It's Complicated
"It's complicated." "Why?" "Because– you don't know me!" "I want to get to know you." "No! No, trust me, you don't!" Oneshot.
I hadn't got a wink of sleep the other night. I rolled, I stirred, I counted the pig-sheep but it had no avail. No matter what I did, I couldn't doze off. All night long, I had been pondering too much about my 'nice' evening. My little date with Jin, kept being displayed in my head over and over and over again, not for even a tiny second didn't it pass my mind. It bothered me as hell, I shouldn't have agreed on going out with her in the first place. Well, at the moment I was figuring out an excuse for not going, but my uncle had to intervene and say yes to her in my place.
The entire evening was awkward to say the least, I'm not used to hanging out with girls… especially on the romantic area. The only true interaction I ever had with girls, was with my mother, my devilish sister and her two weird friends who never left her side and obeyed her every demand, only because they feared her. So I hadn't any clue how to act or what to say on the date.
But as the evening passed on, I was starting to loosen up (still nervous though) and when she took me to her favourite spot in Ba Sing Se, the Firelight Fountain as she called it, I was enjoying the date more and more. I didn't know – and I still don't – what feeling rushed over me, but I began to see Jin in a different light. Call me crazy, but I even used my firebending publicly just to please her and cheer her up when she was devastated when the lights weren't lit. I risked being caught just because I couldn't stand the depressing look on her normally smiley face. And Agni, she kissed me! She kissed me on the lips… and I revelled in the moment! Which made me kiss her back!
But then, out of nowhere, I saw a young boy with a only two front teeth. A boy to whom I opened up to, with whom I fraternized and fought for to save him, only to be scolded at instead.
"I hate you!"
He hated me for who I really am, my title, my family and my country. Everyone in his village hated me, despised me for it all, even though I rescued them from those thugs, those so called soldiers who would 'protect' them from the Fire Nation.
And if she finds out, she's going to hate me too.
So I did what was best for both of us, I ran away from her, muttering that it's complicated when she called out to me, and leaving her all alone, sad and confused by my sudden action.
It haunted me. It haunted me at the time, it haunted me while I sprinted back as fast as I could to what I had to call 'home' now and it haunted me for the entire night.
And it still haunts me.
"Zuko, wake up! We have to head to the tea shop!" I hear my uncle, Iroh, yell at me from the kitchen, which is actually the room next to my bedroom. I still can't believe how small these houses are. It's nothing compared to the palace where I used to live before my banishment, it's even nothing compared to the ship I travelled with while I was still hunting the Avatar to restore my honour.
Irately, I grumble and reluctantly get out of the bed so that I can freshen up (well, wash myself with the little water we own) and go to work together with my jolly uncle. Our work is heaven for him and hell for me, my uncle is this fanatic tea-lover, but I swear to Agni if I have to make another tea or even smell tea, I'm going to scream it out.
When I'm done washing up and dressing myself in these peasant-y, sickening green Earthkingdom clothing, I join uncle in the kitchen, alias our dinner room, to eat some breakfast to receive some strength to face another lonely, horrible day in Ba Sing Se.
He already seated himself on one of the two wobbling, wooden chairs and brings his sandwich to his parted lips. When he's about to take a huge bite from his food, he watches me enter and smiles broadly at me.
"Ah, you decided to show up after all," he mentions airily and casually. "Ready for another day here?"
I simply stare at him with vacant, distant eyes in return and shove the free chair back to sit down myself. Loudly, Iroh heaves a sigh and pours himself some tea, probably to calm him and because he craves it as well. I scrunch up my nose in disgust when I eye the dark-coloured substance flow in his tea cup and when its smell wafts my nostrils.
"I can't stand anymore of this!" Frustrated, I slam my fists so hard as I can on the table. All the dinner-set is shaking and clanking on the wooden texture as they lose their balance. Iroh stops blowing the heat and damp away from his cup of his tea and eyes me warily, startled by my sudden outburst.
"Calm down, Prince Zuko." He frowns and outstretches his arms to hand over his cup of tea. "Here, maybe some tea will help."
I slap the tea away from me, but due the hard blow the cup falls right out of my uncle's hands and onto the floor. Fragments of the cup are shattered on the ground and there's a small pool of tea formed. Still angered by everything, I fold my arms in front of my chest and regard my uncle oddly, whose lower lip is conspicuously trembling to hold back the tears from the loss of his previous drink.
He heaves an exasperated sigh and drops his eye-lids. "I know… One shouldn't cry over lost tea, but–… this is just so sad. And– this is the second time, Prince Zuko," he speaks between silent sobs. "You should stop ruining my tea time."
Annoyed, I merely roll my eyes at my uncle's sadness. I bite a huge chunk of my piece of bread and swallow it down hard. I keep doing this until I have finished my breakfast and when I'm done, uncle is still mourning over his loss.
"Oh Agni, come on, it's just some stupid cup of tea!" I point out, a little too harsh. "We're going to the tea house right now. There's plenty of tea there for you to drink, so toughen up and let's go!"
Even though, I loathe working there, we do get a decent pay check, especially since uncle's tea got so famous amongst the lower rings of Ba Sing Se. So this was the first time I had to convince uncle Iroh to go to work. Normally, it's the other way around, him forcing me to go. Uncle gives me a small nod, barely noticeable to the naked eye and stands up on his feet to walk together to our work.
During our walk there, uncle is still sulking over the little 'accident' and people – especially, the children – once again keep staring at my burnt scar. It doesn't bother me so much anymore since I first received it from my father, because it has been so many years that it's like that, so I block away the stares and pointing easily now.
Once we arrive to our destination, we enter through the back door, alias the door for the employees. We both put on our apron, which I still hate to wear and still makes me shudder, and I go to the register or customers to take orders, whilst uncle heads to the kitchen to make the tea.
When I open the door, connecting the kitchen with the customers section, I spot Jin at her usual table in the corner, gazing around as if she's waiting for someone. I gasp mortified and whirl around to run to my uncle, who is a few steps away from me actually.
"Uncle, we got trouble!" I whisper, just audible enough for only him to hear. I don't want anyone to eavesdrop our conversation and I'm most certainly not risking it.
His eyes widen shocked. "Is it that boy from the ferry again? What was his name?… Je– Jet?"
I furrow my brow inquisitively who he means, but when I remember the crazed and obsessed teenage boy, I shake my head. "No, no," I prompt hurriedly. "It's that girl I had a date with, Jin. She's here and I have a peculiar suspicion she's waiting for me."
Uncle Iroh surprisingly chuckles and pats my back brotherly. "Oh, young Zuko. That's not a horrible thing. Like I told you before, that girl just got a crush on you. Me thinks she likes you very much. Now, be a good sport and go to her," he suggests like it's the easiest thing on Earth. Out of the blue and catching me by surprise, he pushes me through the door, leaving me out in open sight.
Before he closes the door again, I hiss furiously at what he just did to me. "What do I do then?"
He smiles. "Just say hello for starters." Then without any other word of advice being shared, he shuts the door, and leaves me startled and awkward.
To my greatest horror, she spots me and exhales sharply before ambling towards me. I can't help but observe her petite, fragile, yet so intriguingly fascinating and well-curved shape. She already looks like a goddess, with her oval-shaped head, her almond-formed brown-greenish eyes and her captivating, flirtatious smile that probably makes any boy's heart melt – including mine. My heart pounds so loudly against my chest, that I have the feeling it will break through my chest any second now.
Once she's standing right in front of me, I swear my heart skips a beat and probably stops beating all the same. What an effect and impact that girl has on me, no other girl has made me this anxious or nervous before. Then again, I never had 'real' interaction with a girl before, save from my sister, Song and that water-peasant. Seriously, my sister certainly doesn't count as interaction with the opposite sex – I'm surely not that desperate to switch to incest, which would be so disgusting. Song was just a friendly by-passenger from whom I stole an ostrich-horse, I believe she had a little (very little) crush on me, or perhaps only sought consolation for her 'encounter' with the Fire Nation. And lastly, that irritating waterbender doesn't count either, we only fought against each other so that I could capture her friend, the Avatar and we threatened or insulted each other occasionally.
"Lee," she addresses me, scared to look me square in the eye, so she finds comfort in gazing at her own feet. Which is quite adorable, I must say. But somehow, for some unknown reason, it bothers me that she calls me by 'Lee', I guess it's because it only confirms my fear of her hating me if she knows that I'm in fact Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation and heir to the throne.
She continues without me saying yes. "Can we talk somewhere private?" she asks, finally meeting my eyes. There's a sparkle of hope and yet at the same time nervousness, twinkling in her eyes.
"Okay," I answer and lead her through the kitchen, where I catch a glimpse of my uncle smirking at the sight of us, so that we can head for the garden, where we will have some peace and quite. Once there, she sits down on the bench which is situated against the wall and then gestures me to sit down next to her by patting on the available spot. I do as told, but I do leave some space between us, since I still feel awkward by being this close to her.
She begins to talk, but stutters at first. "I– I want– I want to say I'm sorry for last night if I made you uncomfortable by kissing you. I understand if you don't want to see me again."
"No!" I hurtle out a bit to fast. I scrape my throat to attempt to get rid of that lump of nervousness away from my throat. "You don't need to apologize. I admit, I was overwhelmed by your sudden – ahem – action, but I liked it… a lot." I blush and I observe a faint blush appearing on her cheeks as well. "But–…"
She interrupts me. "I don't like the sound of that but."
"But I can't see you anymore," I say, reluctantly though. It's harder to say this to her than anticipated.
"Why?" she questions, her voice cracking, apparently not the answer she was hoping for.
"It's complicated."
"Why?" she repeats her question, this time with tears forming in her eyes.
Abruptly, I stand up, but not walking away from the bench nor her. "Because– you don't know me!" I thunder at her, while the agony of being the root of her sadness kills me softly.
"I want to get to know you," Jin whispers, grabbing my wrist in order to prevent me from leaving her side. She pulls me back next to her and entangles her hand with mine. "I sincerely do want to get a chance to know you."
Somehow, her words sooths me, but it isn't enough. "No! No, trust me, you don't!" I scream at her, withdrawing my hand from hers and ready to run away from her. But she sees through me and stops me by throwing herself at me and hugging me real tightly.
"Don't do this!" She sobs against my chest, while she buries her head in my apron. "Just give me a chance, Lee."
There it is again…
Lee.
It makes my stomach churn with a whirlpool of pain, shame and ache. It's the name that makes my world stop turning and come crashing down on Earth to destroy any hope left for a normal life.
"I'm not who you think I am. I'm not worthy of you."
She looks up to me with those big, glittering eyes. Tears are already streaming past her cheeks and every drop splashes on the ground as if every drop resembles my hurt that kills me bit by bit of realising I'm the one causing her tears.
"Yes, you are. You are this wonderful young man, who's nice, funny and handsome. You're better than you think you are, Lee," she claims with so much passion, but I still don't believe her.
"I'm sorry," I whisper and plant a soft, gentle kiss on her lips, before retreating back to the kitchen. As I open the back door, I observe my uncle at the window, which is opened by a crack, gaping at me appalled and disappointed by the just occurred conversation.
"Why are you doing this?" she queries, whimpering and prodding to find out the truth.
I sigh sorrowfully. "It's too complicated too explain," I say, still able to contain my composure. "Forget about me, Jin. You deserve better than this."
With that as my final answer, I close the door. The last thing I heard, was her breaking down, falling to her knees and crying her heart out.
But she isn't the only one.
A/N: Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't wrote a happy ending to this! I'm so sorry, but when I wrote the ending I decided it is for the better with a sad ending.
I guess you know the routine: press that button below, tell me what you thought about this ficlet, even though it sucked completely, and especially if you want a happy ending the next time I write a story of this pairing. I really enjoyed writing this, as to the reason I became a fan of them together. So who knows, I might write a new one, perhaps better, if I get enough reviews.
So, give me a constructive review please.