"All monsters are human."
American Horror Story Asylum
She doesn't know when he became a monster. He had always been mean, nasty, spoiled, cruel even. But now it was…..different. She observes him as he butters his toast one chilly November morning. The slightly irritating confidence and pride normally framed in his gray eyes is gone, replaced by an icy emptiness. She doesn't realize she's staring until his steel orbs click on hers. They seem to soften for a moment before returning to their now usual state of cool indifference.
"Need something Greengrass?"
Asteria shakes her head and tries to focus on her sister's detailed description of the banana shaped mole on Blaise Zabini's ass. But she can feel his eyes on her and it gives her a deep sense of dread. And excitement.
She doesn't know when he became a monster, but everyday she becomes more afraid. She's spent her whole life watching him from the background, whether it was at one of the lavish pureblood parties she attended as a kid or evenings in the Slytherin common room hearing him tell jokes and mock muggleborns. She has always had some sick fascination with him. But now it's different. Asteria races to the fourth year dormitory after her last class in order to avoid his glances. She goes to sleep before the other girls in her room so that she does not have to listen to them talk about what he's been doing for the "cause". She knows… he showed pretty much everybody his Mark when he got it, but if she ignores it it's like its not real. And she's doing a good job; snogging Kent Woodward on Friday nights and studying for classes and pretending to be excited about Christmas. But he still finds her. It's two weeks before the holidays and Asteria is in the back of the library, trying to find a book on beauty spells thanks to a bad haircut from Daphne. She doesn't notice him slip next to her until he whispers in her ear.
"Meet me in the Astronomy Tower at midnight."
She almost collapses from the fear and pleasure the feeling of his lips against her ear elicits. Before she can reply he is gone.
She doesn't know a lot of things, but she knows meeting him is a bad idea. For one thing he's a death eater, A DEATH EATER!, and he's probably killed people and is going to do the same to her. But he's hot, but he's a DEATH EATER!, but she's loved him since she was little and she knows there is no turning back now. She arrives at the Tower at 12:30, doesn't want to seem too eager, and finds him staring out at the Black Lake. She doesn't think he notices her but soon enough his eyes are upon her, drinking in every dip and curve of her body with a melancholy satisfaction. He looks away.
"Why are you here?"
"Because you told me to be?"
"Since when do you do what I tell you?"
She knows it's a trap. He wants her to listen to what he says, wants her to admit she loves him, wants her to commit to the oblivion that comes with Draco Malfoy. And she wants too. So badly. But she's read the fairy tales and know that the monster never gets a happy ending. And neither does his monster girlfriend, for that is what he's made her, a monster in her own right. A monster for loving him.
She doesn't want to believe it, but Dumbledore is dead and even if it wasn't his wand, it's Draco's fault. Asteria's world has always been full of "pure" blood and "pure" ideals, but she didn't think it would ever come to this. Her parents have managed to stay out of You-Know-Who's inner circles, but that's mainly due to their mediocrity as a witch and wizard. That night has shattered something deep within her. Hardly a day goes by that Asteria doesn't dream about green light and bleeding friends and Daphne screaming. And she knows she can't run from it anymore. The Greengrass' may be known for their wishy washy, passive aggressive allegiance to the Dark Lord but Asteria is more than that. That night as she packs her things she decides to spend her summer at Bridget's house. Living with muggles might be dangerous, hell its probably the stupidest thing she could do right now. However, she figures she's royally fucked either way and would rather die defending what she believes in than blindly accepting her friends' philosophies. As she folds her Slytherin sweater into her trunk she notices a slip of paper tucked into her potions book,
Don't do anything you'll regret.
There's no doubting who its from,;the silver ink, the fancy, scented parchment, the flourished letters all point to their creator. The monster has spoken. He demands obedience. It flutters to the floor as she makes her way out of the green room she will never enter again.
"Since what do I do what you tell me," she mutters on the stairs.
She doesn't know when she started hating him, but each day it eats away at her more. She's spent the year in the Ravenclaw common room; even if she wanted to go back the Slytherin's would kill her on sighting. She feels their stares in the hallway and hears their unspoken threats at night in her sleep. He's gone a lot. Probably has a lot of muggleborns to torture and kill. Since she can't seem to kick her obsession with him, hating him becomes the driving force of her life. She spends class imagining different ways she could kill him, wondering what would hurt the most or spill the most blood. She dreams of being the one to finish him, the cheers of fellow non-monsters ringing in her ears at breakfast. He never looks at her. She would know if he did. He is slowly but surely withering away, his body and personality being eroded by fear and horror and guilt. It's like Christmas every time she notices his decaying form. The world could certainly do without a git like him. No words pass between them until the Battle of Hogwarts. Asteria is trying to fight off a death eater, likely some cousin of hers, when she sees him running up the main staircase. His hair is tarnished, as if he's been in some kind of fire, and his eyes hold something they haven't in awhile. Emotion. He is frantically looking around the main hall and when he sees her his body sags in relief. He is running toward her, throwing off the death eater in her way and quickly picking up the wounded first year she was trying to defend.
"Asteria, you've got to get out of here." She despises herself for how quickly the hate gives way to joy at hearing her name tumble from his mouth for the first time. And then it's gone.
"Fuck you," she mumbles as she blows him away with a stun spell.
This is no longer about him.
She doesn't know when he became a monster, but she's also not sure when he stopped being one. In the year following the Battle they hardly see each other. Asteria has gotten her own flat in London in order to avoid her family and she hears he's been hiding in Malfoy Manor. Figures. He's never been brave. The first time she sees him is at her sister's engagement party, a lavish affair that Daphne has insisted Asteria attend. She guesses blood really is thicker because against her better judgement she goes, trying to avoid the names of those who tried to kill her on the steps of Hogwarts. She finds herself unable to breathe when she notices him lurking in the corner. He looks good, well great actually, and before she knows what to do she's smiling at him and he's smiling back and it's as if last year never happened at all. But then she remembers that it did. Asteria begins to quickly make her way out of the party when she is stopped by a clammy hand on her forearm. She'd know that hand anywhere. She shrugs it off and quickly apparates but not before she hears his quiet,
"Forgive me."
She sleeps with her touched forearm wrapped into her chest, wondering how it is that hate and love are exactly the same thing.
She doesn't know if she ever really hated him, but she doesn't anymore. They are decorating the Christmas tree in her flat and maybe it's just the "holiday spirit" but suddenly she's sure the hate was always just a cover up for the bigger problem. The second time she saw him after the war was at Daphne's wedding where they had been seated together. Needless to say the stress of being near him and around her family led Asteria to drink like a sailor and she woke up the next morning wrapped around a naked Draco in some hotel room. Not exactly the fairy tale. He wrote to her after that, asking about her schoolwork and quidditch matches as she finished her last year of school. The letters never contained mentions of love and for that Asteria was grateful. He was a monster after all. But maybe he wasn't. He was there for graduation, a smirk on his face, rolling his eyes at McGonagall's speech and waggling his eyebrows at the childish innuendos he found in her words. Asteria giggled the whole time. They were friends, with benefits? fuck buddies? lovers?, now and it was nice to spend Christmas quietly for once.
"Pass me the star," he said distractedly motioning to the gold tree topper.
She handed it to him after pressing a kiss to his cheek. He blushed.
"What was that for?"
Asteria smiled at him. The monster man who had haunted her and scared her and fixed her and loved her.
"It's Christmas, don't ask questions."
Maybe some monsters aren't that bad.