Author's Note: this is a writing experiment I am doing as a way of exploring what it means to recover from PTSD. This story will cover trauma, therapy, sexual disfunction and discovery, as well as the long road to rediscovery of self and of romantic feelings. Thank you for bearing with me. Please share and comment. Thank you!
When they found Bucky, he was curled up in the fetal position. It was in the wreckage of what had once been a helicarrier, still in dock. The Winter Soldier had been sent to shield's headquarters to find Captain Rogers, but since shield was folding in on itself due to Hydra's involvement coming to the service, the organization was slowly collapsing.
This docked helacarrier was being cleaned by only a few staff, who managed to escape after firing a few warning shots at the Winter Soldier. He had torn through the haul with his metal arm and was searching, when a large area of roof collapsed on top of him. Natasha approached confidently, knowing fear would set off the super soldier. Cautiously she got down on one knee, keeping her hands where Bucky could see them.
"I thought the red scare was over and done with, but you've certainly proved me wrong," she said, deciding to use humor to create rapport rather than show pity.
"God..." Bucky sobbed into his knees. "Is... is Steve okay? Did I hurt anyone?"
"Steve is outside, wants to see you. We had to stop him from coming in here, we were worried that you would.. um... revert, as it were," said the Black Widow, biting her lip, nervous about what to tell him.
Bucky groaned, clenching his teeth together and shiving as if cold. "I don't want to hurt anyone," he murmured.
"You won't. The Cap and I managed to get you a full pardon from the US president. You're going to stay in your own floor of the Avenger's Tower until you have fully recovered."
Buckky looked up at her incredulously, not believing her words, or that he could ever get past this. She quickly added, "recovery from something like this might be for the rest of your life. I'm not going to pad that for you." She stood up walking through the path she had cleared through the debris, adding "Priyekhat," which is Russian for 'come,' as she went.
He crawled after the Black Widow, not even realizing that he was crying as he went. He really only went because he had nowhere else to go. He also trusted the Black Widow, trusted Natasha, he told himself, because he knew that she had been through similar brainwashing and torture as he had. Bits of metal and rubble cut into his knees and flesh hand as he went, and as he exited the hella carrier, he left a trail of blood behind him.