CITIZEN KANE 2: VENGENCE
[EDITORS NOTE WHENEVER KANE IS ONSCREEN USE BALCK AND WHITE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE ORSON WELLS AND PASS IT OFF AS BEING SYMBOLIC]
[THE SCENE START IN CLOUDS AND THE CAMERA SLOWLY DESCENDS INTO THE WINDOW OF KANES MANOR]
[KANE IS ON HIS DEATHBED THINKING ABOUT HIS LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND THINKS BACK TO HIS CHILDHOOD]
[HOW HIS ALIEN CHILDHOOD FRIEND ROSEBUD LEFT HIM WHEN HE WAS ABDUCTED BY BANK MANAGERS]
[HE THINKS OF HOW CAPITALISM HAS WRONGED HIM THROUGH HIS LIFE]
[HOW THE OIL TYCOON OPPONENT WHEN HE WAS RUNNING FOR GOVENOR RAPED HIS WIFE THEN FRAMED HIM]
[SLOWLY HE SITS UP AND STANDS ON HIS FEET NEXT TO HIS BED STARING INTENTLY INTO HIS SNOWGLOBE]
KANE: THIS ISNT FREEDOM, THIS IS FREEDUMB!
[KANE SMASHES THE SNOWGLOBE AND WALKS TO HIS PHONE AND DIALS A NUMBER]
KANE: JOE, I WOULD LIKE TO FUND THE METALGUY PROGRAM TO ITS COMPLETION
[KANE PUTS DOWN THE PHONE]
[FLASHFORWARD 5 MONTHS]
JOE: IT IS DONE MR KANE
[KANE HOBBLES AROUND THE CORNER INTO VIEW ACCOMPANIED BY HIS SCIENIST AND LIFELONG FRIEND JOE]
[KANE OBSERVES THE LAB AND AT THE CENTER IS THE METALGUY SUIT HE SPENT SO LONG CREATING]
KANE: DOES IT WORK?
JOE: YES MR KANE WE TESTED IT
KANE: GOOD, PREPARE IT FOR USE
JOE: CERTAINLY
[KANE DONS THE SUIT AND CHECKS THE AMMO AND CHAINSAW FUEL]
KMGR: WELCOME TO THE SUIT KANE MAN
KANE: KMGR ARE YOU ROBO-HIGH AGAIN?
KMGR: SUUUUUREEEEE MANNNN
KMGR: DUUUDEEEE SELECT LIKE WHERE YOU WANNA GO OR SOMETHING
KANE: WE SHALL GO TO THE HEART OF CAPITALISM ON CALIFORNIA, HOLLYWOOD
[METALGUY SUPERSUIT FIRES UP AND SMASHES THOUGH THE WALL OF THE LAB AND STEPS OUT INTO THE SUNLIGHT AS A BLAD EAGLE LANDS ON HIS SHOULDER HOLDING AN OLIVE BRANCH AND ARROWS]
KANE: TO HOLLYWOOD!
[KANE START RUNNING WITH THE ROBOT TOWARDS HOLLYWOOD UNDER KMGR'S GUIDANCE]
[AFTER EPIC MONTAGE OF KANEBOT RUNNING ACROSS AMERICA WITH THE MAP FROM INDIANA JONES]
KANE: WHERE ARE WE?
KMGR: HOLLYWOOD
KANE: BUT THIS IS INDIA
KMGR: OOOHHH I THOGHT YOU SAID BOLLYWOOD
KANE: YOU LED ME INTO THE DEN OF COMMUNISM YOU FOOL! !
[GHOSTS OF KIM JONG IL, STALIN, LENIN AND OSAMA BIN LADEN]
GHOSTS: KKKAAAAANNNNEEE WE ARE THE GHOSTS OF COMMUNISM, JOIN US!
KANE: I WILL NEVER JOIN YOU EVIL COMMUNIST GHOASTS!
GHOST: THEN DIE
[GHOSTS BEGIN THEIR TRANSFORMATION INTO SUPER ZOMBIE COMMUGHOST]
[KANE BEGINS SHOOTING INTO THE GHOSTS WITH HIS MINIGUN WHILE HIS MURRICA FREEDOM STICK STARTS SWIPING AT THEM]
GHOSTS: ITS NO USE KANE, WE ARE GHOSTS, WE CANNOT BE DEFEATED.
[KANEBOT FALLS TO ITS KNEES AND BEGINS TO LOOSE HOPE]
KANE: [PANTING] ITS NO USE THEY ARE GHOSTS MY BULLETS ARE USELESS
[SUDDENLY A BALD EAGLE LANDS ON KANEBOTS SHOULDER]
EAGLE: KANE I AM GEORGE WASHINGTON, [EAGLES HEAD TURNS INTO GEORGE WASHINGTON] THE ONLY WEAKNESS OF COMMUNISTS IS GOOD QUALITY WHOLESOME AMERICAN PRODUCTS OR SERVICES
[KANE LOOKS AROUND AND SPOTS A COMVENIENT COCA COLA VENDING MACHINE AND PURCHASES SOME WITH HIS HARD EARNED AMERICAN DOLLARS]
KANE: EAT COOL BEVERAGES COMMUNIST FIENDS!
[KANE THROWS COCA COLA AT THE GHOSTS AND THEY MELT]
GHOSTS: YOU WILL NEVER DEFAT CAPITALISM ON YOUR OWN! [ THEY SHOUT THIS WHILE MELTING INTO PURE COMMUNISM WHICH SALTS THE EARTH AND KILLS ALL LIFE IT TOUCHES ]
KANE: I AM NOT ALON IN MY FIGHT, I HAVE THE HEARTS OF EVERY HARD WORKING AMERICAN CITIZEN BEHIND ME!
[THE COMMUNISM TOUCHES GEORGE AND HE DIES]
[KANE GRABS THE EAGLE BEFORE HE HITS THE FLOOR]
EAGLE: KANE YOU MUST STOP THE BANKERS THEY ARE CURRENTLY AT HOLLYWOOD IN GEORGE LUCASES SLAVE CASTLE HOSTING THE INTERNATIONAL CAPITALIST CONVENTION
KANE: DONT WORRY MR PRESIDENT YOU WONT DIE IN VAIN!
[KANE STANDS UP AND LOOKS TO THE HORIZON OVER THE INDIAN SLUMS]
[IN THE DISTANCE HE SEES GEORGE LUCASES MINIMUM WAGE SLAVE CASTLE DEFILING THE BEAUTY OF AMERICA]
[KANE JUMPS OVER INDIA TO LAND AT THE BASE OF MOUNT LUCAS WHERE HE CAN HEAR THE SCREAMING THE HARD WORKING AMERICANS LIVING WITHOUT HEALTH ISRANCE FROM THE BANK OF AMERICAtm]
JAJA BINKS: MEESA SO RICH AND EVIL
KANE: WHY ARE YOU EVIL GEORGE LUCAS AND WHY ARE YOU A GAY RABBIT CREATURE
JAJA BINKS/ GEORGE LUCAS: I HAVE ASCENDED TO MY FINAL FORM SO I CAN ABUSE THE TAXPAYER TO PAY FOR MY NON CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE
[KANE LOOKS AROUND TO SEE HIS CASTLE IS ACCTUALLY A MOSQUE]
KANE: YOU ARE A TERROROIST?
JAJA BINKS: YES AND NOW I WILL KILL YOU KANE
[JAJA RIPS OFF HIS SKIN TO REVEAL A BOMB VEST AND RUNS TOWARD KANE]
JAJA BINKS: FOR ALLAH
[KANE JUMPS OUT OF THE WAY AND JAJA RUNS INTO AN ELECTRICAL SOCKET ELECTRICUTING HIM AND DEACTIVATING THE BOMB AND FREEING THE WORKERS SO THEY HCAN HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE]
KANE: HOW SHOCKING!
KMGR: GOOD ONE DUUUUDDE
[KANE SEARCHES THE CASTLE LOOKING FOR ANY SIGN OF THE EVIL CAPITALIST CONVENTION]
[KANE FINDS JAJAS DIARY ADNLOOKS THROGUH
[HE FINDS AN ENTRY ROM 1946 SEPTEMBER 11TH, THE DAY HIS WIFE WAS RAPED AND KILLED]
DIARY: TODAY I VISITED MY GOOD FRIEND DONALD TRUMP AND RAPED CHARLES FOSTER KANES WIFE, CANDICE WHILE SHE WAS BAKING COOKIES FOR THE CHILDREN PLAYING ON THE STREET
[KANE FLIPS TO A MORE RECENT PAGE AS HE COULD NOT BEAR TO READ ANY FURTHER]
[HE FINDS AN ENTRY FROM SEPTEMBER 11TH 2001]
DIARY: TODAY ME AND MY FIREND GEORGE W BUSH DEVISED A PLAN TO BE EVIL AND GET OIL TO FUEL THE EVIL GENERATOR, ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS BLOW UP A BUILDING IN NEW YORK AND SACRIFICE SOME PUNY MORTALS TO THE CAPITALIST BLOOD GOD STEVE JOBS
[HE FLICKED FORWARDS ONCE MORE, DISGUSTED BY WHAT HE WAS READING]
[ THE DIARY PAGE IS NOW AUGUST 4 2012 ]
DIARY: TODAY I AM HOSTING THE CAPITALIST CONVENTION IN WASHINGTON DC WHERE WE WILL DISCUSS HOW TO BE MORE EVIL AND HOW TO FUEL THE EVIL GENERATOR TO MAXIMUM CAPACITY
KANE: NOW I KNOW WHERE TO GO. MY COUNTRY NEEDS ME!
[KANE TURNS TOWARD TO SUNSET ONCE MORE TO SEE THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER WAVING FREELY IN THE NIGHT, BWEYOND IT HE SEES THE FIRES RAISING FROM WASHINGTON AS THE CAPITALISTS MAKE THEMSELFS AT HOME]
[KANE GETS ON A AMERICAN AIRLINES FIRST CLASS FLIGHT TO WASHINGTON AND IS ASTOUNDED BY THE QUALITY OF SERVEICE AND THE LEGROOM]
[KANE STEPS OFF THE PLANE INTO THE DESERTED AIRSTRIP]
KMGR: DUUUUDE I AM PICKING UP HIGH LEVELS OF HOMOSEXUALITY
[SUDDENLY A GAY PRIDE PARADE SMASHES THROUGH THE AIRPORT TERMINAL AND SWARMS THE PLANE, DEVOURING IT LIKE A SWARM OF LOCUSTS]
KANE: HOMOSEXUALS ARE DESTROYING THE CITY
FAGS: WE'RE HERE, WE'RE QUEER, GET OVER IT! [REPEATING]
KANE: YOU ARE RUINING THE AMERICAN DREAMS WITH YOUR UNNATURAL IDEALS, GO BACK TO EUROPE!
FAGS: NO KANE YOU ARE THE EUROPEAN
KANE: I NOT A EUROPEAN HOW DARE YOU
[KANE PICKS UP A LARGE AMERICAN FLAG, DONS IT AND PREFORMS A MASS EXORCISM ON THE POSSESED HOMOSEXUAL]
[FROM THE CROWD RISES THE DEVIL AS PLANTED THERE BY CATHOLICS]
DEVIL: ROAR I AM THE DEVIL FEAR ME FOR I AM TOO A CAPITALIST AND I AGREE WITH THEIR GLUTTONOUS IDEALS AND I AM EVIL
KANE: NO YOU
[KANE PICKS UP THE AMERICAN FLAG AND IMPAILS THE DEVIL WITH ITS HOLY MAGIC]
CROWD: THANK YOU FOR FREEING US FROM THE DEVILS GRIP ROBOKANE, HOW CAN WE EVER THANK YOU?
KANE: AID ME IN MY FIGHT AGAINST THE EVIL CAPITALISTS
CROWD: OKAY!
[ THE CROWD EXERCISES THEIR SECOND AMENDMONT RIGHTS AND PURCASE WEPONS TO KILL TYRANTS]
CROWD: WE ARE READY TO FIGHT!
KANE: IT TURNS OUT THE CAPITALISTS ARE AT YELLOWSTONE PARK HOLDING THE ALAMO AND THE LINCON MEMORIAL HOSTAGE, GET INTO YOUR FORD AUTOMOBILES AND FOLLOW ME!
[KANE AND HIS ARMY MARCH THROUGH THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD TO YELLOWSTONE PARK]
[KANE AND HIS ARMY LOOK FROM THE TOP OF THE HILL DOWN ON THE NATIONAL PARK AND AT THE EVIL COLLECTION OF TENTS AND THE ALAMO AND THE LINCON MEMORIAL]
[AN EMMISARY OF THE CAPITALISTS GREETS THEM]
EMMISARY: KANE I AM DONALD TRUMP AND I AM HERE TO EXTEND AN OFFER TO YOU.
KANE: WHAT DO YOU WANT RAPIST
DONALD TRUMP: UNLIMITED SUPPLIES OF CHILD SEX SLAVES AND A SPOT ON THE EVIL COUNCIL OF CAPITALISTS.
KANE: A HERO OF MINE, PRESIDENT LINCON ONCE SAID ' WE WILL FIGHT THEM ON THE BEACHES, WE WILL FIGHT THEM IN THE STREETS AND THE CITIES, WE WILL FIGHT THEM IN THE FIELDS ON IN OUR HOMES, WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER!
DONALD TRUMP: YOU ARE A FOOL TO DECLINE THIS, BE PREPARED TO FACE OUR WRATH!
[BEHIND DONAL THE EVIL GENERATOR ROSE FROM THE GROUND AND BEGAN PUMPING OUT EVIL INTO THE GROUND FOR SOME REASON]
KANE: ARMY OPEN FIRE ON DONALD TRUMP!
[THE FREEDOM BULLETS LIQUIFY HIM AND HE DIES]
KANE: CHARGE1!
[THE ARMY CHARGES FOR FREEDOM AND SECURES THE ALAMO AND THE LINCON MEMORIAL]
[FROM THE TOP OF THE EVIL GENERATOR, GEORGE W BUSH STARES DOWN AT HIS BEFORE KANE JUMPS UP TO CONFRONT HIM]
KANE: GOEGRE BUSH I AM HERE TO KILL YOU
GOEGRE BUSH: YOU HAVE BAD BREATH CAUSE YOUR EUROPEANS HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[THE TRUTH HIT KANE LIKE A TRAIN, HE WAS EUROPEAN AND HAD BAD BREATH, THE TEARS WELLED IN HIS EYES AS HE RAN AWAY FROM GEORGW BUSH TO CONTEMPLATE THE NEWLY DISCOVERED TRUTH]
[LATER KANE IS PRAYING AT THE LINCON MEMORIAL WHILE GEORGE BUSH L=IS LAUGHING AT HIM]
KANE: HOW WILL I EVER DEFEAT HIM, EAUROPE HAS NEVER WON A WAR!1
[SUDDENLY LINCONS STATUE COMES TO LIFE]
LINCON: KANE YOU ARE A EUROPEAN BUT YOU ARE STILL AMERICANS THAT IS WHY OU HAVE THE PWER TO DEFEET HESIM
KANE: YO U ARE RIGHT I WILL KILL H IM COULD YOU HEPL ME
LINCON: OF COURSE
[KANE AND LICNON JUMP UP AND FACE GOEGR BUSH]
GOEGRE BUHS: HAHAHAHAAHAHAH U HAEV BAD TETH CAUSE YOUR EUROPEASN HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
KANE: NO I AM AMERICAN!
[KANE PUNCHES GOEGRE BUSH AND HE EXPLODES THEN LINCON PUNCHES THE EXPLOSION AND THE EXPLOSION DIES THE END...?