A/N: I know it's been done before, but I just wanted to try my hand at it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, including Grease, Sweeney Todd, and Into The Woods (which Mrs. Lovett quotes)

(Scene opens on a ship in London. Note the creepy music and—hey, was that a drop of blood? Yep, sure was. Anyway, on the ship, a very feminine-looking young boy stands looking at London with a hugh dopey grin on his face. Next to him, a mysterious looking man glares at the approaching city.)

Anthony: Look. It's London. The bestest place in the world! Let's do a happy dance!

(Anthony begins to dance. Sweeney glares.)

Sweeney: Anthony, this isn't Grease. Stop dancing.

Anthony: It's not? (pouts)

Sweeney: You are very young and stupid. Life is not all dancing and pretty colours.

Anthony: What are you talking about?

Sweeney: Once upon a time..no, that's not right. There was this really hot girl, like smokin' hot, and this really ugly judge wanted her bad. So he shipped her husband off to Australia for a crime he didn't do

Anthony: Then what happened to the lady?

Sweeney: How should I know? I was in Australia—I mean...no one knows.

Anthony: On the bright side, we're in London! Isn't that great, Mr. Todd?

Sweeney: (sarcastically) Yes, it's wonderful.

Anthony: I can't wait to see everyone! I'm going to send out postcards and IM's and emails, and—

Sweeney: (rolls his eyes) You've spent too much time on this bloody ship

(They make their way off the ship.)

Sweeney: Thanks for pulling me out of the ocean. Now get lost

Anthony: Will I see you again?

Sweeney: Hopefully not

Anthony: What?

Sweeney: I mean, I'll be in Fleet Street.

Anthony: Okey dokey!

(Anthony skips away happily, singing "We Go Together" from Grease. Sweeney zips through London at lightning-speed, and ends up outside of a gloomy pie shop. He enters to find a crazy-looking women beating the crap out of her pies. She looks up.)

Mrs. Lovett: OMGSH!! A CUSTOMER!! DON'T MOVE!!

(She pulls him into a chair.)

Mrs. Lovett: Don't mind me. Times is hard, and I've been so lonely lately that I even started talking to the cockroaches. Of course, they weren't the best conversationalists, so I started talking to the pies. Here you go.

(She gives Sweeney the pie which crawls off the plate.)

Mrs. Lovett: Oh dear. That's the third time that they've done that. (smacks the pie with her rolling pin) There you go, love.

Sweeney: (looking horrified) Umm...thanks? If times are so hard, why don't you rent that room out over your shop?

Mrs. Lovett: People think it's haunted. You see, there was this insanely wicked-hot barber who lived there with his idiot of a wife and their adorable little girl. He was so hot I wanted to bake pies on him. Anyway, this ugly perverted judge had the hots for his idiot wife, so he sent the hot barber to Australia. Then, he told her to come to his house, and bang! Crash! The lightining flashed! And—well, that's another story, nevermind.

Sweeney: What happened then?

Mrs. Lovett: She went to his house, got drunk and he raped her, and then took her daughter in.

Sweeney:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (gasps for breath) OOOOOOOOOOO!!

Mrs. Lovett: You're Benjamin Barker...I knew you were too gorgeous to be anyone else. Come upstairs and I'll give you a surprise.

Sweeney: (eyeing her suspiciously) I'll pass thanks. And the name is Todd. Sweeney Todd.

Mrs. Lovett: Oohhh, sexy name. Now back to the surprise...It's something you love. It's shiiinnnyyyy...

Sweeney: Shiny? Okay then.

(She takes him upstairs and give him the razors. He squeals in delight.)

Sweeney: My friends!!

Mrs. Lovett: You need a life, dude.

Sweeney: I've been in prision, duh.

Mrs. Lovett: Well, you can be my friend.

Sweeney: (to his razors) Who's a pretty set of razors? You are, yes you are. I told you I'd be back.

Mrs.Lovett: Mr. Todd?

Sweeney: (ignoring her, still crooning to his razors) You're so shiny, so smooth, you're so pretty, yes you are. AT LAST!! My arm is complete again!

Mrs.Lovett: When was it not? It always looked whole to me...

(Uber-dramatic music plays and Sweeney laughs evilly)

Sweeney: Mwahahahahahaha (to the reader) That's my evil laugh. I've been practising. What do you think? Mwahahahahahah (coughs) ahahahahahaha...

A/N: Whatcha think? Should I continue or not? Reviews are welcome, flames will be used to bake pies