"I decided to explain why Raleigh isn't in the sequel with Mako, and it got a little out of hand...

Disclaimer: I do not own Pacific Rim. Obviously, since I'm writing my own version of the sequel ;)

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Raleigh wishes the sleet on the window, the drunken yelling at a football game on a glaring TV screen, or the rapidly disappearing brown liquid in his glass would drown out the voices. "He's a has-been… You're gonna get us all killed, and here's the thing, Raleigh: I want to come back from this mission because I quite like my life. So why don't you just do us all a favor and disappear? It's the only thing you're good at."

He came here to try and forget, for a little while. He should have known better. It never worked when it was Yancy in his head. But he thought that was because of the Drift. He shouldn't still hear that cocky Hansen kid, or the Marshal.

"And if I can't get that…then you can go back to the wall that I found you crawling on. Do I make myself clear?"

Pathetic. Washed up. Has-been. Failure.

Those demons should be buried with the Kaiju under tons of Pacific Ocean. He saved the damn world, didn't he? Shouldn't that make him not those things anymore?

The guys here think so. They recognize him from television coverage, he thinks, because the second he came in they were crowding around and offering to buy him drinks. Should have expected this in Seattle, he guesses. He and Mako have been all over the world, but it's always the cities on the Pacific rim who are the most grateful. The ones the Jaegers actually defended. They know how much they stood to lose. People in New York and England and South Africa were polite, but he never felt the same kind of gratitude from them. If we hadn't closed the Breach you'd understand all too well.

It doesn't bother him, really, even if he does think about it. He didn't do this for the praise. He didn't want to be a hero. He just wanted to put the voices in his head to rest. And what did he get for that? Two more of them that won't let him go.

He knows, logically, that he isn't alone. Mako suffers with the same losses and fears he does. He knows because of the nights they've found their way to each other's hotel rooms, sitting up with mugs of tea and silence because what is there to say when you've been inside each other's heads?

Mako is his lifeline, but he feels like he's dragging her down. Far more often it's him that has to seek her out, not her coming to find him. She doesn't need his baggage, him reminding her every day of the people she lost. She needs a fresh start and she'll never get it with him holding on. He can admit it, to himself, he needs her far more than she'll need him. She has a future. She's smart, talented, a hero. She can get any engineering job she wants, anywhere she wants. She can have anyone she wants.

And what's he? Deadweight, just like his screwed-up left arm is now, someone who shouldn't have lived…he shouldn't have, not when her father and Chuck didn't get to. He has less to live for than they did. It should have been him…

It's not until he's outside and half a block away that he realizes he forgot his coat. He almost goes back to get it. He hates the cold.

"Raleigh, listen to me!" Cold rain coming in through the gaping wound in Gipsy's conn pod. Yance being…being torn out and thrown into the storm. Rain and cold and fear and pain and all alone…

"Hey, man, you alright?" He doesn't realize he's sitting on the ground, knees pulled to his chest, gasping for breath and sobbing, until someone's hand is on his arm. He looks up and there's kindly eyes in a dark face…just like Stacker when he was watching Mako… "Do you need me to call someone? A taxi? An ambulance?"

Raleigh realizes what he must look like to this man. With his bleary eyes, only half from the alcohol, half of that redness is sleeplessness; his conspicuously missing coat as he's sitting here soaked and shivering in the rain, the smell of beer and cigarette smoke from the bar, and the way he's breaking down in the middle of the street; it all screams homeless junkie. But I don't have a home, so maybe he's right.

"N-No, I'll b-be okay." No I won't. But nothing you can do for me will make the voices go away. I need them out of my head and no one can do that.He doesn't realize he said that out loud until the man starts backing away, compassion quickly being replaced with fear. As soon as the guy feels like he's a safe distance away, he's going to call the police, or an ambulance, or both. Raleigh needs to be gone.

He gets up, staggering. If he doesn't stay close to the walls he'll walk right into traffic. Maybe he should. Maybe then the voices will stop.

"Raleigh listen to me!" One voice won't. Yance doesn't sound like he did that night in Gipsy, he sounds more frightened now, if that's possible. More urgent. This is the sound Raleigh hears every time he watches blood drip into the sink drain, every time he pulls down the sleeves of his sweaters Mako teases him for wearing in all weather, every time he stares off the edge of a bridge, so much shorter than the Wall, knowing this time he wouldn't even have to undo a safety harness. No one would be liable. No one would care.

Mako would care. Would she feel it, like he did when Yance…when Knifehead…that night? Would half her mind turn into a burning, searing black hole of nothingness that somehow still hurts like hell? Would she wake up screaming? He should have asked Herc what it was like when Chuck died. If he dies, will he hurt Mako? He can't hurt someone else. He has too many ghosts already, and who's to say they won't follow him even when he's dead? They obviously aren't at peace. He's sure he won't be if that's the case.

He could keep walking, not back to the hotel but to somewhere, anywhere, where he can't wreck anyone else's life. Mako will wonder where he's gone, but she won't feel his loss; his death won't scar her mind forever. And sooner or later she'll move on. This is best for everyone. No one else has to get hurt. Only Raleigh, and he can live with it. It's fair enough. He's certainly not innocent in all this. He deserves whatever happens to him. Whether a car slips or doesn't see him in this weather, if he gets sick like Yance always told him would happen if he stayed outside in the rain, if someone decides he's worth killing over the few dollars and the useless PPDC ID in his wallet; it doesn't matter. As long as he doesn't do it himself, Yancy can't blame him. Right? Damn it, now you choose not to answer me.

"Why don't you just do us all a favor and disappear?" It's too late, far too late, but he's going to give Chuck Hansen what he wanted. Maybe that's the only way to get the ghosts to leave him be.

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So, any good? Should I feed it to a Kaiju as soon as possible? Drop me a comment and let me know! (Also if people want, I can make this into a full story instead of a oneshot because I am working on a full storyline for this AU)