This was my first time ever and I was crying. Why do I have to be so emotional. Then, they came out. The boys I had been following for years. All Time Low. The backstage passes burned through my hands just waiting to be redeemed to see my best friends that had never met me. The burly man checked to make sure they were valid then he waved me through.
I stepped quickly at first, then slower. What if they weren't how I thought? What if they didn't like me? Am I thin enough? Is my fat bulging over my pants? I grabbed my sides and counted my ribs. They were all there. I worked my way down my body to feel and make sure my hipbones still protruded. All is well. My stomach flipped as I saw them smile at me.
I got a hug from each one of the boys; first Jack, then Rian, then Zack, and lastly Alex. They exchanges worried glances among themselves after the hug. My mind fluttered. They didn't like me. I was too fat. I looked at the ground; my tears fading into sadness.
Alex grabbed my chin and smiled at me, "You wanna go for a bite to eat?"
I must have looked dumbfound because his smile grew and his eyes took a more serious tone. "Uhh...umm...yeah...I mean yes. Sure," I struggled to get out. I hadn't eaten in a week so I would be decent to go to the concert and meet them tonight. I guess it's okay now.
"Good," Jack smiled. "No wasn't an option." His smile grew a bit more devious and I knew what they thought about me. Alex grabbed my right hand and Zack my left. Jack looked sad to be left out so he took Alex's hand and we were off.
We ran out of the stadium, while all the fans were screaming and snapping pictures of us, and to the tour bus. "To the Taco Bell!" Jack declared smiling as he did. I cringed and tried to hide. They flopped down in the seats and I sat very prim and proper. I rubbed the inside of my right wrist, feeling the stories engraved. Rian noticed and sat by me.
"So, tell us a little about yourself! I don't think we even know your name," Zack smiled at me.
Words lumped in my throat and I swallowed them down, as well as I could. "My name is Violet, but you can call me Vi. I love cats and tumblr and music. Oh, and I'm a bowler," I smiled timidly hoping I'd be accepted.
"Bowling?! What is your average?" Jack smiled very excitedly.
"About a 180, I'm not very good."
They all exchanged looks of amazement. I giggled. They all sat around making me laugh the entire way there. The bus pulled to a stop, the parking lot empty.
"On the count of three we run," Alex smiled. "One, THREE." We took off into taco bell, ordered, and ran out back into the bus. They all had lots of food and I only had one taco. As we walked by the driver, Zack whispered something to him. He stood up and went inside. We dug in; taco wrapper by taco wrapper went in the trash bag while I was still on my first. I finished at the same time as everyone else.
"Vi," Jack smiled at me as he sat by me delicately grabbing my hand, "what's wrong? Why won't you eat much?"
I sat there stunned. They knew? How thin am I? I am pretty fat last time I checked. "What do you mean? I'm fat."
Alex sighed and got up. He held his hand out to me. I hesitantly grabbed his hand and he led me to a full sized mirror. "Violet, I want you to look in this and tell me what you see."
"I see a girl." I was short with him and cringed at it. Why was I so difficult? It was his fault, though. He was one of the boys making me eat.
"Violet," he grabbed my hands and looked in my eyes, "you are so much more than that mirror defines. That mirror will give you gender, looks, and what color shirt you are wearing. I can tell you right now you are more than that mirror. I see a beautiful girl with a charming personality and a few stories she'll never live down because she won't let herself. Open up to us please. We care about you. We love you. Please, eat more." As he said that, Jack grabbed the food from the driver and handed it to me.
My face said it all. I didn't want it. They knew that.
Zack stood up, "you are not leaving this bus until you eat more." I tried to reply, but all I got was a stern look. I flopped down and pouted like a child. I started to eat. Bite by bite my temper shrank because they only cared about me. Eventually, the food was gone and I was smiling, rubbing my stomach; so this is what full was.
Alex grabbed my wrist and kissed it. "Please, don't do that ever again either," he smiled at me with sincere eyes.
That was my first time.