Disclaimer: I do not own CSI, Grissom, Sara, Bobby, Sara's cell phone, Grissom's suitcase and so on...
AN: thanks to my fabulous beta reader Rhee! This fic is dedicated to Myra :) Okay so while everyone writes fics of Griss leaving I wrote one of him coming home ;)
Spoilers: I'm spoilerfree for the next episodes myself so I doubt it...
Raiting: PG 13
Pairing: Grissom/Sara
Summary: Grissom comes home from Williams College... will he and Sara be able to fix things?
Back In Vegas
'We have problems, have had them for a while now and I never wanted to admit that,' He could still hear her words echoing in his head even though they had been spoken three weeks ago and they still made his heart ache the same way as they had back then. 'Maybe we should simply use this as a break and… maybe we should use this break to clear our heads.'
He finally spotted his suitcase on the luggage belt and grabbed it. It wasn't that he expected someone to be waiting for him outside, but still, he couldn't get out of here fast enough.
'It's not what I want, Griss. It's what we need.' And then she had told him not to call anymore, had told him that she needed the time to think and to find out what it was in life she wanted to achieve.
When he had left he had known that there was the chance that she wouldn't be his anymore when he'd return but in his heart he hadn't believed that she'd ever leave him, that was why he was hurting even more. He had allowed her to own his heart and she had filled it with optimism. Optimism, to hell with that!
He had dreamed of her every night and when he'd woken up in the morning his eyes had been all sticky from his dried tears, he had wanted to hold her in his arms so badly, he had wanted to feel her heart beating against his chest while she was sleeping, but all he had were dreams and memories.
He had wanted to be able to call her every night and tell her how much he enjoyed teaching and how much his students enjoyed his classes, had wanted to be able to tell her that he had finally found out what it was that he wanted to do with his life now. Had wanted to tell her that for the first time in his life he knew exactly what it was that he wanted to do… she wouldn't have listened even though these plans were all built up around her, were all involving her as the most important part of his life.
He eventually made his way through the crowded halls of the airport and reached the exit. Glancing around to find a cab his gaze fell on the one person he hadn't expected to see and as his heart skipped a beat he let his suitcase drop to the ground.
Their eyes met as she walked over to him, with her arms crossed over her chest and slightly shaking. She tightened her grip around herself when she stopped in front of him. "Hey." She almost whispered.
"Hey." He replied just as softly, not knowing what to do. Did she want him to touch her? Because he wanted to pull her into his arms really badly and hold her for hours or even days and just forget everything that had happened in the last weeks.
He didn't need to think about it for too long because she made the first step, slowly she brought her right hand up to his cheek and caressed it. "You grew your beard back." He couldn't help but lean his face into her touch and close his eyes. He had missed her so much he couldn't even find the words to describe it.
"It was cold over there." When he opened his eyes again he noticed how much closer to him she was standing now, tears had formed in her eyes and she didn't try to hide them from him.
For a long time they just looked at each other, he let his gaze travel over her face as if this was his very last chance to do so. Those wonderful eyes, brown and deep, mirrors of more emotions he'd ever thought someone would be able to feel, her cute nose that he loved to kiss because it always made her chuckle, those perfect lips, soft and pink and fitting so perfectly against his…
"I thought you might need a ride home." She broke the silence, ripping him out of his thoughts and bringing him back to reality. Was he still allowed to kiss her? Would he ever be allowed to do so again?
He could only nod; there was a knot in his throat that he wasn't able to swallow that easily. She was here after all, but that didn't mean things would ever be the same again. Who knew if they could ever be happy together again? Would she ever let him make all this up to her?
"We should hurry up because I need to get back to work, hot case and I hope Bobby can finally give me the results that we need to nail our suspect." She turned around to lead the way to the car.
For a moment he continued standing there, watching her walk away, wondering if she had left his life already without him even noticing it. But then she turned around again and threw an asking look at him. "You coming?"
He grabbed his suitcase and followed her, not catching up until they had reached the car. Would she be there if she wasn't willing to fix things?
As they had both taken their seats in the car she didn't seem to know what to do. She just sat there, hands on the steering wheel, staring at something he didn't know…
"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding more concerned than he wanted to.
She shook her head. "I feel like nothing's okay lately."
He sighed and reached out for her hand but she pulled away. "So, did they offer you a permanent job?"
"They did." He admitted.
He could see how she swallowed hard and then the tears ran down her cheeks relentlessly. She made no effort to wipe them away. "So you're leaving for good." It wasn't a question, she wasn't asking, she was just assuming.
"No," He wished she'd look at him so she could see in his eyes what he felt for her, how much he loved her and how much he had missed her. "No Sara, do you think I could leave you for good?"
"I don't know what to think anymore." She admitted.
"My life is in Las Vegas. And that was what I told them," This time she let him hold her hand. Gently he squeezed it and then brought it up to his lips, kissing each knuckle. "You," he took a deep breath. "You are my life, Sara, and I will do everything you want me to do if it will just make you come back to me."
"There is so much we have to talk about." She whispered, her voice still sounding sad. "And I don't know where to start and neither do I know… I…"
"Sara," He sighed. "Sara, whatever it is you want to talk about, whatever it is you need to say, I will listen. And I will still be there afterwards, because my feelings for you never changed and they will never change."
"You just left, I mean, you simply ran away." She swallowed hard again. "I know it wasn't so much our relationship or our problems that you ran away from but it felt like it. You tried to fix the problems you had with your job but you completely shut me out of every decision you made and… I, I know I am maybe asking for too much, I should see the progress you already made. I mean after all, three years ago I wouldn't even have expected you to say goodbye to me, three years ago you'd never… I mean you, you changed a lot since we got together, you changed for me and that is more than I ever expected. I guess I was just spoilt because I was used to be let in on your thoughts and feelings."
"I'm sorry for that. I should have discussed it with you before I accepted their offer." He admitted.
"That's not what I mean, I, it's part of it but not everything." She wiped a couple of tears from her cheek. "God damn it, I have no idea how to make it clear to you what I feel."
He felt his heart ache again. "Take your time, we have time."
She was quiet for a moment, and then she took a deep breath. "In the last months, we never really talked anymore. I mean we came home from work, totally stressed out and depressed over cases and pissed off because, because of whatever and just to clear our heads we made love and then went to bed and slept and in the morning we got up and went to work and there we pretended to not be a 'we' or an 'us' however you call that. Afterwards we went home again and… it was always the same."
He knew what she meant, and it wasn't that it hadn't bothered him as well. But before he had left he wouldn't have known how to fix it. Now he did, now he knew how to prevent those things from happening. There was so much that he knew now.
"We used to talk, we used to laugh and have fun, and we used to just spend the whole day cuddling on the sofa or in bed. And I never realized how much I missed those days until that one day the week that you left. In the beginning, you used to schedule us off together; lately you didn't do that anymore. And when you took that day off from work and we had breakfast in bed and then spent all day lying there in each others arms. I thought maybe everything would be fine again, eventually and then you suddenly tell me you would be leaving Vegas for four weeks." She sighed. "In that moment, my whole world broke down. I had just found new hope and then you tell me you'll leave me for a month in order to teach at the other side of the country."
"I miss those days, too," He tried to meet her gaze. "I really want things to change as well, Honey. I don't want to be frustrated anymore because I know that frustrates you as well. I don't want to hide my feelings for you from anyone anymore because it pains me to see how much that hurts you. I want to be able to hold your hand while we walk down the strip, I want to twine my arms around you and kiss you without being worried that one of our colleagues might see us, I want to be able to invite our colleagues and friends over to our house without having to fear that one of them might spot your photos in the bookshelves," He could continue this for hours, but she started to cry harder so he stopped and just pulled her into his arms.
Their position in the car was pretty awkward and uncomfortable but they didn't care. The need to be in each other's arms outweighed everything else. She buried her face in his shirt and sobbed, shaking violently and clinging on to him as if she was scared to lose him again. His arms were twined around her so tightly that he was afraid to suffocate her but still she was pressing her body even closer against his.
After a long time she stopped sobbing and loosened her grip on him. She looked up and their eyes met. He let his one hand slip to her cheek and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I missed you." She whispered softly. "I, I mean, you and… the old, new you…" Then she started to chuckle. "Damn I'm not making any sense."
"That's okay." He smiled at her. "I missed you, too."
"Promise me everything will be alright again." She ran her hand through his hair.
"I promise you that I'll fix everything and I swear that I will make you happy again." He softly grazed her lips with his. "I'll make you smile everyday, will make you laugh and," she silenced him with her lips, kissing him softly.
He closed his eyes and ran his one hand through her hair while his other hand came to rest on her cheek, gently keeping her in place. Taking a deep breath through his nose he inhaled the scent of her shampoo, the familiar scent making him feel like home in a strange way.
The sound of her ringing cell phone interrupted them. At first she tried to ignore it, but he reminded her that it could be Bobby and so she answered the call. "Yes?" She answered breathlessly.
After a few seconds she ended the call. "That was Bobby, he matched the bullets. I have to get to the lab and then call Jim." She buckled up and started the car. "I'll drop you off at home."
"Or we go to the lab together," he offered.
She raised an eyebrow. "You think I'll risk it that you get caught up in a new case and work a 36 hour shift?"
"I thought we could maybe solve one of our main problems by simply telling our colleagues that there is an 'us'." He shrugged, hoping that they really were an 'us' again. Judging from the bright smile on her lips they were.
THE END