"Entering a new age", huh? That's what I said, but what does that mean for me?
Korra turned on her side and stared out of the window from her bed. The moon dominated the view, lighting the world, and her room, with its soft glow. She could feel it tugging at her soul, urging the part of her that belonged to the spirit of the moon to dance beneath its light.
The pull was stronger than it had ever been before, and she had to physically curl herself up to contain her urge to run out of the palace, to find somewhere safe to bend to her full ability. It was even worse than being in the sun, as the fire spirit was not her natural alignment like the moon was.
Was it because of her stronger spiritual connection with the world around her? Or her stronger connection with her own spirit?
Or is it because ten thousand years worth of Avatars no longer crowd my soul?
She cringed at the thought, biting her lip so hard she drew blood, trying to hold back the rising guilt and despair. Now that the adrenaline was gone, the battle over, she had time to reflect on how empty she was.
How lonely.
Tenzin and the others hadn't understood, she knew. They simply thought that her connection was severed. That her past lives were somewhere in the cosmos, waiting for her to connect to them, just as she had twice had to reconnect to the Avatar state. She couldn't bring herself to tell them that the connection didn't exist because there was nothing left to connect to.
They were well and truly gone.
All because she hadn't been strong enough. With each strike from Unalaq they had been ripped from her, one at a time, then a dozen, then hundreds. She had watched, and felt, as her weakness caused the destruction of a thousand past lives, past spirits, memories that had spanned the entire era of the Avatar.
Memories from before that, even, as she had lost Wan too.
Somehow, that loss hurt the most.
Avatar Wan had been the only one of her past lives that she had truly connected to. The flashes of Aang's past had contained little more than the barest emotions, and she had made no contact with the others in her time as Avatar. Wan had been her first real guide, and in watching his life, she had found her first true role model. He was the kind of person she aspired to be, dreamed of being.
She had to wonder, too, how much of the depression was from Raava herself. The light spirit was a part of her after all, and without the interference of the other spirits there was little separating them. Before, Raava had been lost behind the multitude of past lives and the weight they brought with them. There had been clear lines drawn in her spirit, a space for each past life and the unique personality and viewpoint that belonged to them.
Now, it was difficult to tell where Korra ended and Raava began.
Maybe that was how it used to be in the beginning. Back when it was just Raava and Wan, and not Raava's spirit filtered through countless past lives, her name held only in the memory of an Avatar that no one remembered.
"Times may have changed, but it appears that the human propensity for brooding is not one of them."
Korra shot out of bed and promptly tumbled off the edge, smacking her head on the floor hard enough to make her vision blur. "Raava?!"
"Yes, yes. Awakening from my ten thousand-year slumber in order to destroy my eternal foe is tiring business. I took the opportunity to sleep while you were busy giving a rousing speech to your fellow humans, who, I might add, do not look much improved from when I was last conscious."
"Hey! What was wrong with my speech?!" Korra scowled, offended. She had actually thought about that one, thanks!
"Oh, nothing at all. It just sounds so very similar to the sorts of things Wan used to ramble about. Perhaps meeting with his spirit caused a transference of traits. Not, from what I've seen, that there is much different between you two in the first place. I promise you just as I promised him, it will not kill you to think things through every once in a while."
"I am not that hot...headed." her voice started as a shout, then dialed down in volume to a squeak as she recalled all of her (very many) instances of rash decisions and destroyed property. "Anymore?" she finished weakly.
"I do not believe there is a single person in your acquaintanceship that would agree with you." Raava scoffed.
"Aw, come on. I'm getting better!"
Had anyone walked into her room at that moment, they would have been incredibly confused at the sight of the all-powerful (hah!, yeah right) Avatar laying on the floor, arms crossed, and grumbling to herself about being unfair and giving her a little credit. Or perhaps they would have merely wondered at the sanity of the world's savior and quietly escaped before they were noticed.
After squabbling with Raava for several minutes (and boy, would Jinora love to know the light spirit was awake), she spread her arms out on the blankets she had pulled down with her and stared at the ceiling.
"Do you think...I made the right choice?" she asked hesitantly.
"Hmm? To which questionable decision are you referring? I can think of several off-hand."
Her eye twitched in annoyance at the jab, but she didn't rise to the bait. "The portals. Leaving them open so that the worlds would be connected again."
Raava was quiet for several minutes, and Korra could feel the spirit mulling over the question. She didn't sense any anger or disappointment in the spirit though, and that raised her spirits higher than they had been since this all started.
"One will not be able to say whether it was a good or bad decision on your part. For all his good intentions, Wan died fighting pointless human wars after closing the portals, an end that would have been no different had he kept them open and died fighting in wars between spirits and humans. War is the same no matter what species is involved."
Korra sighed and nodded. She did not like to think that her actions doomed the world to ceaseless strife between spirits and humans, but is that really any different from what humanity consistently did to itself?
"Closing the portals was the best decision Wan could make. Balance could never be reached while spirits slowly destroyed the humans and took over their world. But having lived through your life, seeing what you have seen, humans now have lost touch with spirits. It does not surprise me. The portals have been closed for ten thousand years, and human attention spans are shorter than even their mere hundred year life span. They were quick to forget that they were once prey in their own world, and even quicker to return to slaughtering each other for land, money, and power."
The years of Wan's life she had seen, and her own experiences during the last year certainly backed up that last statement. No matter how many wars the Avatar ended, humanity simply found a new reason to fight. Her last life was undeniable proof of that.
"We do not know what will happen in the future, with the portals open, but ask yourself, what would have happened if you had closed them?"
What would have happened? The world would have returned to normal. Republic City would have repaired the few damages it sustained, the Water Tribe situation would have resolved, and then...everything would have been forgotten. Forgotten until some new menace popped up and they demanded the Avatar return things to normal again. Humanity would go on becoming less connected with spirits, losing the true meaning of their bending, forcing the world to bow to its will. Soon, humanity would have no connection with the spirits at all, and the Avatar, bridge between the worlds, would no longer be needed. Future Avatars would become tools, weapons to be fought over and possessed, and Vaatu would return to find a chaotic human realm primed for the taking.
Had she had thoughts like this a few months ago, she would have kicked herself. Had she had them a few weeks ago, she would have been afraid that she was turning into Unalaq. But she had changed, had seen things she never would have imagined she would, accomplished things she never thought she could.
"I guess you're right."
"Of course I am right!"
The arrogant response was ignored. "Humans can defend themselves against spirits, and no matter how long ago it was, spirits are used to fighting humans. Both sides will know that they are on equal ground. There will be a lot of trouble at first, but it won't be like before. Now, we have a chance at creating true balance." Would she be up to it? She didn't know, but she had created this world, and she would certainly never stop working toward her goal.
"Well. Now that you have stopped moping, go to sleep. It is difficult for me to rest when your mind is so restless. If thinking is so hard for you, that might explain why you do not do it often enough."
"Practice makes perfect, you know." she responded cheekily, smirking at the feeling of annoyance she caught rising in the spirit.
"Practice later, for all the good it will do you."
The Avatar rolled her eyes and climbed back on to her bed, settling the blankets over herself in a far better mood. No matter what consequences her decision had wrought, she wouldn't be alone in this.
"And you never will."