Herler. Fangy-Mc-Fangerson here, bringing with me awkward KarDave relationships. And probably eventually PB&J ones, too, 'cause they're my OTP. Anyway, enjoy this bit of fanfiction. More chapters are soon to come. Muahahahahah!

Karkat Vantas idly tapped his pencil against the desk, glaring at his computer in discontent. Though, when was he ever content with anything? At the moment, he was trying to decipher a certain humans pester message. And really, it was without much luck, and the more he tried to find the joke—because it had to be a fucking joke—the more his blood boiled. "Fuck you, Dave Strider, Mr. 'Oh, I'm so fucking cool, bow to my worthless, insufferable cool kid fucking self.' Fucking moron," he growled out, his voice rising in annoyance. He read over the message again, but the only purpose that served was to make him want to throw his computer across the fucking room.

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist—

TG: dude we need to talk

TG: like fuck

TG: seriously

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, FUCKHEAD. I AM BUSY. UNLIKE SOME SHITSTAIN OF THE UNIVERSE, I ACTUALLY HAVE WORK TO DO. SO KINDLY GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A LONG SHARP OBJECT.

CG: ACTUALLY, JADE'S USELESS RIFLE WOULD WORK WELL.

CG: MAYBE THEN IT'D GO OFF AND YOU'D EXPLODE INTO A MILLION FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECES.

TG: not the mental image i wanted

TG: you need to chill the fuck out

CG: MAYBE IF SOME ASSHOLE DIDNT BOTHER ME ALL OF THE FUCKING TIME I WOULD.

CG: LET'S JUST GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH. WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU POSSIBLY

WANT?

TG: dude youre not making this easy on me

CG: IT'S NOT MY JOB TO MAKE ANYTHING EASY FOR YOU.

CG: I HATE YOU.

CG: MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE REVOLVES AROUND MAKING YOUR LIFE HARDER AND POINTING OUT WHAT A COMPLETE AND UTTER DOUCHE YOU FUCKING ARE.

CG: BECAUSE, MAY I REPEAT MYSELF, YOU ARE AN ASSLICKING WASTE OF OXYGEN

AND I LOATHE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

TG: aw im feeling all warm and fuzzy

TG: its like fuckin christmas or some shit

TG: and youre a neurotic santa who needs some xanax and a comb

TG: seriously man

TG: your hair looks like some rabid rat tried to make a nest in it and died

TG: then came back to life as a zombie and died again

TG: and then gamz tried to style it using only pie and faygo

CG: HARDY FUCKING HAR. I'M LAUGHING SO HARD, STRIDER.

CG: I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR IN A BURST OF FUCKING GIGGLES.

TG: dead rodent hair aside

TG: this shit is important yo

CG: SPIT

CG: IT

CG: OUT

TG: lets go out

CG: …

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, STRIDER.

Karkat kept staring at the screen. By this point in the message, his brain had shut down. 'Let's go out.' Just looking at those words made his head throb. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and attempting to take a few calming breaths like Gamzee had taught him. It worked well enough for him to read the rest of the message.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

TG: ya know

TG: dates and kisses and all that fluffy shit

TG: all those lame romcoms you watch should clue you in

TG: fuck gotta go

TG: bros home and i gotta get out before he starts filming weird smuppet porn

TG: one more bulging butt and im going to need some fucking therapy

TG: oh and im coming over to your place tonight

TG: later

- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist—

Karkat was literally about to flip his shit. Dates? Kisses? He slammed his laptop closed, gritting his teeth together. Dating that dipshit? No fucking way. Even if he had to have someone jack him off, or he would explode, and Dave Strider was the last person on fucking earth, he would rather burst into a spray of come and Karkat pieces.

"Fuck you, Strider," he muttered for the umpteenth time. No. No no no no no no. He wasn't even going to bother thinking about it. Dave was not the person he wanted to have a romantic relationship with. Ever. In fact, other than that pompous thundercunt Eridan or that sick pervert Equius, Dave was the last person he would fuck.

End of fucking story.

*Inserts totally not random time skip here*

Karkat grumbled as he heard a faint tapping noise, followed by a loud bang, and…. Footsteps? He slowly lifted his head from the desk where he had fallen asleep doing tedious, boring as shit homework. There was a small puddle of drool where his face had been pressed up against the cheap wood, and with a scowl, he wiped the saliva from his chin with the back of his hand.

"Wow. You actually fell asleep. It's not like I have any important shit to say or anything," came a sarcastic, drawling voice behind him. Karkat turned in his chair and glared.

Being friends—if you could even call their mutual play-hate for each other that—with Strider always took its toll on Karkat. He never knew when the shit-for-brains idiot was serious, sarcastic, teasing, or what the fuck ever. He had gotten better at figuring out his moods, but Dave always had that creepy fucking straight expression on his punchable face, and it didn't help that those stupid reflective aviators hid his eyes. Four fucking years of insults and jabs, and he had never seen the ass without them. It was fucking weird, and a bit disconcerting.

"What the fuck do you want, Strider?" Karkat asked, momentarily forgetting about the awkward online conversation that they had shared only a few hours prior. He was still trying to wake up.

"Nice to know I'm forgotten so easily. Man, if I knew I'd be greeted with this, I'd have chilled with Terezi and watched her play her demented roleplaying courtroom games. Chick's psycho," Dave sighed.

"Then go play with your blind girlfriend," Karkat snapped. "I have homework to do, fuckwad."

Dave sat down on Karkat's ratty, second-hand-store couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table and letting out a jaw-cracking yawn. If he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, Karkat would have seen dark bags under his eyes from stressful sleepless nights. But of course, Dave was far too cool to let anyone think he was worried about shit. But between maintaining his college grades, his bro getting on his ass all the time, and trying to figure out this shit with Karkat, he was left both mentally and physically exhausted. "Don't feel like it," Dave answered, laying his head on the back of the couch and closing his tired eyes. "I was ready to make an ass of myself, and you can't even remember what we talked about? Fuck, dawg."

"I'm not keeping you here," Karkat grumbled, finally recalling the awkward conversation and refusing to acknowledge it even transpired.

"Already here. Might as well kick back."

"Get your fucking feet off of my table," Karkat ordered, glaring at the offending appendages.

"It's already dirty as shit. Hell, my kicks'll probably dust it off, anyway."

"You're an idiot," Karkat muttered, shaking his head and trying to go back to his homework. He could almost feel Strider's stare boring into his back.

"So we're going to do this I-have-no-fucking-clue-what-you-mean shit?" Dave spoke up after a few minutes of incredibly uncomfortable silence. Well, uncomfortable on Karkat's part.

"Yes. Yes we are. And we're also going to pretend that it never fucking happened. No asshole messaged me about doing anything weird and it didn't ruin my fucking day. We're all just going to be fucking shits and giggles and act like everything's normal and the most pathetic lump of lard is not sitting on my fucking couch."

Karkat opened his laptop again, about to pester Gamzee, and tensed as he heard Dave stand, but didn't bother looking behind him to watch the movement. His stomach did a weird dropping flip thing, which increased as Dave leaned over him and shut his laptop. Dave was insufferably close, close enough for Karkat to hear soft breathing and feel it ever-so-slightly ruffle his hair. He tried to curse, or throw another insult, but the words died in his throat. He had never felt so fucking uncomfortable in his life.

"I'm being serious here. Shit. Not everything I say is sarcasm and witty remarks, you know." When Karkat didn't reply, Dave continued, neither of them moving. "I like you, even if that makes me a homo. Like, all confused, fucked-up, bromance kinda like." Much to Karkat's shock and dismay, Dave grabbed his chin and forced his head back, making him stare into mirrored plastic. Karkat couldn't even begin to fathom what kind of expression he had on his face. After hearing something so… so fucking strange, he was sure it was a mixture of fury, shock, and… fear? Normally laid-back, cool as a cucumber Dave didn't look like either of those things. In fact, a scowl tugged down his lips as he searched Karkat's face for something, though the smaller was hard-pressed to figure out what, exactly, he was looking for. Acceptance? A smile? Was he waiting for him to burst into fucking song and chime out a scratchy rendition of My Heart Will Go On?

Karkat almost laughed. Almost.

It took him a while to finally find his voice, even in his awkward position, and he actually mustered up an expression of pure disdain. "So, let me get this straight: you want to date me?"

For once, Dave Strider actually looked exasperated. "Yes. Fuck. Pretty sure I made that clear, like, multiple times."

Once the shock started dying down, Karkat was bewildered. "Why?"

Dave looked contemplative. Well, as contemplative as the cool kid could look. "Fuck if I know." He let go of Karkat's head and returned to take his rightful place back on the couch. Karkat spun around in his chair, his lips pulling back in a deep snarl/scowl.

"You want to date me, and you don't even know why?"

Dave shrugged. "Pretty much."

"…. Fuck you, Strider."

"I'll take that as, 'Strider, you're a fucking sex god. Everyone should bow to you and feel lucky to even be in your line of sight.'"

"I don't think there has ever been a bigger idiot alive than you. Seriously, how are you still breathing? Why has God not struck you down for being the most moronic being that's ever lived?"

Dave let out a smirk. "You can't kill the Strider."

"Fuck, you are stupid."

I'm so good at ending chapters. Look how awesome I am.

I swear my chapter ending will be better next time.

I am also not good at using this site...