1 The Three Little Wizards and the Big Bad Dark Lord
Narrator: Once upon a time, in a land not so far away (England isn't that
far away is it?) There lived three little wizards who went to Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now these three wizards were setting off
to find a place to live, apparently for no reason at all… But little did
they know their danger, for the Big Bad Dark Lord was eager to find them out
of Dumbledore's protection.
Hermoine: Oh great, now you told us… So much for getting to figure out some
big mystery…
Harry: *rolls his eyes* This is stupid, why is she making us dress up with
little pig snouts and tails?
Ron: Shh! She can hear you! She might get mad!
Harry: So?
Hermoine: Think about it guys, she can't hurt us-
Narrator: You wanna bet? *Drops a large anvil Hermoine's head*
Muahahahahaha!!
Hermoine: Ok, she's starting to scare me…
Narrator: *threatens to drop another anvil on her head*
Hermoine: Ok, ok! Can we get on with the story now???
Narrator: So anyway, the three little wizards set off to go build each of
their houses. Harry builds his house out of plywood--
Harry: Hey! Why do I have to have the crummy house??
Narrator: Because you're annoying…
Narrator: Ron makes his out of Stainless steel, and Hermoine just stays in
Hogwarts because she's a coward… And the Smartest…
Hermoine: Finally some recognition!
Harry: *"accidentally" steps on Hermoine's foot*
Hermoine: OW! Hey!!
Harry: Oopsie…
Ron: Haha!
Narrator: Shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to screw up a good fairy tale?
Ron: Was it ever good?
Narrator: Good point…
All: *Mumbles*
Narrator: Anyway, one particularly dreary day, Harry was minding his own
beeswax, when a knock came at the door. He looked out the window, and saw
You-Know-Who. The Big Bad Dark Lord – aka You-Know-Who – was wearing a fuzzy
brown robe, with a tail and ears. He gave an indignant splutter once he saw
what his attire consisted of.
Big Bad Dark Lord: Are you kidding me?! I am Lord Voldemort; I will not be
reduced to wearing doggy outfits!!!
Narrator: It's not a doggy outfit... You're wearing a bloodthirsty wolf
costume, hence the "Big Bad Wolf" pun…
Big Bad Dark Lord: *mutters something that sounds remarkable like
why-I-outta…*
Narrator: *Drops an anvil on his head* hey this is starting to look a lot
like Loony Toons!
Harry: Ok, enough chatting, can we get on with the whole blowing my
BEAUTIFUL house down part???
Narrator & Big Bad Dark Lord: *Stares pointedly at his rickety old shack
that took about three seconds to throw together*
Harry: *Sweat drops*
Big Bad Dark Lord: Fine. *In an evil wolf-like voice* Let me in little
piggy—I mean… Little wizard!
Harry: Not by the hairs that I desperately need to grow on my
chinny-chin-chin!
Big Bad Dark Lord: Fine, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll curse your
house down!
Harry: No fair! We haven't learned many counter curses yet!!!!
Narrator: Life's tough, get a helmet… Actually life insurance would probably
be a little better in this case…
Harry: *scurries around frantically, looking for a way out, then sees a hole
in the wall (we told you the house was crummy) and runs out just before his
shack—I mean house was turned to a pile of ash*
Narrator: Meanwhile, Ron is sitting in his stainless steel house, eating
(what else would he be doing?) when suddenly a loud knocking comes at his
door. He opens the door, and lets an extremely bedraggled Harry in.
Ron: What in bloody he—
Narrator: Hey! This is a school project!!
Ron: Ok… What in bloody… um… heck happened to you?!
Harry: The Big Bad Wolf—I mean Dark Lord is coming to get me!
Ron: Well, you can crash at my place for a while then.
Harry: Thanks.
Big Bad Dark Lord: Knock knock! *knocks at the door*
Harry: it's him! I can smell it… I mean… um… I'll just stop right there…
Big Bad Dark Lord: *growls* Let me in little wizards, or I'll huff, and I'll
puff, and I'll curse your house down!
Ron: Not by the hairs on… um… Harry's chinny-chin-chin!
Harry: Gee thanks…
Ron: Any time pal!
Big Bad Dark Lord: Ok then, this would be your que to run like the wind….
Ron & Harry: Oh yeah… See ya!! *Runs like the wind to Hermoine's house
–Hogwarts-, and bangs on the back door*
Narrator: Hermoine is sitting peacefully reading by the fires of he common
room, when suddenly two –extremely annoying- boys burst in.
Ron: Hey, we're not that annoying!
Narrator: Oh yes you are….
Hermoine: Oh, how pleasant it is to se you, what brings you here?
Harry: *looks at the story in Hermoine's hand* Hey no fair! You can't read
ahead!!
Hermoine: Just watch me.
Ron: Well then I guess you know that the Big Bad Dark Lord is after us, and
he'll be arriving very soon…
Hermoine: Yep
Narrator: Speaking of which….
Big Bad Dark Lord: *bangs on the door loud enough for the three little
wizards to hear in the Gryffindor common room*
Harry: *sighs* Here we go again…
Big Bad Dark Lord: Let me in Little Wizards, or I'll-
Ron: Yeah yeah, we know already… you'll huff and you'll puff, and you'll
blow her house down… she's already read the whole thing you know!
Hermoine: Leave us alone, or I'll send Dumbledore after you!!
Big Bad Dark Lord: You can tell him to come and get me!
Dumbledore: *walks up behind the Big Bad Dark Lord*
Big Bad Dark Lord: *sees Dumbledore and runs away squeaking like a little
mouse*
Narrator: And they all lived happily ever after… or at least until the Big
Bad Dark Lord comes back next….
Bum Bum Bum……
Harry: That was a cheesy ending!
Narrator: *drops an anvil on his head, and does a deep bow just before the curtain drops*
1.1 THE END
Narrator: Once upon a time, in a land not so far away (England isn't that
far away is it?) There lived three little wizards who went to Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now these three wizards were setting off
to find a place to live, apparently for no reason at all… But little did
they know their danger, for the Big Bad Dark Lord was eager to find them out
of Dumbledore's protection.
Hermoine: Oh great, now you told us… So much for getting to figure out some
big mystery…
Harry: *rolls his eyes* This is stupid, why is she making us dress up with
little pig snouts and tails?
Ron: Shh! She can hear you! She might get mad!
Harry: So?
Hermoine: Think about it guys, she can't hurt us-
Narrator: You wanna bet? *Drops a large anvil Hermoine's head*
Muahahahahaha!!
Hermoine: Ok, she's starting to scare me…
Narrator: *threatens to drop another anvil on her head*
Hermoine: Ok, ok! Can we get on with the story now???
Narrator: So anyway, the three little wizards set off to go build each of
their houses. Harry builds his house out of plywood--
Harry: Hey! Why do I have to have the crummy house??
Narrator: Because you're annoying…
Narrator: Ron makes his out of Stainless steel, and Hermoine just stays in
Hogwarts because she's a coward… And the Smartest…
Hermoine: Finally some recognition!
Harry: *"accidentally" steps on Hermoine's foot*
Hermoine: OW! Hey!!
Harry: Oopsie…
Ron: Haha!
Narrator: Shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to screw up a good fairy tale?
Ron: Was it ever good?
Narrator: Good point…
All: *Mumbles*
Narrator: Anyway, one particularly dreary day, Harry was minding his own
beeswax, when a knock came at the door. He looked out the window, and saw
You-Know-Who. The Big Bad Dark Lord – aka You-Know-Who – was wearing a fuzzy
brown robe, with a tail and ears. He gave an indignant splutter once he saw
what his attire consisted of.
Big Bad Dark Lord: Are you kidding me?! I am Lord Voldemort; I will not be
reduced to wearing doggy outfits!!!
Narrator: It's not a doggy outfit... You're wearing a bloodthirsty wolf
costume, hence the "Big Bad Wolf" pun…
Big Bad Dark Lord: *mutters something that sounds remarkable like
why-I-outta…*
Narrator: *Drops an anvil on his head* hey this is starting to look a lot
like Loony Toons!
Harry: Ok, enough chatting, can we get on with the whole blowing my
BEAUTIFUL house down part???
Narrator & Big Bad Dark Lord: *Stares pointedly at his rickety old shack
that took about three seconds to throw together*
Harry: *Sweat drops*
Big Bad Dark Lord: Fine. *In an evil wolf-like voice* Let me in little
piggy—I mean… Little wizard!
Harry: Not by the hairs that I desperately need to grow on my
chinny-chin-chin!
Big Bad Dark Lord: Fine, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll curse your
house down!
Harry: No fair! We haven't learned many counter curses yet!!!!
Narrator: Life's tough, get a helmet… Actually life insurance would probably
be a little better in this case…
Harry: *scurries around frantically, looking for a way out, then sees a hole
in the wall (we told you the house was crummy) and runs out just before his
shack—I mean house was turned to a pile of ash*
Narrator: Meanwhile, Ron is sitting in his stainless steel house, eating
(what else would he be doing?) when suddenly a loud knocking comes at his
door. He opens the door, and lets an extremely bedraggled Harry in.
Ron: What in bloody he—
Narrator: Hey! This is a school project!!
Ron: Ok… What in bloody… um… heck happened to you?!
Harry: The Big Bad Wolf—I mean Dark Lord is coming to get me!
Ron: Well, you can crash at my place for a while then.
Harry: Thanks.
Big Bad Dark Lord: Knock knock! *knocks at the door*
Harry: it's him! I can smell it… I mean… um… I'll just stop right there…
Big Bad Dark Lord: *growls* Let me in little wizards, or I'll huff, and I'll
puff, and I'll curse your house down!
Ron: Not by the hairs on… um… Harry's chinny-chin-chin!
Harry: Gee thanks…
Ron: Any time pal!
Big Bad Dark Lord: Ok then, this would be your que to run like the wind….
Ron & Harry: Oh yeah… See ya!! *Runs like the wind to Hermoine's house
–Hogwarts-, and bangs on the back door*
Narrator: Hermoine is sitting peacefully reading by the fires of he common
room, when suddenly two –extremely annoying- boys burst in.
Ron: Hey, we're not that annoying!
Narrator: Oh yes you are….
Hermoine: Oh, how pleasant it is to se you, what brings you here?
Harry: *looks at the story in Hermoine's hand* Hey no fair! You can't read
ahead!!
Hermoine: Just watch me.
Ron: Well then I guess you know that the Big Bad Dark Lord is after us, and
he'll be arriving very soon…
Hermoine: Yep
Narrator: Speaking of which….
Big Bad Dark Lord: *bangs on the door loud enough for the three little
wizards to hear in the Gryffindor common room*
Harry: *sighs* Here we go again…
Big Bad Dark Lord: Let me in Little Wizards, or I'll-
Ron: Yeah yeah, we know already… you'll huff and you'll puff, and you'll
blow her house down… she's already read the whole thing you know!
Hermoine: Leave us alone, or I'll send Dumbledore after you!!
Big Bad Dark Lord: You can tell him to come and get me!
Dumbledore: *walks up behind the Big Bad Dark Lord*
Big Bad Dark Lord: *sees Dumbledore and runs away squeaking like a little
mouse*
Narrator: And they all lived happily ever after… or at least until the Big
Bad Dark Lord comes back next….
Bum Bum Bum……
Harry: That was a cheesy ending!
Narrator: *drops an anvil on his head, and does a deep bow just before the curtain drops*
1.1 THE END