Disclaimer: I do not own Fruba or the song 'I Hate Everything About You' by three days grace.
An: A weird on...Sonfic Oneshot. It's odd...in here for swearing.
I Hate Everything About Him
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Yuki paced his room and held in all that anger. The baka neko wasn't there, so no one was around to take his anger out on. Shigure wasn't enough of a help. He just wanted to help. But talking didn't help when he was like this.
And times like this was when he remembered exactly what Akito had done. A time like this was when he fought the urge to cower again or go and confront his childhood fear. A time like this was when he wasn't strong enough to forget. And times like this were times he remembered all that pent up anger and despair he had felt.
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
Ayame paused in his work. All of sudden the anger came back full force and threatened to consume him.
He rarely got like this. He hardly ever let his self-loathing and his anger for his little brother bubble up. Now he did. Now Ayame remembered the strange little boy that had told him to stay away from Yuki. The little kid that had manipulated him into turning Yuki's life into a living hell. And Ayame had let him. Ayame let Akito do it, even back then.
Now that he was older, he tried not to hurt anyone like that. But he still saw everyone that Akito had put his hand on suffer. All of his family suffered. All the Jyuunishi suffered. Everyone suffered because of him!
He had heard his little brother weep from inside that room. He had seen Hatori suffering for years because he had loved. He had seen how much Shigure had to hold up. How much everyone depended on him and Hatori to keep Akito happy. He had been kept awake because he couldn't forget it.
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
Hiro watched Kisa laugh happily with her classmates and finally was glad. Kisa was happy now. She wasn't suffering so much anymore. No longer was she suffering because of him.
Hiro closed his eyes and again felt that guilt. It welled up inside him along with his anger towards the person that made him feel this guilt.
Hiro knew he was still a kid. He knew this because he thought children weren't meant to be hurt. That they were safe. For a while he was. That is until he went to Akito and tried to do the right thing. Everyone had always told him that unless Akito approved of the relationship, it could not go ahead. Hatori's story of his love was something that scared him. Hiro wanted Akito to so badly approve.
So he had gone to him. He had asked him about it. In the Kisa had gotten hurt because Hiro didn't know how to do anything right. Then Hiro left her in the time she needed him most. Hiro only wanted to help her. He only wanted the best for her. Akito had ruined that thought. Akito had ruined it all!
Why did something like him and Kisa always be marred by other things?
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Shigure sighed and put down the pen. He looked out into the clear blue sky. Right now he couldn't concentrate on anything. All he could feel right now was anger. It clouded his mind and made everything all fuzzy and blurry. Shigure couldn't work now.
Upstairs he could hear Yuki pacing. Kyo wasn't around and Tohru, well she was somewhere else at the moment. She was with the person who made him so angry. Who made him so blind to everything.
Today was his young charges day off due to some important meeting. Usually this didn't bother the inu, but today he just wanted a quiet house so he could be the one to yell and smash things. To rid himself of his anger.
Every day Shigure had to deal with the choices he had made. He had to deal with everything he had done because he was told to. He found it hard sometimes to deal with it when it wasn't even his choice. When he hadn't done anything in the first place. He let a frustrated breath and growled. Why did he even bother with it? Why couldn't he just find a way to kill him?
Shigure knew when Yuki was in this mood he was remembering Akito's cruelty. Shigure remembered it well. He remembered Kana. He remembered Hatori. He remembered Kureno. He remembered Yuki. He remembered Kyo. He remembered Momiji. All these things he could never get over because Akito had done it. Maybe that was reason he couldn't get over it.
Akito was cruel. He was controlling. He was manipulating. He was young. He was dying. He was jealous. He was evil. And Shigure was sure that what he felt for Akito was hate.
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Kyo slammed his fist into the tree. When he pulled away panting he noted with some satisfaction the big dent in it.
Kyo then sat down crossed legged and began to take deep breaths. He was very angry at the moment. No he was more than goddamn angry, he was fucking pissed off! Why the fuck should he be one who dealt with this shit! Akito had done this. It wasn't his goddamn problem. It wasn't his fucking fault. Kyo jumped to his feet and slammed his fist back into the tree. He was still fucking pissed off!
Why the fuck should he care! Akito was the stupid arse who'd said those things. He was the one who caused them to suffer. He was the one who caused Tohru pain. He was the one who drove them all into insanity. He was the one who had told his mother to fear the cat. He was one who did everything he could to fuck up their lives. It wasn't him!
Kyo snarled and tried to control his anger. Damn that bastard for making him this angry as well! He hated that sick fuck, so why did he bother?
He took everything lying down because he was the cat and he did not want to be forever exiled. He couldn't go onto the main grounds without permission. He couldn't go to the banquet. He couldn't do anything. For fuck's sake he was pussy whipped bitch who couldn't beat the fucking rat! That was all he would ever be, because of fucking Akito.
He hated the bastard. He hated the bastard for making a deal he could never win. He hated him for what he did to the others. He hated him for killing his mother. He hated him for taking up Tohru's time and then gloating. He hated him for living! The pain they all went through made everything else pale in comparison. But yet they continued to feel the same pain! He hated Akito!
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Momiji sighed and sat down. He was bored right now. Hatori was busy and out and he didn't have to be at school. So he was bored witless, and that never bode well for the usagi. He always thought when he was bored, and when he thought most recently it was thoughts that involved Akito or his mother. There wasn't much else to contemplate when you were bored. He liked school. He liked Hatori and loved living with him. He loved his dad to an extent and he couldn't turn his thoughts forever towards the future. Right now they were thinking over Akito, and the past.
Momiji sighed and rolled onto his stomach. Sometimes it hurt way too much to think about it. Now was the time it hurt, but he couldn't help it.
Momiji remembered what had happened to Hatori. He had thought Kana was nice. He had liked her and one day hoped she could be a mother figure. But Akito ruined that for him. He had known that Kana could give some happiness to the Jyuunishi and he had taken that away. Now Hatori was alone, and sad. Momiji knew Tohru helped him a lot with it, just by being there. But nothing could heal all of his bruised heart.
Momiji himself hated it all. He was manipulated as well. He knew nothing so bad had happened to him. He just got taunts about his mother. Akito shot barbs at him whenever Momiji had the misfortune to see him. They were cleverly disguised insults, but anything Akito said was meant to be nasty and hurtful.
He remembered all the times he was like this, and Akito had come along seeking Hatori. He seemed to know exactly what to say and all Momiji could do was stand there in anger. He never looked at Akito. No took look upon him was a dangerous game and only fools or the very strong of heart did so. Tohru easy was strong enough. She carried everything anyone threw at her. Momiji knew she was around him most of the time because she loved him and wanted to make him happy. He knew she took care of all of them. Healed there hurts. Made the nightmares cease. But right now, she wasn't there. In his head Akito had taken her away. And now he stood there haunting him. Momiji knew that he wouldn't be sad when the Jyuunishi God finally died.
Only when I stop to think about it
Haru lay on his back and stared up into the cloudy sky. He paused and thought for minute. His thoughts drifted and soon he was thinking about Yuki. That usually was followed by thoughts of their childhood, mainly Yuki's. Next came Akito, the evil god.
He only ever got mad about the things that Akito did when he stopped like this and thought. This burning anger only came when he stopped to think about the horrible things Akito had done, and was still doing.
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Hatori sighed and shifted in his chair. Why he had decided to go to his actually office was beyond him. Then again he really did know. He knew that when he got in one of 'thoughtful' moods he couldn't stand to be around any one. Especially Akito and Momiji. It was cruel that even though he lived with Momiji and took care of him, he couldn't stand to be around him when he was in a bad mood. Maybe it had to do with the guilt of all he'd done, including the thing to Momiji's own mother. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Momiji knew how much Hatori was hurt, and always knew when he hurt the most. Hatori hated that fact. He tried to hide as much of himself as possible to everyone and he couldn't ever from the usagi or Akito.
Right now he was alone and sad. He was thinking about all the horrid things he did for Akito. Thinking about all the horrid things he'd been raised to do. At that moment he hated himself. He didn't want Momiji to be there because Momiji understood. No. Hatori wanted to hate himself because he deserved it all. He deserved to feel this pain every time he thought these thoughts.
Hatori knew that Akito had made him do these things and for that he hated the younger. He really wished that someone who was so much younger didn't have so much control over him. He hated the fact that Akito knew everything about him. That Akito would come around, or call him in whenever he knew Hatori suffered. Akito taunted him with it. He made sure that Hatori understood who held all the control. Hatori hated Akito with his very being, but it changed nothing.
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Kagura shifted in her sheet. She lay upside down. She twisted and turned so much that she eventually got kicked outside. Kagura could already see the rain clouds forming and knew it would rain again. That meant Kyo would be upset. That meant that he would be pondering his other form. So it all made sense in strange way. Because when it was raining Kyo thought about his true form. Kagura knew that and then thought about his true form. That led to thoughts of Akito, whom she hated with a passion.
Kagura remembered all the pain that Akito had caused. She was old enough to remember most of things, but young enough back then not to completely understand it all.
Kagura was almost twenty now, and her hate for Akito didn't ever change
Only when I stop to think about you, I know
Kisa paused in her school work and looked up. Hiro was giving her that look again. The world seemed to stop for a moment as she thought about what that look meant. It meant Hiro was thinking about Akito again. Kisa on the other hand always tried hard not too. Only when she stopped to think about it did anything really happen. Like right now. She met Hiro's gaze and then he looked away. She knew, in that instance how much everyone suffered. It was suffocating. Kisa looked down at her work and took deep breaths. Now she knew how much it all hurt again.
Only when you stop to think about me, do you know
Kureno stopped. The world was silent. Everything just had ended right then and there. Everything was dead silent.
Something was wrong again. With him. Normally he could at least hear birds, but now there was none. He thought again about it. The curse. Akito. What he did all the time because of those two facts. But then he shrugged it off. Only when he thought of himself did things like this happen. The world was loud again.
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you?
Tohru sat in the same room with the head of Sohma family and smiled. They had talked to each other for quite a while now. Well Akito had talked and walked about. A few times he had even shouted at her and hit her. Tohru took it all and smiled at him. What else could she do?
Akito now was silent. Tohru said nothing. She sat there and looked at him. Really looked at him. Assessing him for the hundredth time in the past few weeks. Each time Tohru did it, something else happened to appear. It was odd that he changed so often but he did. Tohru couldn't really figure him out. It wasn't the same as being with the other Sohma's. Akito was evil compared to them. He was nasty and spiteful. He was in complete control of everything around him. Tohru didn't let that happened to her though.
Akito told her not to come near any of them again. So Tohru stayed. He told her that he never wanted to she her disgusting face again. So Tohru came back every week.
It was this defiance of him that Tohru knew was helping. Of course she heard what the others had said. She had listened to them when they said Akito was dangerous. She did understand that fully. Tohru knew what he had done, and how much the Jyuunishi really did loathe him. Though that didn't make them stop obeying him. That made Tohru really wonder about it all. That's why she kept coming. Not just for Akito or for her own curiosity. It was really to help them. She thought if she changed him, then they could love him. Let him feel that.
Tohru liked being in control of things, like her emotions. She knew what to put on display and what not too. Everybody in the Sohma family had masks they hid under, but they showed themselves truly each time. Tohru could see it all. She saw eventually what Akito had done to Yuki as a child. She tried her best to help that. She saw what pain he had caused Kyo because of his mothers eventual suicide that he'd supported and told her to do. She saw Hatori's pain, not only when it came to Kana, but to all the memories he had erased because he'd been ordered too. She saw what Shigure went through. How he struggled to hold up so much because of him being the inu. She saw how much Hiro had suffered. She saw that each time one of them fell, each Sohma collapsed as well.
So why did they always go back to him?
You hate everything about me
Ritsu put on pants and smiled at himself. No head of family would keep him down. No. Not here. Not when he could hate him in this place without fear of being crushed for such thoughts. Right now he let that hate for all Akito had done wash over him. He hated him for so many reasons, and his parents were one of them. He hated him because he hurt so many people and made Ritsu feel so bad.
Why do you love me?
Akito was silent. The Honda girl was back again today and that made him very happy. She was there. The outsider, who everyone loved. All the Jyuunishi were head over heals for her, yet they hated him. It made him think about it all from time to time. Like how could he do it? Why did he do it? He sighed and looked over at Honda Tohru again.
Why did she come back? Why did she out of all of them love him? Why did she even give a fucking shit about such a bastard as him? Akito didn't know.
I hate
The world paused again. Each one of then was feeling it. From Shigure to Ritsu up in hot springs, they all felt that burning hatred.
You hate
Time slowed down. It was the same. Akito was hated. He hated all of them. He controlled all of them.
I hate
Tohru sat in there and thought. She watched and then realized something was going on. She was feeling hatred that wasn't even hers. She knew it came from the Sohma's. All of them. All this hate wasn't hers. No. Tohru couldn't hate. She couldn't do it because it wasn't hers. She knew that it was hate, and nothing else they all felt.
You love me
They all felt as one. They all hated him. Every single one. So why didn't they do something? Why didn't they help him to die faster? Why didn't he let them die?
I hate everything about you
Words that always came to them at times like this were finally spoken aloud. They thought no one else ever got like this. Thought it was only them. But they all vented at the same time. "I HATE HIM!"
Why do I love you?
And then, it was silent. Their thoughts moved on. Now it was out there, they moved on and went back into normal moods. Yuki stopped pacing and sat down to do homework. Ayame stopped fussing and sketched a new design. Hiro looked at his work and then laughed with his friends. Shigure continued to type up his new book. Kyo went back to regular training. Momiji got up and found something to do. Hatsuharu stopped staring off and hopped on his bike. Hatori gathered his things and walked out. Kagura sat still and went back to reading. Kisa went back to laughing with her friends and then with Hiro. Kureno worked in the yard. Ritsu continued to clean up his room.
And in the same place, Akito and Tohru met each others eyes. They had felt it all it that one minute. The hatred. The pain. The sorrow. And yet still the question was there that neither of them really knew. Why did they always come back to him? Why did they let him? Why did they let him hurt them so much?
And the only answer anyone knew was the same. It was because he was God.
An: There you go...sorry if its too odd for you...Ja ne!