Remus and Harry were sitting in the kitchen at Grimmauld place playing an intense match of chess. Remus, of course, was beating a horrified Harry, who was about to go into checkmate. Harry sighed. If he moved his last castle to the left then the queen would capture him and he would be forced to move his pawn capturing that, causing him to go into check mate. I hate chess. I don't get why the horses can only go three spaces! I mean, what's up with that. In a real war the knight goes wherever he bloody wants! Stupid Remus making me play chess to see who does the dishes. It's making my head hurt!
"Make your move Harry," Remus said calmly, staring at the board intently waiting for Harry to move.
"AH, FORGET THIS!" Harry yelled, knocking over the whole chess board. "YOU WIN! OKAY? I JUST WANTED MY BLOODY KNIGHT NOT TO BE CAPTURED AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU CAPTURE IT! THERE WAS NO WAY FOR ME TO WIN!"
"You know, Harry, if you just moved your castle forward one space you would have me in check mate. But, considering I just won. I have the right not to do the dishes tonight."
"NO! I WON! I-I-I OH, FORGET IT!"
"Now, go-!" Remus began but was interrupted by a stomping down the stair case.
"VOLDEMORT'S YOUR REAL FATHER, HARRY?" Sirius yelled, jumping the last to steps.
"Wait-WHAT?" Harry said, jumping from his seat.
"Sirius, we both clearly know that James is Harry's biological father. I mean, he looks just like him,"Remus said, shaking his head.
"BUT-BUT THE GREATESTSTORYWRITTENEVERSAYS VOLDEMORT'S HIS FATHER!"
"Are you reading Star Wars again?"
"You mean watching; I don't read."
"Yes, than watching Star Wars,"
"NO, IT'S A STORY ON A SITE CALLED FANFICTION! IT SAID IT'S A ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE STORY!"
"Sirius, you do realize that fiction is the second word of the site."
"YEAH, THAT MEANS TRUE!" Remus face palmed. "REMMY-!"
"Sirius, don't call me that."
"- THE AUTHOR IAMBETTERATWRITINGTHANYOU SAID IT WAS TRUE!"
"Will you stop screaming? So the authors name is I am better at writing then you? Are you sure you didn't write this?"
"IT'S THAN WITH AN A!"
"That's improper grammar right there…"
"SO? Harry, my dearest favorite bestest-!"
"That's not a word." Remus interrupted. "And I think Harry get's the point."
"Harry defiantly doesn't get the point," Harry said, shaking his head. "You should complement him more!"
"Nah, Harry get's the point." Sirius said. Harry pouted. "Anyway, my good godson! YOU HAVE TO READ THIS STORY! REMMY CAN DO THE DISHES!"
"NO, HE CAN'T!" Remus yelled. "I mean, Harry definitely doesn't want to read that."
"Harry definitely does!" Harry said, jumping up a few steps.
"You should to, Remmy!" Sirius said. "Well, after you're done the dishes. THE STORY TELLS THE FUTURE AND STUFF!"
"BUT-!" Sirius and Harry ran up the stairs before Remus could speak another word.
They went over to Sirius' room where a laptop was sitting on the bed. A story was on the screen named The Greatest Story Written EVER!
"Okay, Harry," Sirius said, directing Harry towards the computer. "You use this clicky thing to scroll down to read. And the letters, which I have no idea why they can't be in just bloody alphabetical order, and this is the space bar. You can review a person's story! But, you've gotta read this story first!" Harry sat down on the bed with his legs crossed.
"I know how to use a computer." Harry said.
"Oh, you grew up with muggles. That just slipped my mind." An awkward silence filled the room. "Well, I'm going to get a sandwich." With that, Sirius left. Harry stared at the doorway Sirius retreated from and picked up the computer and began to read.
A/N HELLO MUDBLOODS AND MUGGLES READING THIS STUFF! THIS IS A TOTALLY TRUE STORY IN EVERYTHING I SAY ABOUT HARRY POTTER! JUST TO LET YOU KNOW!
Harry walked over to Voldemort getting a dark mark and stuff! I don't know why he wouldn't just do that in the real thing. Psh, that stupid Half-Blood. So Voldemort said,
"NO, I AM YOUR FATHER!" Harry gasped. Whatever that word means, I read a story that said gasped and I thought it would be a amazing word to use.
"DADDY!" Harry yelled. He gave his daddy a hug. "Isn't Draco Malfoy, like the best person EVER?"
"HE IS!" His daddy yelled. "He should get every girl he wants!" So they went to Draco's house. Draco made out with every girl in the world. Because he's too sexy for his shirt, but Draco killed all the mudblood and muggle scum after he was done making out with them. Draco became supreme ruler. They had magic penguins that danced with unicorns. AND THEY KILLED TONS OF PEOPLE! Harry Potter wasn't popular anymore. Psh, like he was ever more popular than me!
So Slytherin went to a Quidditch match with Gryffindor. Draco being the sexy guy he is played all positions. The idiots in the Gryffindor house all DIED from his amazingness SUPERPOWER RULER! The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls all lined up to make-out with Draco Malfoy, the sexyist dude.
Voldemort made out with Nagini because I said so. Harry Potter DIED! HE DIED DIED IN A CASTLE FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE COULD HEAR HIM BEEP BEEP! So the world cheered with glee (I love that show! :F) Because manly people love glee! The girls all began to sing at the funeral,
"DRACO MALFOY, WE WANT TO SEE YOU NAKEDDDDD!" Draco took off his shirt and everybody fainted.
"Daddy," Harry Potter said to his father, Nagini,
"I thought Voldemort was my father," thought Harry out loud. "And aren't I dead?" Harry shrugged and continued reading.
"I WANT TO SEE DRACO NAKED!"
"No," his daddy said. "You're grounded." AND HARRY POTTER DIED AGAIN!
Draco ruled the world because his dad is rich and your dad is dead, isn't he, Potter! So every girl made-out with Draco again, unless they died earlier. So than Severus Snape went up to Albus Dumbledore and said,
"I love you, Albus!"
"I love you to, Severus," he replied. They kissed passionately-
Harry felt puke rise up into his throat.
-tasting the taste of their tounges.
Draco then became headmaster of Hogwarts and Pigfarts. Rumbleroar let Draco ride on his back everyday. But Harry Potter came back with a light sabor. He wasn't giving up to easily.
"We meet again, Malfoy," Potter said, smirking (what's smirking?).
"So, Potter, are you jealous I got every girl in the world? Including, Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley?" Draco spoke, pulling out a crocodile.
A/N SO SCUM, WHAT DO YOU THINK! HAHA, I LEFT YOU FOOLS WITH A CLIFF HANGER! REVIEW AS I HEAR PEOPLE SAY ON THIS FANFICTION SITE. REMEMBER, THIS STORY IS 100% TRUE!
Harry stared at the page. This book had to be the worst! It said Nagini and Voldemort were his fathers (which he had no idea how this could even be a possibility), and worst of it all SLYTHERIN BEAT GRYFFINDOR IN QUIDDITCH. A brilliant idea of payback soon swarmed into Harry's head. I know how I'll get payback. He thought to himself.
A/N So, what do you think? Review, and if you want to leave a review for Draco/Harry to read, tell me and I'll put it in the next chapter