This is my version of what happened on the last episode. I cut out a lot of
the stuff in the original episode and focused mainly on what happens with
Sam and Rebecca.
Cheers: The Alternate Series Finale
Scene 1: Cheers on Beacon Street in Boston, Mass. Carla and Woody are behind the bar. The bar patrons are at their stools. Enter Sam.
Carla: Hi Sammy. Woody: Hi Sam Sam: Hey everyone Fraiser: How's that sex group going, Sam? Sam: Pretty good, I'm not thinking about sex as much now. (Looks at TV) So, what are you watching? Norm: The Oscars Cliff: Actually we're watching to see Alexis' new dress (laughs) or at least what's inside it. (Norm, Paul and Fraiser laugh also) Cliff: It's a little known fact that the Oscar was originally an award for people named Oscar who had a vowel as their middle.. Carla (interrupts): Shut up Clavin. Cliff: Well maybe someone else wants to hear it Carla. (Looks around, everyone is shaking their head no) There such great kidders (looks up seeing the show is started he shuts up)
On the TV we see Kim Alexis and Mike Ditka Mike: So Kim, we have to present the Oscar for best writer of a screenplay Kim: That's right Mike, and they're all so good, I don't know how the Academy chose just one.
Sam: (looks up at the screen as sees Kim is wearing a rather revealing dress.) I would love to get her on Ol' Sammy's bedatholon. Fraiser: Guys turn the channel. (They all moan) Sam: It's okay I'm going to the office. (Exits into the office)
Kim: (having just read the nominations for the award) And the winner is. Mike: Diane Chambers for Heart Held Hostage.
(Diane comes and accepts her award)
Diane: Thank you. This work is something I have worked hard on. Of course I must thank everyone who's ever influenced my writing career. Mother Theresa, she was a wonderful woman. My mother was a great influence, and of course my cat Elizabeth..
(Mike interrupts)
Mike: Oh look we need to go to a commercial (attempts to pull Diane off the stage)
Diane: (being pulled) You have to be taught to hate! I have writes! I have.I have 80 majors!
(Back at the bar we hear Carla screaming)
Fraiser: Turn the channel! Sam: Carla, relax it's just a dream. Carla: What a relief! (Rebecca enters with Don) Don: Sam can we have some champagne.
Rebecca (goes over to Sam): Hi Sam. How's it going?
Sam: It's a hard week. I'm not going to think about, talk about or have sex at all this week.
Rebecca: Great, so this is about my love life.
Sam: That's safe, we know you never have sex.
Rebecca: I think Don is going to ask me to marry him.
Sam: Congratulations!
Rebecca: Thank you. I better get over there. Wish me luck.
Sam: Good luck
(Rebecca returns to Don with a bottle of champagne and two glasses)
Don: Rebecca we've known each other for a while. I enjoy your company, and as you know I love you. However, I am afraid that I must leave.
Rebecca: What?!
Don: Just kidding. (Smiles) Will you marry me?
Rebecca: No Don, I won't marry you. What did I just say? Let's try that again.
Don: Will you marry me?
Rebecca: NEVER! What on earth is wrong with me? (Drinks some of the champagne)
Don: (angrily) Obviously you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you! I'm out of here! I have a drain to fix a few blocks from here. (Leaves angrily).
(Rebecca runs into the office crying. Sam follows)
Sam: Sweetheart, why don't you go after him.
Rebecca: I hate my life.
(Fraiser knocks on the door) Fraiser: Sam, we have Diane on the phone, she wants to say hello to you.
Sam: I'll be right back Rebecca. (Goes out to the bar to answer the phone leaving Rebecca alone to weep in the office)
(Picks up the phone)
Sam: Hello Diane. Congratulations.
Diane: Thank you. I was surprised that Fraiser had called. I didn't think anyone from Cheers knew where I was.
Sam: Well Fraiser is a good psychiatrist, he knows a lot of people that no one else would know.
Diane: So how are you Sam? Are you well? Sam: Yes, are you?
Diane: Yes I'm married and have two children now.
Sam: How nice for you. I'm married with three children. You should stop by sometime so I can meet the family.
Diane: I'd love to, how about tomorrow for dinner?
Sam: Aright. We can meet here at 8.
Diane: Sounds good. Goodbye Sam. (Hangs up)
(Sam also hangs up and then goes into the office again. Rebecca is still weeping)
Sam: That was Diane on the phone. Will you marry me?
Rebecca: Okay. Oh sure I can say yes to you, but the love of my life asks me and I say no. I'm such a loser.
Sam: I told Diane I was married with three children. So do me a favor and make up three children and meet me here at 8, that's when the dinner is.
Rebecca: Okay. (Leaves the bar still upset and goes home)
Sam: Carla, Rebecca is going home for the day.
Carla: No problem Sammy she doesn't do anything anyway, and she doesn't start that until noon.
(Time passes, and it's now 8. Sam and Rebecca are in the bar. Diane enters with Reed)
Sam: Hello Diane.
Diane: Hello Sam. This is my husband Reed.
Reed: Hello Sam, Mrs. Malone (to Rebecca)
Rebecca: Hi.
Sam: Well shall we go upstairs to eat?
Diane: Sounds good. (They go upstairs and get a table)
(At the table)
Diane: Reed and I have two children. Diane Jr. is 5 now she's learning ballet and really quite good. And our son, Emile, he's 2 and is learning to read.
(Sam looks at Rebecca as if to say top her)
Rebecca: That's nice. We have three children. Clinton is 4 and is currently in second grade. He's been doing one grade a week so we figure he'll be in third soon. Janet is 3 and is writing a book. And little two- year-old Chelsea, she's one, and also learning to read now.
(Diane looks at Rebecca strangely. Don enters and crosses over to them)
Don: Rebecca, I wanted you to know that I thought about what you said. I was angry, but now I see it's for the best. I was lying to you, and to myself, but I see now I must admit it. I can't live a lie any longer.
(Everyone looks at Don curios as to what he's talking about)
The truth is, I'm gay.
(Rebecca just loses it in front of everyone and breaks down crying again. Sam tries to console her quietly while we hear Reed talking to Don)
Reed: Hi. I'm Reed. (Smiles) I would like to congratulate you on coming out of the closet. I've been out for a year now. I'm just doing this favor for Diane. (Diane hears this and moans, since her cover is now blown) Sorry Diane, I can't pretend any longer.
Diane: It's okay Reed.
Reed (to Don again): Would you like to go get some ice cream?
Don: Sure. (Smiles at him) Take care, Rebecca. (Reed and Don exit)
Sam: (petting Rebecca's hair as she cries on his shoulder) Honey, why don't you go lie down in my office. You've had a rough day. (Rebecca nods and heads down to the office)
Diane: Well this evening was a disaster.
Sam: So, you're husband is gay? You sure know how to pick 'em.
(Diane, not able to take a joke, smacks Sam.)
Diane: You haven't changed in six years. (Gets up dumping her water on his head she exits)
Sam: And obviously you haven't been laid in six years. You're a little frustrated! (He calls after as he also leaves going back downstairs.)
(Sam goes into his office and sees Rebecca curled up on the couch, but awake)
Are you okay sweetheart?
(Rebecca nods, avoiding looking at Sam. Sam sits on the couch lifting her head up letting it fall on his lap) It's okay, cry if you need to. I'm here for you.
Rebecca: I stopped crying Sam. I just can't look at you, or I'll start again.
Sam: Why? Do I remind you of Don?
Rebecca: No Sam, it's just you were there for me again today, just like always. Tonight while I was at home crying and thinking about names for our children.. I.I couldn't help but smile because the thought of us having children made me want to smile.
(Sam, forgetting is no sex plan for the week is casually unbuttoning Rebecca's top button on her blouse)
Sam: That is a nice thought. (Leans down and kisses her.) So why does looking at me make you cry? Am I that bad?
Rebecca: Sam, you could never settle down and get married. You're a player, a babe hound.
Sam: Perhaps I haven't found the right girl. until now. (Kisses her again) Will you marry me?
Rebecca: Oh yes! (Hugs him and then runs to tell the others)
Sam asked me to marry him and I said yes!
Everyone but Sam and Rebecca: Congratulations!
Carla: I knew it would happen. Sammy's liked you since he first saw you that day. Take care of him or I'll rip your jugular out and stick it in your ear.
Rebecca: I know in your warped twisted mind Carla, you mean that as a compliment.
(Carla just shakes her head and goes back to serving drinks)
Fraiser: Congratulations, Sammy.
Sam: Thank you Fraiser.
Norm: This calls for a round of drinks on the house
Rebecca and Sam: You got it
Cliff: You know it's a little known fact that in 1000 BC people didn't get married, at least not like they do today. Back then if you gave a girl a rose on a full moon you were considered married.
Carla: Norm, if you get Cliff to shut up I'll buy you a beer as well.
(Norm shoves a handful of beer nuts in Cliff's mouth so Cliff can't talk) Done.
(Carla hands him two beers, one from Sam and Rebecca and one from herself)
(Norm drinks his beer)
Norm: Well I better get home to Vera. If I don't she'll be up worrying and she needs her beauty sleep. boy does she need it. (Leaves)
Cliff: (Finally able to talk again) I guess I better get home to Ma. You two kids take care. (Exits talking to himself) Sammy married. wait till I tell Ma.
Fraiser: I guess I should go too. Congratulations again. (Exits)
Sam: Carla I can lock up if you wanna cut out now.
Carla: Thank you Sammy. My kids are still up, so I think I'll go visit Hill. (Sam makes a face at the mention of John Allen Hill) (Carla exits)
Sam: Well Rebecca, what do you say we go to my place tonight. Get naked and talk weddings?
Rebecca: You have a one tracked mind, Mr. Malone. (Kisses him) But at least that one track is all on me now. (Giggles giddily) (Holding hands, they both exit)
Cheers: The Alternate Series Finale
Scene 1: Cheers on Beacon Street in Boston, Mass. Carla and Woody are behind the bar. The bar patrons are at their stools. Enter Sam.
Carla: Hi Sammy. Woody: Hi Sam Sam: Hey everyone Fraiser: How's that sex group going, Sam? Sam: Pretty good, I'm not thinking about sex as much now. (Looks at TV) So, what are you watching? Norm: The Oscars Cliff: Actually we're watching to see Alexis' new dress (laughs) or at least what's inside it. (Norm, Paul and Fraiser laugh also) Cliff: It's a little known fact that the Oscar was originally an award for people named Oscar who had a vowel as their middle.. Carla (interrupts): Shut up Clavin. Cliff: Well maybe someone else wants to hear it Carla. (Looks around, everyone is shaking their head no) There such great kidders (looks up seeing the show is started he shuts up)
On the TV we see Kim Alexis and Mike Ditka Mike: So Kim, we have to present the Oscar for best writer of a screenplay Kim: That's right Mike, and they're all so good, I don't know how the Academy chose just one.
Sam: (looks up at the screen as sees Kim is wearing a rather revealing dress.) I would love to get her on Ol' Sammy's bedatholon. Fraiser: Guys turn the channel. (They all moan) Sam: It's okay I'm going to the office. (Exits into the office)
Kim: (having just read the nominations for the award) And the winner is. Mike: Diane Chambers for Heart Held Hostage.
(Diane comes and accepts her award)
Diane: Thank you. This work is something I have worked hard on. Of course I must thank everyone who's ever influenced my writing career. Mother Theresa, she was a wonderful woman. My mother was a great influence, and of course my cat Elizabeth..
(Mike interrupts)
Mike: Oh look we need to go to a commercial (attempts to pull Diane off the stage)
Diane: (being pulled) You have to be taught to hate! I have writes! I have.I have 80 majors!
(Back at the bar we hear Carla screaming)
Fraiser: Turn the channel! Sam: Carla, relax it's just a dream. Carla: What a relief! (Rebecca enters with Don) Don: Sam can we have some champagne.
Rebecca (goes over to Sam): Hi Sam. How's it going?
Sam: It's a hard week. I'm not going to think about, talk about or have sex at all this week.
Rebecca: Great, so this is about my love life.
Sam: That's safe, we know you never have sex.
Rebecca: I think Don is going to ask me to marry him.
Sam: Congratulations!
Rebecca: Thank you. I better get over there. Wish me luck.
Sam: Good luck
(Rebecca returns to Don with a bottle of champagne and two glasses)
Don: Rebecca we've known each other for a while. I enjoy your company, and as you know I love you. However, I am afraid that I must leave.
Rebecca: What?!
Don: Just kidding. (Smiles) Will you marry me?
Rebecca: No Don, I won't marry you. What did I just say? Let's try that again.
Don: Will you marry me?
Rebecca: NEVER! What on earth is wrong with me? (Drinks some of the champagne)
Don: (angrily) Obviously you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you! I'm out of here! I have a drain to fix a few blocks from here. (Leaves angrily).
(Rebecca runs into the office crying. Sam follows)
Sam: Sweetheart, why don't you go after him.
Rebecca: I hate my life.
(Fraiser knocks on the door) Fraiser: Sam, we have Diane on the phone, she wants to say hello to you.
Sam: I'll be right back Rebecca. (Goes out to the bar to answer the phone leaving Rebecca alone to weep in the office)
(Picks up the phone)
Sam: Hello Diane. Congratulations.
Diane: Thank you. I was surprised that Fraiser had called. I didn't think anyone from Cheers knew where I was.
Sam: Well Fraiser is a good psychiatrist, he knows a lot of people that no one else would know.
Diane: So how are you Sam? Are you well? Sam: Yes, are you?
Diane: Yes I'm married and have two children now.
Sam: How nice for you. I'm married with three children. You should stop by sometime so I can meet the family.
Diane: I'd love to, how about tomorrow for dinner?
Sam: Aright. We can meet here at 8.
Diane: Sounds good. Goodbye Sam. (Hangs up)
(Sam also hangs up and then goes into the office again. Rebecca is still weeping)
Sam: That was Diane on the phone. Will you marry me?
Rebecca: Okay. Oh sure I can say yes to you, but the love of my life asks me and I say no. I'm such a loser.
Sam: I told Diane I was married with three children. So do me a favor and make up three children and meet me here at 8, that's when the dinner is.
Rebecca: Okay. (Leaves the bar still upset and goes home)
Sam: Carla, Rebecca is going home for the day.
Carla: No problem Sammy she doesn't do anything anyway, and she doesn't start that until noon.
(Time passes, and it's now 8. Sam and Rebecca are in the bar. Diane enters with Reed)
Sam: Hello Diane.
Diane: Hello Sam. This is my husband Reed.
Reed: Hello Sam, Mrs. Malone (to Rebecca)
Rebecca: Hi.
Sam: Well shall we go upstairs to eat?
Diane: Sounds good. (They go upstairs and get a table)
(At the table)
Diane: Reed and I have two children. Diane Jr. is 5 now she's learning ballet and really quite good. And our son, Emile, he's 2 and is learning to read.
(Sam looks at Rebecca as if to say top her)
Rebecca: That's nice. We have three children. Clinton is 4 and is currently in second grade. He's been doing one grade a week so we figure he'll be in third soon. Janet is 3 and is writing a book. And little two- year-old Chelsea, she's one, and also learning to read now.
(Diane looks at Rebecca strangely. Don enters and crosses over to them)
Don: Rebecca, I wanted you to know that I thought about what you said. I was angry, but now I see it's for the best. I was lying to you, and to myself, but I see now I must admit it. I can't live a lie any longer.
(Everyone looks at Don curios as to what he's talking about)
The truth is, I'm gay.
(Rebecca just loses it in front of everyone and breaks down crying again. Sam tries to console her quietly while we hear Reed talking to Don)
Reed: Hi. I'm Reed. (Smiles) I would like to congratulate you on coming out of the closet. I've been out for a year now. I'm just doing this favor for Diane. (Diane hears this and moans, since her cover is now blown) Sorry Diane, I can't pretend any longer.
Diane: It's okay Reed.
Reed (to Don again): Would you like to go get some ice cream?
Don: Sure. (Smiles at him) Take care, Rebecca. (Reed and Don exit)
Sam: (petting Rebecca's hair as she cries on his shoulder) Honey, why don't you go lie down in my office. You've had a rough day. (Rebecca nods and heads down to the office)
Diane: Well this evening was a disaster.
Sam: So, you're husband is gay? You sure know how to pick 'em.
(Diane, not able to take a joke, smacks Sam.)
Diane: You haven't changed in six years. (Gets up dumping her water on his head she exits)
Sam: And obviously you haven't been laid in six years. You're a little frustrated! (He calls after as he also leaves going back downstairs.)
(Sam goes into his office and sees Rebecca curled up on the couch, but awake)
Are you okay sweetheart?
(Rebecca nods, avoiding looking at Sam. Sam sits on the couch lifting her head up letting it fall on his lap) It's okay, cry if you need to. I'm here for you.
Rebecca: I stopped crying Sam. I just can't look at you, or I'll start again.
Sam: Why? Do I remind you of Don?
Rebecca: No Sam, it's just you were there for me again today, just like always. Tonight while I was at home crying and thinking about names for our children.. I.I couldn't help but smile because the thought of us having children made me want to smile.
(Sam, forgetting is no sex plan for the week is casually unbuttoning Rebecca's top button on her blouse)
Sam: That is a nice thought. (Leans down and kisses her.) So why does looking at me make you cry? Am I that bad?
Rebecca: Sam, you could never settle down and get married. You're a player, a babe hound.
Sam: Perhaps I haven't found the right girl. until now. (Kisses her again) Will you marry me?
Rebecca: Oh yes! (Hugs him and then runs to tell the others)
Sam asked me to marry him and I said yes!
Everyone but Sam and Rebecca: Congratulations!
Carla: I knew it would happen. Sammy's liked you since he first saw you that day. Take care of him or I'll rip your jugular out and stick it in your ear.
Rebecca: I know in your warped twisted mind Carla, you mean that as a compliment.
(Carla just shakes her head and goes back to serving drinks)
Fraiser: Congratulations, Sammy.
Sam: Thank you Fraiser.
Norm: This calls for a round of drinks on the house
Rebecca and Sam: You got it
Cliff: You know it's a little known fact that in 1000 BC people didn't get married, at least not like they do today. Back then if you gave a girl a rose on a full moon you were considered married.
Carla: Norm, if you get Cliff to shut up I'll buy you a beer as well.
(Norm shoves a handful of beer nuts in Cliff's mouth so Cliff can't talk) Done.
(Carla hands him two beers, one from Sam and Rebecca and one from herself)
(Norm drinks his beer)
Norm: Well I better get home to Vera. If I don't she'll be up worrying and she needs her beauty sleep. boy does she need it. (Leaves)
Cliff: (Finally able to talk again) I guess I better get home to Ma. You two kids take care. (Exits talking to himself) Sammy married. wait till I tell Ma.
Fraiser: I guess I should go too. Congratulations again. (Exits)
Sam: Carla I can lock up if you wanna cut out now.
Carla: Thank you Sammy. My kids are still up, so I think I'll go visit Hill. (Sam makes a face at the mention of John Allen Hill) (Carla exits)
Sam: Well Rebecca, what do you say we go to my place tonight. Get naked and talk weddings?
Rebecca: You have a one tracked mind, Mr. Malone. (Kisses him) But at least that one track is all on me now. (Giggles giddily) (Holding hands, they both exit)