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Luke Skywalker wasn't sure whether he wanted to become a Jedi anymore.
He was lying in bed at the medical center of a rebel starship. Too-Onebee had told him that he had to wait a couple of hours for the transfer of the right bionic replacement from other ship. The transport vessels were overloaded with work. The meds they've had pushed into him included a strong painkiller and a muscle relaxer among them, but nevertheless he couldn't sleep or even rest. His mind was working at full speed, trying to process the events of the last few hours.
Vader.
The Dark Lord of the Sith, formerly known as Anakin Skywalker.
Darth Vader, his father.
He couldn't tell what had been more shocking, the loss of his hand or the loss of the world as he knew it. The loss of his faith. The blurring of the terminator line between light and darkness. He had wanted to die at that moment.
Who was the one lying? Darth Vader or Ben Kenobi?
His insight suggested that Vader was telling the truth, but he didn't know if he could trust it anymore. His inner vision had leaded him to Bespin, to a trap. It was true that Yoda tried to stop him. Did Yoda know about this terrible secret or Ben didn't tell him either? Kenobi hadn't come to his aid this time, as he had warned. The one that came to rescue him was Leia.
Leia.
She had changed.
Not on the outside, but he knew. He noticed it through the link formed as he cried for help through the Force. There was a new shade of desperation in her. In his exhaustion and disturbed yet by the presence of Darth Vader in his mind, he couldn't identify this change in Leia then.
In the flight back to the rebel fleet, they had chatted telling each other what happened to them in the past months. After searching the Millennium Falcon several times for imperial tracking devices (Calrissian found one of them and R2-D2 another) they plotted a twisted path of hyperspace jumps to avoid any further tracking. Once Leia considered the security measures were adequate enough, she personally punched in the numbers for the emergency channel to the Rebellion.
Afterwards, she told Luke about her escape of Hoth with Solo and Chewbacca, about their desperate run through the asteroid field when the hyperdrive failed. Her voice quivered when she first spoke Han's name; she took a deep breath, and continued. She kept telling him about the hiding in the false cave, of Han's strategy to disappear from the imperial scopes and of their arrival at Bespin. She didn't tell him anything about the three months on board of the Falcon. Luke looked so helpless right now, so hurt; she couldn't hurt him further. Neither did she tell about the torture, and little of the carbon-freezing chamber ordeal. She just skipped to the point to their escape with Lando on the Falcon, and commented how strange it was for her to feel Luke's call.
He on turn told her about his vision as he laid nearly dead on Hoth's frozen wastelands. How he beckoned to that call after Hoth's evacuation and how he found Dagobah and the little green Jedi Master. He told her about Yoda's bad food and worst sense of humor. Of his training and of his Force-vision of the future. He didn't tell her much about his duel with Vader, anyway. How could he tell her that he was the son of the Beast that killed her father and blew her homeworld? She would despise him, never talk to him again. Luke just couldn't risk that. He didn't say a word about his suicidal leap either. At last, she pointed to his stump and said "Did he do this to you?" "Yes." Luke answered. She took his remaining hand. Dark and blue eyes met for a moment, and she gave him a light kiss on his cheek.
Shortly afterwards, they joined the Rebel fleet. He had been taken to the medical ward and Leia went to meet with the other Rebel leaders. Artoo and Threepio went with him, as he didn't have a room of his own on the ship. Leia and Luke had been presumed dead for the past few weeks and their cabins had been taken. Rogue Squadron was docked in another ship, so he didn't have any company but that of the faithful droids.
As soon as Too-Onebee went out, Threepio took his place by his Master's bed. "Poor Master Luke" said the droid, looking at the stump. "It is nothing, it will be replaced soon. At least I'm not frozen as Han is." answered Luke, trying to comfort the golden droid.
"Oh, poor Captain Solo!" exclaimed See-Threepio, starting a long speech "You should have seen him, how brave he was when he got frozen. He can be impossible at times, but at that moment, he calmed Master Chewbacca. If he hadn't done that, I don't know what should have become of me! But he did, and then he told him to take care of Mistress Leia. Then they did something I don't quite understand. Captain Solo and Mistress Leia kissed and when he was taken to the hydraulic platform, she told Captain Solo that she loved him. He just answered 'I know'. Wasn't he supposed to answer 'I love you too' or something like that? Then they encased him in the carbonite, which is quite a good alloy, better than mine is, if I may say. Lord Vader then..."
But Luke was not listening any more to Threepio's babbling. While the droid keep telling about their escape through Cloud City, his mind was fixed in just eight of the droid words
She told Captain Solo that she loved him. – That was it. The change in her.
While Threepio shut up offended by his lack of attention, Luke turned in bed hiding his face from him and his mind flew back to the beginning of his relationship with Han and Leia. To the time he met them. Somehow, he had fallen in love with her then, and he always suspected that Han did as well, but they had never talked about it. Somehow, they had kept the balance, but not without some struggle. Leia sought Luke's company when she was in a good mood but looked for Han and his caf, the best this part of the galaxy as he claimed, when she was in a bad mood. She could always rely on Han doing or saying something that justified her outbursts. But Luke had caught the look in Han's eyes when she left him with a particularly pungent retort hanging in the air.
Han and him had had many opportunities with women attracted by their rebel-hero halos. Luke had enjoyed the company of some of them, felt guilty for rejecting others, and even fled and asked Han for help with one. But Leia had always been alone. Alone on her Princess and Leader stand. In three years, Luke never expressed his feelings for her, that he felt she was different from every other woman he knew.
Luke and Leia had become friends from the start. Her strength and her compassion had moved him. She noticed Kenobi's student's honesty and idealism. Although they were the same age, both born curiously on the same standard date, the Princess was far worldlier than he was, and undertook his education as a pet project. Leia lent him selected holo-books and discussed them with him afterwards. They had played pranks on Han together. They had cried together when he first lost a pilot under his command.
He had always had a good excuse for not completely expressing his feelings for her. He was confused. In the beginning, maybe it was his natural farmboy shyness, but that wore out later, when he slowly realized the effect his blue eyes and the legend of his deeds had on the ladies. Maybe it was that he felt that she was somehow unreachable, untouchable. Maybe it was the fear of losing Han or Leia as his friends, as the only family he had now. But from some time on, he couldn't tell what was really stopping him. What had stopped him after she kissed him the day before the battle of Hoth.
– She told Captain Solo that she loved him. -
Luke waited for his jealousy to erupt.
Waited for the anger.
Waited.
Nothing happened.
Well, he knew why, he thought. He was incredibly, utterly relieved. He now knew that he could love them both without the conflict. There won't be lies or unspoken issues between the three of them in the future.
Maybe his insight was trying to tell him all along that Leia wasn't for him, that she was always meant to be with Han, his best friend. – She told Captain Solo that she loved him. – Han Solo was a lucky guy, Luke thought, even considering what happened to him next. Han Solo, his good old friend, who saved his life more times than he could count. Memories of the last one came rushing to his mind, clearer than ever before. Probably some side effect of Yoda's focusing techniques.
Han had dragged him into the shelter, shouting at him "C'mon, kid! You can sleep all you want tomorrow, but not tonight! Stay awake, pal!" He cuddled Luke to keep him warm, and talked him through the night. He only stopped to force him to seep sweet warm fluids. Han talked on and on, about his adventures with Chewie, about girls, about all the cargoes he had smuggled. "Han, please, I have to sleep..." begged Luke. "Damn, no!" his friend commanded. He even slapped Luke's torn face once. The pain kept him awake.
Deep into the night, Han spoke about his life in the streets of Corellia as a kid, about Dewlanna and the bedtime stories she used to tell him. The tent was now cold, foggy and dark. Feverish, Luke heard someone telling a story about a Princess and a dragon by his side... "Is that you, Uncle Owen?" "No, it just me, buddy." said Han with a tired smile. He kept talking. Then, just before sunrise, his voice thick with fatigue, Han started talking about Leia. How could Luke have forgotten that? Al last, Han said, shaking his head "If I only could keep my big mouth shut..."
Later, the commlink crackled. Han spoke through it. Zev was coming. Luke finally gave in to sleep. "You can't fail me now, Luke!" his friend screamed.
But this friend was now encased in a carbonite slab, who knew where or in whose power. The friend he had failed to, Luke realized. Because that was the only truth. He had failed all of them: Han, Leia and Chewie. It would not happen again. He would do anything to rescue him and see they together again. – I won't fail you, Han... – Luke promised.
Just a week ago Yoda had told him that his training was not progressing as it should. His faith in the Force grew stronger every day, and yet... "Pulling you back something is", Yoda had said, "Let it go, you should." Yes, Yoda was right. What he had to let go was any illusion of having a normal life after the war, a life somewhere with Leia, maybe... To let go of Leia... Luke took a deep breath and exhaled with all his might. He began a focusing exercise.
Luke would be able to completely focus on his Jedi training from now on.
But should he really go on training? What if he became like Vader, like his father? Father and son ruling the galaxy, as the Monster proposed.
No.
It wouldn't happen. I won't let it happen, Luke swore to himself.
The mysterious Emperor, Vader, Obi Wan and Yoda were the past, or they soon would be. Han and Leia were his future. He wouldn't fail his friends again.
As he remembered Darth Vader he noticed his imprint on his own mind. He had marked Luke forever, casting him away from the rest of the sentient beings of the galaxy. Or maybe it was just his heritage. There was a permanent Force-link between them now, though weakened by distance. Luke lacked the power to break it. But it was a two-way channel.
There was another presence in his mind as well, much sweeter than the other. The Force-link to Leia was not broken either. Luke blocked it as much as he could, but not enough to miss her emotions. Maybe the Dark Lord did something to his mind, leaving it permanently open to others. But Leia was not a threat to Luke, and his father was far away, for the time being.
Then Too-Onebee came back with the bionic hand, and the procedure to attach it to Luke's stump begun. It wasn't long before the task was finished.
Luke finally relaxed. Soon he drifted into to a light sleep. He could feel, though, all the people in the ship working, laughing, dreaming... He could feel particularly Leia somewhere; she was talking to somebody... Suddenly, three pilots where standing by his bed, smiling at him. Two guys and a young woman, wearing orange flightsuits. Who were they? One of the guys looked just like a younger clone of Han, without the scar. Luke shifted his body from the mattress and looked at them again. They were gone.
When he was fully awake, Luke asked Threepio if somebody had entered the room while he was asleep. "Nobody, Sir" answered the droid.
Then it was another Force vision, he concluded. He thought he had a clue who his visitors were. Luke Skywalker smiled for the first time since his departure from Dagobah. He had just three more reasons to become a Jedi and save the galaxy.
Next morning, Leia came in to see him. She was wearing a senatorial white tunic again. She projected her famous smile at him, a trick learned in her Royal training. It lifted spirits and inspired deeds. Luke took a mental note about talking with Yoda about this. In spite of her smile, Luke could feel the pain around her like a solid wall. Chewie and Lando said goodbye on the intercom, and he replied "May the Force be with you."
His new hand was fully functional, as he could feel. Coming out of his bed, he approached Leia, who was watching the Falcon's departure through the panoramic window. He put his arm over her shoulders, enjoying his newly discovered fraternal feelings for her. It was a peaceful moment. Luke was tempted to say to her, I know about you and Han. It's alright, I love you like a sister , but he believed there would be a better time and a better way.
And as for his own dark secret, he begun to understand why Ben wouldn't tell him: maybe he just couldn't. Maybe he was just afraid.
Luke Skywalker tapped into the Force. He tried to get through the pain that was encasing the Princess just as the carbonite encased her lover, to soothe her.
The Millenium Falcon dashed into hyperspace.