A/N: I do not own Hetalia or any of the songs used in this fanfic. More info at the bottom. Enjoy! :D
"So Stephen, dude you ready to play for us?" America shouted as he smacked Stephen's back. "Sure, but who exactly is 'us'?" he asked. "I wasn't told much about who I would be playing for"
"Hahahahaha No worries dude! It'll be me, Iggy, France-y Pants, Russia and his sisters, the Italies, Spain, the Germans, the Nordics, EVERYONE!"
Stephen just stared at the blonde man in front of him, he had played for strange people before, but half of those names where the same as countries.
"Attention, The HERO! Has brought the singing comedian dude!" America shouted has they entered meeting room. "His name is Stephen Lynch and he's from my place!" Stephen just stared at America, he had never met the man before in his life and he was already saying that they were living together! What the hell type of people are they!
"Hello Everyone, as 'America' said my name is Stephen and this is my first song."
Stephen started play a fast and dark sounding beat on his guitar.
"Ever since first man has walked this earth I have been here"
his voice roughened and scared the Italies who hid behind their respective boyfriends. ("I'm NOT scared" the elder shouted)
"To whisper seeds of doubt and evil thoughts into his ear
I am beast, the outcast angel fallen from on high
I go by many names but there is one you can't deny"
His eyes shifted amongst the people before him most staring dumbstruck; America looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"My name is Satan"
He sang, his voice high and girly. The music changed from dark and threating to light and happy. America started laughing and so did the others just from the quickness of Stephen's transformation.
"Hi Everybody!
Ahh let me tell you a little about myself
My friends all call me 'old scratch' and I am a Capricorn
My turn on's are romantic walks and killing the unborn
I've got little devil horns, and a little Goatee
Little devil eyes to help a little devil see
Little cloven hoofs that make it kind of hard to ski
I'm Satan"
Stephen continued. By now more countries had joined in on America's uproarious laughter, Sweden's face was priceless as he laughed along with the other Nordics. Italy had stopped hiding and was desperately whispering to Germany "he doesn't really kill the unborn does he? Germany?" Germany was clearly shaking trying to hold in his laughter.
Some countries where still shocked by what Stephen was singing. Japan just stared, eyes as wide as saucers and his jaw on the floor.
"Or Mephistopheles for some. I don't know
My real name is Beelzebub, but you can call me Beelz
I love to watch Fox news and then go club some baby seals
Then I'll take a bubble bath and drink a zinfandel
Try to wash off that baby seal smell
And then I'll make a toast to me
'Hey here's to my hell-th'
My name is Satan"
In the crowd Italy was now saying "He doesn't really club baby seals does he?" Germany had given up trying to hide his laughter, Japan was even more frightened of the man than before. Spain had found it hilarious and was laughing along with Prussia and France. England just stared at Stephen and America, trying to find out what in the world his former charge listened to.
"To carry on my evil ways I went and had a son
And now he makes his living as a singing comedian
I'm in every Zeppelin album
I'm in all Rush Limbaugh's rants
I'm the reason that the Boston Red Sox even had a chance
And if I want to eat your soul,
I'll just throw it on a griddle
I don't need to a make a deal
I don't need to tell a riddle
And fuck Charlie Daniels I don't care if he can fiddle
I'm Satan" Stephen's playing became very country and his voice became deep
"The Devil went down to Georgia, He was looking for a soul to steal" After this it changed back to light and happy.
"That's fucking bullshit because I wouldn't be caught dead in Georgia
Ok it's, like, Oh My God!
666!"
The second to last line sent Lithuania over the edge as he pointed at Poland, tears streaming down his face. The countries who had been laughing had stood up to applaud the man.
"Thanks guy, you ready for the next one?" Cheers erupted from the standing nations. "Okay, there are some things that I find really important, First is Friendship, I might sing about that later. But what's even more important is, Family. Yeah that's right family. I grew up with my grandfather who took ill very recently…"
America who had been to many of his shows knew what was coming and let out an over enthusiastic "Whoo!" England slapped him across the back of the head. "Well FUCK You! Who cheers at that? Thank you for cheering my grandfather's terminal illness" Stephen laughed as he began to play a slow and peaceful song.
"When grandfather dies life will be strange
When grandfather dies my whole world will change
When grandfather dies I'll scream and I'll yell."
Italy immediately felt sorry for the man, he remembered his own nonno he missed very much, and even though Romano would never admit it he kind of missed Rome too.
"Because I'll be fucking rich as hell
So grandfather die! Don't keep my in suspense
So grandfather cough up that inheritance
So grandfather don't hold on another day
I love you to death but I gots bills to pay"
Italy then hated this man 'Who would want their nonno to die? Even if they were going to get a lot of money?' Romano was laughing his ass off. Spain just stared as his pequeno tomate as he cried from how hard he was laughing. America was in the same place as Romano and the Nordics too were laughing. Greece had fallen asleep during the first song and had been leaning against Japan. He now stirred a bit and let out a small laugh.
"A stroke would be nice
Disease would be cool
I'll scatter his ashes in my new swimming pool
I'll party with Hef I'll dine with the Queen
Now what say we unplug that machine"
England just stared at the man, Stephen's eyes had gone wide when he said he'd dine with the Queen, he didn't know who this 'Hef' person was but there was no way this bloody wanker was getting anywhere near the Queen.
"Now grandfather die!Before the fiscal year
Oh grandfather I wish Kevorkian were here
Oh grandfather fly Just take your final bow
Oh grandfather, die Family hates you anyhow
For God's sakes you must be as old as the sun
Your social security number is 1
You're deaf, dumb and blind, and an amputee
You donate your blood every time that you pee
Your arthritis acts up whenever it rains
You're so old you penis has varicose veins
Oh, why don't you die grandpa?
Why must you fight?
You old motherfucker just walk towards the goddamn light
Walk toward the light old man
Walk toward the light old man
It's all over now
My granddad's dead
A mysterious blow
To his wrinkled old head
Before I collect, a small oversight
But everything should work out alright
I'll start working on my grandma tonight"
More cheering erupted from the nations, Italy still didn't seem to get why these songs where funny and seemed to vehemently hate the man. Romano was cheering loudest for the last song. Greece rolled over in his sleep a smile still on his face. Sweden and Finland shared a smile as they both thought how happy they were that they left Sealand at home that day. Russia was even laughing, Belarus was smiling as she clung to her dear brother's arm, and Ukraine was wiping her eyes as she calmed down.
"I think I'll do two more songs before I take my leave" Stephen said as the crowd quieted down. "I've noticed that a lot of you are great friends and it reminds me of my best friend, who was a little…special. Here is the song that I wrote about him" Stephen began to play a fast beat.
"When I was a boy of 10, I had a very special friend
Ed was kind, with good intent
But just a little different
Oh, special Ed
his Mama mama dropped him dropped him on his head
Now he's not so bright instead
He's a little bit special
Just a little bit special
We'd play tag, and he'd get hurt
I'd play soldier, he'd eat dirt
I liked math, and the spelling bee
Ed liked talking to a tree
Oh, special Ed
his Mama dropped him on his head
Now she keeps him in the shed
Cause he's a little bit special
Just a little bit special.
I ran track, hung out in malls
Ed ran headfirst into walls
I had girls and lots of clothes
Ed had names for all his toes
special Ed
Mama dropped him on his head
Now he thinks he's a piece of bread
Cause he's a little bit special
Just a little bit special.
I thought college life was great,
Ed could count from one to two.
I liked people and the party scene
Ed was scared of the vacuum cleaner.
Oh, special Ed
his Mama dropped him on his head
Now he thinks he can drive his bed
Cause he's a little bit special
Just a little bit...
one day talking to special Ed
He grabbed a brick and he swung at my head
And as he laughed at me that's when I knew
That special Ed just made me special too.
Japan knew that it was wrong to laugh but he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle thinking that this guy deserved it
I'm strong as Hulk, my shoes hurt!
Now I laugh as I count bugs
I give strangers great big hugs
Next to me Ed is fine
Yeah he's a fucking Einstein
Oh, Special Ed (and me)
Now we're not right in the head (you see)
Now we're not so bright instead
We're a little bit special
Just a little bit special
That fucker Ed made me special
Just a little bit
Just a little bit ... special"
Stephen's audience was cracking up as they all heard parts that reminded them of the others around them. A smile even graced Japans face, before he shook it off because it was so inappropriate.
"This next one is more interactive. As I'm sure you've all guessed by now in addition to comedy clubs and university shows I do a lot of elementary schools." No one believed him his show so far wasn't exactly 'family friendly' they stared and Stephen looked backed shocked " I'm serious, kids fuckin eat this shit up they love it. And I usually play for little 5 and 6 year olds at their assemblies and I play for the little chitlens, yes I said chitlens, I like to be not only funny but also informative, and I think I make a pretty good role model. I like to give them advice and what I say is
'kids…kids…kids when you grow up you can be anything in the world you want to be, it's true you could be a doctor or a lawyer or an astronaut or the president of the united states of America, even a superhero. Wouldn't that be fucking' great to be a super hero. If you could be a super hero who would you be Batman, or Superman, or Spiderman or Wonder-Woman for some of you guys, I don't know or you could make up one of your own. Let's do that kids let's make some fucking superheroes!' " Stephen began playing his guitar "just let me think of one here okay
" If I could be a superhero I would be awesome man.
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my awesome plan"
"That doesn't sound like a bloody superhero you wanker!" England shouted. "That sounds like stupid America!"
"the un-awesome tea-sucker is wrong!" Prussia shouted " That does sound like a super hero! And it's not that un-awesome America! It's Me"
"That's where your wrong potato Bastard #2, he said 'Awesome' which you're not" Romano
"ahh Lovi~! That's not nice, Gil is my friend." Spain cooed
"Shut up Tomato Bastard!" and from here the meeting turned into a normal meeting with all the nations yelling at each other: America, France and England had all begun fighting, Greece slept on not noticing the change in the topic, the Nordics where still trying to calm down from the previous songs, Prussia and Spain poked at Romano as they thought of how 'Special Ed' reminded them of Romano, and Italy sat there wanting Stephen to continue his super hero song because it had been the only one that hadn't angered the sweet tempered Italian. As Stephen snuck out Germany stood as he usually would. "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! WE ARE BEING VERY RUDE TO OUR GUEST WHO HAS TAKEN TIME OF HIS SCUEDULE TO ENTERTAIN US, SO SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Germany shouted. "Germany dear" Hungary spoke up, "I'm sorry about Austria and I being late but if you guest was that young gentleman with the guitar he's already left"
A/N: My family and I just found Stephen Lynch this week and found him freaking hilarious. The songs he plays in this peace are called 'My Name Is Satan', 'Grandfather', 'Special Ed' and he begins 'Superheroes'. I'm sorry for any OOC-ness on the nation's behalf. Hope you found this entertaining.
Here are some links to Stephen Lynch's songs. Warning: all songs contain suggestive themes, cursing, and are not appropriate for young children. All are on YouTube.
Special Ed: ( watch?v=pfFRv_1XdDM)
Grandfather: (com/watch?v=lpp937YfO2Y)
My Name is Satan: ( watch?v=wLmWDtOBiYI)
Superheroes: ( watch?v=uY5VxkJ_43U&feature=endscreen&NR=1)