Shepard blinked, trying to focus. The last thing he remembered was...

it was the celebration in Afterlife. They'd just returned through the Omega 4 relay, docked at Omega, and everyone had dispersed, taking a day to enjoy being alive, before returning to the ship, and their war with the Reapers.

How that had ended up with him laying here, in an obviously posh bedroom, he just didn't remember. In fact, there were several things bothering him about this situation. He was almost naked, the air moving across his body indicating that the only thing preserving his modesty were his boxers. He had a massive erection, but no clue as to why. There was also something in his mouth. It didn't have a taste, but he couldn't close his mouth around it, and he couldn't spit it out. He reached for his mouth, only to realize that his arms were restrained above his head.

The noise he made testing the restraints meant that he didn't notice the sound of bare feet coming towards him, but he wasn't making enough noise to miss the low chuckle coming from the area behind the headboard that he couldn't quite see. "Those restraints were designed to hold a Krogan in heat, John. Please, don't hurt yourself trying to escape." Her voice was familiar, but he just couldn't place it. "I am glad you're finally awake, you were out a full day longer than I thought you'd be. I suppose I shouldn't just mix drugs and expect them to work exactly as advertised."

As she'd continued speaking, she'd been walking closer, and it was just as he'd placed her voice that she had come into view. It was al-Jilani. Khalisah al-Jilani, that bitch of an ambush journalist. She was also naked. This... wasn't going to end well. "You know, John, I find you very attractive. If you'd only played along, you could have had this," and she gestured towards herself, "without the chains and drugs."

She started walking towards the foot of the bed, putting her hand on his shoulder, and slowly trailing it down his body as she continued her monologue. "But no, you had to get clever, and embarrass me in front of my audience."

"So here we are. You, tied up, and with enough synthetic viagra in your system that I doubt you have more than a liter of blood in the rest of your body, and Me, with enough cameras recording this to live for the rest of my life selling footage of the 'Hero of the Citidel's' first starring role in porn."

"Well, this answers one long-standing question anyway," she said, sliding the tips of her fingers down along the iron bar pinned against his thigh. "I would have guessed you dressed to the left."

It was at this exact instant that Shepard mentally surrendered. Cybernetically enhanced or not, you just don't fight a woman who has her fingernails stroking along your dick. Not if you want it to remain attached, anyway.

"Hmmm," al-Jilani purred, as her hand continued down Shepard's leg. "I don't think this is going to be much of a chore for me, John. Even if you don't know how to use this, I think I'll be able to have some real fun." She stopped and turned towards him. "Well? Are you ready for your close up John?" She swung her leg over him, straddling his shins, and reached for the waistband of his boxers. "Time for the big reveal."

As she slowly pulled the boxers down towards herself, Khalisah realized that even from her touch she'd been underestimating the size of Shepard's 'weapon'. It was incredibly thick, heavy with blood, and was pressing upwards with enough force that she was surprised that the fabric of his boxers hadn't torn. It was also, much, much longer than she'd originally thought. She'd pulled his boxers down several inches at this point, and the end was nowhere in sight.

Khalisah leaned forward in anticipation, unintentionally exhaling, driving Shepard beyond all mental control. At this exact moment there was a loud banging at the door to the suite, and an angry voice shouting. Khalisah startled, and jerked her hands back, accidentally finishing the job she'd started on his boxers. John's cock sprang up, finally free of its cloth prison and struck her directly in the eye. She jerked back from the surprise attack, overbalanced, and fell back into the footboard, hitting it with the back of her head in unison with the sound of a strong door giving up the ghost.

"Shepard, are you alright in there?" shouted Garrus. "There's noise in the bedroom, Garrus," said Tali, already heading towards where her Captain was restrained. "Oh, Keelah." Tali whipped back around, not wanting to see any more than she already had, as Garrus stepped by her to take in the scene: Shepard naked, on his back, tied down and with an erection to shame a Krogan, and al-Jilani naked, sprawled across the foot of the bed, and with a quickly forming black eye.

'Oh, fuck.' Shepard thought. 'It would just have to be these two to the rescue. So much for hoping to keep this quiet.'

It was a few minutes of awkward silence before Garrus spoke. "Wow, Shepard, I thought you were still trying the 'polite diplomacy' route with these reporters. I can understand why you didn't want to explain the other tricks in your repertoire, though. It doesn't look like either of you have much in the way of flexibility."

[A.N. - This is a slightly re-edited response to this prompt "Khalisah al-Jilani decides to get revenge on Shepard so she kidnaps him/her and shows Shepard how she always gets what she wants", and this sub-prompt "As long as she still gets a punch to the face" on the kink meme. It stars one of my almost pure paragon sheps. It's the first thing I've ever written, and I think it's a bit rough, so criticism is welcome, just be gentle please, I bruise like a peach.]