The music was playing softly, my feelings resembling the song on the radio.
A Different Kind of Pain.
I needed to call somebody, somebody to come and help me through this.
I couldn't handle my pain alone.
Speed, Sadie, Mason, even Liam. No, they were all sleeping like normal people.
There was one person to help me.
But he caused the pain in the first place.
It was last night; he and Sadie had a fight.
He drove over, I was watching Big Brother.
"Let me in Jude." He cried.
I stumbled over to the door, tripping over a fallen shoe.
"Tommy." I breathlessly gasped.
Tears were running down his face.
I've never seen Tommy cry.
Feelings of pain, worry, hope, and possible love shot through my body.
They disintegrated but one lingered and touched my lips, beckoning for me to speak it.
Love.
God, why do his eyes gaze at me, why do they make me want to hold him, every time?
Every damn time.
I led him inside the house.
I knew he and Sadie had fought. Sadie called.
Tommy had been accused of cheating.
But I knew he didn't.
"Sadie..." He whispered, like she was actually there.
"She called Quincy." I gently stroked his cheek.
He looked up at me. His eyes burning holes into my heart.
"I never cheated..." He whispered again.
"I know." I whispered tenderly, bringing him into a tight embrace.
"Why are you crying?" I asked.
I've seen him get upset, sad, and possibly mourn over Sadie's quarrels, but never like this.
He pulled away from the embrace and looked into my eyes again.
"I love you Jude." He whispered.
I think I blacked out for five seconds, when I opened my eyes I was in a lip lock.
With Tommy.
I was kissing Tommy.
He said he loved me.
I pushed him away.
"No!" I cried, wiping my mouth with my sleeve.
"Jude..." He whispered, bringing his hands to my face.
"No! Don't Jude me!" I pushed him away, and kept pushing.
He stumbled into the couch, I punched his chest and he just stood there.
Why wouldn't he move?
I was beating his chest with my small, balled up fists.
And he didn't react.
He just looked down at me.
Eventually he pulled me into a tight embrace, and my arms shot around his back.
"You don't love me..."
He tightened his grip on my back, "Yes I do girl."
I don't know how love can turn to pain, but somehow mine did.
I was afraid.
I am afraid.
I didn't want to love him.
I was scared he would leave.
Desert me.
Forget about me.
But now I realize he does love me.
I open my cell phone.
My fingers glide across the numbers.
"Jude."
"Tommy."
I slumped against the back of the couch, sinking to the hardwood floor.
Etta James was singing.
"At last." I whispered.
"My love has come along." Tommy replied.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you Jude."
I forgot everything in my life then. All of the heartbreak, torture, and work I've been put through just to make it this far didn't matter anymore. I didn't need to be a rock star, a singer, or a songwriter, I just needed to be his, I needed to be his girl.
And I am.