Decisions

A/N: Okay, I've been here a while and been exposed to a lot of different pairings and the whole Tifa verses Aeris argument. That argument got me thinking. Was Cloud really that beat up about Aeris or was that the remnants of Zack's memories acting as a catalyst between those two. And what about Tifa?

Disclaimer: If it is mine then where the hell is my royalty cheque? Since no large amount of money has appeared I can honestly say it isn't mine.

God I'm so messed up.

Before she died I was happy, -ish.

It seemed like it was too good to be true, me and Aeris, together, but there was also Tifa. How could I ever forget about her?

They were best friends I had strong feelings for them both, granted. That's probably why I didn't choose. To put one over the other would had crushed the one I didn't pick, there was no way I could do that to Tifa, she was, is my best friend and hopefully, she always will be if I don't mess everything up like I normally do.

It was too close to call back then, I couldn't make up my mind. Then I got to thinking… did I really have to make that decision right in the heat of battle? We were facing Jenova, Sephiroth and Shinra all at once back then. If I made a decision on impulse it could have so easily turned out to be the wrong one so I held it off.

Later on they were getting pretty desperate to win me over. Aeris on the gondalas, normally mild-mannered Tifa was starting to get a bit flirty with me at times on the bronco, even Yuffie who had just stolen from us was throwing her bid in to take my heart. That hyper little ninja had her charms I guess, she was always smiling, but after Wutai I just couldn't trust her, it may have been another scheme to get at my materia.

Then it all changed.

Sephiroth… he took her away from me, he even tried to get me to kill Aeris. If it wasn't for Tifa I probably would have, the blood would have soaked my blade.

I was devastated to say the least.

My mind was covered with "what ifs?", what if she was still alive? All I could think about was her, it seemed to the rest that I had made my choice, and it was Aeris.

I went insane, I gave Sephiroth the black materia again and was lost to the Lifestream. But she stood by me, for all that time I couldn't speak, couldn't move, she stayed with me.

Tifa.

You helped me find my true self, you brought me back from the Lifestream. We shattered the illusion that made me someone else. I was no longer Zack.

He died protecting me, I took his memories and his sword, he was Aeris' first love.

So when I first met the flower girl, how could I have known what was me and what was him. Aeris was back on my mind.

Was it me or him who wanted her? Him or me that felt like the love of my life was gone before my eyes that day? I'll never be able to tell.

Another thought popped into my head, one more rebellious and dark: What if She thinks your too betrothed with that flower girl. What if you kept her waiting too long. What if she doesn't want you anymore? It said. Well there is only one way to find out. And that involves a small box in my pocket.

How to do it? I don't know, I'm too messed up. I can't do decisions.