Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Supernatural world and claim not rights to any of it, no matter how much Jensen and Jared may like me to.
Summary: 'No matter how much he might argue the point, I did this for me, but now it's time to do something for him.'
Author's Note: Just a short one shot that was brought on by the Wanted Dead or Alive scene in No Rest for the Wicked. Why did Dean all of a sudden change music preferences just hours before his death? Dean's POV, no pairings, rated T for language.
For Him
'There you go, Sammy, that's what I want to hear,' he couldn't help thinking to himself as he listened to his brother sing off key, but at least it was better than the 'talk'. They had almost gotten into that and he just didn't think he could handle it. Not this close. Not now, hell not ever. It didn't matter if the music blaring from the stereo was Bon Jovi. Sam liked them, he always had. And to see his brother enjoying even a few short minutes on this night, well it was worth anything. Even worth the momentary pang of guilt he had felt when he had skyped the cassette from Bobby's collection shortly before they left.
His voice faded away to nothing as he glanced towards Sammy and he couldn't help feeling the pain of loss. A year before and that pain had been excruciating. Losing Sammy back then had torn him to pieces and no matter how much his little brother might argue the point, he hadn't saved him out of a selfless act. It had been the most selfish act he could have ever committed but one he'd repeat a million times again without any doubt. No matter how angry Sammy had been when he made the deal, that anger could never compare to the pain he had felt as he clutched his brother's unmoving body to him pleading with him to just … stay! 'Oh, Sammy, if you'd only felt it the way I did that night, you'd never have questioned why. Nothing could ever be worse than that, not even death or hell.'
He had to turn away as he felt the tears build up behind his eyes. Couldn't let Sammy see him break now. That just wasn't gonna happen. Sammy wanted to save him. Sammy was sure he'd save him, but he really didn't think it would happen. They were up against a wall and out of time, and neither of them really knew what they were up against. No, he couldn't really have hope of making it past midnight, but he'd never let Sammy see that. For Sammy he'd smile, he'd laugh, he'd sing, make bad jokes, anything just so Sammy wouldn't have to think about what was gonna happen. It was the least he could do for his brother, for the one person who had always been his constant and the one person he could never live without.
But that was the ironic twist wasn't it? When he'd made the deal, he had only been thinking about then, that moment and getting his brother back. Now a year later and he was losing him again. Even if Dean were the one who was leaving he'd be losing him. Sammy would live on and Dean would be the one leaving. Leaving to spend the rest of eternity in hell, and no matter what horrors might be done to him down below, none of that could compare to the loss of his brother again. And that was what threatened to break him now, but he couldn't break. He couldn't let Sammy down. Sam needed him to be big brother Dean, the strong one, the one he could always count on, could always lean on. And he'd do just that. He'd do it for him; he'd do anything for Sammy, even if his heart were breaking for it. 'Whatever you need, Sammy, I'll do anything for you. I just wish I could find a way to live through this for you.'
A/N: I know, very sad but I've had this in my mind ever since the day I saw that episode and it had to come out. Let me know what you think.