Alia: I decided to go ahead and post this because I know a few people are probably pissed at me for not posting the last chapter of TTS. Sorry. It will be up either this week or sometime this month, but there was a lot to finish (if it isn't over 60 pages now, I'll be pretty damned surprised. I'm sure it's hit 70.) I've had some drama come up in my life and my computer had issues, but I'm back to writing and here is a treat until I finish TTS. Not my best, but I thought I would show you that I wasn't completely hopeless. Another oneshot should be coming sooner or later.
Title: Final Decisions (or To All You Sappy HPSS Lovers!)
Author: Alia
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry Potter / Severus Snape
Summary: Something painful happens to Severus. What is his final decision?
Warnings: angst, slash, mention of sex, unbetaed
Disclaimers: I don't own HP (it's Rowling's)
Author's notes: I was reading this fanfic where Harry was planning to do something hurtful to Severus. He did it and everyone was sad before Harry realized he loved Sev and wanted him back. I was not in the most emotionally stable frame of mind at the time and...well it wasn't pretty. I got hit with a really dark mood. And this is what came from that. I don't know if I'll continue it. If I hit another mood like that, maybe I will. For now, it's complete.
Final decisions (or To All You Sappy HPSS Lovers!)
Storming back and forth before the large stone fireplace, Severus's could feel the shaking grow down. Past his skin, through his muscles, into his blood, just so that it could bury itself deep into his bones.
/That bastard. I never thought…that utterly heartless son of a bitch!/
To most people, Severus would sound like a complete hypocrite but he didn't care, because he had never done something so hurtful to someone. He played games with people's heads and negative emotions of course. Who didn't? Besides Severus had years of experience with it being a spy and all.
However, when it came to the matters of the heart, Severus actually left those alone. He tried to never do anything that involved or interfered with a person's amorous emotions. His mother had been too much of a hopeless romantic and had over time pushed such thoughts into her son's mind.
So while Severus might be a bastard, he wasn't quite as bad as Dumbledore's golden Gryffindor, Harry Potter.
Severus's eyes impossibly darkened further with rage. He clenched his fists tightly in his hands, unconsciously sending his nails tearing deep into flesh. /How dare he? HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO ME?!/
Slamming his eyes shut and gritting his teeth, Severus pulled his arms into his chest and shook. It had been years since he'd felt such anger and hatred but now it was back, deep inside him and spreading throughout every inch of his body.
/That fucking prat!/ The shaking worsened even more. /The utter gall! How could he DO THIS!/
Severus sensed, for just a moment like he was being ripped apart, but he quickly realized it as hatred settling on gently upon his already awakened ire.
His onyx eyes opened and Severus felt that he was suffocating, that the air was both too hot and too cold for him to breath. The potions master gasped desperately and clawed at his throat and chest. Despite the deep amounts of air he felt rushing into his lungs, he thought that it wasn't nearly enough to help him.
/What has he done to me? WHAT HAS HE DONE? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?! OH MERLIN, HELP ME!!!/
Dropping to his knees, Severus could feel the shaking increase even more. His breathing worsened and the professor wondered if he was going to live through what his anger and hatred were doing to him or would it just consume him. It seemed that way to Severus.
/…Too close…the fire…/
But Severus knew that the fire wasn't what was consuming him. He continued gasping for breath and wrapped his arms around himself only to jump in shock as he felt something drop on his hand.
/Blood?/ He thought impassively as his eyes became unfocused.
He looked down and his eyes cleared just as more moisture danced over his right hand that clench at the starch white shirt over his chest. This time, when his eyes unfocused, Severus knew what it was, and he couldn't believe it.
/Tears…Is this what I've been reduced to? Tears…/
Severus closed his eyes and dropped his upper body to the floor, sobbing at having his heart, cold though it may have been at times, ripped from his chest and torn to pieces.
He should have known from the start after the younger man had come back to teach. He should have known that Gryffindors have a thing for revenge. They were more heartless and dark then they wanted to admit.
After promising, Dumbledore and McGonagal that he would either be kind or totally neutral to the new professor, he had been surprised and rather annoyed that Harry Potter had appeared to be the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor.
Severus had kept his promise nonetheless. When there had been no choice but to speak to Potter, the potions professor had spoken coolly and without emotion to the man. Otherwise, Severus made the polite choice of totally ignoring him. There were even blissful moments when he totally forgot that Potter was even a professor at Hogwarts.
He should have realized that things were just too simple. He should have realized that something terrible was going to happen. He just hadn't expected it to go so badly, or for it to happen to him.
Potter had started becoming more friendly towards him after the first few months of school, just at the end of November and right after Thanksgiving. Albus and Minerva were proud of him because of it and beamed like proud parents at every one of Potter's ventures. Severus had brushed the younger man off continuously, wishing to maintain the cool yet polite relationship that they had between them.
Each time, unfortunately, Potter would only return. Any excuse would be used, talking about students, staff, and political issues. Potter thought that anything was fair game. Severus ignored the man most of the time but annoying chatter while you are trying to write caustic comments on the stupidity of your dim-witted students was distracting.
It was after a while, just before the winter holidays, that Severus began getting involved with the once one-sided conversations. He slowly learned over time that while Potter was nowhere near his idea of intelligence, the younger wizard wasn't as stupid as he once thought.
Time went on and by late February, the two were what could be called sociable colleagues.
He should have seen it coming but had been lost in his own ignorance. He should have seen the train coming just before it hit him. He hadn't.
The day Potter kissed him Severus had thrown the idiot out of his rooms and on his arse. He had yelled and shouted and railed against Potter's utter idiocy at thinking that Severus was interested in him. Never mind that the potions master was interested in the younger man. Potter was a gorgeous man and you would have to be terribly dim not to see it.
Severus had then gone on trying to ignore and avoid the DADA professor only for the man to hunt him down each day and apologize for his behavior and confess that he really did feel something for Severus.
The potions master didn't believe a word of it. However, it wasn't long before Minerva had come to scream and fuss at him for being a bastard to the younger man. She had yelled that everyone could see that poor Harry's feelings were actually genuine and that Severus should give the young man a chance to prove himself.
More fool he was, Severus had reluctantly agreed and began a more romantic relationship with Potter.
He was a damn fool. He was an ignorant fool. And a heartbroken one at that.
When Severus fell in love with the Golden boy of Gryffindor, he hadn't known what to do. He certainly had not talked to anyone about it, not even Albus who would only twinkle at him happily. He had paced until his legs were sore and his knees could take no more, allowed restless thoughts to run rampant through his mind to cause him loss of sleep, and had even taken points from Slytherin for rather stupid reasons (not that the other houses were spared his wrath).
It was near the end of the year when Severus had told Harry, finally admitted what he felt toward the young man. Potter had practically glowed when he heard Severus speak those three little words. They had gone to bed not long afterwards for the first time since Severus had always been so cautious with the relationship.
Apparently, he had gone soft since the war because only a damn ignorant fool of a Hufflepuff would have missed what was really happening.
The next morning, Severus had awakened to a dress and very smug looking Harry Potter standing at the end of his bed. It had been so strange that he would have a dreamless night, only to awaken into a nightmarish morning.
Everything. Potter had told him how he'd made had made a bet with himself that he could utterly humiliate Severus.
He told the stunned potions master all about how he'd planned the seduction, knowing that all that he needed to do was wear Snape down. About how he played the lovesick fool so that sooner or later Severus would think Harry loved him. He told Severus about how he slowly wrapped the potions master around his little finger without Snape realizing a damn thing was happening.
Severus had been shocked silent as Potter laughed cruelly at him, tearing his person apart, from his personality to his physical self.
"Who the fuck would really want you Snape? Did you really think that I would?"
A GODDAMN FOOL.
Severus curled up, his back against his couch and his arms wrapped around his legs. He laid his head down solemnly on his knees as desperate sobs tore through him, despondency melting away his hatred and replacing his anger with sorrow.
He'd fallen in love and been utterly betrayed from the very beginning. Severus hadn't been able to believe that Potter was capable of doing something so vindictive, but apparently Severus was wrong. It was just a shame that he hadn't known about any of it in the first place.
/Oh Merlin…/ He thought miserably as his sobs slowed and his tears continued to spill.
The Hogwarts professor couldn't believe what the horrible situation had caused him to do. That the Gryffindor he had loved, and that had betrayed him, had reduced him to such an unstable emotional state. He couldn't believe that Severus Snape was sitting on the floor of his quarters, sobbing his eyes out because his bastard lover had betrayed him.
It was made even worse by the fact that others knew what had happened. Later that morning, Potter's best friend showed up to the castle and after seeing Severus angrily head toward the Great Hall, had smirked and laughed at him. Severus had looked at Ronald Weasley's face for only a moment before storming out enraged at what had happened.
/What do I do? What do I do now?/
He hadn't felt so hurt since his school days and even then had not acted so out of character emotionally. Severus's reaction was so shocking that he hadn't the slightest clue of how to react to what his lover, his former lover, had done.
However, above all else, Severus Snape was a survivor, and most of all, he was a Slytherin. So Severus decided to do what any Slytherin in their right mind would do in his situation.
Black eyes slowly stopped their flow of water, only leaving dry tracks as Severus raised his head and stared off into a void.
He knew what he wanted. He knew what needed to be done regardless of the feelings he still had for Harry Potter.
/Revenge./
The End (for now?)