A/N: The song is I A Rock…It always makes me think of Snape. (AU pre-HBP)
Disclaimer: I don't own Snape Lucius or Simon and Garfunkle…
Lucie Locks
"I have no need of friendship. Friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving I distain. I am a rock! I am an I-i-i-land!"
Snape mimed a microphone with his thumb and sang along with the song playing on his muggle record player. It had been a gift from Lucius during his teenage rebellion period.
Snape smirked as he remembered the brief two-week period during which his friend had forsaken the wizarding world and gone to live amongst the muggles. He ended up attending a wild muggle college party at which he had had one too many strawberry daiquiris, and passed out on the floor.
When he awoke, his long, voluminous locks, along with his perfectly plucked eyebrows had been shaven off. Shortly after this he had joined the deatheaters.
Much to Malfoy's distain, he had been unable to regrow his silky tresses using magic, and had been forced to let it grow out naturally.
Snape chuckled to himself as he remembered the satisfying sound of the electric razor as he ran it over Lucius' scalp. It really had been for the greater good though. Had Severus not ended Lucius' silly muggle fetish, his friend could very well be the Vice President of the "Muggle appreciation club" (The President being Arthur Weasley) today instead of… well… rotting in jail… but that was beside the point.
"Plus, Narsissa gave me 4 knuts and a stick of coconut flavored gum to do it," Snape reflected aloud.
Outside Severus' chambers, a strangely feminine looking blonde man heard Snape's random thoughts.
Lucius shouted the password, burst through the door and was assaulted by the sight of Snape doing an interpretive dance to the song still playing on the record player.
Snape froze and turned to look at Lucius who was standing in his doorway, "How the bloody hell did you get out of Azkaban?... And how do you know my password?" Snape asked disbelievingly.
"For Merlin's sake Severus, everyone knows about your obsessive love of pineapples!" Lucius replied, waving the matter aside. The blonde's eyes narrowed as he took a menacing step towards Snape, "How could you eat Coco!"
"Co-co?" Severus asked slowly.
"Don't pretend you don't know!" Lucius screamed, "COCO! MY COCONUT FLAVORED GUM! HOW COULD YOU?" After shouting so loud that the author had to press the caps lock button, Malfoy ran out of oxygen and passed out on the floor.
Lucius awoke to the sound of a certain greasy haired man singing.
"Don't talk of love, though I've heard the word be-fo-ore. It's sleeping in my me-em-ory. I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died. If I never loved I never would have cried!"
Lucius sighed and looked up. He took in the scene around him with growing terror: an electric razor (still buzzing) was held in Snape's hand, serving as his "microphone" while Severus was nodding his head up and down rhythmically, his strangely familiar looking blonde locks swaying in time with the music as he did so…
A/N: Well…I found it amusing…
Shall I continue? As it has no plot it might be difficult…but seeing as completely random, insane thoughts, such as those in the chapter above, make up the entirety of that spiffing place that is mind, I'm sure I could manage.
Slytherin Creep