Title: The Potato Series
Author: Secret Art
Rating: PG
Category: romance, humour
Pairings: Jack/Sam
Spoilers: set season six
Summary: SG-1 gate to a giant potato
Feedback: can only make me better
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Author's note: Yes these are silly, they are meant to be. Someone challenged me to write something completely ridiculous while trying to stay as true to the characters as possible and this is the result. Each bit is a drabble written due to drabble word challenges on Jack and Sam's Pad. The words were (in order): Potato, Irresistible, Coincidence, a multiword challenge, Insatiable, Mississippi, Cauliflower, Bubblebath, Dastardly, Sock-puppet, Spork
-
Jack looked in shock at the landscape.
"Is this what I think it is"
"Indeed, it does appear we are situated on a large potato."
Sam knelt down, touching the surface of what was supposed to be a planet. "Why would the ancients put a Stargate on a giant potato"
"Maybe they like them" Jonas suggested, causing the rest of the team to stare at him in confusion.
"What"
"Potatoes, I mean, I love them so it makes sense that others would too."
Jack rolled his eyes, turning towards the others. "Carter"
"It's a potato, what else can I say"
-
Jack stretched; his muscles sore from trying to chop up the surface of the planet.
He looked towards the others, shaking his head at what they were doing.
Sam had set up a cooking stove, and appeared to be making some kind of food; Teal'c was busy chopping up the potato that had managed to get out of the surface whilst Jonas was eating handfuls of it raw.
"Jonas? What are you doing"
"Sorry sir" he mumbled between mouthfuls"It's just so irresistible, you should really try some."
Jack nodded"maybe just one mouthful, what's the worst that could happen"
-
Jack opened his eyes, yawning slightly as he slowly woke up from his nap.
He turned to face the rest of his team, all of whom were also waking up.
"What happened" Sam asked, running her hands through her hair.
"I am unsure, I believe we were eating." Teal'c replied.
Jonas grinned, looking towards their plates. "What a coincidence, I'm hungry again and our plates are full."
Sam looked warily at her plate; "does anyone remember making more"
"No"
"Indeed, I do not"
Jack picked up his gun. "Ok, we need to find out what the hell is going on."
-
Jack picked up the plate, looking at it in confusion.
"The Colonel's discombobulated" Jonas stated in his usual quirky manner.
"I'm what"
"O'Neill, I have found something."
They all moved to see what Teal'c had found, becoming mesmerised by the purple river that ran down a hill, becoming intertwined with a lake.
Jonas knelt down at the edge, dipping his finger into it. "Feels like a melted galaxy"
"What a cosmic revelation."
"That was a bit random Colonel."
"The fact we are on a giant potato looking at a purple lake isn't"
"So, what do you suggest we do now"
-
They lay under the stars, the sun having set barely five minutes ago.
Jack turned to face her, ignoring the chocolate mud fight going on between Jonas and Teal'c.
"What do you say we go back into the tent, they've been there for hours, they won't notice if we're gone for a little while longer."
She smacked his hand as it went to grab her. "Jack! You're completely insatiable."
"Only around you."
He went to kiss her, but she pushed him away, climbing to her feet and fishing her top off the tree branch it had been thrown onto earlier.
-
Sam walked until she reached the purple lake, where Teal'c and Jonas were still fighting.
"Hey Sam, you should come join us."
"Sorry Jonas, if I'm going to do mud fighting it'd be against another woman."
Jack sneaked up behind. "So, who want's to get injured so that they have to send Janet out here"
She smacked him playfully on the arm. "You'll be the one getting injured if you keep talking like that."
He put up his hands"Fine."
"On the weather channel they showed Mississippi, we could go there instead."
Jack pushed Sam into the lake"This'll do."
-
She climbed out of the lake, the mud dripping off her body and face.
"So Carter, have fun"
"Very funny Sir. But I did find you a present."
His expression was a mix of excitement and wariness as she moved her hand from behind her back, throwing the object at him.
He grabbed it automatically, the mud running down his arm, finding that it was a cauliflower.
"Where did you find this"
"At the bottom of the lake, where you pushed me into." She glared, and he knew that he wasn't getting a repeat of last night any time soon.
-
"Ok, this stuff is drying on me, how the hell am I supposed to get it off"
"Well as it tastes so nice maybe you could lick it off"
Jack glared at Jonas, thinking that it might not be a bad idea.
"I need a bubblebath."
"Don't think your going to find one around here."
"I believe I may have a bottle of bubblebath with me MajorCarter."
"Thanks Teal'c, now I just need water."
"If you'll follow me Major I'll show you to the springs" Jack grinned, hoping that he would be able to help Sam clean off the mud.
-
Sam slowly slipped into the Hot Springs, sighing happily as the warm water washed away the mud.
Jack grinned as he casually slipped up behind her, picking up the bottle of bubblebath and pouring some on top of her.
She screamed, smacking Jack on the leg as she spun around, causing him to fall headfirst into the water.
He came up, coughing and spluttering to meet her annoyed glare. "That was a very dastardly thing to do Jack."
He laughed, a smile that turned into a frown as he saw her stalking towards him, a sly grin on her face.
-
He jumped back onto the rocks, barely being missed by Sam as she lunged at him.
"Now now Sam, do you really want to have to explain any injuries I get to Janet?"
She smirked at him. "How about I make a Sock-puppet out of your intestines and you explain it to her?"
He winced at the thought, slowly backing away. "I'll leave you in peace and go see how the guys are getting on."
She waited before he had passed out of sight before relaxing back into the warm water, looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet.
-
Jack walked back into camp, glad to see that Teal'c and Jonas had finally finished their mud fight.
Approaching the fire they were around he could smell something cooking, and see Jonas shovelling a bowl of it into his mouth with a contraption he had never seen before.
"What the hell is that?"
"Hey Colonel, it's a spork." He waved it at him, spraying food everywhere. "It's a mix between a spoon and a fork, I found it in a magazine in Daniel's stuff. Works great for this food."
"What food?"
"My chocolate potatoes O'Neill."
Jack simply rolled his eyes.