NOTES:

-Card Captor Sakura is property of CLAMP and other associates. No profit was made from the making of this fanfic.

-While the title is a very clear reference to 50 Shades of Grey, I admittedly haven't read the book or watched the movie, but I'm only using the reference for "fun". Hell the stupid pun is why I did this.

-Content warning - This is an erotic fanfic, so it contains explicit sexual material. 18+ year old readers only.

-Must we talk about this dirty thing? Aw fine. Send constructive feedback to psychoshoujo at gmail dot com. If you're a human being, you know what to do.

Part 1: The Rope and the First

Journal Entry #1

My name is Tomoyo Daidouji. I'm a third year university student from Japan, and I've been traveling around Europe for a while for my third year break. It's been about two months since I went around Europe, and I'm in the final leg of my trip – England. I'm here to see an old friend, Eriol.

Eriol and I have been in contact for almost several years now. We've transferred from handwritten letters to e-mails to even apps. We talk about art, tea, and our common friends from when we went to school together. But I'm only finding out now how much I didn't know about him.

He is still that happy boy I met from back in 5th grade, but I feel that he's studying me closely. I wonder why? I said I'd be filming him, as a way to complete my personal documentary on the Clow Cards with my best friend, Sakura-chan. He was very excited about it over the app messenger and was counting down the days to when we'd see each other.

Is it him? Or is it the house? I'm not sure. I try to ask his guardians, Spinel and Ruby Moon, but they reassure me that everything's ok. After all, I have the honor of being the guest of Eriol Hiiragazawa at the Reed Manor.

It's been two weeks. I've been filming Eriol and asking questions about Clow Reed and magic. He answers them...when he can that is.

I notice that Mizuki-sensei isn't with him. That was one of the first things I've noticed! I asked Eriol about her, and he said that she asked to go away for a long while. He hasn't talked to her in years, he says. He hopes she's doing alright.

I detected a sense of sadness from him, but chose not to ask about it. It's none of my business.

Hmn, I should find something else to do. Perhaps it's being too cooped up in this home – with only a fairy-like creature, a cat, and Eriol that's making me imagine things. I'll go for a walk later, see if it does me any good.

Journal Entry #2

It's been about three weeks since I arrived at the Reed Manor. It's very routine here: Eriol studies, does business calls, and takes his meals. Sometimes he also runs errands around town, or he has Ruby Moon run errands for him when he seems preoccupied with something.

As the sun set last night, I headed outside for a walk. It was fall and chilly, so I wore a coat and a beanie when I left. I came across some small shops and thought to get some gift shopping out of the way, and to buy other necessities that are not related to my project – some new pencils, a notebook, and a sketchpad among them. I decided to take my sweet time, and told Eriol so over an SMS. I arrived home some time after dinner.

Eriol seemed displeased. He had wished for me to join him, he said. I said I was sorry, and that I didn't mean to be so rude. I didn't think it would mean so much to him. I promised that I would join him for the next meal.

But Eriol was very clearly irritated. Oh no! He didn't talk to me after that. I'm worried. Spinel says that he just tends to get huffy, but he'll get over it. I hope so. I really don't want to wear out my welcome.

Journal Entry #3

I decided to make breakfast for Eriol to make up for making him cross last night. I woke up very early and headed for the kitchen. As I exited the room, I swore that I heard another door slide shut nearby. Was Eriol awake already? I wondered. But I shrugged it off and continued to the kitchen to whip up omelets and brew coffee.

As I had finished the omelets, Eriol joined me in the kitchen. He was already fully dressed, with his hair still slick from the shower. I was embarassed as I was still in my bedrobe and nightgown underneath. I had hoped to get dressed and ready before he arrived, and had timed breakfast prep for that.

"You can eat ahead," I told him as I passed him his breakfast. "I'll just dress up, and I'll be back very quickly."

"No, no need." Eriol said. Remembering what he told me last night, I decided to stay. I felt awful under dressed in his presence though, and I admitted to him.

"Awful is such a strong word! And after almost three weeks at the Reed manor, I still make you feel so unsettled?" He asked. He seemed very serious, and I had wondered if I was being berated until he gave his cheerful expression again.

"You've been an excellent host, and I also just want to be a good guest. I will be staying here for a while after all." I told him.

"There will be many opportunities for you to be a good guest. Now please, eat."

I helped myself to some omelets, a bit of fruit, and a drop of coffee.

"You really do as you are told, don't you, Tomoyo-chan?" Eriol was amused.

"Not always." I kindly corrected him. "If I really was the obedient type, I wouldn't have gotten that much footage of Sakura-chan."

"I'd like to see that side of you more." said Eriol.

"But how? There aren't many opportunities to misadventure here, that's why Mother allowed me to travel unchaperoned." I chuckled.

"Looks like we'll have to misadventure ourselves then." Eriol mused.

That sounded like fun! "I can hardly wait then!" I was excited, and I meant it. What adventures await Eriol and I, and far, far from away from home?

Journal Entry #4

Evening. I write this somewhat addled, so I hope I still manage to make sense in spite of things.

As I promised Eriol, I joined him for dinner, prepared by his part-time house help. But even before that, he requested that I dress up in something nice for dinner, seeing as I looked so uncomfortable being caught in my morning wear. I was more than happy to oblige. I wore a black strappy dress – the one I always have on standby for dates with more interesting people, and heels with ballet-like ribbons crisscrossed at the ankles. I felt good in it, and I was more than happy to make up for the overly casual outfit I wore that morning.

For what was an ordinary mid-week dinner, it was a lavish affair of steak and mash. Eriol even had the candles in the dining hall lit!

"You don't actually have to do this much to impress me, Eriol-kun." My voice had a touch of humor to it, but I was sure that Eriol knew of how certain I was. "You saw how happy I was with potato waffles and beans."

"Least I could do for being such a sweet guest, Tomoyo-chan." Eriol said. He gestured to a bottle of wine on the table, "Would you like some wine?"

"Oh yes, please."

Eriol poured some wine in a goblet and passed it on to me before serving himself. We started dinner then, which I had nothing but praises for.

"This was all cooked by Anya?" I asked, "The part-time help and cook?"

"Yes. What a find. I also make sure that she is compensated adequately for all her skills."

"And she paired it with that wine? Or that was you, I bet?"

"Ruby Moon, actually. I asked her not to show off tonight, so she had to make up in other ways."

We giggled.

"I will thank her in person then." I said cheerfully, raising my glass to Eriol's. We drank right after, and continued to eat. But I raised my gaze watch him, "But what is this really for?"

"Why would you think that I have an ulterior motive to this dinner, Tomoyo-chan?"

"I may not have the magic that you and Sakura-chan have, but you know full well that I have very keen wits about me. I've also been by your side for three whole weeks." I tilted my head as I looked at him. "You want something from me."

"I won't deny that, Tomoyo-chan. And I'm glad you raised the issue first before I did. I wasn't entirely sure how to broach the topic to you. It's not...fit for the dinner I had prepared, you see."

"In a world that forgets ceremony, I take back what I said earlier. I appreciate the effort." I continued dining, knowing that the sooner we finished, the sooner this little mystery will be over.

"This doesn't just end with the steak, Tomoyo-chan. I also had your favorite strawberry shortcake flown in from Japan this morning."

"Oh!" I was very pleased. "This must be quite a proposal!"

The table was cleared by Ruby Moon after we dined. Eriol asked that the cake, tea, coffee, and another bottle of wine be brought to the sitting room. They did so, and I found it amusing and even more curious that they were strangely quiet. Ruby Moon gave me a wink as she served me the cake, right before she disappeared.

I first helped myself to coffee, wanting to be properly alert for whatever it was Eriol-kun had in store. Eriol had the same.

"I like that you have for the most part, settled into the manor, Tomoyo-chan." Eriol began.

"Thank you for having me, Eriol-kun." I smiled brightly. "I'm glad to be sharing this trip with you, and staying with you is a huge plus."

"But I hear from Suppi and Ruby Moon that you have been bothered by some bumps in the night?"

"Oh, it was strange but not too bothered. I was just worried since you have such a grand house and little security outside of your guardians that there was something unwanted here. If it offended you, I did not mean to do so."

"Oh, on the contrary, I am glad that you raised that issue with them. It's good for guests to be concerned. You'll never know after all."

"So what is it that you really want to say, Eriol-kun?" I asked sweetly.

"Have I ever told you how concerned I was about you when we first met?"

"Concerned?"

"5th grade is a fragile time. You knew I was testing Sakura-chan...and you learned to be keen because you wanted to watch out for her. If there was anyone who could have beat Sakura-chan to finding out that source of magic, it would have been you."

"I always had my suspicions, but it was very hard to make the connection. A schoolboy crush was the best that I could muster." I gave a sigh. "Oh those days."

"How are you and Sakura-chan now, Tomoyo-chan?"

I knew that question wasn't an innocent inquiry. I flared up a bit – that was not his business.

"We'll always be friends." I said simply.

"Did that question pique you?" Eriol asked.

"It did because it's such an obvious query."

"You are friends, but what I want to know... how are YOU now with her, Tomoyo-chan? You know I know more than what you let on."

"I am excited for her and Syaoran to be married after graduation." I know my smile dropped, as I looked coolly at Eriol. "I feel like I'm being taunted for some unknown reason."

"See... I am curious to know how you really feel." Eriol met my gaze, and his hand rose so he could rest his chin against it. "You're very good at hiding your true emotions. I should know, I do that too."

"You didn't need to bait me, Eriol. Not like you stay too long in Tokyo, not with the manor here. Go. Ask."

"How did you deal with not having your feelings noticed or reciprocated by Sakura-chan? And at such a young age at that?"

"It's Japan, Eriol-kun. Female couples are not the most welcome in that culture, and I knew that when I was as young as five. I kissed Sakura-chan when we went to the same preschool. She didn't mind, she was laughing, but she didn't want to kiss me back. A teaching assistant caught me, told my Mother, and I was grounded for a while. That was how I dealt with it, knowing that it was unacceptable – and seeing for myself that Sakura will never see me that same way ever." I sipped my coffee. "See? You only had to ask the right questions."

"Aren't you torn, knowing that you will never be with that someone you truly loved?"

"No. I knew Syaoran would take good care of her. I'm glad that I didn't have to hurt anyone else to protect her. You're lucky they handled you first, and not me." I smiled again by instinct, but it was hardly a friendly one, "I may not have your powers, but I am vicious in my own right."

"Never doubted that for a second." Eriol put away his coffee cup. "I feel that I should be the one to tell you that you can feel the way you do."

"What do you mean?"

"I appreciate formality and ceremony. But the one up side to having been raised here and not in Japan is that I can have a handle on how I truly feel. I don't have to smile as much as you do. I can smile the way I want to."

"I can do that too."

"But you won't, Tomoyo-chan. It's so ingrained in you. I'd like to offer a way for you to cut back and get in real touch with how you truly feel."

"And how?" I asked.

"I must warn you now, it's unconventional."

"How so?"

"Well first..." Eriol cleared his throat. "I would like to dominate you."

"Dominate?" I was curious.

"I feel, I should corner you. I should pin you down, have my way with you, and get you in a position where about 9/10 times you will say Yes. Should you say No, which you can, it is for me perhaps to slow down and get you comfortable before I fully take over once again."

I could feel my eyebrow go up.

"This sounds like you wanting to let me know how you truly feel about me, not the other way around."

"Even just by that admission, it's starting." Eriol gave a soft chuckle. "This will be a partnership, Tomoyo-chan. I will not do anything you wouldn't be willing to do."

"Not meaning to offend, but I can't entirely see what it is you'd like to do. Is there a way you can show me, perhaps?"

"Show you?

"Yes."

Eriol stood up. He straightened out his tie, then went over to where I sat. He knelt before me, then he kissed me. Not on the lips. One kiss on my right, then one on my left. My eyes were open the whole time as he did, and I could feel my heart speed up as he leaned in that close to me. Then suddenly, he whispered, "Rope." And there was a moment of gray and white before there was a gleaming and golden rope in his hand.

"This," He showed me, "Will go around your wrist at first. As I'm handling this card, it can easily extend once I will it." He gave another kiss on my cheek, this time nearer to my ear lobe. I could hear his breath. "See, Tomoyo-chan, this is what I want you to feel...right now... that kind of curiosity, not knowing what will happen next...do you want to see what will happen next?"

I gave a nod.

And sure enough, Eriol started tying my wrists together. His eyes looked deep into mine as he did.

"Just tell me when you'd like to stop, and I will."

I nodded again. I felt like drums were playing somewhere deep in me! This was far from unusual, I had read my share of dirty books and manga after all, but this – and with Eriol on the other end – how far could we go with this?

Eriol secured my wrists with some expert knots. He then brushed my hair back, and one finger traced down my cheek. I gave a gasp as he did, his finger warm against me. His finger trailed down my chin, behind my ears, down my neck. Oh! Would he go there? I wondered, as it also traced down the thin straps of my dress where there should be sleeves. His fingers first ventured behind me, then in front – pausing just before it dipped to my cleavage. His eyes flicked from there to my eyes again.

"Should I continue?" He asked. "You're trembling, Tomoyo-chan. Are you ok?"

I nodded again.

He pressed his thumb against my lips, looking at me kindly even if my wrists were bound together. I felt like I was going to explode. Would there be any of me left if I did? I wondered. Instinctively, I grazed his thumb as he touched me there, affirming. I could see his eyes darken as I did.

His fingers ran over the straps of my dress again, and to the v-neck that covered the top of my breasts. I gave a murmur as he did, and my eyes slid shut, enjoying the warmth of it, the attention.

Then, his hands were on my waist.

"Are you liking that, Tomoyo-chan?" Eriol asked me.

"Y-yeah." I answered, slowly opening my eyes. I felt drowsy with lust.

"See, this usually goes on to more...and most of the time, clothes are taken off. More rope is used, along with other...toys." I could feel him giving a reassuring squeeze to my waist. The contrast between tender and savage was endearing to me, but so very Eriol, come to think of it. "Or, you can keep your clothes on and we can just play. The Rope is a very playful card."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Clow Reed has quite the sense of humor."

"Yes, he does." Eriol smiled, a genuine smile. "You're very relaxed. That's good. So, would you like to continue?"

I gave a nod.

"Just like this, or would you like to go on the next adventure?"

"What's more fun?" I asked.

"Of course, I like it more when clothes are off and bodies are joined. But would you be up for that?" He watched me, then his face grew more serious, "Too much maybe? It's ok if it's just where we are now."

"I actually don't know, Eriol, because..." I swallowed. "I haven't had as much as experience as you, I think."

"Ah."

"But I do know, and feel a kind of warmth down there... and maybe... if it pleases you..." I looked at him straight in the eye. "You can do whatever you like."

Eriol gave a nod, then stroked his thumbs over my waist again. His hands wandered up and down my torso, and he kissed the top of my breasts above the collar of the dress. I could feel the heat grow between my legs as he did so, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. His hands raised to the straps of my dress, and he slowly slipped it off me, revealing my white lacy strapless bra. He tugged the rest of the dress off so I was only in my underwear and my shoes. He took a moment to look at me, his eyes going up and down my body.

"You're like a goddess, Tomoyo-chan," He was almost purring. One hand wandered up and down again, and this time further down my leg. "If I could, I could just keep you in here forever so I'd be the only one to ever lay eyes on you."

And in that hazy moment, if he were serious, I would have said yes.

"Oh!" Eriol was almost mocking as he noticed a growing wetness on the crotch of my panties. "Dear Tomoyo-chan, you just had to say so."

"Well, like I said, you could do as you wish...and I'll only say if I'm not pleased."

He nuzzled my stomach, and kissed it. His tongue traced the top of my panties, which made me whimper. Then I felt his finger trace the outline of my panties, from the top of the leg to underneath, and he slipped a finger under the crotch area.

"Aaaaah..." I breathed, as his finger touched my skin. I moved my body against him, and he gave a pleased murmur as I did. No more tenderness, as he slipped the panty off me. Then he dipped his head, and he gave a lick over my loins. Had I exploded already? I gave a groan as he did and my breasts felt like it was throbbing from the waves of heat within me.

After some time, Eriol pulled away, giving a pleased smack on his lips as he did. "I like finding out what you like." He said cheerfully. And as he did, he ran his thumb over me, feeling a nub in between the folds. I gave a moan as he did so. "For now I'm giving you all this freedom...but soon...I want to see you fight for it..." I gasped as he told me. "I want to see how much you want this, Tomoyo-chan. Because oh you're so hot, writhing against me... and you're so wet..." He was so sure of himself, and I wasn't sure whether I wanted to kiss him, bite him, or even kick him. And almost in answer to what I was thinking, I could feel his finger slide inside me, slowly pumping in and out.

"Ah!" I said loudly, and both my tied hands reached for him but could do little to stop him – not like I wanted to – but I just wanted to really feel him. "So tight..." He hissed. "And you're not in pain, Tomoyo?" He kept moving his finger in and out. I shook my head, and for lack of the words I felt, I gnawed at his earlobe, pleading. "Another one then," He whispered, and another finger joined the one below, and I gave what sounded like a squeal of aroused delight as he did. And he went faster in me, and there was a pinch of pain but mixed in with the pleasurable feeling of his fingers moving in and out of me. I found myself breathing out his name, as if I were in pain, but oh more in pleasure. His fingers moved faster, and I could feel myself on what felt like some kind of edge. Whatever that edge was, I felt like I could fly off it.

I could feel my body still with Eriol's fingers still inside me. One last spurt from me, and I went limp, pleased, relaxed, amazed. Eriol was watching me, and his signature smile was back. He slowly moved his hand from me, and from his pocket he took out a kerchief and wiped himself.

The ropes disappeared from my wrists, and as it did Eriol very gently picked and carried me up as he arranged himself. He was in my seat now, and I was laid across his lap, still naked. I could also feel a bump from between his legs, and I knew that the night was far from over.

"More?" I breathed, my hand reaching out to touch Eriol's cheek. "I can..."

"Then more." Eriol agreed. "No rush, Tomoyo-chan. We have the whole night, and then some."

He gave an affectionate hug. "Remember, here we are partners." His eyes wandered to my wrists, where the braids left an imprint. His fingers touched them, and I could see how pleased he was with his handiwork.

"Why me?" I asked. "I'm hardly the first lady of the manor... and you're quite handsome, Eriol-kun..."

Eriol shrugged. "This isn't something every guest of the manor receives. Just the ones I sensed to be...open-minded. And who are as pretty as you."

"You really are full of surprises." I cuddled against him, listening to his heart as I did.

"We aren't done yet, Tomoyo-chan." He pressed a kiss at the top of my head, amongst my hair as he said that. "It's only the first hour."

"Oooooh." I smiled mischievously. "Yes, let's do more."

"Let's change location. Get your dress, let's head to the room next to this one. It's been kept in good condition, so it doesn't smell musty. Better yet, so you don't lose track of things..." His hand moved behind me and he undid the clasp of my bra.

I gave a giggle at how official-sounding his commands were. I slowly moved up, catching the bra in my hand and gathering up the rest. Eriol stood up as well, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"You first, Tomoyo-chan. I want to watch you walk."

I blushed when he said that, but did as he told me. We entered what looked like a secret door in a room next to the sitting room. It was an old fashioned room with a four poster bed, the token realist painting on the wall... and on another wall... Oh.

On the other wall was what looked like a casing full of grown-up toys. I recognized a whip, and a gag, and some odds-and-ends I was not as familiar with but guessed what it served.

"I see this room serves a specific purpose?" I observed. "For when your magic and cards won't suffice?"

"Sometimes." said Eriol, as he sat himself down on the king-sized bed. "But the magic is more convenient, really."

"How did you find those cards?" I wondered.

"We found some of Clow's belongings, and one was in a dark box with a strange emblem. Clow wasn't always about the protection of the world, he was as much man as he was magician." As he said that, he took out a short black box, "But I make sure to only use this for good. And sometimes, especially in your case, I think we can do away with the toys for now."

He put the box on the dresser table next to the bed, then drew me in.

"I want you, Tomoyo Daidouji." Eriol declared, looking up at me. "I want your sweetness, and I want to really feel you inside."

"Then have me." I said. "Nothing's stopping you."

Eriol kissed the inside of my wrist. "But we'll always be friends, yes?"

"I doubt that will ever change, Eriol-kun. They say when you have someone in your life for seven years, you have them forever."

"You don't want to do this with someone you love?" Eriol asked.

"But I do love you."

Eriol raised an eyebrow.

"I love you like I would a friend. And if there's anything more than that..." I shrugged. It was true. I had left home because I was bored and nothing more sparked my imagination. I had half a mind to try to do a personal documentary on the clow cards and magic, which led me back to Eriol. Purity? Quaint, but I was already over 18 years old and nothing. Besides, I knew that I had enough of my own assets to draw in any man and to easily quash whatever expectations there were of purity. This wasn't something I figured out while with Eriol, it was somewhere there when I saw that my Mother had refused to remarry but liked the company of certain young dashing men.

"Well. Since I am still the one in the lead..." Eriol mused. He drew me in, and kissed me. I kissed him back, enjoying it, loving the feel of his tongue as it explored the inside of my mouth. It was not the stuff of romance, but it was hot. I liked being wanted and hungered for.

"Let's pretend to be lovers." Eriol murmured against me. "Tell me, Tomoyo, tell me how you imagined your first time." He nipped my ears, and continued to trail kisses from my lips down to neck.

I obliged him. "Sooo...a big bed..."

"Check." He cupped a breast in his hand, massaging it fondly. I sighed sweetly as he did.

"...someone handsome...check..." I giggled, and moaned again as he started to suckle my breast. "someone who makes me so very turned on...check..." As he suckled one breast, he started to massage the next. I gave a groan, "I think we're both ready," I moaned.

"Alright." Eriol said. He pulled me forward, and I gave a yelp, surprised. He laid me out under him and straddled me. My hands now freed, I reached out to help him as he pulled off his tie. I became just as fevered with arousal, almost tearing his shirt off him so I could feel his skin in return. Shirt off, pants off, and I took his glasses and set it aside.

I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him deeply. He kissed me back, and I felt his hands wander down to my loins again. I gasped against his kiss as he felt me again, but this time his fingers stayed outside of me, rubbing me. I arched against him as he pressed a certain sweet spot, and I could feel his hardness growing.

"Eriol." I pleaded. I had no words anymore, just want.

"I'm taking it slowly, Tomoyo-chan, so it hurts less." He said reassuringly. He slipped on a condom he somehow had had on him, and positioned himself over me. I could feel his tip nudge my loins, and his organ slowly ease into me. I gave a loud gasp as it did. I could feel it graze something in me.

"Eriol..." I pressed my hands behind his back, my fingers digging in.

"Tomoyo..." He whispered, and I could feel him move. I gave a shudder, adjusting to the new sensation. Then the first thrust, and I could feel a shock. Eriol noticed the sudden jerk I gave, and gave a reassuring whisper, and a nibble on my ear. "Wait for it," He whispered, and gave another thrust.

Suddenly, a flash of pain. I gave a short scream. Eriol hugged me tightly, murmuring words of reassurance. I felt all feeling lost in my legs, then slowly come back.

"You ok?" Eriol whispered.

"Yeah." I breathed. "I didn't imagine that, is all."

"It'll get better." He cooed, as he slowly started moving against me. And as he did, I slowly began to believe him. He pumped in and out of me, and I found comfort in the rocking sensation. Every so often I felt like I could see lights as his rocking against me made me feel that kind of want from earlier. I could only call his name as he did, encouraging him, wanting him to keep on going. I twisted against him, meeting his thrusts, hearing the slick ins and outs of him as the night passed. I probably cursed, or prayed, or whimpered, if only because through the pain, I was with someone. And I was taken care of and in a way, worshipped. I could feel him harden against me. I squeezed against him some more, encouraging him. He came inside me, and I could feel a shudder from him as he did.

He rolled himself to my side, breathing heavily. We held each other's hands as we did.

No words needed. I stretched, not letting go of his hand.

"See Eriol," I said. "You only had to ask nicely."

"Yes, true." Eriol affirmed.

"I'm glad we're friends!" I said cheerfully, and Eriol laughed.

We slept for a bit, and more did follow. But that's for another entry.

To be continued in the next chapter - "The Whip and the Burn".