Disclaimer: Yeah, it seems as if I'm back and ready to make something weird. This is my first non-NaruHina...or so I intended. There will not be any Yaoi or Yuri though. But...Yuri might appear if I'm not careful. Oh yeah, I do not own Naruto."
I struck a deal with my parents, no video games for a year in exchange for computer.
-------------------------
---Proof that Sasuke is gay---
He never spied in the girls' bathing houses and he never dates any of his fan girls (although I kinda know the reason why). He went off to find Michael Jackson's clone and he is obsessed with his "overly sexy" (as said by Sakura) older brother. I used to wonder why, but now I think I know the answer...he is gay. I'm not sure though, but I will have proof... That was what Naruto was thinking as he started his new mission, to find out whether Sasuke is straight or not.
----------
"Oiii, Hinata," Naruto screamed out into the crowd. Naruto spotted pale eyes leaving the crowd. Neji's face appeared."Naruto, you idiot. Hinata has blue, short hair and I have long black hair. She has lavender eyes and I have white. I am not fit to shine her shoes, while she is hot and spicy."
"What..." Naruto said. Neji started stuttering, "W-Well...I d-didn't say that. H-here, 100 dollars...just...you never met me today. B-Buy yourself something..." Neji ran away and Naruto stared blankly. He looked into his hand. "Cool, a hundred bucks. I needed new shoes."
---------
Naruto found Hinata browsing through some pictures. Naruto knocked on her window. "Hinata?" he asked. Hinata was startled as she saw Naruto, shoving the pictures under the bed. "Use the door," she said and Naruto went through the door. Hinata walked up to the door and looked at Naruto. "So...why did you want to find me." Naruto answered, "I need your help to see inside Sasuke's room and find out whether he is gay."
Hinata looked at Naruto innocently. "Wouldn't you rather find out if I'm straight?" she asked him. "I'm pretty sure you aren't. Everytime you look at me, you faint so I think you're allergic to boys or have a boy phobia."
Hinata still looked at him, "I'm straight...and I know a way to show you." She pushed him down onto the bed and unzipped his pants. "H-Hinata what are you doing?"
"Ohh...Naruto...I've always dreamed about this day." She reached under her bed and pulled out a male bondage set and lube, along with pictures of Naruto naked. She caught him and tied him to the bed. "Don't you think...this is a bit too sudden?"
"Yes, so?" she replied. "Are you drunk?" Naruto asked.
"Only a little bit, but I've always loved you, I wanted you to know that." Naruto looked up at Hinata, who was removing her jacket, revealing the perfect curves that were on her body. Well, this isn't too bad, Naruto thought.
"Ohh, and I forgot, I'm video taping this and showing it to my parents. Isn't this great?" Hinata looked strangely happy.
"Ok...now it's bad." Hinata collapsed from drunkness and Naruto was left stuck on the bed. Hiashi walked in, seeing Naruto tied to the bed naked.
"YOU TRIED TO RAPE MY DAUGHTER!" Hiashi screamed out. "No wait, is this whole family drunk?"
"We're always drunk," Hiashi replied, "plus, now that you tried to rape her, I will make you a loli-con (pedophile for little girls) forever. Small girls are tighter, so Hanabi, will you come here please?"
"You have someone new for me to rape? On my birthday too..." Hanabi asked him.
"Yes, you must rape him while I post pictures online."
"OH, THANK YOU DADDY. Let me lick this first and..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
---------
Naruto now had Hinata on his side to find out if Sasuke was gay. "Okay, let's search Sasuke's room for anything weird." Hinata looked at him, "Yes, but remember that anything he has might be gay, we just need to know how."
"Okay, we're ready for infiltration." Naruto looked pleased until..."Shut up, dobe. I'm right behind you." Naruto looked at him, "Hi Sasuke, what do you want?" Sasuke looked at him, "I'm not gay." Naruto looked back. "Then how do you explain," Naruto reached into his pants, "THIS."
"That's my penis." Naruto looked at it, "And an awfully small one at that."
"Shut up."
--------
"Ok, so that plan failed. Hinata, we must go to plan B, spy on Sasuke's activities."
That plan led him to go to the Hokage Tower. "Sasuke, I know you're emo, but you shouldn't try to kill people."
"...I'm not emo..." Sandaime just looked at him. "You don't have to hide it, I was emo too when I was your age. But I know a way to make you happier. Ladies, could you please bring the Vodka?" Tsunade and Shizune walked in with almost nothing on. "I'm only doing this because I owe you 10,000 dollars," Tsunade said.
"I'll do this for free, anytime," said Shizune.
"Oh, Sasuke, could you check up at TenTen's house for some weapons? Our supply is running low."
Sasuke left the building while thinking everyone in the world is an idiot.
Naruto passed by with Hinata, "We can't find out Sasuke is gay the normal way...so, we need to see what he does with...TenTen."
----------------
"It's starting to hurt...LEE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Fine, I'll just take it out now."
Sasuke listened at the door. When he opened it and looked in, Lee had his hand on a pink line in TenTen's hair.
Gum?, he thought.
"Umm...Sandaime asked me to check out on the supply of weapons."
"Ohh...they're fine. Could you leave now?"
"Uhh...yeah sure."
Naruto was listening near the door. "What are you listening to dobe?"
"I just trying to...Hi Sasuke."
"Lee is taking gum out of TenTen's hair. You shouldn't disturb them."
Sasuke walked away and Naruto went into the room. "How'd you get gum stuck in your hair," he asked.
"That isn't gum, that was my condom."
"Oh..."
Hinata smiled, "May we join you?"
"HOW YOUTHFUL!!"
Gai bursted through the door. "DID ANYONE SAY YOUTHFUL?"
"THEY WANT TO JOIN OUR ORGY, ISN'T THAT YOUTHFUL?"
"IT IS."
"I'm leaving now..." said Naruto.
------------
"Sorry, Mom, doing the dishes is too troublesome."
"YOU WILL DO THE DISHES RIGHT NOW!"
"Moving off the chair is too troublesome."
"Isn't breathing too troublesome?"
In an instant, Shikamaru started to suffocate. Sasuke came by. "But for some reason, sex with Temari isn't too troublesome?"
"Nothing beats sex."
"I see..."
---------
Kiba and Chouji were at the park, having their usual arguement.
"YOU CAN'T EAT AKAMARU!"
"WHY IS THAT?"
"I WANTED TO EAT HIM!"
The first line was said by Chouji and the second was Kiba's.
"Split him down the middle and we can have a share." Akamaru was tied down to the floor and unable to move.
"What do you think? Barbeque or Stew?"
"Who cares, I'm getting hungry."
Sasuke said to them, "Akamaru is mine." He freed Akamaru and took him to the Uchiha plaza. "You would look better stuffed with gravy."
--------
It's the end of the day and I've come to a conclusion, Naruto though as he lay in his room. Hiashi is a child pornographer, Hanabi is a child pornstar, Hinata is in love with me, TenTen and Lee love sex, Chouji and Kiba like's dog food (made with real dog), Shikamaru is perverted, Shizune is a slut, Tsunade is a whore, the Hokage is a perverted emo, the whole Hyuuga family is completely drunk, Neji's incestrous and still no proof that Sasuke is gay.
------
Naruto started to take a shower, and didn't notice as Hinata walked into the shower stall. "You owe me," she whispered seductively as she took out some ropes.
"Not again..."
Naruto also didn't notice a boy staring through the peep holes in his shower.
----
Sorry, the crack dealer next door got to me.