This is a new story idea I've been toying with. I wrote this quite a while back, and I've been working on some of the other chapters. I'm hoping to write a long story, long compared to my others. I thought I might as well put this chapter up and see what happens.

Disclaimer-I own nothing but the plot, for everything else, there's Meg Cabot.

A/N-I will probably take forever to get the next chapter up but please review anyway!

---------------------

The blinding lights. That's what I remember. I had left the store, my bags sitting on the back seat. Items that Andy had asked me to pick up. I didn't mind, I love his meals. I love him.

I was driving, slowing down to stop at the red octagon sign, with crisp white letter. I hadn't stopped yet, when he came.

Driving incredibly fast, he turned the corner. The screeching sound of his rubber tires sliding across the ground rang throughout the air.

He didn't even attempt to slow down. He just further pushed the gas pedal.

The car crashed face first into my own car. Crumpling like paper. I didn't know the damage, I didn't know anything. Everything went silent after the screech.

Time passed. I don't know how much, but enough. I woke up to pain searing throughout my body. I could hear screaming, shouting, sirens, cackling of fire.

I couldn't move. I tried, but my body refused. I stopped attempting and went limp against the steering wheel of the car.

My previous memories were slipping away, being replaced with the knowing feel of intense pain but that only numbed me.

I slipped into the darkness. Small sights disappearing from my vision. I saw fog, lots of it. It covered my feet, up to my thigh.

I shivered. It was cold here, wherever that was. I was in a hallway, with dark doors that disappeared into nothing. There were stars glistening above me. Like ones, I used to see with my grandfather in the country where he lived.

I looked at my hands. They were solid. They were there, just in a fading glow. I turned and saw the brightest light ever.

I covered my eyes. It was too bright. I felt something shift. And opening my eyes, I saw everything begin moving.

What was going on, I don't know. I knew that there was no pain, or fear. Just waiting…

…was I dying?

--------------------

"I just gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

"Do you want me to stop the movie and wait for you, Querida?"

"No, no. I've seen it before. Besides I won't be long."

I stood up from the pile of blankets, body limbs—Jesse's—and Chinese take-out boxes. We were on Jesse's couch watching a new release movie that we picked up from the store down the street.

I wasn't lying to Jesse; I had actually seen the movie before. I went to see it in theatres with CeeCee and Adam about a week before Jesse's resurrection. I don't even remember how they got me to see it, but I did. I made time in between helping a young boy and an old lady move on. Busy me!

Jesse and I had taken up residence on his couch, in front of his TV, in his living room of his very own apartment. First ever apartment, too, I think. It was a typical Saturday evening, I guess.

Sometimes we switch it up and are spontaneous. But a lot of the time, we're both tired—from school and work—at the end of the week. Curling up on the couch and watching a flick works for both of us.

Normally we don't actually have a meal. But I convinced Jesse that this week we both really need some Chinese to make it through the weekend. I like to think the melodramatic of the conversation made it funny.

Jesse has been living in the same apartment that Father D. found for him. We've been furnishing it for the last five or six months. New couches, beds, appliances; you know the little—and big—necessities.

I've also taking Jesse shopping. To get him caught up on the 21st century style. I definitely couldn't leave that one to Father D. to look after. I love him as a grandfather figure and all but no way could he do the shopping. Jesse would probably have come back with some crazy ridiculous looking outfit.

In the end though, Jesse looked really fabulous. So not the 1800's style, although I really miss the ab revealing shirt.

I returned from the bathroom, and crashed on the couch, snuggling my body up against Jesses. I couldn't help it, by body just perfectly melded with his.

It's like, everyone in the world are puzzle pieces. We date to see if our puzzle piece fit together. Sometimes they're really close, and other times they're way off. We search our whole life, looking for the perfect match of puzzle pieces. I found mine.

Jesse had his arm wrapped around my side, holding my hip; his index finger drawing funny shapes on my revealing skin. I burrowed my head a little deeper into Jesse chest, breathing in his beautiful scent. A cross between soap and his natural smell.

I placed my hand on the center of his chest and waited until I could clearly feel his heartbeat through my fingertips. This was something I enjoyed to do ever since he's been alive.

Things were so much more real since that bizarre incident, where Jesse came to life. The warmth Jesse gave off was more vivid and genuine; I could actually feel his heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest as his breathed.

And I love more than anything to just curl up with him. It's a sanctuary for me to snuggle up with Jesse. I used to think my room was my sanctuary, but it hasn't been that since Jesse lived there.

Buzz…buzz…I felt a vibrating coming from the electrical device in my pocket. The electrical device being my cell phone. It was still on vibrate since class.

When I started going out with Jesse, Andy and my mom decided I should get a cell phone. They wanted to be able to reach me whenever and wherever.

And they couldn't before, since I was over at Jesse's, or out with Jesse, or sometimes with CeeCee and Adam…and Jesse.

This can be annoying when they call during a make-out session between me and Jesse, and Jesse realizes he is an 18th Century Gentleman—even against my protests—but it worth it when I can be anywhere and call anyone—if I have my bars and all.

The name on my cell read Private. "Hello?" I said into the phone.

There wasn't a sound, but I knew someone was there. I could hear a very faint breathing. "Suze?" the voice finally asked. Just like the breathing the voice was faint and full of pain. My name came out like a silent whisper drifting on the wind.

"Yes," I said slowly. I had no idea who this person was. Jesse had stopped the movie when I sat up to answer my phone. He was staring at me quizzically, I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh Suze," the voice said, dragging my name out in grief. The voice was no longer a whisper; the voice had a unique tone. I recognized the tone right away. But I didn't understand why it sounded as if they were hurting or why the voice was filled with pain.

"Andy?" I asked. Jesse was still looking at me. But he remained silent. I dropped my gaze to the floor, peering at my curled toes against the carpet.

"Yes, Suze something happened. Your mom…" he trailed off and I heard a sharp gasp of distress.

"Andy! What happened? Is she okay? Where is she?" I asked. I couldn't stop myself. I had jolted up when he stated something happened and the mere mention of my mom's name in the sentence made my whole body shake.

Jesse reached out to me, but I took a step away. I didn't want to be touched. I was angry that the news not getting to me fast enough. The confusion and worry was taking over my whole body. I instinctively built a wall to hide my fear. What was that something that happened. Why was Andy taking so long to answer me?

"There was an accident; she's in the hospital, Suze. She won't wake up," he spoke slowly, and it killed me to hear. I winced at every word that he dropped. "She just won't wake up."

I sucked in a sharp breath. Dizziness was enveloping my entire body. My eyes felt itchy and I tried to blink my eyelids but they didn't want to open. My phone slipped out of my hand and dropped to the floor with a click.

I slowly turned and headed for the door on quickened feet. I couldn't say anything. I was just numb with the information.

My thoughts were wrapped around the fact that my mom could die tonight. And I can't remember the last thing I said to her.

She's the last one of my bio-parents. I would be completely alone if she left. Dad already moved on, and I'm delighted for him, really I am. But I'm not ready to lose mom. I wouldn't be delighted about that. Not one bit.

I felt my world crashing around me. My knees were shaking, my hands were unsteady, and my whole body was shuddering. I felt like crashing along with the rest of my world.

But I couldn't. I had to get to my mom. I don't know what I would do if I didn't do anything. I had to help. Anyway how, I just have to help.

Jesse followed me to the door. He was talking to me. But there was nothing I could say. I just attempted to put my shoes on. Grab my coat, and hassle my way out the door.

I had to get to Mom. Jesse's hand landed on my shoulder. I felt him gently turn me around. I opened my eyes to come face to face with his. His brown, sympathetic eyes, burrowing into my soul to find the answers I couldn't give him.

The answer that my mom, my giver of life, was dying. Was losing her life. Was dying alone, on some stupid, cold bed. Her fragile body, tattered and dying and I couldn't get my freaking shoes on.

I couldn't even get a single word out before I just burst into tears. I felt them welling in my eyes and before I knew it they were falling down my cheeks, blending with my already damped face.

I heaved a gasp and clenched my arms around Jesse shoulders. He held me up, because I could no longer support myself with the pain that weighed me down.

"Jesse," I shrieked in between my sobs. "My…mom…Jesse," I couldn't say anything else.

But Jesse pulled me closer. Trying his best to shelter me from the torture that my mom could die tonight and I wouldn't even get to say goodbye. I won't get to tell her I love her, or that I haven't been trying to punish her by being a delinquent. That she is an amazing mom.

But I wouldn't because right now my mom is dying, on top of a wretched hospital bed. And I won't be able to save her. I shrieked another sob, my whole body shaking. I cried into his shoulder, soaking his shirt with my face.

Sniffling sobs, I moaned in agony. It escaped my throat before I could stop it. Oh god, my mom. I couldn't loose her. She was too important to me. She was all I had left. I already lost my dad. I can't lose her. Please GOD, don't let her die. Don't take her away from me. Not yet, please not yet. She's too young to die. Hell, I'm too young to have her die. She's my mother and I can't lose her. My only lifeline left, I need her. Please, I beg of you don't take her from me.

Tears streaming down my face, and moans of agony still escaping from my throat, I pushed off of Jesse. "I have to go," I said, not even able to chance a glance at his face.

"Querida, you can't just go. Not like that," he said, meaning my dampened face, salty with tears.

"But…I…have to…go…to…the" I said but I couldn't stop crying. The tears just continued to plummet down my cheeks. I couldn't say anything more but, "Hospital." I couldn't move, I just wept over the potential loss of my mother.

My eyes had jammed themselves up again, unable to open. I felt strong hands pull me into a shelter, into my sanctuary. Stroking my cheeks, wiping my tears, fighting the pain. I slowed my tears and let them settle into a slow whimper, gaining control of my body.

And of the tears that wouldn't stop. "Come on," he whispered into my hair. Taking one hand he pulled me out the door. Outside, to his beat up car, he gently pushed me inside, buckling me.

I heard his keys jingle, but I hadn't been able to open my eyes. Not when I was afraid of the fear that lurked around every seeing corner. I felt the inertia as the car wound its way down the busy streets to the hospital.

I was shaking I could feel it, but I couldn't change it. Just like I couldn't change my mom's current state of health. The fear was overwhelming. I felt Jesse hand cover mine. His calloused thumb caressed the back of my hand. The soothing feel from this tiny touch was enough to allow me the courage to open my eyes.

I saw the night before us, the stars peaking through the clouds that had covered the sky since the day began. It was beautiful, it really was, but all it did was make me angry. And the anger built a wall, instinctively of course.

How can the sky be so full of beauty on such a tragic night? A night where my mom could die, and all the stupid stars in the sky could do was twinkle and smile down on us. Like they wanted her to die. Well, all I wanted was my mom. I wanted her to hug me, to love me, to just stay alive.

I started hyperventilating. I was panicked and afraid. "Shh, calm down, Querida," Jesse whispered through the silent car. He began speaking sweet, soft Spanish to me. Almost instantly I smoothed my breathing to even gasps for oxygen.

I shuddered when Jesse pulled into the hospital. But for the most part, I was the most collected since I first found out. Albeit, the tears still flowed constantly down my cheeks, my whole body was shaking and it took a lot of thought to keep my breathing steady. But it was the best that it was going to get.

Before Jesse had even stopped the car I unbuckled my seat and dashed for the front entrance. The lady at the lobby looked at me weird when I couldn't get the words out. All that came were silent sobs and some shaking.

Jesse came up behind me and put his hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. He told the lady what I had not found words to say. "Oh, um…room 112. That way," she said flicking her hand in the direction of a long hallway.

This encouraged my anger. That's all she could say. 'Oh um that way. That way to your dying mom.' My anger built yet another wall. The walls were being thrown up faster than the tears were welling. This was supposed to be shelter. The walls were supposed to hide me, protect me. But god forbid, if someone put a window in, or kicked a wall down, they would all see a broken, shattered girl.

Crying, heaving, and whispering to herself. Mom, god, don't die. Don't leave me. I need you more than anything. Please mom!

A long white hallway, filled with uncomfortable plastic chairs, a few people, and a wheel chair. My vision of the hallway was distorted through my tears, but Jesse guided me down the hall, still with the hand on the small of my back.

I closed my eyes and tried to blink the tears away. Jesse stopped and instantly I felt someone pull me into a hug. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, squishing me like I was the closest thing left to my mom.

It was definitely Andy. His smell was a cross between some sort of Indian foods and saw-dust from his shirt. He was murmuring things about loving my mother to me, yeah Andy, I love her too. He let me go, and I felt my knees wobble; my legs were starting to give out.

Jesse caught me, once again, holding me at his side. He was whispering Spanish just to calm me. I blinked away some more tears and saw the Ackerman family sitting in those deadly uncomfortable chairs.

David's face was red and blotchy, Jake's face silently screamed worried, Brad looked uncomfortable and Andy. Oh Andy was a mess. His eyes glistened on the brim of tears, he looked shaken up and afraid.

Yet none of them knew my pain. The pain that really, tonight I could lose my mom. The only person—left alive—that I've known my whole life. My last parent. By god, this was so much worse than what happened with dad. The waiting with uncertainty was slowly killing me.

Eating my insides.

I finally found my first words since I dashed into the hospital. "What's…g-going on-n," I asked, scared of the news that lay in the brains of the people sitting before me.

Jesse made me sit. I wouldn't have if it weren't for the sympathy for him for having to hold me up. David erupted in more tears, and Jake just shook his head. "Drunk d-driver, h-hit her. She w-wasn't breathing-g on h-her o-own when they, they b-brought her in. Surgery right, right," Andy couldn't get his words out. He was so upset. What he said was slowly wrapping around my thoughts.

My anger flamed building another wall. Hiding more of my pain, and fear and blubbering mess over my dying mom.

How could someone so stupid drink and drive. Who would be that kind of an idiot to do that? What the hell were they thinking? Or were they even thinking. That one moment when they screwed up could take my mom from me and from everyone else.

But my thoughts of anger thinned. And raw ache was left. The raw knowledge that I would lose my mom tonight. She wasn't breathing when they brought her in. She was dying and there was nothing I could do about it.

I knew there was nothing I could do about it. The stupid plastic chairs knew it, the wheel chair knew it, the whole world knew it, and they all told me.

I wanted hope right now, more than anything. I just wanted to hope that my mom would be getting better. I wanted to realize that the fact that she was in surgery meant that there might be something worth salvaging, but I didn't.

I burrowed my head into Jesse's chest, heaving thick sobs that I tried my best to keep silent. I felt Jesse stroke his fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp as he went. I lifted my gaze to his and saw pain and concern buried through his features.

He hated to see me cry. He told me once. When we had a fight, and I burst into tears. He told me that it hurt him more than death to see me cry. The fact that tears would pour out of my eyes and down my delicate cheeks tore him up inside.

I felt bad for making him feel bad, I just couldn't help it. He knew that though. He always knew. I guess, he was my hope in all of this. He was the only reason I have survived living in Carmel, the only reason that I made it to the hospital in one piece.

And right now, I just knew that he was going to be the only reason that I make it through all of this. Looking into his deep brown eyes, I saw the hidden intensity of his gaze. The pain twisting through every fibre of his being, and it was all out of love for me.

In those deep eyes I saw the hope I needed. The hope and the love, but it didn't change how I felt inside. "I'm scared Jesse," I whispered to him. My lips moving barely in the elegance of the hushed world around me, as the inaudible truth was spoken. "I'm afraid to be alone."

I meant it. Without my mom I would be alone. I would feel alone. And what if my mom did die tonight, or tomorrow, the fear that she would not come back scared me.

With dad I just knew. It could have been that I was a naïve little kid, but I just knew that he would be coming back. It was deep down in me that he would come back.

With mom, there was no deep down sensation that told me that mom would come back. I feared she wouldn't. I didn't want her to leave. Not yet, not ever. She needed to come back.

"You never will be, Querida. They will be here for you," Jesse answered as he once again began thumbing at my hair. He meant the Ackerman's. He meant that they would be here for me.

I guess they would. But, we would only be held together by my mom. The mom that died. The mom that all of us loved. Sorrow and grief would eventually tare us apart. And who would want a daughter that reminded them of what they lost.

I was never a great one. Daughter, I mean. I was always getting into trouble; maybe not as often as I was in New York, but still I had my fair bit of trouble and accidents. And I always argued with my step brothers. Dopey mostly…okay pretty much only. But no one loves imperfection.

It reminds them of how fucked up the world actually is.

What am I saying? Of course they'll love me. They have so far. They will continue. Even if mom's…last breath comes sooner than deserved. We will get through it together, they will love me. I hope. More than anything, oh god, I just hope.

"And I will always be here for you, forever, Querida." I felt like crying again. I know Jesse loves me. He often tells me repeatedly. I guess the reassurance that he would never leave me lonely helped.

I must have been delusional, because of my absurd thoughts. But his truth and voice comforted me greatly. "Promise?" I asked like a foolish child.

"Promise."

I forced a weak smile, "I love you Jesse," I said placing my head down on his firm, secure chest.

His heart beating soothed me further. "I love you too, Querida," he whispered to me, and I felt his voice rumble through his body. The sound delving into my ear.

Maybe just maybe, she would be okay.

I hope.

Oh, god, more than anything I just…

…hope.

- - - - - - - - - -

Clicky of the buttony!