Plot Summary: everyone knows that jokers are wild cards. Unpredictable and dangerous in the right hands. What happens when the joker turns out to be a queen in disguise, that is going to rock the ninja world to it's very foundation.
Story tags: Fem!Naru, Crazy!Naru, team seven bashing, select Konoha 12 bashing.
A/N: bit of a different opening considering this is a bit of a different kind of story I thought up here. Hope everyone enjoys anyways considering the reception of the last Naruto story I published however many months ago.
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'Just a little longer' she thought to herself while pointedly ignoring the civilians glaring at her when they didn't think she would see them. 'just a little longer and I can show all these idiots what I'm really made of.'
Today was the last day she would have to put on her stupid persona and let people treat her like trash while acting all cheery like it didn't bother her in the slightest. She couldn't wait until she would finally be allowed to show all those jackasses why they shouldn't talk crap about her like she wasn't in the room with them.
Most of them might have thought that she was too stupid to hear them insulting her under their breath when she was nearby, but the truth was that she had an excellent, if broken mind, that allowed her to file away every cruel word that had been directed at her, and she had made dozens of plans for ways to get back at everyone.
Unfortunately the Hokage was still a problem, so she wouldn't be allowed to go with some of her more inventive revenge plots, but at least she could still put most of them in their places without having to inflict bodily harm upon them like she would have preferred.
As the academy came into view, she began to think about the order in which she wanted to exact her revenge upon her dear, sweet classmates, when something rammed into her side and knocked her to the ground.
Not even bothering to look as she released a low growl reminiscent of a very well-known demon lord, two particular wastes of flesh just jumped to the top of the girls hit list as she heard a pair of girls arguing as they raced each other to the academy without stopping to apologize or help the other girl up.
Pushing herself back to her feet Natsumi brushed down her clothing as she did her best to ignore the snide remarks of the civilians that had seen her tumble but done nothing about it, before plastering a fake as hell smile on her face and finishing the rest of her trip to the academy at a brisk sprint in an attempt to catch up to the girls that had knocked her down.
By the time the blonde arrived at the classroom the pair of fan girls had already finished their usual race to the classroom, and the noisier of the two was crying some stupid crap about true love that she didn't care about at the top of her lungs, making some of the other students in the class wince and cover their ears.
Being mostly ignored as she stepped into the room was a more than welcome change for her as Natsumi tried to remain out of sight as she took a seat next to the laziest person in class, who merely opened up one eye to see who had taken a seat beside him before allowing it to fall shut once again while mumbling about troublesome blondes.
Practically bouncing in her seat and smiling brightly as her fake personality would, Natsumi allowed her bright blue eyes to scan over the room and see who was missing for the final Genin exam this year.
It appeared that a few of the civilian children had chosen to drop out before the exam, probably due to low test scores making them believe they wouldn't be able to make it as ninja. She didn't blame them considering they were wastes of flesh anyways, and she would have killed them herself in the field if given half a chance. Most civilians washed out of the program or were killed on missions and only a rare few really had what it took to become true ninja. It explained why Konoha's ninja forces were filled with so many clan members.
Thankfully most of the clan brats had the sense to act mature, and were sitting quietly scattered about the room waiting for the teacher to arrive so the final exam could begin. Kiba was being a loud braggart as per her expectations, and looked ready to challenge the last Uchiha (she scoffed at the thought of the black-haired boy) to one final match before they were split into teams.
Ino was sulking at not being able to sit next to the last Uchiha brat in the seat next to Hinata, one of the few girls in the class that Natsumi wouldn't mind dealing with. The blonde occasionally shot death glares at the back of Sakura's head, and Natsumi got some sick amusement out of the thought of her willing it to burst into flames.
Choji was busy gorging himself with chips on the other side of Shikamaru, making her want to roll her eyes at the thought of the boy lasting very long as a ninja and wondering how the Akimichi clan had lasted long enough to become a noble clan of Konoha.
Last and certainly least the last Uchiha was scowling at the blackboard and Natsumi could bet he was imagining all the ways he would be able to kill his much cooler brother once he started getting trained as a real ninja. She did allow herself to scoff this time as she knew Itachi was far beyond his little brothers skills, and had only left him alive because he had a pure heart, much like Natsumi used to.
Natsumi brushed off those thoughts of the past as Iruka and Mizuki entered the room carrying clipboards and looking all professional, even though she knew they would rather be doing anything else but dealing with these snot-nosed brats today. If they had the chance she bet they would have handed off the final exam to someone else to deal with, since she knew she was sick and tired of her classmates by now.
"Okay class, today is your Genin exam, so I hope you are all well-prepared to prove yourselves as loyal ninja to Konoha" Iruka stated encouragingly, and Natsumi caught sight of Mizuki rolling his eyes just behind the scarred Chunin, making her have to bite her tongue to avoid laughing and giving herself away.
Moving into the private room connected to the back of the classroom intended to be used as a sort of study room, they began to call students down in order to show off their mastery of the most basic of all skills in Konoha.
Yawning as she sat around in a room full of idiots, Natsumi decided that she obviously needed to spice things up if she was already on the verge of falling asleep like that lazy-ass Nara. Jumping up onto the table and putting her hands on her hips, Natsumi arrogantly shouted "let's hurry up so the true ninja can prove their stuff Iruka-sensei, 'TTeybayo!"
A few of the other students looked up and glared at the boisterous girl, but it was Kiba who really set her off when he started guffawing and choked out through his laughter, "yeah right you dead last, like you're going to pass the final exam."
That got most of the room to join in the inbred idiots laughter, and despite her urge to kill the idiot, she didn't allow those thoughts to appear on her face as she fell back into her chair with the same cheery smile on her face and shot back at the boy "you're so dumb that I doubt you'll score as well as me Kiba" she challenged.
Face heating up as the direction of the laughter was changed to the true idiot of the class, Kiba was about to give some pathetic retort when Iruka called for him and his stupid mutt. Natsumi watched in satisfaction as he ran away from her with his tail between his legs, though he tried to hide it behind a cocky smile.
Leaning back in her chair in satisfaction, Natsumi barely noticed when Shikamaru spoke up from beside her "you really shouldn't rile up the idiots, it'll make them more of a pain later for those of us who end up on their teams" he pointed out.
Feeling as though he knew more than she thought, Natsumi dropped her voice to a whisper as she looked over at the sleepy brunette and let a bit of her true persona through "please, Kiba couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag."
Shikamaru mumbled out another of the Nara clan's famous catchphrase before falling asleep on his desk again, and Natsumi began to count the ceiling tiles and try to ignore Ino and Sakura shouting insults at one another.
After what felt like hours to the annoyed girl, Iruka finally called for Natsumi to come in and show her stuff in front of the two teachers. Considering this was going to be the last time she would have to put up with these morons under her persona, she decided to make the most of it by making a big scene out of strutting down the stairs from the back row of the classroom with a wide grin on her face.
Catching Sasuke scoff at her little show made her temper flare up for a moment, but she thought better of simply offering her usual response to the asshole's attitude and instead went with a much more pleasing method. Unfortunately it still wasn't her preferred method of dealing with idiots, but it sure left the ebony-haired boy fuming.
Turning on her heels just in front of the door to the private room, Natsumi lifted both hands up to face level and flipped the last Uchiha the double bird with a wide smirk on her face before stepping through the doorway and slamming the reinforced door shut behind her, just barely able to catch Ino shouting a threat at her which was abruptly cut off by the soundproof door.
Smirking to herself as she stood before the two Chunin and feeling pretty proud of herself for getting on the Uchiha's last nerves, she waited for them to tell her what stupid things she would have to do to pass her dumb test.
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Yawning loudly as she sat on the roof of the academy just watching the sun pass overhead, Natsumi took a moment to look down at the shiny new hitai-ate she had received and saw her malicious grin reflected on the clean metal while she thought about all of the things that she could get away with now, and all of the people that she would show their true places.
This is what the third Hokage and Anko Mitarashi saw as they stood in the Hokage's office watching the nine-tailed Jinchuuriki through the old man's scrying orb.
"Sure looks pleased with herself for passing the exam" Anko commented more to herself than the Hokage "though I guess I would be pretty proud of myself for beating out the supposed prodigies test scores as well" she admitted.
Looking up from the scrying orb, the third gave Anko a critical look before beginning to speak, allowing the image in the orb to fade away for now, "Natsumi is a very fragile girl despite what she may seem, which is the reason why I am entrusting her care and training to you Anko" he explained to the purple-haired woman. "You saw what happened to her when she was younger, and understand her situation, so I hope that you are the right person to take care of her."
"Don't worry so much old man," Anko advised casually as she picked her teeth with a senbon needle she pulled out of her weapons pouch "I looked over all of those reports about what happened to her when she was young, and that one little incident, and I'm sure that the two of us will be just like two peas in a pod."
Hiruzen offered the rather crass woman a small nod of confirmation of her claims, before adding some extra words that were a bit more personal "please take care of her Anko" he implored "what Natsumi truly needs now is someone that she can rely on and trust. I'm hoping that with your similar experiences that you will be the right person to help bring back even a little bit of the old Natsumi."
Offering a small smile as she turned on her heels to face the door and tossed her senbon at one of the Anbu hidden in the shadows of the room, making him sweat as the sharp weapon grazed his ear and he tried not to react, Anko began to leave while muttering "like I said old man, don't worry about it."
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This was a bit of a challenge for me to begin working on. I wanted Natsumi to be a crass girl not unlike Anko, but at the same time I've always tried to walk the line between my writing being too prim and outright vulgar.
I'm tempted to have some hardcore swearing involved, but at the same time I'm not sure if that would mean going up to an M-rating, or if I want that to happen. Feel free to offer your opinions on the matter if you'd like, and if you can tell me if adding F bombs and the like to the story would up the rating I'd appreciate it.
Until next time everyone, Ja ne!