Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. The rest belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, The WB, etc.
Finished: December 5, 2000
~~ Tears in Heaven ~~
~~ Chapter One ~~
I lay here in my bed and think back to that night seven years ago when I sent Angelus to Hell. Xander had told me later that they kept trying the spell in the hospital but with no success. My Angel was gone forever and my last memories of him were evil. When I impaled him with the sword, he looked at me and smiled his cocky grin. "Wow, Buff," he had said smirking. "Didn't think you'd actually go through with it. At least we'll still have our night together." Then the vortex closed, taking him with it. I fell to the ground as guilt, loneliness, and fear overtook me. I had my whole life ahead of me, and no Angel to spend it with. Questions raced through my mind. 'What if I never find a love as great as ours was?' 'Could he ever come back from Hell?' 'If he did, would he still be Angelus, or would he be worse?' I wanted him to stay...even though it was Angelus. I wanted to keep trying the spell that would turn him back into the Angel I knew and loved. But that would never happen and after a while I had accepted it.
It's been seven long years since I last saw Angel's face. I tried to get over him but it's just too hard. Riley has been so understanding and he still loves me, for that I am grateful. I love Riley so much, but not how I love Angel. It's a different type of love. With Riley, I feel safe, comfortable, and loved. But with Angel, when we were together, it was like we were the only ones in the world. He knows that I still love Angel...that I yearn for his cool touch and loving words. But he is lost forever. I wanted to follow him into Hell through Acathla but I knew that I couldn't...I wouldn't have survived if I did.
I turn my head to look at Riley's face...he's sleeping so peacefully. He has an adorable smile on his face and looks so happy just having his arms wrapped around me. I can't help but smile and wonder what he's dreaming of. When we met? Our patrols together? A future wedding? For some reason, I can't get my mind off Angel. I start thinking of how we met in the alley and I attacked him...of how we would hang out in the cemetery looking for vampires and stealing kisses behind trees so that no one would see us...of a wedding...our wedding. The Slayer and a soul-cursed vampire marrying and living out the rest of our lives...well, mine at least. Tears come to my eyes as I realize that all of my dreaming and hoping won't get me any nearer to him than I am now. My eyelids become heavy and I fall asleep in Riley's arms, though he is the last person in my mind right now.
~~ Chapter Two ~~
I wake up in a field and the sun is shining down on me, hurting my eyes. I sit up and squint my eyes, looking around. I'm wearing a black tank top, Angel's black duster and a long black skirt. I notice a large willow tree a few meters away and its branches slowly sway in the light breeze. As they part slightly, I see a figure clad in black under its shady branches and my heart leaps...could it be him? I quickly stand and run through the grass; my skirt swishing with each hurried step I take. As I draw nearer to the man I can see that he is facing the tree, carving something into its bark. I know it is him. He's wearing a black leather duster, not unlike my own.
I stop running as I reach the branches and they seem to part for me. I cautiously step through and they close mysteriously behind me as the breeze stops. He doesn't stop or turn around...almost as if he doesn't know I'm here. His hair is the same short black cut, spiked with gel. I swallow nervously and try to say his name but when I open my mouth, no sound comes out. I slowly walk up to him and reach a hand out to touch his back. "Angel?" I ask.
He slowly turns around and his eyes widen as he sees me standing in front of him. He reaches out his arms and I step into them. He hugs me closely and tightly, almost as if he's afraid that I'll disappear if he relaxes his grip. I hug him back just as tight, if not tighter and breathe in his cologne.
"You're here," he whispers into my ear. I feel his breath on my neck and a shudder runs through my body. "I've been waiting for so long."
"Me too," I answer back. He pulls away from me a little and looks into my eyes. Slowly he leans down and kisses me gently. This is what I have missed all these years...his soft kisses, full of want and need. His strong arms wrapped around me, protecting me from anything and everything.
Angel smiles at me and shows me what he has carved on the tree. I run my hand over the inscription as my eyes study it. 'Angel + Buffy = Eternal Love' is surrounded by a heart.
Even though it is a simple carving, it means so much to me. But this can only be a dream and I frown as I realize I will have to wake up in a couple of hours. Angel cups my chin and lifts my face up. "Don't worry," he says softly. "You don't have to leave."
I put my hand on his. "But I have to...Riley needs me," I say as a tear runs down my face.
He uses his thumb and tenderly wipes it away. "Riley will understand. You are a 24 year old Slayer...it was destined to be this way." he says.
My eyes fill with more tears as I realize what he is saying. "You mean I'm...dead?" I ask, my voice is a hoarse whisper.
He nods slowly. "You were a strong Slayer...the strongest ever. You fought many demons and vampires...but you couldn't fight your fate."
~~ Chapter Three ~~
"But Giles, Xander, Willow...and my Mom. What about them?" I ask.
"They'll be fine in time," he replies. He changes the subject. "I watched you for a while, ever since Angelus took over my body."
"But you--I sent him to Hell...how come you're here?" I say, feeling very confused, but Angel understands me.
"That night, when we made love, my soul was released from my body and came here, to Heaven. Only Angelus was sent to Hell," he explains. "I watched as he abused you emotionally and it killed me to see you crying, thinking it was me.
The tears stream down my face as he tells me this and I grip his jacket, leaning my forehead on his chest. "I'm sorry, Angel," I say between sobs. "I didn't want to."
"No, Buffy, don't be sorry. You did the right thing. I should have died years ago, and now Angelus is being punished for his sins." he says.
"I tried to get over you, but I--" I start.
"I know," he says, looking down. "Riley's a good guy...and he took care of you." He looks back up at me. "And it made me happy to see that. You deserved the best life that you could've had. And if it was with him...then that's how--"
I interrupt him with a kiss. "I love you." I say. "I always have. I mean, I love Riley too, but you're my Angel."
He hugs me close. "Close your eyes," he whispers. I do and when he tells me to open them we're in his apartment. It's exactly the same as the last time I saw it.
"This is where you live in Heaven?" I ask, looking around.
"It's where we live...Heaven is what you want it to be," he says smiling. "You'll get used to it here...it's just like Earth, except there's no vampires, curses, or sicknesses to keep us apart." He slides his hands around my waist.
I bury my face in his neck and begin crying. "I was only 24," I say. "I hadn't even started life yet."
"I know what it's like...I was 27 when I was turned," he explains. "I woke up in the field, too, and my grandparents were waiting for me...my father and sister soon came after me." He sighs and fights his tears. "Angelus killed my family and friends and every time, I met them in that field. It was like we were all together again, until one day I was ripped from my family and put back in my body. I was trapped with all of Angelus' crimes in my head...forced to live with the guilt that I didn't deserve."
"So I guess freeing you was the best thing to do," I say.
"The best thing for me...not for you," he says. "But we chose the best way to free me." He starts laughing...It's been so long since I last heard his laugh. I couldn't help but smile. I had my Angel back.
~~ Epilogue ~~
I wake up and smile as I see Buffy laying beside me. She must have rolled out of my arms during the night. Last night was the first night spent in our new apartment. I roll over and quietly open the drawer on the nightstand next to our bed, glancing at the clock: 8:30 am. *This morning I'll make Buffy breakfast,* I think to myself as I reach in and grasp the small velvet box that sits inside. *And I'll propose to her.* I put the ring box back in the drawer and close it. I roll over to face Buffy and wake her up. I kiss her lightly on the cheek and her skin is cool on my lips. *The night was a little chilly.* I think. I put my hand on her bare arm and it too is cold. I look at her face and notice her lips are blue and she is not breathing. I turn her onto her back and perform CPR on her. But it doesn't work. I quickly call an ambulance and as soon as I hang up I'm back at Buffy's side, continuing to breathe for her. Tears blur my vision but I have no time to wipe them away...I have to save Buffy. After a few minutes the paramedics arrive to take her to the hospital.
I sit frozen to my chair in the waiting room at the hospital when the doctor approaches me. She sits down next to me and tells me the news. Buffy's dead. Of course, she says it nicer, but it's the truth. Giles had told me to be prepared for her death during a fight against vampires or demons since Slayers become weaker when they age past 22...but during her sleep? I hold my head in my hands and cry. I never expected it to be in her sleep...but at least she went peacefully and in my arms, rather than in the arms of some half-witted vampire. After a few minutes, I collect my thoughts and manage to stop my tears. I walk blindly to the payphones...I have been here so many times; I know this place like I knew the Initiative.
I pick up the phone and shove a quarter into the slot. I dial the first number that pops into my racing mind. After a couple rings a tired voice answers. "Hi, it's Riley," I say, my voice trembling. "Something happened to Buffy last night, Giles...how fast can you get to the hospital?"
Finished: December 5, 2000
~~ Tears in Heaven ~~
~~ Chapter One ~~
I lay here in my bed and think back to that night seven years ago when I sent Angelus to Hell. Xander had told me later that they kept trying the spell in the hospital but with no success. My Angel was gone forever and my last memories of him were evil. When I impaled him with the sword, he looked at me and smiled his cocky grin. "Wow, Buff," he had said smirking. "Didn't think you'd actually go through with it. At least we'll still have our night together." Then the vortex closed, taking him with it. I fell to the ground as guilt, loneliness, and fear overtook me. I had my whole life ahead of me, and no Angel to spend it with. Questions raced through my mind. 'What if I never find a love as great as ours was?' 'Could he ever come back from Hell?' 'If he did, would he still be Angelus, or would he be worse?' I wanted him to stay...even though it was Angelus. I wanted to keep trying the spell that would turn him back into the Angel I knew and loved. But that would never happen and after a while I had accepted it.
It's been seven long years since I last saw Angel's face. I tried to get over him but it's just too hard. Riley has been so understanding and he still loves me, for that I am grateful. I love Riley so much, but not how I love Angel. It's a different type of love. With Riley, I feel safe, comfortable, and loved. But with Angel, when we were together, it was like we were the only ones in the world. He knows that I still love Angel...that I yearn for his cool touch and loving words. But he is lost forever. I wanted to follow him into Hell through Acathla but I knew that I couldn't...I wouldn't have survived if I did.
I turn my head to look at Riley's face...he's sleeping so peacefully. He has an adorable smile on his face and looks so happy just having his arms wrapped around me. I can't help but smile and wonder what he's dreaming of. When we met? Our patrols together? A future wedding? For some reason, I can't get my mind off Angel. I start thinking of how we met in the alley and I attacked him...of how we would hang out in the cemetery looking for vampires and stealing kisses behind trees so that no one would see us...of a wedding...our wedding. The Slayer and a soul-cursed vampire marrying and living out the rest of our lives...well, mine at least. Tears come to my eyes as I realize that all of my dreaming and hoping won't get me any nearer to him than I am now. My eyelids become heavy and I fall asleep in Riley's arms, though he is the last person in my mind right now.
~~ Chapter Two ~~
I wake up in a field and the sun is shining down on me, hurting my eyes. I sit up and squint my eyes, looking around. I'm wearing a black tank top, Angel's black duster and a long black skirt. I notice a large willow tree a few meters away and its branches slowly sway in the light breeze. As they part slightly, I see a figure clad in black under its shady branches and my heart leaps...could it be him? I quickly stand and run through the grass; my skirt swishing with each hurried step I take. As I draw nearer to the man I can see that he is facing the tree, carving something into its bark. I know it is him. He's wearing a black leather duster, not unlike my own.
I stop running as I reach the branches and they seem to part for me. I cautiously step through and they close mysteriously behind me as the breeze stops. He doesn't stop or turn around...almost as if he doesn't know I'm here. His hair is the same short black cut, spiked with gel. I swallow nervously and try to say his name but when I open my mouth, no sound comes out. I slowly walk up to him and reach a hand out to touch his back. "Angel?" I ask.
He slowly turns around and his eyes widen as he sees me standing in front of him. He reaches out his arms and I step into them. He hugs me closely and tightly, almost as if he's afraid that I'll disappear if he relaxes his grip. I hug him back just as tight, if not tighter and breathe in his cologne.
"You're here," he whispers into my ear. I feel his breath on my neck and a shudder runs through my body. "I've been waiting for so long."
"Me too," I answer back. He pulls away from me a little and looks into my eyes. Slowly he leans down and kisses me gently. This is what I have missed all these years...his soft kisses, full of want and need. His strong arms wrapped around me, protecting me from anything and everything.
Angel smiles at me and shows me what he has carved on the tree. I run my hand over the inscription as my eyes study it. 'Angel + Buffy = Eternal Love' is surrounded by a heart.
Even though it is a simple carving, it means so much to me. But this can only be a dream and I frown as I realize I will have to wake up in a couple of hours. Angel cups my chin and lifts my face up. "Don't worry," he says softly. "You don't have to leave."
I put my hand on his. "But I have to...Riley needs me," I say as a tear runs down my face.
He uses his thumb and tenderly wipes it away. "Riley will understand. You are a 24 year old Slayer...it was destined to be this way." he says.
My eyes fill with more tears as I realize what he is saying. "You mean I'm...dead?" I ask, my voice is a hoarse whisper.
He nods slowly. "You were a strong Slayer...the strongest ever. You fought many demons and vampires...but you couldn't fight your fate."
~~ Chapter Three ~~
"But Giles, Xander, Willow...and my Mom. What about them?" I ask.
"They'll be fine in time," he replies. He changes the subject. "I watched you for a while, ever since Angelus took over my body."
"But you--I sent him to Hell...how come you're here?" I say, feeling very confused, but Angel understands me.
"That night, when we made love, my soul was released from my body and came here, to Heaven. Only Angelus was sent to Hell," he explains. "I watched as he abused you emotionally and it killed me to see you crying, thinking it was me.
The tears stream down my face as he tells me this and I grip his jacket, leaning my forehead on his chest. "I'm sorry, Angel," I say between sobs. "I didn't want to."
"No, Buffy, don't be sorry. You did the right thing. I should have died years ago, and now Angelus is being punished for his sins." he says.
"I tried to get over you, but I--" I start.
"I know," he says, looking down. "Riley's a good guy...and he took care of you." He looks back up at me. "And it made me happy to see that. You deserved the best life that you could've had. And if it was with him...then that's how--"
I interrupt him with a kiss. "I love you." I say. "I always have. I mean, I love Riley too, but you're my Angel."
He hugs me close. "Close your eyes," he whispers. I do and when he tells me to open them we're in his apartment. It's exactly the same as the last time I saw it.
"This is where you live in Heaven?" I ask, looking around.
"It's where we live...Heaven is what you want it to be," he says smiling. "You'll get used to it here...it's just like Earth, except there's no vampires, curses, or sicknesses to keep us apart." He slides his hands around my waist.
I bury my face in his neck and begin crying. "I was only 24," I say. "I hadn't even started life yet."
"I know what it's like...I was 27 when I was turned," he explains. "I woke up in the field, too, and my grandparents were waiting for me...my father and sister soon came after me." He sighs and fights his tears. "Angelus killed my family and friends and every time, I met them in that field. It was like we were all together again, until one day I was ripped from my family and put back in my body. I was trapped with all of Angelus' crimes in my head...forced to live with the guilt that I didn't deserve."
"So I guess freeing you was the best thing to do," I say.
"The best thing for me...not for you," he says. "But we chose the best way to free me." He starts laughing...It's been so long since I last heard his laugh. I couldn't help but smile. I had my Angel back.
~~ Epilogue ~~
I wake up and smile as I see Buffy laying beside me. She must have rolled out of my arms during the night. Last night was the first night spent in our new apartment. I roll over and quietly open the drawer on the nightstand next to our bed, glancing at the clock: 8:30 am. *This morning I'll make Buffy breakfast,* I think to myself as I reach in and grasp the small velvet box that sits inside. *And I'll propose to her.* I put the ring box back in the drawer and close it. I roll over to face Buffy and wake her up. I kiss her lightly on the cheek and her skin is cool on my lips. *The night was a little chilly.* I think. I put my hand on her bare arm and it too is cold. I look at her face and notice her lips are blue and she is not breathing. I turn her onto her back and perform CPR on her. But it doesn't work. I quickly call an ambulance and as soon as I hang up I'm back at Buffy's side, continuing to breathe for her. Tears blur my vision but I have no time to wipe them away...I have to save Buffy. After a few minutes the paramedics arrive to take her to the hospital.
I sit frozen to my chair in the waiting room at the hospital when the doctor approaches me. She sits down next to me and tells me the news. Buffy's dead. Of course, she says it nicer, but it's the truth. Giles had told me to be prepared for her death during a fight against vampires or demons since Slayers become weaker when they age past 22...but during her sleep? I hold my head in my hands and cry. I never expected it to be in her sleep...but at least she went peacefully and in my arms, rather than in the arms of some half-witted vampire. After a few minutes, I collect my thoughts and manage to stop my tears. I walk blindly to the payphones...I have been here so many times; I know this place like I knew the Initiative.
I pick up the phone and shove a quarter into the slot. I dial the first number that pops into my racing mind. After a couple rings a tired voice answers. "Hi, it's Riley," I say, my voice trembling. "Something happened to Buffy last night, Giles...how fast can you get to the hospital?"