"If Solas doesn't to the ritual to bind me, someone else could. Will! Like the Warden mages, and then… I'm not me anymore! Walls around what I want, blocking, bleeding, making me a monster…"
A blade, sharpened to a point. Daggers dancing deep in the dark - candlelight cascading over stained skin, beads of red rubies clinging close. She is scared, but she doesn't have to be.
I would never hurt her.
"Trevelyan." A beautiful name, bright like her, tickling the top of the tongue. It's a game - I say her name, and she says mine. Sometimes she forgets, and I have to remind her how to play. But not today. Today, she is awake, sitting straight in bright blue.
"Cole," she whimpers; wondrous, wonderful!
"You remembered, Trevelyan!" I shout, and she winces, worries. Wires wound, thoughts twist and turn, torment -
What have I done? Maker, what have I done?
"Don't think that!" I say, fingers on her face, clasping, cupping cheeks. It makes the happiness hollow; why would she do that? "We helped them! No more pain, no more fear. Aren't you happy?"
"Yes," she gasps. She looks at me, eyes widening with worry. "I - I'm happy. Cole, p-please, don't -"
"I won't hurt you!" Rage wringing me out, rankling, a ringing in my ears. "Stop thinking that! I love you, and we can be together! Like you wanted!" Trevelyan is… crying, but I don't understand. She's sorry, sad, soft like a crumbling cookie. "Beckoned by blood, blistering and burning, but bright, brilliant, bound. I am yours. Why isn't it enough?"
"You killed them," she said, grimacing, growling like an injured animal, aching with anger. "All of them. This… this was not what I wanted!"
"Yes it is!" I scream, shaking now, shudders seizing and swallowing. "You told me to! You wanted to hurt them, so I did!" I stand and pace, panic pressing in close, collapsing. Head hurts, hair ripping in my hands. Cut, cleaved in two - my half and hers. "Arrogant, insolent. Why won't they listen? Nobody ever listens, nobody but him. It would be better if they were gone." I grab her hands, heavy in mine, and kneel next to her chair, chest against her knees. Sobs rip her into pretty pieces. "I got rid of them; I set them free," I whisper, fingers wantonly winding through her hair. "I helped them be like you wanted."
"I didn't want them dead."
"You're lying!" Hands grip her neck like a noose, raking and rattling. Blood, warm and wet, winds its way down from my nose. "Stop lying! You said you would stop!" Fingernails pinch and pry, legs thrash, but I'm stronger. "I can help." A growl from my throat, dark and dangerous. The darkness expands inside, emptying, exciting. Blood thick in the back of my throat; iron and acid, burning the the belly. She's pretty in purple, purpling, black and blue, bruising her with me. I want to watch. Forever.
"Cole," she gasps, gaping, glistening with sweat. Our game!
"Trevelyan!" I say, bright again, grasping her hands in mine. She remembered! She croaks, choking on air, angry in aching lungs. She's scared, but not sad. Afraid, but not far away. Not like before. The sight brings tears to my eyes. "You're back!"
"Cole," she rasps again, eyes bright and bulging. "You have to - set me free. Like the others. Please."
Singing screaming in my head. Everything crashing, collapsing, coming down, darkness devouring me. Pinpricks of pain, shadows scorching - I have to obey. "No, no, no, no, no!" I scream, lips tearing through my teeth. Agony explodes through my body, breaking and battering. "It hurts! It hurts!" Shattered, scraping, shards of glass slicing inside. "You're killing me! Take it back!" Blood bursts as I smash my head against the wooden arm of the chair, trying to take away the pain, the pressure, the needling nightmare. Again and again, tearing into tatters, bellowing as bone breaks, until Trevelyan tumbles into terror.
"Stop it, Cole! Please!" she shrieks. "You don't have to hurt me!"
Relief as she releases me, roll onto my back, brain bristling to the beat of blood. Bludgeoned, but better now. It hurts on the outside, not the inside. Trevelyan sits, sobbing soundlessly, stricken and sapped. Tired by terror, wrung out and raw. She curses herself, but can't hurt me. Monster, she thinks, but does she mean me? Or her? She doesn't know anymore. Not anymore.
The darkness inside is back, blanketing me in its bittersweet embrace. It brings a smile to my face, beaming and bright. I reach up and hold her hand, cold and clammy as I clasp it. "You can't be a monster," I reassure her, happy as she squeezes my fingers faintly. "I won't let you hurt anyone. Not even you."
"But who stops you? Who will cut you down, demon?" she asks, voice quiet. Calm.
I stand, and she stares, silent. I gurgle, then give in to giggling, gleeful, giddy. "No one will cut me down," I say in between bouts of belly laughter. "We will be together, bound by blood, unbent and unbroken. Forever.
"Isn't it wonderful?"