Chapter 1 - Losing Control

At Kamski's House

Connor was just standing there. Right between Kamski and Hank, Cloe kneeling in front of him. And in his hand, the gun Kamski just gave him to shoot his own android. He felt as if he was placed between devil and angel, Kamski demanding to shoot that girl for the sake of his mission and Hank vehemently telling him not to.

And suddenly, it dawned upon him that he did not want to do it. He really did not want to shoot that girl which was just stoically waiting for its end, looking at him with empty eyes. What was that feeling? Pity? He should not feel anything at all. He was not used to it. What was wrong with him?

Connors hand trembled as he slowly tried to lower the gun. Just tried, because some invisible wall was stopping him to do so. This sensation of not having full control over his own body… he remembered that.

The first time it had appeared when Hank and Connor were hunting that deviant Rupert on the rooftop. When Rupert pushed Hank over the edge and Connor decided within seconds to save Hank instead of going after Rupert.

Back then, he had been strong enough to fight the wall and do what he thought was right. Not for the mission obviously, but for Connor himself. He could not let his partner die. Not by any chance. He really grew to like him – and he needed his help and guidance.

On another occasion, they were running after two girls from the Eden Club. He let them escape even though he nearly pulled the trigger then. The wall had only grown stronger… or was it Conner becoming weaker?

"Decide who you are", he heard Kamski say. "An obedient machine… Or a living being endowed with free will…"

"That's enough! Connor, we're leaving.", Hank snarled before Connor could do anything.

"Pull the trigger.", Kamski insisted with his hand on his shoulder now. It was not a comforting touch at all, Connor noticed. It was demanding and weighing him down.

He totally agreed with Hank who just said "Connor, don't…" in one last desperate attempt to prevent Connor from becoming as cold as the machine he was designed to be.

Kamski went on: "And I'll tell you what you wanna know."

But Connor decided he didn't want to know anymore, the price was not worth it. Another feeling bubbled to the surface as his software instability grew. Was it fear? His synthetic muscles did not obey him.

He was unable to lower the gun even though he tried with all his might. But it was not enough. And with eyes going wide he noticed that something that was not him, not his conscious, moved his forefinger and pulled the trigger forcefully.

In this split second he heard the gunshot and saw a satisfied image of Amanda flickering before his eyes.

"No!", Connor screamed as he finally was able to abruptly take the gun down. But it was too late.

I failed. How can that be? How could I have done that? It's my fault. All my fault, Connor thought as he stared at the whole in the girl's forehead, blue blood flowing out of it down her pretty face.

System warnings were showing up and his stress level was rising at an alarming rate.

He was barely aware of Hank's disappointed "Fuck." and Kamski's cold voice stating "Test negative. You chose your investigation over the life on another android. You feel no empathy." while he freed the gun from Connors grip. Hank turned and left the room.

"But I do!", Connor protested vehemently. "I… I didn't…"

As Connor turned his head to look at Kamski, he saw a small smile playing on his lips. Connor found it cruel. There was no warmth in it like he knew it from Hank's smiles. He felt sick.

Kamski just chose to ignore Connor's statement and continued: "I'm a man of my word. Ask one question… I'll tell you all I know."

Connor just stared at him. Some inner impulse wanted to attack the man just standing next to his dead android without any empathy himself. It made Connor angry. Another feeling he was not used to. It confused him. His system constantly displayed more warnings and system errors.

Connor just wanted to leave this place. So, he unwittingly chose words he learned from the one human being he respected most and swore for the first time in his life: "Fuck you."

With that he turned around and nearly ran on his way outside. He distantly heard as the man called: "By the way… I always leave an emergency exit in my programs… You never know…"

But Connor did not really care for his words anymore. He was too overloaded with conflicting emotions he never felt before. His system was all of the sudden showing messages, feelings even, that were not part of his original program. Guilt, anger, fear, sadness were the dominant ones.

When he stepped outside, he saw with a painful pang of conscience Hank leaning against his car with crossed arms.

"You shot that girl, for fuck's sake…", Hank said accusingly and glared darkly at Connor. But Connor noticed a somewhat disbelieving shimmer in Hank's eyes. It gave him hope. Hope that Hank might listen to him when he explained. They used to be friends after all.

"Hank, I… I did not intend to.", Connor stated sincerely. But Hank just gave a cold laugh that made Connor shiver.

"Yeah, sure. You fucking shot that girl like 5 minutes ago and now you wanna tell me you did not intend to?! JESUS CHRIST, Connor, you put your gun against her head and you blew HER FUCKING BRAINS OUT!" Hank roared.

Connor suddenly looked down feeling immensely guilty, his eyes watering. "I… I know…", he stammered. "And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Lieutenant! I know what it looks like, but you have to believe me that it wasn't me! - Please."

That last word came very softly, but Hank still heard it. He let his arms slide and stared blankly at the android.

After all they have been through in the last couple of weeks, Hank would have never expected that Connor would do such a cruel thing now. He did not understand it either. Connor spared those two girls from the Eden Club, so why shooting that Cloe? He even saved Hank before, instead of following that deviant for the sake of his mission, didn't he? But how could he not believe it was Connor, having it witnessed with his own eyes.

Connor looked back at him pleadingly. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Connor, stop that whipped-puppy look of yours!" That display of emotions started to unnerve Hank. Also, he noticed the bright red LED on his temple. Not good. Although Hank was mad at Connor, he still could not stop the wave of worry flooding him.

As he avoided eye contact with Connor, Hank noticed a movement in the house behind Connor. Suddenly, he got a feeling that whatever they discussed right now, they should not do it here in plain sight of that house.

Hank could easily see that Connor was so close to lose whatever grip he had on his emotions and Hank really did not like the idea of Connor having a serious break down right here.

So, Hank turned without another word and opened the passenger door of his car, gesturing Connor to get in. "Hank, what…?"

Hank signed "Just get into the car, already. I will not repeat myself… we better talk when we're home."

"Home", whispered Connor, his hopes rising… he referred to it as their home, didn't he?

"And don't get me wrong – I still don't believe your bullshit." Hank tried harshly, but his eyes betrayed him, and Connor, despite all the despair he felt, smiled slightly.

A genuinely hopeful smile.

Author's note: This is my first fanfiction in the Detroit: BH universe and the first one I ever wrote in English, since it's not my first language - but I really love the original voices of the game and thought I'd give it a try.

Please excuse if there are any typing or grammar errors... I did my best and hope it is readable for you all.

If you took the time to read through this story, I would be thrilled if you could tell me your thoughts about it in a comment.

Thank you so much!

MagicalWitch92