Crimson White

AN: So first of thank you to all of those who read East of the Sun, West of the Moon. Now this story has been bubbling in my mind for the past weeks, I see random paragraphs, find myself forming words here and there, so finally I sat my ass down and gave it ago. I warn now it will be agnsty and slightly dark. This will be a WIP since there is no way I can write it all in one go as the ideas are coming everyday. I hope you will give this a chance, even though it is far from perfect, and because of that the first few chapters will be short, and will pick up to my epic lengths later. Reviews are loved and bring inspiration, and constructive criticism are welcomed. I do apologize for my grammar and spelling, I don't have a beta reader at the moment, so this will be edited by me (the horror!).

I do NOT own Merlin, it belongs to BBC and Shine.

Summary: From the ashes of a fallen Camelot, a journey of survival that takes Guinevere to the far reaches of the five kingdoms, back to Camelot to find that Morgana had not taken her heart, and could not break her spirit after all that she's attempted.

"I was looking for a breath of life
A little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head sang "no"
(I believe it)
To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the start and the end
But all the choirs in my head sang "no"

-Breath of Life by Florence + The Machine

Chapter 1

She knew it was going to happen eventually. After all everyone had to die at some point or other. It was inevitable since the moment he was old enough for quests, though back then she didn't think it would effect her so directly, at least not until he almost died by the Questing Beast. No those were the simpler times when her father was alive, she was just a girl with small dreams. That wasn't entirely true, she wanted to believe that her life would be normal, that like the girls around her she would one day marry, have children, and have a husband who came home to her every night and they'd live a simple life. It was the happy ending that everyone wanted, but somewhere deep within even before she knew what fate had planned for her, she felt she was meant to do more than just mother children and live a humble life of servitude. She dreamt of love, she dreamt of adventure, and she hoped for a magic that wouldn't call attention to Uther's rage.

But she grew up. Today she was queen, today her heart broke as she was told by a squire that her husband, the other half of her soul had died. Yet she couldn't say she was surprised, she couldn't mourn like a normal woman, she had to sit at the head of the council table he has granted her the right to and fold her hands together, a perfect stillness of calm nodding her acknowledgement of the news. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, "how did it happen?" she asked softly.

"The Lady Morgana ambushed us, she's known for a while of the King's plans, your highness." The squire produced, looking up at his sovereign both in awe and confusion. He like most was surprise by the king's decision to marry a commoner, a servant at that. But the servant turned queen had exceeded all their expectations. "I barely got away, his highness risked his life to save me and a few other knights so that we may come back and warn you of the pending attack, by the time Sir Leon, and Sir Eylan got to the King-it was too late he was seen falling."

She could feel Gwaine and Percival step just an inch closer to her, they were left behind for her protection as ordered by the king, she could feel Gaius' eyes upon her, she felt all of their eyes upon her. Her brother was now lost to her as well she assumed. "Where is his body?"

"...my lady...it was nowhere to be found once we had a moment, forgive me for we could not bring him back with us. Sir Leon was the last to see him." the squire finished lowering his head in shame and defeat.

She pressed her lips together, and took a soft breath, "how much time do we have?"

"Not much my queen, the Lady Morgana is already headed towards Camelot."

She finally stood looking amongst the council members, "we've prepared for this, ring the bells, get the civilians formed and use the old tunnels if we must flea the city, if Morgana knew of our plans, she surly knows of the new tunnels. Get the rest of the army ready, Sir Gwaine, and Sir Percival shall lead, along with Sir Kay." She commended. "Those willing to stay behind and help the wounded may do so, but no one will be forced upon the task. The women, children, and the elderly despite class shall be first priority if Camelot should fall. You Edmund shall have to ride for Camelot once more, gather another who you trust. You shall ride to Caerleon, and the other to Nemeth. Inform our allies that we request refuge for any citizen of Camelot that may flea there, and any soldiers they can spare to us. Gather the soldiers."

They all looked to her for a second before the council nodded in agreement because after all with the king dead she was now the sole ruler of Camelot. Everyone had a role they were to play in this, he had made sure not to exclude anyone's opinion-each voice valued as his own, he had exceeded even what she thought was possible for a king to do, which was offer equality amongst all the classes. Her mind wondered once again to the night when she held his hand in hers and promised him life though she had no such power over it. She a servant had asked him to live for her even then, and many times after he kept his word to return to her, until today.

It was when she was left in the room with Gaius, Gwaine, and Percival lingering did she let out a strained breath that came out sounding half between a scream and cry, the tears which she held back spilled like water falls as she clutched at her stomach, she couldn't breathe. She could feel them, but all she wanted this moment was to fall apart and mourn for her loss. Her head seized with the pressure of her despair.

"Gwen..." Gaius started placing a hand on her trembling shoulders. He'd watched her grow, watched her blossom into a beautiful young woman with a heart to match and watched her win the heart of the young prince destined to be the future king. There was always something very regal about the maid servant, a nobleness that Gaius suspected she did not know she possessed, but those around her noticed. Her moral aptitude even suppressed that of Merlin at times. When she was crowned queen of Camelot there was no one more fitting for the position than her, and she filled the shoes more than any princess could have. She was stronger than most gave her credit for, and even just now she displayed the most strength he's seen of any woman. "My dear we must prepare..."

She wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed her eyes shut, all she could see was his smiling face, the feel of his lips as he pressed them to her lips first then promising to return to her. He'd broken his promise. He'd left her when he'd vowed he wouldn't. She felt her head spin and in that moment everything became clear. She took a breath and through her tears looked to the three men standing before her. "Yes..."

Gwaine was the first to speak, "Gwen..." the name saved for those closest to her, "...his orders were, if anything should happen to Camelot for us to make sure you are safe, we'd promised him with our lives."

She felt her anger strike up, over the years she's lost much, hurt much and she thanks the gods for bringing her much in return. Though the loss of a father cannot be replaced by anything, she learned to live with the pain of that loss, but the anger she felt she was always able to dispel it with the love she felt from those who she called her friends, and the man she loves. But with each blow she receives, the anger that was once so easy to let go leaves a residue within her, a darkness of emotions that was slowly infecting her right now. How could she possibly ask them to lay their lives at her feet? How could she live with more loss? Then the dizziness hit her again, she almost lost her balance and grasped the table tightly, he could feel Gaius' hands on her shoulder.

"You must take care..." the older man softly said to her. "...he would not have wanted this, nor would Merlin or Elyan. They would never forgive us for not looking after you."

Merlin! Where was Merlin? Where was her dearest friend to whom she entrusted her most precious possession? He'd promised as well! It seems everyone was breaking their promises to her this day. But Gaius was right, she had to take care, she had to live on, for she wouldn't give Morgana the satisfaction of taking anything more from her. "We do as was planned. If the need should come for us to flea Camelot, we shall do it together with as many people as we can." She looked up, the reserve back in place but her eyes soft for the three men before her. "Thank you for standing by me, thank you for honoring our King, Camelot and myself with your lives. I am forever grateful my dear friends."

Percival who usually said nothing got on his knees, "I will keep my vow to our King, to my friend." He looked up at her then with a steel gaze and gentle smile, "I will make sure nothing happens to you." Gwaine followed his fellow knight and friend, his hair curtaining his face, which usually was merry and full of mischief, on this day it was neither.

She should have felt some reassurance, she should have felt some safety, but all she felt was emptiness. This wasn't how things were to be, most times when Morgana came up she no longer felt the brush of nostalgia hit her of the days when the woman they spoke of was but a girl, a friend, someone she confided in, and truly loved. She didn't recognize the woman who wanted to take her life, who wanted to hurt her. This woman was not her friend, this wasn't the girl she held at night when she woke screaming from countless nightmares. She had once asked her why she hated her so, but she had not answered her directly, instead opted for cryptic words that meant nothing. When she did give Morgana some thought, all she felt was pity, but today there was something stronger brewing within as precious minutes tic by her and the news of his death settles into her core. No it was no longer pity, she felt.

It was as expected she came like a storm, Guinevere had a mind of thinking that Morgana had a dark cloud that followed her and it lingered and drew the life out of everything it passed over. She was still regal, and entitled as she came in all her glory as if she had the right. Guinevere acknowledged that maybe she did at one point but she gave that right up when she murdered innocent citizens of Camelot for her own personal gain. So misguided was her once friend. Sometimes she wished she could have been a better friend to her, could have saved her from becoming just like her father. Standing in her trousers and tunic she was also ready for battle, watching as the hordes of men she conjured up from some lie or manipulation followed to ravage another kingdom for it's spoils. They would kill, rape, and take all for selfish need, just as their mistress would.

Even from this distance she could see Morgana's smile as she yelled "Burn it all!" She watched as brave and loyal men of Camelot charged into battle against mercenaries with no morals or codes. She watched with a heavy heart as her people fell, for she knew from the moment that the king had fallen that they were greatly out numbered, and fleeing Camelot was the only way to ensure the survival of it's people. She saw the crimson of their blood that would turn to the earthy color long after their souls have left their bodies. She heard the cries that were now etched into her mind.

"My lady we must go!" yelled a random solider who she didn't see, only heard for her eyes were fixated on the destruction that lay before her. She had failed, but she would not fall, she could not! Picking up her own sword she ran towards the great hall where she would collect her people and flee. Through the chaos she found Gaius who was treating the fallen. Her heart became just a little more stone like.

Gwaine rushed in then, his face covered in specks of blood and grime. He looked to her, "we must go now, she will not be satisfied until she's spilled your blood and I can't let that happen."

"Where is Percival?" she asked.

"He's holding them off, but they'll be here soon, Sir Kay had already started to lead the people out as you instructed, Gwen, we must go now!" he said his hand reaching for her shoulder, sword in the other.

She looked to Gaius, "pack up what you can." she looked around the room, "everyone follow us now, those who can assist others do so, and those strong enough to carry the children take as many as you can carry!"

The next few minutes went almost as if in a blur, she watched the great doors burst open as a river of soldiers wearing Camelot's colors got pushed back by the black of Morgana's men. She saw a glimpse of her, amidst the men a smirk on her lips as her eyes glowed golden with power. She even heard her voice yell, "I want the Queen, Guinevere Pendragon...dead." She felt herself being pulled and pushed all at once, she wasn't sure by who, the cries continued to echo in her head as she found herself lost amongst her people. It wasn't until they were outside running into the forest that she stopped to take in the twilight.

She looked back once more at her home, at her kingdom and the darkness that loomed over it. The flames of the fire raging through, and the ashes that seem to float down over everything. How many times has she run from there now? How many times had she locked away the image of Camelot within her heart never to return? Once again she felt that darkness grow. It was when she felt Gwaine tug at her arm did she turn and run once again away from her home, heart, and Camelot.

TBC

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