Yay! Sequel's out! This was published way earlier from what I had originally planned, that's because I was really bored today and decided to just type a chapter of this story. But updates might be slower after this because I'm going on vacation and not coming back till August. I'll try to update as often as I can before I leave. I didn't really do anything with Zetsu in my last story, so this chapter is all about Zetsu! Read and review

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Naruto

Cannibal Plants Do Not Exist!

Never Tell Zetsu he is Cannibal, He is Not and Will Bite Anyone Who Tells Him That

Its been about two months since the intruders, everything's been peaceful, well as peaceful as it can ever be in the Akatsuki. But that peaceful streak was broken today, it involves me and our mysterious "plant" member, Zetsu. I never knew what Zetsu was capable of until today. It went a little like this: I woke up normally, like I would any other day. Looking forward to another quiet day, I hopped out of bed to get ready. After breakfast, I was heading over to Leader-sama's office, looking for a mission(That old carrot top finally decided to allow me missions.) I stood in front of his door and reached for his doorknob. The moment I touched it, Tobi yelled "Zetsu-san ate the mailman!". I was so close! It's like somebody didn't want me to get a mission. Wait..What did Tobi say again? Zetsu...ate the mailman? As my mind processed what I just heard, I stood there, with a WTF look on my face, fingers still on Leader-sama's door. I was spacing out and lucky for me, Hidan happened to be walking down the hallway. He just had to stop and poke my side.

"Oi! Earth to little bitch" He yelled in my face. Sigh, Hidan was being rude, as usual. I blinked then snapped out of my trance. Frowning, I kicked him where the sun don't shine and instantly he did a double flip in the air and landed on the floor in pain, mumbling some very colorful swear words. I'm not kidding, he seriously flipped in the air. Twice! At this rate, he could join the gymnastics team. Forget the Akatsuki, he got gold medals to win! I didn't feel sorry for him at all. It sort of became part of our daily routine. Hidan insults me, I kick his ass, he cries in pain then swears at me, I swear at him, few hours later we sit together at lunch and continue being the great friends we were(not really).

I decided to investigate the truth about Zetsu. Everyone grab you detective gear and let's get going! First: we interrogate the witness, Tobi.

Finding Tobi wasn't hard, he's almost always where Deidara is. I walked over to Deidara's room and flung open the door. Who cares about knocking? I have important business to attend to. Sure enough, Tobi was in Deidara's room...playing with his hair? He spotted me and looked at me with the cutest puppy dog eyes and mouthed 'help me'. Awww, who could resist those eyes.

"Oh, Kirina-chan! Tobi is making Sempai look pretty. Do you want to help?" That's a hard question to answer, help Tobi humiliate Deidara, or help my crush get rid of Tobi? I like the first choice better.

"Sorry, Dei-Dei but helping Tobi sounds way more fun."

"Why, un. I thought you loved me!"

"I do, but I just love your hair more than you."

"That hurt, un. That hurt deep in my heart." He said pretending to sound hurt.

"Well too bad. Today is just one of those days." I hopped on his bed next to Tobi and worked on braiding a part of his hair. I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Oh well, I'm sure it wasn't too important. I was halfway done with my second braid when Tobi spoke up.

"Kirina-chan, Tobi likes your clothes. They look like a detective. I paused, remembering what I was doing here in the first place.

"Tobi! Stop right now, I have to ask you some questions, let's go!" I pulled him out of the room leaving behind a confused but grateful Deidara.

I pushed Tobi into a dark room and shined a flashlight under his face. He was shaking like a mad puppy.

"Tobi, do you remember what you said this morning after breakfast?"

"No, Tobi doesn't know."

"Something about Zetsu."

"Oh! Tobi said Zetsu-san ate the mailman."

"Would you mind telling me, how the hell does Zetsu eat a mailman."

"Zetsu-san eats mailmans all the time, he also ate the garbage man, milk man, Sempai's arm, Leader-sama's mom..." He continued listing off random people that Zetsu ate, at this point I was getting kinda creeped out. Who eats humans for a living?

"Enough!" I hissed in a spooky way enough to make a child wet his pants.

"Ki-kirina-chan, Tobi is a good boy...but Tobi went potty in his pants." Wow, I actually got that right. I ran swiftly out of the room before the smelly odor can spread. Okay, note to self, never speak in that voice ever again. Task one is finished. The next thing on my list: Talk to Zetsu.

I found him in his garden talking to a flower.

"Hello, my lovely darling. I ate a mail man today...What's that you say? Oh, you feel lonely? That's okay, I'll kiss you better." Then, he started snogging the poor flower like there was no tomorrow. Ew, I'm about to hurl.

"Um, Zetsu-san?" He quickly detached his face from the plant. If plants could blush, he'd look like the ripest tomato on Earth.

"What is it?" he hissed menacingly. I flinched in surprise.

"I heard from Tobi today that you ate a mailman. So I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"Are you a cannibal?" He looked furious. Was it something I said?

"What. The. Hell. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"Are you cannibal? You eat human flesh."

"How am I cannibal. Cannibalism means eating flesh of your own kind."

"Really because you're wrong, cannibalism means eating human flesh."

"Oh, well then, does this make me cannibal?" He started chasing me around the garden trying to bite my head off.

"Ahh! Stop! Don't eat me, please! I'm sorry!" He still continued his chase.

"Ok, ok. How about this? Let's goo ask leader." He stopped and considered it for a moment.

"Maybe we should go." His white side said.

"No, Leader-sama will be very annoyed with us bothering him."

"He won't care."

"Still, no."

"You just want to go back to kissing Lily."

"Shut up! Like you don't want to."

"I really don't. I prefer rose over Lily."

"Don't say that out loud! You'll hurt her feelings."

"sigh, are we going or not."

"Fine, let's go." They headed out the door with me behind them.

Knock, knock.

"Enter." We both entered and stood.

"State your business."

"We have a little problem. So this morning Tobi said that Zetsu ate a mailman and so I was like 'what?' Then I went into Deidara's room to look for Tobi and found him playing with Deidara's hair. After that, I joined in, then in the middle of it I remembered that I was supposed to talk to Tobi then I dragged him into a room asked him some questions and made him wet himself. And then I went to the garden and found Zetsu making out with some plant and I asked him if he was a cannibal, he said no and started chasing me. After that and another 'Zetsu to Zetsu argument' we decided to see you!" I finished with a deep breath. Leader still looked as bored as usual.

"So?"

"So what do you think?" Zetsu asked.

"Of what?"

"Am I cannibal?

"I don't care." Just then, an idea came to mind.

"Oh, oh, Zetsu. I have an idea! I'm gonna make a survey and ask members, if they think that you're a cannibal or not."

"Do what you want. Tell me when you're finished."

I sped off and made a chart labeled Is Zetsu A Cannibal? And put two columns, yes and no. I asked Kisame and Itachi first, since both their rooms were right across from me. They were both gathered together in Itachi's room.

"Hey, Kisame-san, do you think that Zetsu is cannibal?" He thought for a moment and said yes.

"What about you Itachi-san?"

"Hn" I looked at Kisame for help.

"He says that he doesn't care." I frowned, that's not going to help me.

"Can you please tell me it's really important...I'll give you some Sasuke pictures." His eyes widened and he nodded yes.

"Is that a yes, you'll help me or a yes, Zetsu is cannibal?"

"Hn."

"He said it's yes for both."

"Awesome." I took the pictures from my pocket and threw it to him. In the hallway I bumped into Konan.

"Hi, Konan-chan. Do you thaink Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"Um, I don't think so. Isn't cannibal when you eat flesh of the same species? Zetsu isn't human so it doesn't make him cannibal."

"Okay, thanks." She has a point, but I'm not giving up yet! In the living room, three members were gathered there watching some Pokemon marathon. I went up to Hidan first.

"What do you want bitch, I'm watching TV"

"What I want, asshole, is an answer from you. Do you think that Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"That plant face? Hell yeah!" Tobi was next.

"Tobi same question, do you think that Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"No, Tobi thinks that Zetsu-san is really nice and not a cannonball"

"It's cannibal. Whatever, so its a no?"

"Yes."

"Wait, yes?"

"No!"

"Yes, no what?"

"NO, TOBI DOESN'T THINK THAT ZETSU-SAN IS A CANNONBALL!"

"Okay, I got it. Sasori-san, what do you think?"

"My answer is the same as Tobi."

"Okay, thank you." Ugh, Kakuzu is next.

"Kakuzu-san can I ask you a question?"

"$5"

"If you don't answer I'll tell your secret to everyone." he looked surprised for a moment.

"you mean the secret where I buy teddy bears and secretly ship it to my 5 year old son?" So thats what the bears are for!

"Um, yeah that."

"Ok fine! I'll answer your stupid question!"

"Ok, do you think Zetsu is cannibal?"

"Yes! Yes I do. Now please get out and keep my secret!"

"Okay, bye." I walked across the hall to Deidara's room and opened the door without knocking, it's not like he cares. Inside, he was taking a nap. Aww how cute, sucks for him though, he's gonna wake up right about now.

"Deidara! Wakey wakey!" He shot straight up.

"What the hell,un."

"I need to ask you a question."

"I won't answer."

"Why?"

"You made me mad, un."

"Well what do you want?"

"I got a boo-boo today."

"Interesting. And?"

"Kiss it better, un."

"Sigh, if I do will you answer my question?" He nodded.

"Fine where's your little owie?" He pointed to his mouth. Great, I totally fell for it. I leaned in a gave him a quick kiss.

"Hey! That was too short, un."

"Too bad, now answer my question: Do you think Zetsu is a cannibal?"

"Zetsu? Yeah, un. He ate my arm once!"

"Ok, thanks. Bye!" I left and went back to the garden.

"Hey, Zetsu-san, I got the results!"

"How was it?"

"5 people voted yes and 3 no. Akatsuki speaks! Zetsu you are officially a cannibal!" Zetsu narrowed his eyes and said

"Kirina-chan, I advise you to lock your door tonight and don't go to sleep. We will be watching." He turned and left. I don't think that tonight's sleep will be peaceful at all. Maybe I should sleep with Deidara tonight...

And that's my story about today. That is also why I'm carrying my pillow and blanket over to Deidara's room at 1 in the morning. Sneaking in, I placed my next to his and crawled in next to the sleeping figure beside me. He turned around and sleepily asked me what I was doing in his room.

"I kinda pissed Zetsu off today and he's gonna come find me at night, so I decided to sleep with you."

He murmured 'oh', wrapped his arms around my waist and went to sleep. Ah, I feel so much safer. In your face Zetsu!

And that was the end of the first chapter. This was long! As you can see, this story doesn't have a list. I don't know how long I want it to be so it can be as short as five chapters or as long as five hundred! No, I'm not really gonna make it that long! Just for the fun of it, I'm making a poll about Zetsu! Check it out if you have the time. Thanks for reading! Bye!

*JD if you are reading this, you should make a FF account if you could! That way, I can reply to your reviews and we can talk about Deidara all day long mwahaha!...JK about that last partXD*