Living the Life of a Muggle
Snape has been excommunitcated from the wizarding world for attempting to poison the Queen of England. Now that he's out on his own, how will he cope with the normal, everyday issues we Muggles face? Short and sweet.
Snape woke up to the annoying ringing of an alarm clock at 3am in his breezy, bare apartment. Groaning, he rolled over and fell flat on his face.
"Holy ..." he shouted, clambering to his feet and falling out of the window. A lovely 30 foot drop, wheeee. Lying on the ground, he fell back asleep, and was woken 2 hours later when a dustcart nearly ran him down.
"Who said living like a Muggle was like taking candy from a mandrake?" he muttered, remembering with a flash of fury that Arthur Weasley had told him that, "Retarded son of a ...".
When Snape had climbed the 48 steps back to his room, he stumbled into the bathroom and looked at his tired face in the mirror. He touched his greasy hair, greasier than usual, and decided to wash it.
Muttering to himself, he pulled open the shower curtain and stepped - or rather slipped - inside. Back on his feet, he looked up at the shower above his head. He pressed the big blue button on the wall next to him and instantly, icy cold water came bucketing down onto his head.
"CRAP!" he shouted, running backwards and falling out of the curtains. He pressed the red button next, and felt his head searing with pain as the hot water burned him.
Giving up all hope entirely, Snape went into the bathroom and picked up a tub of gel. Unfortunatly, it was tanning cream. Oblivious to the difference, he moulded it into his hair, dragged on a tatty sweater and jeans, and stepped outside.
Snape walked up the street, trying to read the shopping list scrawled on his arm, which had been washed off in the shower to leave a messy blue blur. Cursing, he walked into the local grocery shop. When the door made an irritating noise, he cursed even more and made his way to the bread aisle. He picked up a pot of treacle, a pack of sugar, a block of blue cheese, some butter and a bottle of lemonade. He was making his way to the counter when two people he didn't want to see arrived.
Harry and Ron spotted Snape almost instantly and burst out laughing. Scowling, Snape turned - and saw his reflection in the drinks cabinet opposite. His hair, which he thought he had gelled, had turned a bright sickly green colour.
Harry and Ron were practically choking with laughter, and now the rest of the store had joined in. Fingers pointed at Snape, and quite fuming, he payed for his food and left the store.
When Snape had finally ran home, with laughter ringing in his head, he made his way to the kitchen and tipped his groceries onto the table. After eating pizza and kebabs nearly every day, he decided he was going to make a cake. He could make advanced potions, so how hard could it be?
He grabbed the treacle and tipped it into a large bowl. Then he mixed it round and began adding the butter and the sugar in large amounts, followed by the lemonade and the cheese. He chucked in some water and shoved it in the oven.
Once his "cake" was slowly burning away, he plopped himself on the sofa and started scanning the personals. He needed something to do with his life.
But unfortunatlely, Harry and Ron were one step ahead. They had placed an ad in the paper that would most certainly gain Snape's intrest - and it did. Sadly, Snape had no time to read it, because the smoke alarms were ringing and flashing blue lights were coming in through his window as fire fighters clambered in and dragged him away before tackling the flaming cake.
When Snape finally got to rest his head in his burned down house, he sighed and wished he had just gotten the pay rise he wanted.
The End :)