Ever since she knew him, ever since they met face to face,
Every time he succeeds in killing her, in her dreams he does.
Hawkeyes kills black widow.
Clint Barton kills Natasha Romanoff
Without hesitance and without a second thought.
And it hurts,it hurts so much that she has come to believe that the dream was prophetic, that she must stay away.
Except she couldn't.
She kept snaring webs all around her, all around to make her safe, isolated from him, not realising he snuck in already, in the nest of black widow, not realising she was ensnaring him with her in a very strong mesh that neither could tear and break free.
That's why she was genuinely terrified when Loki, the mischievous struck that nerve.
They were co-dependent; they lived in this commensalism ever since they became partners.
When they fought, it was more like tango, steps co-ordinated, they would move synchronically, like they have this telepathic connection.
They would fight and fight, sometimes she bests him, sometimes he bests.
Some times he lets her beat him willingly because they were now….whatever.
They would tango around each other, subtly, fiercely yet with none of them leading, none of them reigning, at least that's what she used to think.
'He always had the lead, since Budapest' she now knows.
She liked the playfulness, the fire between Tony and Pepper.
She liked the calmness between Bruce and Betty.
She liked the respect between Hill and Steve.
Heck, she even liked the confusion between Jane and Thor, Sif and Thor.
They had all that and more, yet she never liked any of it
She never liked anything about them, because it was about them.
Love was for children ,it was simply non existent.
It was illogical, irrational; Cause you can't like everything about something,
And she couldn't have possibly loved everything about him.
Natasha Romanoff was a down with love girl.
Natasha Romanoff was smart, cruel and tough
Natasha Romanoff wasn't accustomed to kindness of any sorts and sure wasn't accustomed to companionship, let alone love, till he breached in through all the defences.
He wasn't the lovey dovey type she despises.
He wasn't overprotective.
And he wasn't the one for silly displays of emotions, he was a man of action, a tough man, a tenderly tough man; rough on the edges, soft in the core.
And that was her hook.
Her old agenda kept following up, the keeper of the ledger following its owner.
"Put down your gun, daughter"
She was surrounded, outnumbered.
She was facing him, her first former mentor, the one who made the black widow, the one who maimed Tasha, the one who kept pushing, abusing and haunting.
He beats her up, quite hard, he beats her up fierce quick, brutally and mercilessly that she couldn't take it.
Hawk comes to assistance,
Hawk closes up the distance.
He comes close, too close and he was good at seeing from a distance.
He takes the keeper down, he falls down with him.
Killer of black widow and saviour of Natasha falls.
Everything that she has ever been crumples under his weight.
"Clint, you are gonna be ok, you are gonna be ok….." she keeps repeating the mantra to him, to herself so that she believes it
"Don't ….Nat…." the hawk's eyes are tired, the hawk's eyes are dimming.
"You were so ….slow on the uptake, Tasha"
She knows what he means, she knows precisely what he means now, what he'd been tying to teach her, what he'd been trying to tell her, his motive behind everything they were.
She clings onto him like a child drowning.
"I love you, Clint"
He doesn't respond.
He was gone.
Black widow was her name, what a fitting name now.
She looks back now and remembers her dream, her nightmare.
It was true, he succeeded in everyway.
He killed Black widow when he made that different call.
He killed black widow softly everyday with every gesture of kindness, every small smile, every amicable fight, everytime they had each others back.
He killed Natasha when he was away.
He has been doing it everyday since his parting the previous year.
He destroyed all she was: Natasha and black widow.
He killed her when he died; she contemplates as an arrow sinks through her chest.