You Can Shine
510 Gapfiller
Brian's POV
"This just in from WDBX News - there's been an explosion at Babylon, a local gay club, where a political fundraiser was underway tonight. Authorities fear there may be many injuries, possibly fatalities. Police say there's no word yet..."
The rest of the news brief quickly tuned itself out of my head; now I can hear only mumbled sentences strung together by jumbled up words that make no sense to me. I barely register myself telling the driver to turn around. All I can think of is Babylon.
Babylon.
My Babylon.
I'm not thinking about the expenses nor the damages, although I'll have to ream someone's ass for it at one point. Lights, tables, bar, dance floor, all of that is so cosmetic, so replaceable. There were people in there, actual living people whose lives are - were? - in the hands of some fucker with no conscience, no soul.
What if he squeezed his hands so tightly their lives were lost already?
No. I refuse to even let that thought get any further into me. It feels like hours have gone by - it's been two and a half minutes. I tell the driver to hurry up, to slam his foot on the gas and break every law Pittsburgh has if he could justfuckinggetusthere. I hear my own heartbeat in my ears, my chest is pounding with pain built from fear and anxiety.
Lindsay. Michael. Debbie. Melanie. The good professor. Theodore. Emmett. Jennifer. Justin.
Justin.
Despite everything, all the bullshit, all of the drama, they're family. They are all family. They are all my family and they could all be dead in one shot. In one instant, one second, they could have been taken from me. So many things we haven't done, haven't said, and we may never because of some stupid shit that will probably never be identified and therefore never charged. He might have altered my life indefinitely and justice will never be brought to the son of a bitch.
How would I handle that? I wouldn't, plain and fucking simple. Cancer didn't kill me, syphilis didn't stop me, but this would do both in an instant.
Justin.
His name, his smile, his voice, the feel of his skin, they all flow into me like a bullet through the heart and all I can feel is him, all I can see and think of is him. His aura is surrounding me and Christ that is something Ben would say but it's true; it's as though I'm drowning in the thought of him. With shaky hands, I pull my cell out of my pocket, fingers instinctively dialing a number so familiar the phone probably knew to dial it on its own.
Ring. Ring.
Come on you stupid twat, pick up your phone.
Ring. And another. and another.
If he's all right, I'm going to smack his tight little ass so hard he'll never forget it. If he's not...
It still feels like hours, but now it's been eight and a half minutes. I almost make a move to tell the driver he's not flooring it fast enough, but I stop myself at the sudden onslaught of lights and sounds.
We finally arrived and I wish like hell that we hadn't.
Even through the thick glass windows, I can hear the sirens and the commotion, the sounds of people screaming, crying, shouting. So many bodies running across the street in front of me frantically, half in firefighter suits, most covered in blood or ash or both. I feel lightheaded and unable to breathe. I try redialing Justin's number but there's still no answer. If I leave the car, I will have to go out there, into this inferno, and find their bodies - no. I am going to leave this car, regain my bearings, go into that inferno, and find them - find him. I will not leave without him.
Taking a breath, I finally reach for the door handle and pull it, and the smell of smoke assaults my senses even from this distance. Stepping out, I still can't make what people are saying, I can only hear their voices but not the words slipping past their lips.
I am going to find them, and find him, tear him a new one for scaring the shit out of me again, and... I am going to tell him. I am going to tell him what he's known all along but it took a piece of shit and his bomb to get me to let go and say it. Whoever did this hasn't defeated us, he's only made us stronger, thicker-skinned.
I love you, Sunshine. I'm going to find you and tell you to your face.