Regrets
If there's one regret I have to this day, it's not telling him. I know that he's probably happier now then he ever could have been with me. And I know that I was right for leaving and ending it after he cheated on me. But the fact that I never told him how much I cared for him and how deeply he hurt me and how I will never stop loving him has managed to nag me daily.
I'll never forget. Never. If there's one thing in this world that can make me cry…thinking about that day is it. I was a stupid little girl. A stupid little schoolgirl blinded by an adorable smile and some sweet compliments. No man had ever complimented me like that before. Sure, there was Viktor. But that was different. Never had I been called beautiful. Never had I been told that I was loved. And I haven't ever since.
She's his wife now. I heard from a couple discussing celebrities while I was in line for a pack of fags at the grocery. I didn't merit an invite to the wedding. But I read all about it. Right next to a picture of me taken when I had poured some coffee on my dress with a headline 'Granger Angry with Ex Lover's New Wife!' They always get it wrong. They always twist the truth. Everyone does. It's an epidemic.
But who cares? No one cares about who I really am. The truth. Just that I helped Harry Potter kill Voldemort. No one really cares at all. And them putting me in tabloids and papers doesn't make me liked or loved. Because they can drop you in a hot minute. You aren't important to them. They don't need you. No one needs anyone really.
I used to think I needed him. Used to try and picture myself without him and how I'd be able to survive a single day without his presence. Without his voice or smell. Without his hands. Those hands. That's what did it for me in the end. His hands were so big and warm and strong, yet gentle. And to imagine those hands on someone else…revolting. But here I am. Five years later. And I'm still standing. Guess that proves it then. I had been lying to myself. I didn't need him. I don't need anyone.
It's funny how you can look back and imagine how different your life would be right now had one thing never occurred. I do sometimes. Maybe I'd be the one who's married. Or maybe we'd still have fallen apart. Or maybe we'd be together, holding on to something that doesn't exist anymore, like a lot of couples, married or not, try to do. But you can't hold on to a lie. You can't build your world around it. I've learned that. It's not strong enough. Even a string of them. They don't have enough power to keep people together. Yet oddly enough, they certainly have the power to tear people apart.
Lies are man made things. And I don't trust man made things. They always fall apart. But I still do it. I keep on lying. Just another bad habit I've picked up. But I guess one has to lie sometimes out of necessity…in order to make it through the day without having their regrets eat away at them.
Author's Notes
Disclaimer: All the characters are the property of J.K. Rowling. This story is based upon the characters and their lives as published in her books. All situations are those of the author. If there is anything taken from another source it is cited at the bottom. Thank you.
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Lovin' It,
Lily.