A/N: Hi, this is my first Hunger Games fanfiction, and also my second English fanfiction. This is inspired by Rin's route in Katawa Shoujo.
First day of summer wasn't that entertaining. The sound of rain could be heard from outside, just like it has done for about an hour ago. The sound of puddles being splashed by children, the view of raindrops slowly falling down my window. One could assume that this is the superlative weather for reading books, or thinking things you've just can't think about in normal circumstances. I prefer the latter.
A loud thunder crashed. A flash of thunder means bad thoughts to me when I was little. And it still does.
It's anomalous. I did not think of any of those bad things if I'm with Katniss. It's also the right word to define our relationship right now. Anomalous. Sometimes I don't really know what I feel deep inside. I'm not certain of how should I feel. This is a strange, uncommon, abnormal bond. The bond, although hard to understand, the bond that we decided to keep.
But it's just not the same.
I can sense it in me and Katniss—we are not the same again; the way her eyes avoid to gaze back at me; in her beautiful eyes that has witnessed heartless scenes—it's not like I haven't; I even sensed it in the way I talk to her—I no longer call her Catnip.
In how we are closer than we have ever been, yet I'm not feeling very happy.
When did acts of affection start invoking death and rebels?
Katniss is here. She's a strong girl. She doesn't cry over problems she has. She solves them. Alone. Though she does it secretly. Though she acts like she doesn't care. Though she never tells anyone. Though it takes a long time.
Wounds will heal. Scars don't.
If she can, why couldn't I? Why couldn't we?
It feels like taking that step is too much, too difficult, too ambiguous. Even though Katniss is right here. Even though there should be no more questions, no obstacles, not this infuriating sensation that something is just too wrong.
Yes, Gale Hawthorne and Katniss Everdeen aren't supposed to be together.
…Yet we are together now. In a way that is difficult to define, it eludes description as stubbornly as it evades to change.
Is this kind of relationship all right?
While we would stay together for eternity—
No…there is no such thing as eternity.
We won't be together forever.
If not Capitol, maybe time will take over and will pull us apart with a force that no one could grip.
I still have time to share this moment with her.
Am I wasting it?
Am I using it like there's no tomorrow?
Maybe there really is no tomorrow for me. Every day, the percentage of that increases…like there's no tomorrow.
Katniss loves Peeta. It wasn't just their special Capitol Circus act. Their love is real.
If I die, does it matter to her?
Would she cry over my grave—if my body is whole enough to be buried?
I wouldn't answer those questions. I don't know the answer, after all.
What should I do—ask her?
She won't answer. She'd walk away, carrying my confusion with her. Then she would try to get rid of those questions in her mind, and focus on the rebels. I know she would.
Unrequited love. That's what Capitol TV dramas call it. I do not really understand, but I think that's my current situation with Katniss.