You know what is pain. It's the feeling of no return for your guilt and actions. I used to say that a broken heart does not exist but now I know it does even if you bring it on yourself. It's all the same story all the time; you know this guy you love him but feels it's never enough until you do something stupid to push him away and than you realise that he mean the world to you. But it's to late, to late to control any damage, to put out any fires; the bridge across you two is burnt he hates you or think you are a bitch or simply does not ever want to talk to you again but you cant stop telling him how much you care. You make yourself seem psychotic, a crazy bitch and you push him further and further away. After a year and a half you realise you have to let him go. You do until you see him again. All the feelings come back again like an unwanted toy. All this time you tell yourself he really never loves you but just seeing him you think otherwise. The guilt, the pain comes back and your heart become two again. You battle with tears every night, you can't think stright and like before your whole world falls apart. You keep telling yourself why, why did it have to be me? Why wont he love me again? But you know it can never be again. Former lovers can never sow their relationship if the memory to one is bitter. It's true first love always stuff you up. But one day you will meet the guy who be the one for you, your air, your sun and the moon. He'll balance your sky and make you feel like the most loved girl in the world and the memories of your used to be slowly fades away; but he will always take a place in your heart like a tattoo.
You can help but wonder why is that all the people you love always runs away from you. You feel frustrated that you can even keep the people you love without lying to them and yourself; you try, but there's a tattoo on you that can't be removed without pain. It like a coat of paint, you paint that paint over the real you so that you can hide because you are afraid, and you know that people prefer the happy-go-lucky girl, the one unaffected by others, and that slowly eats the real you up, because you try so hard to make that sad part of you slowly brunt to ashes But you stuff up, you stuff up your cover because you find it hard to lie to somebody you love. Too late, he already knows you are lying, and he's sick of you. You try to explain but he says, "That's why you should be out of my life."
Heartaches. What do they mean? They sound all so mushy and corny like in those sad love stories. But those words he said, "that's why you should be out of my life", hurts. You can't explain the pain. You turn time back to fix your wrong but it's impossible to stop time. Those words will always run through your head, no matter how hard you try to erase it, like those happy memories that burn the inside your head. It's like an ever-burning fire.
We all have someone we love; we all have someone who scared us for good and for worse.
Everyday you'll miss him like crazy. The pain is harder to take. You can't stop thinking about him because you love him and feel guilty for all the thing you have done to him even thought you know he is wrong and the one to blame for not loving you enough to forgive you. You keep telling your self that he is not the one because he didn't feel the pain when you left each other for good. When you told him, he never asked you if that's what you really want because he doesn't want it. He never pleaded you to come back to him because he loved you so much. It was only his worlds that made you feel that he loved you. He didn't truly love you he only though he did because you said you loved him. All the things he said to you, he wasn't feeling it truly. He said it because he just though he was feeling it, he though is was his real feelings weren't it clearly wasn't because of his actions in the end when you decided for one crazy minute that she couldn't do it anymore, she was sick of hiding herself. But she never realised what would happen in the end; that the person she loved never really loved her he was just thinking she was a crazy bitch with no self dignity.
When he meets her again he is going to realise that she is not all that she was. I hope. If he really loved her.
The pain inside my heart well is there until I can forget him and all the memories I had, its hard because I love him to much. I'm so stupid. Stupid for loving him, stupid for not listening to others and stupid for getting in to deep.
I cant help it even though I try to I cant erase the memory of him. He close yet so far. If God would just give me one more chance, I would have wished for him not coming into my life because in the end it cause me pain.
How can he forget me so easily? He seems happy when I'm not. Doesn't he miss me at all? Those time you said you loved me had an empty meaning. You never meant it like I did.