This is the third (and might be last) part of my Post-Apocolyptic series. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

"ROY! They're coming!" Edward shrieked, running into the NHRJ. (Nursing Home for Retired Jerks.)

"Who's coming?" he coughed, wheeling over to the door. Ed ran in, tripped over the carpet, stood up, and ran around in a circle.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY- Ooohh… cheese. OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" Mustang slapped him.

"Shut up and tell me how my hair looks!" he growled, fixing his black hair. Ed sat down and sniffed.

"The mole coconuts are coming and all you can talk about is your stupid wig?" he asked, crossing his arm and jacking a piece of cheese from a plate on the counter. Mustang's eyebrow twitched.

"It's not a stupid wig! It's my hair that I bought from Wigs Unlimited and- mole coconuts?" he stopped short and looked at the FullMetal Alchemist.

"Yeah! They're going to eat all of the dirt and we'll starve from malnutrition! I saw one fall from a tree and embed itself into the dirt! It's already begu-hu-hun!" he whined, grabbing Roy's leg and sobbing. The Flame Alchemist kicked his leg.

"I'm may have one foot in the grave, but the other can still kick! I'd let go before I burn you to a crispy little of pile of ashes!" he growled, holding up a gloved hand. Ed looked up and stuck his tongue out at him.

"Stop kidding yourself, the only flames you could make come out your behind, you old poop!" he said. Roy growled and continued to kick. He suddenly stopped.

"Where's Al?" he asked. Ed let go of Roy's foot and backed up.

"Oh… he's getting an upgrade and should be back any-" he was cut off as the door flew open and a roboty-futuristic looking Al flew in.

"Edward! Mushtang!" he cried, rolling in on his treads. Ed looked from his brother to Roy.

"Mushtang?" he asked. Al froze and then looked down.

"Does shtupid alchemishtish, they meshed up my upgrade and gave me a lishp!" he whined, twirling around in circles.

"My poor brother! The aliens abstracted your brain and ate it!" Edward cried, hugging his brother.

"What brain? He's got a bloodseal!" Mustang muttered. Al looked at his brother and patted his shoulder. Well… actually crushed it.

"You broke my shoulder!" Ed shrieked, looking at his arm in defeat. "My only remaining organic arm was broken by my little robotic brother!" he cried.

-Later at the Hospital-

"Now… who's a good little boy?" the doctor asked Edward as he was lying on the bed. Edward glared at him.

"I don't know? Who's the dead little doctor?" Edward asked back sarcastically. The doctor swallowed.

"That's being naughty," the doctor chided.

"I'm… 48… stinkin'… years… old…" Edward growled, holding his fist up. The doctor glared down at him.

"Let's just get you to sleep so we can fix your arm…" he muttered dangerously. Ed backed up.

"No way are you putting me to sleep so you can cut out my innards, pickle my brain, and turn me into some little girls dolly!" Edward shouted, shrilly backing up until he ran into the wall. The doctor sighed.

"Well, if you're going to be stubborn, I guess I can give you Novocain…"

-After Surgery-

"I'm pretty sure I'm somewhat, not quite, all the, way totally drunk!" Edward shouted, doing a messed up version of the worm. Mustang sighed.

"Drunk?" he asked. Edward paused and put a stupid look on his face.

"Just a little big bit," he said, at first holding his hands far apart and then putting them closer together.

"That's the Novocain…" the growled. Ed stopped and collapsed on the ground.

"Well… that explains why I can't feel anything under my chin…" he muttered. Al giggled as he entered the hospital.

"At leasht you could watch them as they relocated your arm," he said. Ed's face turned green.

"Yeah… oh- and those burritos DON'T taste better the second time around," he said. Mustang growled.

"Well go figure," he whispered. Ed suddenly noticed something.

"What took you so long to get here, Al? He asked. Al blushed, (or his cheeks were rusted).

"I was out with one of my girlfriends…" he muttered. Mustang raised an eyebrow at him.

"One?"

"Yeah! I've 42!" he said. Ed gaped.

"You have 42 girlfriends?" Al nodded.

"And 42,000,000,000 dollars!" he said. Mustang and Ed practically croaked.

"You have 42,000,000,000?" the screamed. Al cackled evilly and opened his chest plate. A flood of green money fell out. Mustang and Ed floated happily.

"Well I'll be… a goldigging robot!" Roy said, happily floating like a noodle.

"Yeah… he started digging and then found it to be more useful as a hiding place for his printing factory," Ed said. Roy laughed and then saw that Ed wasn't smiling.

"Oh… you're not kidding…" he muttered. Ed began to laugh.

"Ha-ha!" he trailed off. "You'll never know…" Ed suddenly stood up as steadily as he could and oozed out of the hospital.

"I need some fresh air and-" he paused as a pretty little butterfly fluttered by his nose. "HOLY SPORKS! The spawn butterflies are here to suck our brains out through our ears with their freakishly long tongues!"