Okay that's too stupid to even contemplate. There are no forests around my house for miles, I don't feel tired and I've zoned out while walking countless times and always arrive at my destination. Plus, I've never seen a forest like this near my house…

Wait, the forest! I've never seen a forest like this EVER! It's too perfect: The trees are almost perfect replicas of each other and their basically evenly spaced as far as I can see. Plus, the ground is perfectly flat and covered in grass. Grass never covers a forest floor; It's always dirt, bushes and weeds or something. Hell, even the bushes look strategically placed. And those trees… I've only ever seen that type in parks or along streets, and those were way smaller than these. These trees were the size of redwoods… This place… There just isn't a forest like this on earth.

So why do I feel like I know it? It feels so… not familiar exactly or else I would never have noticed something was off with it, but familiar enough that I didn't immediately see what was wrong.

I wouldn't feel that way if it was just the trees or the grass that was familiar, so I've seen this entire setup somewhere before…

But HOW? This forest just can't exist! It looks like it was painted into existence!

Oh fuck. Not painted, no, it was drawn!

I know this forest! It looks like the forest outside of Konahagure! I felt myself start to panic. Please let it just be some recreation for a live action movie, or for avid fans or, or anything but what I think this is….

No, my (motherfucking stupidly rational) brain answered, It's real. I don't see any film crews or fans, I never heard of any project like this and I have no idea how I would get here, plus those trees are just too. Fucking. BIG!

So much for not panicking.

I wish I could say that I reacted in a semi-decent manner, but that would be false.

I completely flipped out.

For the sake pride I am not going to go into all the gory details, all I'm saying is that by the end of it, I was out of breath and had bloody knuckles from using the ground as a punching bag.

End. Of. Story.

We are going to erase that little episode from our minds and move on.

What I will say is why I flipped out, despite the fact that I was an avid fan and otaku. I mean, I loved (good) OC inserts and was a complete Narutard, but that was only when I was on the other side of the computer screen.

Reason 1: Ninjas are scary.

They're awesome on screen, but would you really want to meet one? They are inhumanly smart, fast, strong and durable. Basically this meant I had no way to defend myself at all. Hell, even a civilian here could beat me to a pulp. If a civilian child has the potential to become a ninja, then even civilians must be made of stronger stuff than us earthlings. I hate being weak. I hate being at the mercy of others.

This brings me to reason numero dos: I was an alien.

Physically and legally at least. I wasn't 100% sure how, but I knew that there must be some physiological differences between me and people here. So I really have to avoid medics and Hyugas or else I'm ending up a lab rat or in T&I. Speaking of torture, since I have no identity or background I'm probably going to die. I do not exist anywhere within the ninja legal system so if anyone got to curious and tried to do a background check I wouldn't come up. Anywhere. Talk about suspicious. I mean the best I could hope for in that situation was that they killed me quickly, I don't think I could handle torture. I'm a weakling, OK?

Reason 3: I'm really, really average. At everything.

No special talents over here. The only thing I exceled at was being lazy, I just milked the system for the maximum output while putting in the minimum effort. I was great at standardized tests because of test taking strategies and I could fill out forms like a pro, but was I particularly smart? No. Just methodical and organized when I needed to be. I got so good at it since I like to just laze around daydreaming too. Less time working, more time daydreaming. Hell, it isn't even really a talent.

But this world is not conductive to that mentality. There are no standardized tests or computer databases or bureaucratic work I can use to get by. This is a world for hard work and individuality.

I suck at hard work and individuality.

Last but definitely not least, reason 4: I don't speak Japanese.

No explanation need here, I think you all fully understand how royally fucked I am.

Now as I said before, I'm a Narutard. This means that I've read and pondered the story so much I already have a pretty solid plan for what to do in this situation. I have a solid plan (and a back up plan should it fail, but I really don't want to resort to that. Or even think about it for that matter).

Henceforth, we shall call this plan: Plan "RUN THE FUCK AWAY!"

Plan RFA for short.

Basically, I'm avoiding any areas and people that I have ever heard off at all costs. Simple.

This means that I probably won't ever get home though. I'm still holding out in the hope that I'll just flash back into my home realm like alternate-dimension-Sakura did in that one episode; I still have a family back home after all. I purposely stop thinking about them and what they will think when I don't come home. Would they think I ran away? Would my sister – my perfect, loving, twin – think I abandoned her? Don't thing about it, don't think about it…

As for not interfering with the plot… This world may loose some people along the way, people that if I got involved I might be able to save, but it ends all right. Plus, if I did get involved I could screw everyone over and make it a not-so-happy ending. Nope, rather live with the guilt that people died for the greater good than be directly responsible for the misery of an entire world.

Woah, did I just say "for the greater good"? Who the fuck do I think I am? I am not God (or Dumbledore)! I can't go around thinking that I am omnipresent or go around manipulating events with my knowledge. That's like 20 different kinds of fucked up. Got to keep that in mind before I go all Tobi on everyone.

Plan RFA in mind I get up and start to walk away from Ko.. no… ha….

…

Wait, which direction is Konoha again?

Oh fuck, I have no idea. And isn't the Land of Fire completely covered in forests?

So basically I'm totally lost and have no way to figure out where I am. Can't exactly ask for directions or read a signpost, can I?

Maybe I should climb a tree? It's unlikely but I might see some landmark I recognize.

I study the trees near me and choose one that has a slightly less smooth bark. It's surprisingly easy to climb. Well I was a half monkey when I was younger. I give a silent cheer for muscle memory.

My luck continues to hold. When I get to the top of the tree I see a walled village and mountain with faces carved into it about a mile or so from my perch. Grinning to myself I clamber down and march in the opposite direction.

Looks like this day might be looking up. I may be royally screwed, but I got a plan and it's working…

Last thing I saw before I fell unconscious was a flash of black and a white animal mask.

I just had to jinx myself, didn't I?