Chuck Norris Vs Cthulu
The man picked his way through the ruins of the city. Any normal man would not have made it this far, but not this man.
This man was as strong as a mountain, as fast as an eagle, This man was CHUCK NORRIS!
To get to this city was not easy. First was the swim, nearly 9400km from the nearest island. But that was easy. Chuck circumnavigated the world on foot as a morning exercise.
But what was a little harder was finding out where the city was. But even that mental gymnastics was easy for a man who had the mental power to hypnotise a bear. And such mental prowess made it easy for him to find his way through the maze like city of R'lyeh.
Chuck made it to the centre of the city in a couple of hours (he had taken it slow to enjoy the architecture). He was presented by a huge statue of his prey, Cthulu. Chuck felt the maddening presence of the old one creep up his feet into his chest and then his brain. A normal man would have opened his veins in an instant, But as we have previously discussed Chuck Norris is not a normal man.
The huge pool in the centre of the square began to bubble as ''something'' rose from it's depths. The huge tentacled head of Cthulu broke the water's surface just before his wings. They were small and looked almost useless considering the huge bulk they were suppose to support. The first of his huge feet and legs sashed against the jet black slabs of the city square.
"Who dares disturb my slumber?" The voice of Cthulu drove spears into Chuck's brain and drove him near to madness.
"I do." Chuck tried to conceal the fact that his brain was near to giving out from the baleful presence of the dark god. "I am here to end you and your cults forever."
"Bring it."
At the challenge Chuck jumped at Cthulu to give him one of his signature round house kicks. But he was met with a wall of tentacles that grabbed his legs, arms and neck. He was immobilised.
"You could never beat me. I have been a meme a lot longer than you." Cthulu laughed a spine breaking laugh.
"A what?"
"Never mind." Cthulu laughed again. Chuck felt himself move towards Cthulu's mouth.
Then all of a sudden both heard a loud roar from the pool bellow them. Chuck looked down to see a shadow moving at speed towards the surface.
Then a long black horn pierced the surface of the water and straight through Cthulu's heart. The scream that followed nearly sent Chuck over the precipice of insanity.
He fell to the floor as the tentacles of the old one withdrew to bellow the dark surface of the water.
"Who are you?" He asked his rescuer.
It answered with a voice like spun gold "I. Am a Narwhal."
Chucks mouth fell open at the revelation. He should have guessed, It's huge white bulk and kick ass facial horn should have been a dead give-away.
"How did you beat the old one Cthulu?"
"You forget Chuck. I am a Narwhal, A Jedi of the sea. I am trained to stop Cthulu eating people."
Chuck was dumbstruck.
"Now I must be away." and with that he hopped of down the main street using his tail as a leg.
Chuck soon recovered his sanity and began to long trek back to Texas and his ranch safe in the knowledge that Cthulu would never rise out of his prison if a single Narwhal was on earth to stop him.
The End