Accepting is Hard
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me (though I wish I had Remus). They belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers.
A/N: This is a part of my other story that I haven't uploaded yet.
Remus dragged himself painfully to the portrait hole. He was too tired to visit Madam Pomfrey, and he really wasn't injured that badly. Only a sprained ankle and a long scratch down one side of his pale face. Nothing to worry about.
He only hoped that his friends, Sirius, Peter and James weren't up. But they probably wouldn't be. It was past midnight, and no sane second year would be up that late. Not with all the lessons the next day.
Remus coughed to wake the Fat Lady up. She mumbled, then blinked, then jerked awake.
"Oh, it's you." She said crossly, obviously very tired. "What's the password?"
"Wingardium Leviosa." Remus whispered, and then limped quietly through the portrait hole.
And inside the common room, he got the shock of his life.
"Merlin, what are you all doing up so late?" he asked and quickly limped towards the staircase before anyone could interrogate him.
No such luck.
"Stop right there."
Remus froze at the sound of James' angry voice.
"Where were you?" James asked, standing up and walking over to where Remus stood Sirius and Peter behind him.
"Nowhere." Remus lied, knowing that he had to get out of there as fast as possible.
"Don't lie." James said angrily. "You were gone for a long time. Where did you go?"
Remus shook his head. "I-I-"
"You what?" James pressed on.
Sirius and Peter didn't say anything.
"I had to go help my mother who's sick." Remus said quickly. That was the excuse he always used.
"Oh?" Sirius spoke up now. "How many times have you gone to her this year, Remus? Six?"
"Yes." Remus replied quietly, trying to conjure up some new excuse. But unfortunately, magic or miracle wouldn't help him now. If his friends trapped him, he was trapped.
"What kind of sickness, Remus? Must be bad if she's ill so often."
Remus didn't say anything, but his eyes watered up. If his friends found out that he was a werewolf, he would lose them like that.
"Or maybe you're just not telling us something." Sirius said mock thoughtfully.
Remus looked down, and shook his head.
Cool fingers slid under his chin, and his face was lifted up by Sirius. The black haired boy's face was concerned.
"We know you're a werewolf, Remus."
Remus closed his eyes before tears could slide out; trying to control the pounding of his heart and the inner panic he was feeling.
"That's why you're always gone once a month. That's why you always come back injured in some way." James said his voice hard.
What was wrong with James? Why was he being so cruel?
But Remus knew. He knew James hated him now, for lying to him, for acting like a normal person all this time, for taking on the identity of someone he wasn't.
Suddenly he couldn't stop the tears anymore. They came thick and fast, coursing down his cheeks in wet streams. This was it. He had no one left. No friends, no nothing. The death of his father had left his mother to hate him with a cold, hard fury. And now his friends hated him.
A warm thumb caressed Remus' wet cheek. Sirius.
"Its okay, Remus."
What? What was Sirius saying? Was he really accepting Remus? No, that couldn't be. Even those he had thought were is friends had run away when the word got out he was a werewolf, all his kindergarten friends, all the next door neighbors. No one had wanted him then.
Remus opened his eyes. Sirius and Peter were looking at him with a kind face, telling him that it was okay, it was alright he was a werewolf. But James-James was totally different. James had a look of anger mixed with disgust and pity on his face.
"James?" Remus whispered uncertainly.
James took a step backwards. "How could you lie to us like that? How could you!"
Sirius frowned. "James-"
"No! No! Remus could have-he could have-he could have hurt Lily!"
Remus drew in a shuddering breath. So that was part of it. No wonder James was so mad.
Last week, Lily had asked Remus out. She hated James, which was well known, and had always had something of a crush on Remus. So, following her heart, Lily Evans had asked Remus Lupin out on a date.
And Remus had refused.
One, he was not interested in going out yet.
Two, he was…gay. That was a secret as deep as his secret about being a werewolf. If it ever got out……
Three, he had no intention of going out with Lily, breaking her heart if she found out what he was, and worst of all, endangering her. He could never live with himself if he did so.
And four, he had no intention of stealing James' one true crush. He knew that his best friend had a deep, deep, ongoing crush on Lily Evans.
And so Remus had refused Lily, saying that he wasn't ready to go out with people yet. Lily had accepted that, and being the kind person she was, stopped asking him as others may have done.
"He could have seriously endangered Lily!" James was yelling to Sirius, who was glaring at his best friend for being so unsupportive.
"Well it's not as if he accepted her date!" Sirius yelled back.
"STOP!" Peter yelled then a great feat for someone as shy as he.
They all froze, looking at the smallest, chubbiest boy of their group.
That boy glared at them all, a look of disgust mixed with fright on his face.
"Why are you being so unsupportive?" Peter asked a small tremble in his voice. He glared at James. "It's not as if it's Remus' fault he's a werewolf. You can blame the werewolf who bit him, if you have to blame someone."
"He-"James began again, but he was cut in by Remus, who looked rather faint and pale. His ankle was really hurting him, he wanted to go to bed, and just end this whole business. If James hated him, then he wasn't going to stand in his way.
"Please, just stop arguing." He looked at James. "James, I understand if you hate me. Just-just don't blame this on anyone else. Especially not Lily."
"Why would I blame it on Lily!" James asked cruelly. "It's not like she did anything."
Remus closed his eyes and let James' comments wash over him. Try to block out the pain of his words. "I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore."
There was silence. Remus opened his eyes. Sirius and Peter were the understanding faces; James was the face who looked as though he wanted to put down Remus right there and then.
Remus shook his head sadly. James hated him that was for sure. He turned and limped slowly up the boys' staircase.
He collapsed onto the bed and broke down, sobbing his heart out on his pillow.
The next morning, Remus woke up and wished he could never wake up, just lie there and let the years pass, slowly, until he died. James was no longer his friend, and his friendship was one that Remus valued the most, James had always been kind, understanding, had always looked out for him if he could. Now one of his best friends was no longer his best friend.
The curtains were still pulled shut, but outside, he could hear the other boys moving about. It was the weekend, and obviously, there were no classes. Remus sighed. Might as well lie in bed for the rest of the weekend.
The door pulled open, and slammed shut.
James. Only his steps were as quick and eager.
The door opened again, and slammed shut again.
Peter. His steps were heavy but as eager.
Now there was only two left in the dorm.
Sirius and Remus.
"Remus?" Sirius said softly, gently drawing open the curtains.
Remus looked at him. Kind Sirius, with a handsome, understanding face. The object of desire of every girl in school.
"Are you okay?"
Remus nodded, then shook his head, then nodded again. Truth to tell, he didn't know how he felt. He didn't know if he was okay, he didn't know if he was even alive anymore. What did that matter? James was surely going to tell everyone that he was a werewolf, and then what would happen? The same thing that happened at home. Everyone was going to desert him, leave him, treat him like the freak that he was. Sirius and Peter might not, but what about Lily? And Arthur? And Molly? What about Kingsley, and Emmeline? What about Alastor? He valued their friendship so much; his heart ached and threatened to break at the thought of losing them. He loved them all so much. They were like his family.
"Remmy?" Sirius gently reached out and stroked the side of Remus' face. Remus closed his eyes and shuddered. God, he might lose Sirius as well. If Sirius and Peter ever found out he was gay, he might as well kiss life and normality goodbye. No one, not even the most kindest, understanding of people, would ever accept a gay werewolf. No one in their right mind would, at least.
"You don't look well, Remus. Do you want to go to the Hospital Wing?" Sirius asked worriedly, rubbing Remus' back.
Remus shook his head. "N-No."
Sirius was quiet for a moment, and Remus let him be. Only the sound of cloth being rubbed against skin sounded in the dorm.
"James will come around to his senses soon, Remus." Sirius consoled quietly. He knew that that was true. James could never stay angry for long, especially for such a pointless yet understandable reason. Sirius wasn't siding with anyone; he just understood why James was so mad at Remus. That boy had an undeniable love for Lily Evans, which meant that he would jump off cliffs for her. Well, maybe not that far. But James would instantly kill anyone who hurt her in any form, any context. And that meant Remus.
Remus sniffled. He definitely wasn't feeling sorry for himself, though. "He won't. He hates me. I hurt him, and I hurt you, and I hurt Peter, and I hurt everyone so bad."
Sirius crawled nearer to Remus and hugged him. "He'll come around. I promise you."
Remus sniffled again, and hugged Sirius back. "Thanks for your support. And-and"
Unable to say what he truly felt, he burst into another round of tears. God, he hated that he was so weak. What did the rest of the world think of him?
Sirius hugged him tighter. There were no words anymore, only a tumult of feelings trying to clamber out while chained in.
It had been three days. James had not said a word to Remus, only glared at him or moved protectively closer whenever Remus went near Lily. Sirius and Peter trying to stop James from acting like this did nothing to help.
One afternoon, when Sirius, Peter, Lily, and Remus were sprawled out in the common room, doing either homework or nothing, James walked in. He looked troubled.
"C-Can I talk to Remus, alone, please?" he asked, and despite the phrasing, it was not a request.
The others save Remus scrambled out, two of them knowing what this was about and one of them just wondering.
Remus sat nervously in his armchair, looking down at his scruffy shoes and twisting his thin fingers together. Waiting, wondering.
James sat down across from him on the red sofa. He looked uncomfortable.
"R-Remus, please look at me." His voice was quiet.
Remus looked up. In James' dark eyes was a look of sorrow, sadness, and self disgust. He gasped. What was this all about?
"I'm so sorry for my actions these past few days." James said in a tumble of words before Remus could get a word in.
Remus froze. What? Was James actually making friends with him again?
"I-I guess I was just so worried about Lily that I forgot who you truly are, not who you are once a month." James said. "I'm really sorry, Remus. Will you forgive me?"
Remus was ashen faced. This was totally unexpected. James was apologizing?
"Remus?" James asked. "Please?"
Remus nodded. "Of course, James. You're my friend. Of course I forgive you."
James smiled, and then he leapt forward and engulfed Remus in a huge hug. "Thank you so much!"
"Well, I see we're all happy families again, aren't we?" Sirius said with a trace of a smirk in his voice.
Remus and James looked up to find three people who were supposed to have left, but instead were hiding behind a small wall that jutted out a little. Evidently, they had been there the whole time.
"Yep!" James said happily, and slung a companionable arm around Remus' shoulders. Remus smiled happily at him, and then at Sirius, who had been so right about everything, at Lily, who he could never love as a girlfriend but could adore as a close friend, and at Peter, who had momentarily shed his shy exterior and stood up to James, something he probably would never have done before.
Five friends, five personalities, five lives, five families, five origins. But all five shared one thing: an unconditional love for each other. And that could never be broken.
A/N: OMG how was that? It took so long to write, cos I really didn't know how to make James mad at Remus, and then make him all sorry. Anyway, no matter what you think of this, please review!