"Something is always going to separate us. It's going to be a disease or an accident. As long as I'm human. And the only solution is for you to change me."
I wasn't feeling well. I was feeling nervous and anxious for the last two days. Since my birthday accident. Alice disappeared, she went with Jazz to Alaska. Emmett and Rose apparently went back to Europe. I didn't get the chance to talk to Esme or Carlisle. And Edward was… cold. I'm not referring to his body temperature. He's been distant, pushing me away.
But today I wasn't just feeling well, not just because of that. I was physically unwell. Maybe I shouldn't go to school. Charlie was already gone to work, and I could skip today. I never skipped anyway. Yeah, I should go back to sleep. Maybe when I wake up I'll be feeling better.
"Bella" I heard Edward call, "Wake up"
"Edward?" I asked groggily
"Why aren't you ready for school?" he asked.
I opened my eyes and he was sanding close to my window. I shouldn't be surprise he wasn't physically close to me. It was like he was avoiding me lately.
"I'm staying home today" I murmured.
"Why?" he asked.
His voice was cold, and there wasn't emotion on it. It was like a punch to my heart. He always spoke with me with a soothing, loving voice. But lately his voice is becoming cold, and today it was sub-zero.
"It doesn't matter" I said not wanting to worry anyone.
"I wanted to talk to you" he said.
I had a bad feeling about this. I took a deep breath and tried to sit up. I did, but my head was spinning.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes" I said nodding ignoring the dizziness.
"Can we talk somewhere else?" he asked frowning.
"Edward, I'm still in my PJ's. Let's talk here" I asked, "Sit"
"I'm fine" he said.
He stayed silent for a couple minutes, staring at me. His eyes were cold but for a second I saw a sparkle of longing.
"Yes, Edward?" I asked not standing the tense silence anymore.
"We're leaving" he simply stated.
"Hm… Why now?" was all I could think.
I knew this was related with his family leaving. His sibling were all gone, because of me, I was sure. Maybe he wanted to leave, so we could spend more time with his family.
"Carlisle is supposed to look ten years older than he looks. People are starting to notice"
"Okay. Give me some time, to find something to say to Charlie…" I was interrupted by him, shaking his head. "When you say 'we'…?" I asked afraid of the answer.
"I mean my family and myself" he said.
What was he saying? He was leaving me? Why? I knew I was separating his family, but he would leave me because of that. No. This has to be about the party.
"What happened with Jazz it's nothing" I said taking a deep breath.
"You're right. It was nothing. Nothing but what I always expected, and nothing compared to what could have happened" he said, "You just don't belong to my world, Bella"
"I belong with you!" I shouted.
"No, you don't"
"I'm coming" I said.
I got up, almost tripping but reached him, and put my arms tightly around his waist. Like I could keep him here just by holding him.
"I don't want you to come" he said trying to pull me away.
I was hyperventilating, I was dizzy, and trying with all I had not throw up.
"You don't want me?" I asked slowly.
The words didn't seem right. I always knew I wasn't enough for him, but to hear him said.
"No"
"If this is about my soul… Take it! I don't want it without you" I said desperate to hear him say he still cared a little for me, for my soul, at least.
"It's not about your soul. You're not good for me" he said.
I pulled away, and looked into his eyes. I looked for something, a sparkle of indecision, anything I could use to make him stay.
"I'm not good enough" I corrected him.
"I'm just sorry I let this go on for so long" he murmured.
I looked at floor. This couldn't be happening. No. He couldn't leave me. My physical sickness was completely forgotten. I could only feel a hollow forming in my chest.
"Please… Don't" I begged.
"Goodbye" he murmured.
He took a step closer but I couldn't stand anymore. My knees couldn't hold me anymore, and I fell. He caught me before I hit the ground, and placed me in bed.
"Bella, say something" he asked putting his hand in my forehead. "You're burning"
"Edward. Please!" I begged again before everything went black.
"Bella! Please!" I heard Edward say.
I could hear concern, desperation in his voice, and I smiled a little. I was dreaming. Edward is been cold, emotionless. Edward left. I felt cold wind in my face and I shivered. I opened my eyes, and realized I was in Edward's car, with the window open. He stopped the car and less than a minute later he took me from my seat, carrying me bridal style.
"Carlisle" he called.
I looked around and realized we were in the ER.
"Edward, I want to go home. I'm tired" I murmured.
"What happened?" Carlisle said and I realized he just arrived here too.
"She fainted and she's burning in fever!" Edward said.
"Come" Carlisle said. Edward followed him.
"Edward, don't go" I whispered.
"No, I won't go. Just please, stay with me" he said.
"I am. I just want to sleep a little, Edward" I murmured.
I was too tired to keep my eyes open.
"Bella, you have to stay up, okay? You can't sleep" Carlisle asked when Edward put me down on a stretcher.
I nodded but my eyes did the opposite, closing and dragging me to unconsciousness.
"Bella! Please! Look at me!" Edward asked frenetically.
I opened my eyes, just a little and looked at him. He looked so worried. But still was so beautiful. I couldn't believe my luck. And I understood why he would leave. There was nothing in me that could keep him.
"She seems physically okay, just extremely tired" Carlisle told him, "Did you feel anything uncommon lately, Bella?"
"I was feeling sick since last night. My head was hurting and my stomach was uneasy" I said and loked at Edward, "It's just stress. I… I was worried"
"About what?" a nurse that was checking my blood pressure asked.
"You were distant, cold, emotionless with me the last days" I said to Edward and the tears escaped.
"I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me. Please" he begged resting his head in my arm.
"It's okay. You're here, and you're your old self again. That's what matters" I said.
"I need to run some blood tests" Carlisle said giving Edward a pointed look, but Edward didn't seem to move at the mention of blood.
"Carlisle, really, it's okay. I just need some sleep" I said closing my eyes.
"No, Bella" Carlisle said, "You have to stay awake"
"Bella, please, open your eyes for me" Edward asked.
I really wanted to deny them, but I couldn't deny anything that Edward asked with such desperation in his voice. I opened my eyes looked at Edward.
"You can't sleep. If you fainted it can be serious and we can't let you sleep" Carlisle said.
"Honey, I need to put the IV" the nurse said.
I nodded and she took my arm. I squeezed Edward's hand tight when the needle touched my skin.
"I'm going to give her something, to keep her awake. So we need to take her blood for test now, Edward" Carlisle said.
"Go, I'll be okay" I told Edward.
"No, I'll stay" Edward said.
"They won't take long. You don't need to suffer here, go while they take my blood, and come back as soon as possible" I said.
"I won't leave you" he said. "I'll be fine"
"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked.
Edward just nodded. Carlisle told the nurse he would take care of it, so we were alone. Carlisle did everything at vampire speed, probably to not take long, and not torture Edward. Edward was tense the whole time but didn't take his eyes from mine.
"Here, this will keep you awake" Carlisle said injecting something in the IV.
A couple minutes later, I wasn't in such strong need to sleep, but I was still feeling tired. Carlisle left with my blood and Edward stayed beside me holding my hand.
"Don't leave" I asked.
"I'm not going" he said.
"Déjà vu. You said that in Phoenix, in the hospital" I said, "And you almost left today. Why?"
"We can't be around you, Bella. We threaten your life every minute we are with you. You should have a normal human life"
"Who wants a normal human boring life?" I said trying to lighten up but failing miserably. "Don't you see how many times you saved me?"
"I put you in danger. I'm not saving you if I'm the danger" he said.
"Didn't we talk about this before?" I said bemused, "I would have died with Tyler's van, or in Port Angeles… How many times I was in danger and you weren't related! Like today. I would be still in my room, feeling sick, with fever, and probably passed out, alone"
"You wouldn't if I haven't stressed you lately. I'm sorry" he murmured.
"Stop saying you're sorry, and say you won't leave, never" I said.
"Bella, you have to understand…"
"So, you want to leave?" I asked with tears escaping, "It's okay Edward. You can go"
"I don't want to go" he said and dried the tears with his fingers. "I'm just trying to do what's best for you"
"You're the best thing that happened to me. So how leaving me is the best?"
"Okay, let's not argue" he said and kissed my cheek. "You can't be stressed."
"You're overreacting. It must be just a cold, that got worse with stress" I said. "I'm telling you, I just need some sleep. Why can't I?"
"Carlisle is afraid you sleep and…" he didn't continued.
"And what?"
"When someone faints, and stays out for half an hour like you did, without a cause, and with a fever as high as yours… He's afraid you get in coma if you sleep" he said.
"Okay, it's not just you is overreacting" I said rolling my eyes.
"Nothing is overreacting with you. You're the most important thing to me, and I'm reacting enough" he said.
I tried to sat up, but was feeling too tired and he pushed me down.
"What do you need?" he asked.
"A kiss" I said.
He smiled and leaned in and gave me a peck. We stayed there, in silence, just holding hands and listening to my annoying heart beat in the monitor. A nurse came back twenty minutes later. She asked me how I was and I told I was feeling better. She said Carlisle asked us to meet him in his office if I was feeling well enough for it. She and Edward tried to convince me to use a wheel chair, but I denied. Apparently Carlisle had the test results already, and I didn't need the IV, so she took it off. Edward and I walked to Carlisle's office. Edward helped me a little, putting an arm in my waist and practically dragging me.
"Let me carry you" he said half the way there.
"No! It's too embarrassing. I'm not an invalid" I said.
"So stubborn" he said amused.
When we reached the office Carlisle opened the door and motioned us to sit.
"Actually, Edward, I might have to ask you to leave" Carlisle said before sitting down.
"What?" Edward asked confused, "Why?"
"Confidentiality. I wouldn't have to ask, if you were relative. But as you're just her boyfriend, I need you to leave and if Bella chooses she can tell you later"
"Cut the bullshit Carlisle! What is going on?" Edward asked clearly annoyed.
"Is it bad?" I asked cautiously.
Carlisle didn't answer, and I could tell by Edward's frown he was hiding his thoughts too. It was bad. I sighed. What could it be? Did I want Edward to know? No. Maybe he should leave. I would tell him if necessary.
"Edward, you should leave" I murmured looking at my folded hands in my lap.
"What?" he asked sounding hurt.
"I'll tell you later, okay? Just… Let me talk to Carlisle about whatever this is" I said.
"Fine, Bella" he said.
He sounded so hurt, that it was like I betrayed him. He got up and left shutting the dor loudly.
"Edward, please, leave the area. I don't want you to listeny my thoughts" Carlisle said.
I couldn't hear anything, but Carlisle sighed in frustration so I take that Edward's answer was negative.
"Edward, please, give us some privacy" I asked.
After half a minute, Carlisle nodded. I took a deep breath, and motioned him to say something. He extended me papers, and looked like test results.
"Bella, I… I'm sorry, I really am… But the tests are indicating cancer" he said.
I stared at him in shock. I had cancer? I leaned back in the seat and my head started thinking in the consequences this would bring.
"What type?" I asked after a few minutes.
"I can't tell just by a blood test, we would need a few other tests" he said. "There is history in your family?"
I closed my eyes, and tears fell, and I cursed myself for not realizing it sooner.
"My grandaunt. She had leukemia" I murmured.
"It might not be it. It's not a close relative, so there is hope" he said.
"But I still have cancer" I said, "I'll still die, we are just discussing from what exactly"
"Bella, with treatment people live there whole lives" he said getting up and walking to me, "You don't need to worry. I'll make sure you have the best, and this will affect your life minimally" he said and hugged me.
I hugged him back, and cried in his shoulder. When I calmed down he pulled away and sat in the chair beside me.
"So what do we do now?" I asked.
"We need to do some tests. Find out what type it is, how advanced is, and how to proceed the treatment" he said.
"Wouldn't be easier to talk to Alice?" I asked.
"Well, it would be. But this isn't anyone's decision so maybe she won't see anything, and we need the exams to prove you need treatment, you know, formalities"
"Sure" I said.
"And if we ask her, there is the 'telling' situation… Are you going to tell someone?" he asked.
I knew he was talking about Edward and the rest of the family. Should I tell Edward?
"No" I said, "Edward already treats me like I'm made of glass. And I don't want to see pity in people's eyes. If this gets worse, and I need, I'll tell who needs to know. I would really appreciate if we kept this between us, Carlisle"
"Of course. I understand" he said.
"I should leave now, Edward will burst thru this door at any moment" I said.
"Okay, I'll schedule the tests and will let you know"
I nodded and he walked me until the front entrance where Edward suddenly appeared, looking concerned.
"Hey, I'm ready to go" I said.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's nothing for you to worry, Edward" I said and kissed Carlisle's cheek, "Thanks, Carlisle. See you soon"
"You're more than welcome, Bella" Carlisle said.
I took Edward's arm, trying to drag him out of there, but he kept staring at Carlisle. Probably looking for an answer.
"Edward, please, I want to go home" I said.
"She can sleep?" Edward asked.
"She's perfectly fine to do everything. It was just a virus and we gave her some antibiotics. Actually, here" he said taking a paper from his pocket and extending it to me. "The prescription for the antibiotic" he said.
"Oh, thanks" I said taking it and putting in my pocket.
"Take it when you wake up and before sleep, and if you feel sick or anything, call me" he said.
"Thanks, I will" I said and pulled Edward's arm again, "Come on, please"
He sighed before turning to me, and walking me to the car. We went in silence and he stopped in the drugstore. But before I could get out of the car he stopped me.
"You're not going to tell me? You're going to leave me worrying?" he asked.
"Edward, I'm sorry… It's… It's nothing for you to worry about, okay" I said.
"Then tell me and I'll decide if I should worry about it or not" he said.
Without anything to say, I said the only, most embarrassing thing I could come up with, and knew he would leave it alone.
"It's really private, personal. Hm… Womanly" I said blushing. His eyes grew wide, and he sighed, but looked away, clearly embarrassed. "It got worse because of the stress. That's it. Please, let's not talk about it" I said.
"Sure" he said, "Sorry"
"It's okay" I said still blushing, "I should go in there alone" I said getting out of the car. I turned back, remembering I needed money.
"Sorry, did you bring my wallet?" I asked Edward.
"No" he said but took his wallet, "Here"
He gave me his credit card and told me the code. I felt flattered, I mean, with this card and the code I probably could end the economic problems of a country. A little one, but still… I smiled and went back to the drugstore. I got my antibiotic and got back to the car.
"Thanks" I said closing the door and giving the card back.
"You're welcome" he said. "Sorry I insisted in the… issue."
"It's fine, let's forget it" I said blushing.
He took me back home, and insisted I ate something, since it was past lunch and I hadn't eat anything. I told him I wasn't hungry, just tired. He took a glass of water for me to take the antibiotic, but still didn't ask anything about it anymore. It was the most embarrassing lie I told, but I was glad. And I was glad he didn't hear my mind. I asked him to stay with me while I slept, and he did. I fell asleep in his arms, and dreamt Carlisle would tell me everything was fine and it was a big mistake. But the happy part, beside this, it was that Edward would stay with me forever.