He was out by the lake again, despite the biting cold that threatened to make his fingers fall off. He was on the far side, out further than any passer-by usually went and far enough that anyone looking from the castle would have a hard time recognising him. Obviously, James Potter did not want to be found at that moment.
He walked at a leisurely pace, shivering, until he made it to his usual quiet spot by the lakeside. It was a little niche in the ground, located in between two trees, and there was little wind there even when elsewhere there were fierce gusts strong enough to all but blow him over. He was safe from prying eyes and enveloped with a peaceful silence there, and he liked that this spot was his. He had a place to think – something no one believed him capable of doing. Honestly, he was horribly underestimated by everyone.
He also needed the peace of solitude.
Sirius had come storming into the Gryffindor common room earlier in the day looking thoroughly annoyed. He had told James that Regalus, his brother, had approached him in the hallway and begun regaling him with tales of their mother's displeasure at his unfortunate sorting. As though he didn't know what a disappointment he was to them. Sirius had been on a roll, ranting at no one in particular but James for close to an hour.
He told James that he'd been pleasant, but then the insults had started. He told James that it was always like that. James thought he heard a note of regret in his tone, as though he was remembering better days, but he wasn't quite sure.
James hadn't been able to see his friend look so beaten, and sought out the poor Slytherin boy that had unknowingly made his way onto James' blacklist when all was said and done. All things considered, they had both gotten off easy.
He hadn't been in the mood for a creative prank – the uplifted emotion he'd been feeling for the past few days fading in the face of Sirius' embarrassment and anger. He had sent a few stinging hexes Regalus' way, to prove to the younger boy that he had no right to treat his brother that way, had exchanged curt and sharp words with the boy, and had been on his way.
He hadn't even been caught by a teacher, which was surprising in and of itself, as he hadn't exactly been sneaking around.
He wasn't aware he was being watched until he noticed the movement of someone's robe. In the light cover of darkness that had begun to creep over the grounds of Hogwarts as the night steadily approached, James could hardly tell if it was Sirius watching him, or Regalus. They looked the same in profile, and the striking grey-silver eyes were equally as piercing and intelligent. He felt a shiver go through him as, for the first time, he really realised that they were brothers.
He suspected the latter – that it was Regalus standing there, silent as a cat before it pounced on its prey – as Sirius had seemed to be out like a light the last time James had seen him.
A shared tremor ran through them when a stray gust of icy air hit and raised gooseflesh.
James watched distractedly, though he felt himself bristle, as Regalus (he was certain it was the younger boy, now) pulled out his wand – a sturdy, fairly long one made of heavy, dark wood – and cast a warming charm.
"Right," said James, breaking the heavy silence. "Warming charm." Whatever had possessed him to even come outside to brave these extreme conditions without the charm was gone. "What do you want?"
He was tired, far more tired than usual. Lily had asked him to do more studying. Well, she'd shouted at him and called him lazy and a waste of brainpower, with some interesting expletives thrown in. He had, as per usual, taken it upon himself to prove her wrong. Their Winter Exams were approaching in a matter of days, and James' presence in the library had been almost a given in preparation the past few days.
Nonetheless, he wasn't about to sit and wait to be cursed. He pulled his wand out in an unassuming manner, pointing it towards the ground. He had time to raise it if it was needed, but honestly he didn't think that Regalus had any bad intentions. There was something about the boy's posture that relayed his discomfort; none of the assured, head held high look of someone seeking revenge. Then again, Slytherins were, as a rule, excellent actors.
"Potter, I wanted to speak with you," he said. It was striking how similar the tones of their voices were, and James suspected that if he closed his eyes he'd be hard-pressed to tell the difference between Sirius and Regalus.
"Why?" He was not in the mood for games, and wanted Regalus to cut to the chase. The suspicion didn't wane, and his wariness grew when Regalus took a small step forward. The boy seemed unsure and uncomfortable, so James didn't comment. He wasn't about to embarrass him; it would be cruel when he looked so open and innocent.
And, James noted, so much like Sirius after he'd had a good cry.
"It's Sirius," the boy was speaking at hardly more than a whisper, and James made a move to get closer. They were now a mere five or so metres apart from each other.
"How do I know I can trust you?" He was distrustful, and for good reason. Regalus had never been anything other than hostile towards him, and this development left James feeling highly wary.
A sigh escaped through Regalus' tightly-pressed lips. "Why do I need to prove myself to you? I am Sirius' brother, isn't that enough?" He was now sounding more self-assured, as though powered by some emotion that hadn't been there before. James felt bad for a second, somehow understanding that he had insulted or otherwise been inconsiderate towards Regalus' feelings.
James huffed loudly, crossing his arms defensively, anyway. His wand was held loosely in his hand but he still didn't raise it.
"I am a relative of Sirius Black, and I have never done anything to deliberately antagonise you like… like some of my friends have. Trust me, please. You Gryffindors are always eager to trust, extend the favor to me. I beg you, and-"
James chimed in, knowing this speech, "Blacks never beg, yes I know."
Regalus looked at him strangely, an unidentifiable expression visible in his eyes. James felt uncomfortable with the way Regalus was gazing at him - a strange combination of pleading, worry, and frantic emotion. He obviously had something important - to him, at least - to tell James.
"Fine," he said. "I'll give you the benefit of doubt." He cut off Regalus' surprised shout with his low, menacing hiss. "But just this once. If you give me any indication that you are anything less than sincere, I shall not be held responsible for my actions. Remember, I am two years above you. You would do well in remembering that."
Regalus visibly gulped, and James hoped he had done the I'm-a-frightening-person-beware-of-me routine well enough. There was something open about Regalus that made him rethink his instinct to hex the Slytherin first and ask questions later. It was his standard protocol, naturally, but there was something that stopped him about Regalus. Perhaps it was his striking resemblance to Sirius, but James was in no mood to analyse.
When no explanation appeared forthcoming, James sent him a meaningful look. "Go on, then. Tell me what it is that you had to say."
His arms had made their way down to his sides again, and he realised he was no longer feeling quite so cautious. There had been nothing inherently evil about Regalus, and honestly James found it strange to try and hold a grudge against someone who looked so much like one of his long-time friends.
"I have to tell you- You can't tell anyone. Please."
James nodded stiffly but noncommittally, as he made no promises because he wasn't planning on keeping them if Regalus revealed anything incriminating.
"I can't go home this holiday season. It's too dangerous for me. I was trying to ask Sirius if he could help me get out of there, speak with-" his voice lowered even further, barely louder than the soft whisper of wind "Dumbledore."
James' eyes narrowed, and he couldn't help but be skeptical. Was this all some elaborate ruse?
Regalus seemed to realise that James still held some reservations, and moved closer. He was now within arm's distance from James. Both more vulnerable and more powerful. James wondered what exactly he was playing at.
"Mother is off her rocker, I swear to you. She and father have been having secret meetings with... with the Dark Lord. I have never seen him- I think-" he gulped again, looking strained. "I think they want me to join him."
James was still, showing none of the turmoil he felt inside. There were many emotions running through him, none of which included contempt. He could understand the fear Regalus felt, as it was quite similar to the way Sirius felt. Alone. As though he was the only one who was suffering. He was feeling isolated and lonely and scared. That was the only way to describe what James was sure Regalus felt; complete fright. He needed comfort, badly.
The younger boy was shaking. "I wanted to tell Sirius not to go back under any circumstances. I heard them speaking in the corridor once, it was late and I don't think they heard me standing there and listening. But - they need a... blood sacrifice. I think they're planning on using Sirius."
James now placed a reassuring and steadying hand on Regalus' shoulder. The younger boy was trembling in earnest, his breath coming in short bursts that sounded suspiciously like sobs disguising themselves as something less humiliating.
He didn't know what to say to that confession, and was filled with a desire to protect his friend and this strange boy who, he realised, wasn't so much different from his brother.
"If they can't get Sirius, I think they'll use me." He said, and James couldn't help the burst of sympathy that welled up in him. He couldn't imagine being frightened of going home because he suspected his parents wished to kill him and sacrifice him for a cause so dark.
Frankly, James couldn't imagine being frightened to go home, period. He had always felt safest at Hogwarts and at home, where there were wards and protections that would keep him safe.
Regalus - and Sirius, he supposed - had to deal with the other side, keeping he darkness in their own house, willingly. It was bound to be frightening.
"How do I know you're not just setting me up? Why are you even telling me this?"
Regalus looked beseechingly into James' eyes, and James felt as though his soul were being breached by the intense gaze. "Sirius won't listen to me, and I have to—I can't do this alone. Please, I need help. I need someone to…" His voice broke and he trailed off. "I don't want anyone getting hurt."
He didn't notice the thin trails of tears that leaked from Regalus' eyes because of how dark it had become. The water reflected the weak moon - full moon was a little more than two weeks away - and the silence that surrounded them was heavy and impossible to ignore.
"I'm so sorry, Regalus. I can't imagine how you feel."
"No, you really can't." He appeared to fold in on himself, crumpling to the ground. He cried in earnest, losing all semblance of control. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and he covered his face with his hands. "I go home and I'm afraid to turn the corner because one of them might be there. You don't know what they do for fun- it's sick. It's wrong and they're going to make me do it if I can't get out of there. You need to help me or I'll have to—I won't be able to. They'll kill me, my family. Please."
James felt the almost palpable sorrow pouring from Regalus and did what he could to soothe the hysterical child. For that was all he was, a child wholly in over his head and out of his depth. there was nothing he could do to get himself out of the perilous situation short of betray his family and all they stood for.
He had everything to lose, and James registered that his arms went around the slightly shorter but not any narrower boy. They were on the cold ground, closer than he had ever been to Regalus.
He felt sobs wrack his body, though they weren't his. He felt the shaking and the wetness spread across his shoulder.
He found it almost hilarious in a terrible, sad sort of way that he was standing there, Regalus Black crying on his shoulder in the middle of the night. He wondered when it had happened, but stood and held him closer. This poor boy, alone and far too young to deal with all this.
James thought they were all too young for this horror, a thought so mature many of his classmates would be surprised to find he was the one who had thought it. They were all kids, not even out of Hogwarts yet. They had to deal with the pain of loss, the fear of war, and it was far too early for anyone of any age to deal with.
He wanted, desperately, for this all to be over. It wasn't meant to be this way, Slytherins coming to Gryffindors for assistance and advice. It was supposed to be all fun and games, petty rivalries that didn't extend much further than the hallways at school.
As they stood there, in the frigid air beside the lake, with the murky water reflecting the lights of the sky, James vowed to himself that he'd do everything possible in order to help this young boy. Regalus' wiry muscles pressed into his Quidditch-hardened muscles.
"I don't want to be one of them," confessed Regalus. "I don't want to kill, or maim, or injure. I want the world to be the way it was before all this craziness. I want my family back."
And there was the truth of it; Regalus missed his family. It was understandable. Sirius had been taken away abruptly, all but disowned when news of his strange placement made its way home. And then his parents were ignoring him, putting all their focus on this Dark Lord and his older brother. James understood the yearning for normalcy.
"You can't hope for the impossible," he said back. "You can hope that this will end well enough, with as much peace as possible. We can hope for a short battle, and that not many people are hurt. This is coming to a head; I don't give it more than a few years. If we don't get through this, at least hope that the future generations that are left to fight will have the skills to do that."
"But I don't want fighting." He sounded lost, miserable, and altogether sad.
"Neither do I, Regalus."
"Sirius won't even speak to me."
"I know." He understood that at the moment, all Regalus needed was someone to hold onto, someone to listen to the true thoughts of his heart. He didn't need an interrogation. "Sirius told me you were teasing him."
Regalus tensed. "He was teasing me. I can't help it when I get angry, he gets angry, and then it's all a horrible fight from there. I can't… I remember when we were younger, and he would come in when my father was—er, fighting with my mother. He lay there with me and told me it was all good, that we were family and that it would all be alright."
James nodded, stroking Regalus' back absently.
"He lied," his voice was thick with tears. "He lied to his own brother, the fucking hypocrite." The vehement, violent, venomous words came out sounding broken.
"We'll be alright. I'll speak to him. Don't go home for the holidays, tell them you've got detention every day with McGonagall or something; go speak with Dumbledore. It'll be fixed, just you watch."
And there, sitting in a position he had never dreamt he would find himself in, James promised that he'd do everything he could to get Sirius to help his brother. There had to be something he could to do help the distressed boy.
They sat there, entwined closely for a while. A long period of time passed, or maybe it didn't. In the silence and cold, everything seemed almost otherworldly, as though it were not really happening. They sat closely, warming each other and sharing words of comfort. Maybe, possibly, they could get through it unharmed. In the cold, where everything seemed possible, James allowed himself to hope.