Fade to Grey
"You sure you can handle this, man?"
Concern was quite apparent on Cho's usually deadpan face. It was out of sheer luck that they'd been able to save Lisbon from Red John's clutches just in the nick of time, and Jane had suffered from a serious panic attack during the whole process. The fact that in the end Red John had been shot dead by no one else than Rigbsy only added another reason to worry about Jane's current mental and emotional state.
However, Jane was in no way concerned about himself now. The only thing that mattered to him was Lisbon's health. He was determined to be the one who took care of her, and he wouldn't step back even if that meant kidnapping her from the other members of the team.
"I'm totally okay, Kimball. I promise."
"Doctors say that the boss is in a fugue state. Perhaps she'd be better off staying at the hospital."
"I'm sure I can look after her better than a bunch of nurses that don't give a damn about her one way or another."
The Asian man sighed, seeming to sense that arguing with him was a lost cause anyway.
"I hope you know what you're doing. Call any of us if you need help, okay?"
"I'll do. Thanks, Cho."
Then he put on his brightest smile and stepped inside Lisbon's hospital room.
xxx
"So… you're my friend?"
"Well, that's as good a description as any, I guess."
He could see Lisbon frowning at this. "What do you mean?"
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet."
Jane winced slightly when she smacked him on the arm. Certain things were never going to change, fugue state or not.
"I wasn't asking for a quote from Romeo and Juliet, you idiot."
"You remember your Shakespeare then."
Teresa shrugged, clearly unconcerned. "I guess so."
There was a pause as she took another sip of her coffee. "Are you trying to tell me that we're more than just good friends, by any chance?"
"I never said that," he answered warily. What they were to each other was definitely a complex question, and one he'd been avoiding for quite a long time.
"Are you always this way with other people?"
He stared blankly at her for a moment. "As in?"
"Is it so difficult to give a direct answer for once?"
His eyes sparkled with sudden amusement. "You never pull back from a challenge when you see one. That's why you enjoy working with me, no matter how annoying I can be at times."
"Only at times?"
"Most of times then. I cause all sorts of mayhem, and endless stacks of paperwork for you – not to mention professional headaches. But you're always there for me when I need you, even if I don't deserve you at all."
"You've said that before."
Jane grinned. "Just wanted to make sure you understand the situation here."
She let out a frustrated sigh, then stood up and began pacing the room. It was no wonder that a control freak like her would find her inability to access to her memories of the last decade absolutely unnerving.
"Why can't I remember one damn thing about my life after I left San Francisco PD?"
"Patience, Teresa. The doctors are adamant you're going to heal in time."
"Did they also tell how long it's going to take?"
He quickly averted his gaze. That was a sensitive subject for him as well, and not just because he'd suffered from dissociative fugue in the past too.
It broke his heart to see his Lisbon so vulnerable, and confused, and… not quite herself. He was deeply grateful that she was still alive after all she'd been through; however, in spite of the fact that all the doctors had assured him she was going to heal completely, he was secretly afraid that Red John had hurt her more than they could even tell.
Not that he was going to let her know about his darkest fears, of course.
"Patience," he repeated once again, before placing a brotherly kiss on the top of her head.
All he could do was hope that it was going to be worth the wait.
xxx
As the weeks passed by, Jane found himself toying with the idea of helping Lisbon's memories back. She'd done the same for him after all, or so he'd been told.
However, as much as he missed their usual bantering and arguing, he wasn't so keen on making her relive those dramatic moments when she'd been held captive by a madman who'd almost killed her. And he just couldn't bring himself to think how much Lisbon must have been scared back then, and not only for her own sake.
Red John had been only a split second away from destroying his life for good this time. He wouldn't have survived the loss of another woman he deeply cared for, that was sure.
"You okay, Patrick?"
Teresa was staring at him, plain concern written all over her face. He forced himself to smile; the last thing she needed was worrying about him, or about anyone else for that matter.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
She'd almost never called him by his first name before, and now she was doing it all the time. It felt good, he decided – though she would probably revert to his last name once all of this was over.
He recalled being told he'd taken on calling her Teresa during his fugue state, and his smile turned more genuine. Fugue Lisbon was definitely tamer than fugue Jane by all accounts.
That was when he noticed how Teresa was sitting decidedly closer to him than he'd anticipated. Her green eyes searched his gaze for a moment before she claimed his lips with her own.
xxx
Of all the possible outcomes of kissing Teresa Lisbon – and he'd surely given some thought to this over the years, in spite of his better intents – he'd never imagined himself frantically dialing Van Pelt's number and anxiously waiting for her to answer.
"Jane, it's close to midnight. What do you want?"
"I know. I'm sorry. It's just…"
He could tell the exact moment when sleepiness gave way to concern at the other end of the line.
"Is Lisbon okay?"
"Yes. No. Not exactly. Could you please come over? I know it's late, but…"
"Jane, you're panicking again. Tell me what happened."
"She tried to kiss me."
There was a silence as Grace processed what she'd just been told. "Who? Lisbon?"
"No, the Queen of England," he retorted somewhat wryly.
"You could simply turn her down, you know."
"I… I'm not sure I can."
Van Pelt seemed to be finally rising to the situation. "Oh. Okay."
"I don't want to hurt her, Grace. She's really vulnerable, and I can't…"
"You're right. I'm coming."
He thanked her and quickly ended the call. It was bitterly ironic how he was forced to shy away from what he'd be more than happy to accept under different circumstances.
That was the least he owed to Lisbon anyway. Both of them were going to be thankful for his choice someday, and this was all that mattered.
xxx
A couple of days later Teresa unexpectedly showed up at the office. Jane was lying on his couch and pretending to be asleep, but all the while he was acutely aware of her standing only a few feet away from him, staring at his recumbent form.
"We have to talk," she announced at length.
He sighed and opened his eyes. "All right."
They exited the building in silence, then strolled side by side along the street.
"Let's talk."
Lisbon took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for what happened the other night. I should have known better – you're wearing a wedding band to your finger after all."
He followed her gaze and instinctively started fiddling with his ring. "My wife is dead."
"Oh."
"She's been dead for the last ten years, as a matter of fact."
Her fingers twitched slightly at those words. "Red John."
"What?" he almost choked in surprise.
"It was Red John who killed your wife, wasn't it? And also your… daughter, I think."
"Lisbon, do you…"
Jane saw a shiver run down her spine as other and more unpleasant memories flooded back to her. On a sudden impulse he wrapped his arms around her petite frame and hugged her to his chest.
"I'm sorry, Teresa. It's over now – he won't hurt us again."
His hand never stopped running soothing circles on the small of her back. As she clutched his vest for dear life, he knew he wasn't ever going to let her go either.
He hoped she wouldn't yell at him when he finally plucked the courage to tell her as much.