The Heart Knows What it Wants

by K9 Block

John and Rose argue and seperate. John seeks help and comfort from another woman who loved his alter ego.

Chapter 1

John stood shaking as pain sliced through his heart.

What now? His whole world had just come crashing down around him and he was ill equipped to do more than stare into space and replay the previous two hours of horror over and over like some badly scripted movie stuck on replay.

A sob escaped him as his knees buckled and he collapsed onto the grass. Oh god. What had they done?

Rose was doubled over in agony at what she had done to the man she loved. How could she have said those final last words to him? She was hurting that was true but she knew she hadn't really meant that last statement even as she had said it, but she found she couldn't retract those words even as he had acted on them. "Get out and don't ever come back!" What had she been thinking?

And he had gone. With pain in his eyes and without even a backward glance. He had packed a bag and left the house. He hadn't slammed the door. He hadn't even seemed angry by the time he left. He had just looked like a broken man, shoulders slumped and dead eyes staring straight ahead.

She had watched him leave and had been unable to say the words to stop him around the pain that was lodged in her heart.

The culmination of two hours of bitter words and recriminations was that two people were both in danger of dying of broken hearts.

Two hours of heated words and accusations culminating in that last heated altercation in their bedroom. It all seemed so irrelevant now. He had wanted them to try for a baby. She had wanted to wait, to concentrate on their work with Torchwood. He had accused her of waiting because she hoped HE would return and take her away with him. She had told him to stop being an idiot. He had screamed that she didn't really love him. She had yelled that he made it hard sometimes. He had accused her of lying to him. She had accused him of trying to control her by using a baby. He had mistakenly referenced his "memories" of the Doctor having been a father in the past and seen the hurt enter her eyes. She had hit back with hurt of her own, comparing him to his "original" and calling him a "duplicate". He had suggested she might be happier on her own. She had agreed and had uttered that last fateful sentence. After that the silence had been deafening.

And now he was gone. Rose curled on their bed as the sobs began to wrack her body. She wasn't sure she would survive this. She wasn't sure she wanted to.

How was he going to survive this? How could he move on from her? He loved her. She was everything to him. Hell he had wanted to have children with her.

Still crumpled on the grass in a park about a block from where he had lived so happily with Rose for the past two years, John let his gaze focus on his surroundings. He was drawing some attention from passers-by but that didn't worry him. He did need to make a move though. There were storm clouds gathering overhead and he would be soaked through in less than half an hour unless he sought shelter soon. He grimaced as he thought that storm clouds seemed portentous today.

He got to his feet and headed to a nearby pub that also offered accommodation upstairs. After stowing the few things he had packed into a chest of drawers that were the only other piece of furniture in a room taken up mostly by a large bed, he decided to head back downstairs for a stiff drink.

Where had he gone? Rose looked out at the darkening sky and began to worry her bottom lip with her teeth. Tracks where her tears had fallen still drying on her cheeks. Deep down she had been hoping that he would come straight back after he cooled down and give her the chance to apologise. She hoped he would say that he was sorry too. He had also said some hurtful things after all, although she knew that that had stemmed mainly from deep seated insecurities.

It was looking less and less likely that he would be back anytime soon though. The tears began to trickle again. Rose didn't even notice.

"What can I get you mate?" the bartender asked, his cheery disposition grating somewhat against John's raw and bloodied emotions.

"Scotch on the rocks thanks, make it a double." He wasn't normally a big drinker but today he wanted the numbing effects that strong drink could provide.

The drink was set before him and he settled in to brood about all that had happened today and what it meant for his future. He had never really given a lot of thought to his future before. He had had Rose and had always assumed that whatever happened they would face it together. What was he going to do without her in his life? He felt another stab in the vicinity of his heart and he let it come. Maybe he shouldn't drink too much after all. Right now pain was the only thing he could feel and the only thing that reminded him he was still alive.

Chapter 2

It was dark when Rose woke up. She looked at the clock by their bed, 2.52am. She was still fully dressed and realised that she had cried herself to sleep. Her eyes felt sore and heavy but it was nothing to the pain she felt in her heart.

Maybe he had come back; maybe he had slipped in to bed while she had slept. She turned and reached out her hand feeling nothing but cold empty space.
He was downstairs he had to be. She switched on the light and made her way down, she was sure she'd find him asleep on their sofa. He wasn't there. The house was empty the only sound was the beating of her breaking heart.
She sank to her knees as silent tears coursed down her cheeks, where was he? Why hadn't he come back? But of course she knew why. Those last words she had said to him, replayed over and over in her head, like a needle stuck and just as sharp, "Get out and don't ever come back." The Doctor had told her to fix him and she had. She had loved him and now she had broken him again. She couldn't stop herself; she curled in to a ball and wept herself in to blessed oblivion.

John had eventually taken himself to bed after the bartender had said he wouldn't serve him anymore.

He thought he might never sleep again but the alcohol had done its work and he had sunk in to a troubled sleep.

He woke with a start, where was he? Then it all came back. The fight. And he had left Rose. He checked his wrist watch 2.52 am he had been asleep for almost 2 hours.
His eyes were heavy and his heart ached. She didn't want him and had sent him away.
He knew he had said hurtful things too but she'd called him a duplicate, a poor copy.
This is what he was, a fake man without even a birth certificate to prove his existence. He had to get away from this sham life. But where to go? Who would want a man who shouldn't exist?

Donna? He couldn't go to her, he knew what his perfect other self would have had to do to her, and if he went back to her he'd kill her.

Martha? She'd probably be married by now but maybe she'd put him up for a few nights while he got his head straight and decided what to do next. His whole future had been bound to Rose, but she didn't want him.

Fresh tears fell from his eyes and he clutched his chest as he felt pain tighten around his single human heart.

How could he go to Martha? She was in the parallel world, she'd had the sense to get out and leave his other self. Why would she want to see the copy now? But she had loved the Doctor, and she had looked at him that time in the TARDIS. He had seen desire in her eyes. Maybe she'd welcome him, well at least be pleased to see him?

He knew a way to get there. The Dimension Canon. It would show as active but if he rigged it to fail after his use then he couldn't be followed.

Yes, he needed a fresh start and he needed to not be able to go back. If it was damaged he couldn't come back, but if it was damaged it might fail with him in transit, he'd die. Would that matter? He was half dead anyway, he had lost his better half so what did it matter if he died?

If he didn't then he could see what life was like away from her. He was gripped by pain again. His chest and now his head, his stomach was rebelling, he tasted bile and lurched unsteadily to the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet as his stomach rid itself of the alcohol he had consumed. He actually felt better afterwards, his mind was clearer. He made his mind up to leave tonight. He needed to shower.

He finished showering and left what he thought was ample to cover his bill on the bedside locker. As he had let the water cascade over him he had decided on his plan. He had made a sonic of his own months before as a side project, no one knew, but it was always in his rucksack so he had that with him now and with that he could sabotage the canon and leave no trace as to where he had gone. Rose deserved better than a facsimile; if she couldn't have the Doctor she at least deserved a whole man.

He repacked his bag and with a final look around the room left, and stole down the stairs. He crept out and carefully closed the door behind him.

He made his way to Torchwood and used his sonic to gain access. He dropped his bag and stared at the place. He had loved working here and now he was losing that too. But he couldn't see another way; there wasn't a way to stay here if she didn't want him.

He sighed sadly and made his way to the vault, he thought about leaving a note but couldn't find the words to describe what had happened. 24 hours ago he had been happy and now he was reduced to running from the only thing he loved.

He knew what he had to do. He set the machine up and set co ordinates, he wanted to arrive at night, when it was dark to avoid detection; maybe even Jack would be asleep and not see the spike in the readings at his Torchwood.

He glanced around one last time and picked up the coffee mug from Rose's desk, she hadn't washed it and it still had her lipstick stain on it from their days work together. He placed it in his bag; she could get another but he'd never see that mouth again. He wiped angrily at the fresh hot tears that were streaming down his face. Now was not the time, he needed to be focussed and do this before his courage failed him.

He crossed to the centre of the circle and faced the mirrors. He barely recognised himself unshaven and the face that stared back at him was a mask of sorrow. He aimed the sonic and started it, he adjusted the settings and as he faded fired one more pulse at the controls, he smiled sadly as he saw them spark and flame before the dark took him.

He landed badly and heavily smacking his head on to concrete with a sickening thud, his last thought was of the mug, he really hoped he hadn't broken it.

When he came to his first thought was that he was cold, very cold and his head hurt, he felt the back of his head gingerly and his fingers came away slick with blood. He gagged at the smell but his stomach was empty. The mug! He dragged his bag around and felt inside, he sighed with relief when he pulled it out still whole and he pressed his lips to the stain.

He checked his wrist watch 5.57 am. He needed to move and fast, people would be moving about soon and he did not want to be found. He knew where he was but even the short walk was going to be a strain, he felt unbelievably tired.

He dragged himself to his feet and walked unsteadily, he was using every piece of street furniture he came to aid his unsteady progress. Finally he saw her road sign and made it to her front door. He leaned heavily against the frame and rang the doorbell.
"Please God be in." he moaned through gritted teeth.

The door opened and still in her pyjamas stood Martha Jones, she was eating a slice of toast.

Her eyes went wide as she took in his dishevelled appearance and before she had time to say a word she watched as his eyes rolled up in to his head and he dropped unconscious at her feet.

Chapter 3

Rose had been trying to call John on his mobile phone since daybreak. She no longer cared about who was right and who was wrong. She wanted her man home so that they could sort through their problems together. She had a lot to apologise for, she knew that and she wanted the chance to say it. He may have been created out of a metacrisis but she had been wrong to call him a duplicate. He was a wonderful, loving man who had given her everything she could want in a relationship.

She felt tears threatening again and she tamped them down. Enough wallowing! It was time to get out there and find him. Drag him back by the hair if necessary and make him see that in her eyes he wants for nothing.

She would start at Torchwood and see if he had shown up for work today. If not she would start a systematic search of every other place she could think of that he might have gone. He can't have gone far in one night after all.

Martha was baffled. The man she had dragged in off her front step looked exactly like The Doctor but on closer examination he only had one heart and his body temperature was normal for a human but not for a Time Lord. If she didn't know better she would say this was the Doctors duplicate. She knew it couldn't be of course because he was locked in a parallel universe with Rose Tyler and by now she imagined they had had brood of babies.

She would wait until he came to and try and get some answers. He was out cold on her couch at the moment so she reached for the phone to call work and take a personal day. She wanted to be here when he woke up.

On board the TARDIS the Doctor was getting some crazy readings on the monitor. If they were right there was a rift forming somewhere in the fabric of space but as yet he couldn't pinpoint where it was. He wasn't too concerned yet as it was only a momentary blip and seemed to have settled down again but he would keep an eye on the screen anyway in case there were anymore spikes.

He came to slowly and with a thumping headache. He was disoriented and somewhat startled to find himself inside a modern, furnished room and laid out on a couch. He tried to turn his head but was immediately assailed with fresh pain. He felt the back of his head and discovered a lump the size of a hen's egg.

"Bout time you woke up." said a familiar voice from across the room.

"Martha?"

"Yep, that's me. Question is who are you, coz I know you're not the Doctor." He quirked an eyebrow. "Only one heartbeat mister and your body temperature is human...are you? Sorry this gonna sound totally bonkers but are you...the other one?"

John nodded and immediately regretted the movement. He reverted to verbal communication. "Yes, I'm John. I'm the result of the human Time Lord metacrisis. The one you met on board the TARDIS."

"But, hang on weren't you going back to the parallel world with Rose and Jackie? Did something go wrong? Is Rose here too?" Martha was bursting with questions but she could see that John was getting a little overwhelmed. "Sorry, sorry you've just woken up and here I am hitting you with the third degree. Here take these." She walked over and handed him two aspirin and a glass of water.

He took them with gratitude and swallowed them down, finishing the water in two swallows. "Thanks," he smiled "In answer to your questions, yes I went back to the parallel world and was there until this morning, yes something went wrong but not in the way you think, and no Rose is not here." The last said with a fleeting look of pain flashing in his eyes.

"Ok, well are you back here for good or is there a reason you've come back? Does the Doctor know you came through another crack?"

"I didn't come through a crack as such. I used the dimension canon that was developed to send Rose back here last time. It was a single shot thing though. It won't work again. I'm here for good I suppose. Don't worry though; there is nothing bad happening that I know of. I just had to leave. This was the furthest place I could think of to run to. Hope you don't mind me coming here. Couldn't think of anyone else to turn to."

"Um, John? Run to? Turn to? What the hell happened between you and Rose?"

Rose was sitting at her desk at Torchwood. John wasn't at work but there was evidence that he had been here recently. She sat stunned as the Director rattled of the list of things John had done that breached Torchwoods protocols. Beginning with gaining unauthorised access to the hub using an unregistered sonic device and culminating in using and then destroying the dimension canon.

The thing that scared her most though was that, for reasons known only to him, John had taken her dirty coffee mug with him. And she knew where he had gone now but couldn't follow him.

Chapter 4

Martha could see the pain in John's eyes and knelt down beside him.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to sound like that. What has happened? Is Rose...alright?"

He sighed and ran his hand across his face, he winced as he touched his head and Martha switched into Doctor mode.

"Never mind, can you sit up?"

He struggled with her help in to a more upright position and she saw the stain of blood on the cushion she had used as a pillow for him, he saw it too and apologised.

"It's fine, just blood and only a cushion, lean forward I want to see the wound again."
He leant his head against her shoulder while she looked carefully. "It's not a deep cut, but you have a large bump, I'll get some ice."

She went to move but John held on to her and his shoulders shook. He was crying, silent tears were running down his face. She held him and soothed him until he had no more tears to cry. She lifted his head up and asked him again.

"What's happened, is Rose dead?"

His voice was thick with emotion, "No, she's fine. We fought. We both said things. She told me to get out and never come back. So I left. I couldn't stay there, not in that world. So I came here."

Martha was incredulous. "You left after one fight? But she looked for you, she found you."

"She doesn't want me" said John bitterly, "She wants him. I can't be him; I'm just the carbon copy."
"She called you that?"

"She called me a duplicate." Martha remembered thinking of him in the same way; it made her squirm a little.

"But she loves you."

"She loves him, as do you. I'm sorry I shouldn't have come." He stood up but swayed alarmingly and sank back down to the couch with his head in his hands.

"Whoa Mister, you aren't going anywhere till you've had that lump iced, some food, coffee and a shower, you stink!"

"Yeah dimension hopping without a capsule will do that to you, but thank you some coffee would be good."

"Stay here and don't get up."

She left the door open as she went to the kitchen and kept peering around the door as she made him a sandwich and some strong coffee. He didn't move, just sat with his head in his hands. When she returned she had to virtually force feed him the sandwich but he swallowed the coffee gratefully while she held the ice pack to his throbbing head.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you"

"How's the head?"

"It's easing."

"Think you can manage a shower? I can wait right outside for you."

"Yes."

She followed him up the stairs and turned the shower on for him. "I'll just get you a towel."

He undressed and stood under the hot water, he turned the temperature up till it was almost painful; he felt numb and wanted to feel something other than this crushing grief. Without thinking he washed and allowed the water to take away the grime.

Martha hesitated outside the door and listened, she could hear the water running and decided to go in and leave the towel for him. She could see him through the frosted shower door; he was standing with his head resting against the far wall.

"John, John I've left the towel over the bath edge...John?"

Why wasn't he answering? "John?" She opened the door and said "John I'm sorry are you alright?"

He turned his head to her and she could see that he was crying again. She shut off the water, picked up the towel and handed it to him. He put it around his waist and stepped out; he fell on her, sobbing in to her shoulder. She put her arms around him and simply held him.

When he was cried out she said "I need to change my top." He looked at her, she was soaked and he noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra; her breasts were clearly visible under the now translucent material. She flushed slightly and said "I won't be a minute."

She closed the door on him and steadied her breathing, what was she thinking? She wanted him, but he was a mess, grieving and broken. He was just the other side of the door and save for a towel he was naked. She shook her head to clear the sudden haze of lust that had descended on her. "He's not MY Doctor she told herself. He's Roses". She quickly changed her top and opened the door.

He just stood there, his head bowed. Her resolved slipped. She took his face in her hands and wiped his tears away with her thumbs, fresh tears fell and she kissed them gently away. She led him over to her bed and sat him down on the edge. She sat down next to him and held him.

"Shhhhh" she whispered to him "It'll be OK I've got you."

When she looked back she couldn't explain how it had happened, but what had started out as comfort had become something else. One minute she had been holding him as he had wept, then she had kissed him, just gently at first but he had responded and within seconds she was kissing him hungrily. His towel had slipped revealing his erection stiff and unyielding. She gazed at him and for a moment she let herself imagine that this was HER Doctor. This man who was exactly the same in every way that mattered right now.

She knew she was deluding herself but she had wanted this with the Doctor for so long and she was tired of wondering what it would feel like to be his lover. Before she had time to think better of it her jeans and knickers had been discarded and he had entered her. Their love making had been gentle and their climaxes explosive.

As they lay looking at each other, neither really seeing the person they wanted to see next to them, John had been the first to articulate that which they were both thinking...

"Oh my god, what have I done?"

Rose had been sent home. She hadn't been much use to anyone at work anyway. They were working on getting the dimension canon working again but John had done a real number on it and repairing it would take some time, at least a week they estimated.

But home was the last place she wanted to be. Not if John wasn't waiting for her there.

She had walked for a long time until she found herself in front of the Tyler mansion. She knew Tony would be at school and Pete would be at work, but she wanted her Mum. She rang the doorbell and prayed Jackie was at home. The door was opened by the maid and she was taken to the television room.

Jackie appeared a few seconds later, "Hello love" she began, "This is a surprise..." She stopped when she saw Rose's tear streaked face. "What is it?"

"Mum...he's gone." Her voice broke on a sob.

Jackie's eyes went wide, "Gone? You mean he's..."

"No Mum. We fought. He said things, I called him a duplicate and Mum...I told him to get out and never come back." She whispered the last ten words as she broke down.

Jackie held her and then asked what had happened. Rose told her about John's wanting a baby and that she wasn't ready.

Jackie interrupted, "Hang on, why don't you want his baby? Don't you love him? After all you went through to find the Doctor; his gift to you. That man loves you, no he adores you. Rose he worships the ground you walk on, you told him no?"

"No not no precisely. Of course I love him, of course I want his baby, I just didn't want it now. Mum we have years to have a family!"

Jackie knew before she said it that she would be breaking a dam, but the words had to be said, "Not any more you don't. Not unless you can find him and apologise."

The words sliced through Rose's heart, she had sent him away, he wasn't even in this world any more, and she would never have children with him now.

Jackie opened her arms as Rose stumbled blindly in to them, choking on the words, "Oh my God. What have I done?"

Chapter 5

Martha had shown John to the spare room and left him with an embarrassed "I'll make us a cuppa."

She wandered off to the kitchen to be alone with her thoughts. She was hardly bathing in the afterglow of their lovemaking. That wasn't to say that John hadn't been the most amazing shag because he had been awesome. She honestly couldn't recall the last time an orgasm had shattered her quite that much. But they both felt like they had been unfaithful now. He was thinking of Rose and she, if she was honest was still wishing that she had taken the Doctor as her lover.

"Shit!" she said as she switched on the kettle and reached for a couple of mugs.

John felt as if he was being torn in two as he sat on the edge of the bed in Martha's spare room. He hadn't been thinking as he had succumbed to the lure of Martha's gentle body cradling him as he wept. He had just felt. The first feelings that hadn't brought pain in the last 24 hours, and he had let them carry him along.

What did he feel now though? He had crossed from the parallel world to find a new life. One that by necessity would not include Rose. Could he forgive himself therefore for letting himself respond to another woman?

It was the speed with which he had moved on, he knew that was what was playing on his guilt now. He still loved Rose. That love had not had time to die yet, if it ever would. He still thought of himself as Rose's lover even though he knew she didn't want him anymore. He should apologise to Martha for behaving so badly. With a heartfelt sigh he rose from the bed and went in search of his hostess.

Rose was lost. She knew where John had gone and she knew he didn't want anyone, least of all her, to follow him. She wandered their home picking up little things he had bought for her and for their home together. She put them back and moved on. She couldn't settle, couldn't find the peace that had always descended on her when she came home either with or to her man.

She supposed she should eat something but her appetite had fled along with the man she loved. She had a horrible feeling neither would be back anytime soon.

John and Martha were sharing a very awkward meal together. Neither of them knew what to say after mind blowing but with-the-wrong-person sex. In John's case, although he remembered all the Doctors previous sexual partners, until today Rose had been his ONLY partner in bed, or on the kitchen table, or in the shower. Ok he had to stop thinking about Rose and all the things they used to do together. Martha, Martha was sitting here in front of him now. He should focus on her.

"So tell me Martha, um where are you working these days?" He asked nervously.

"I'm still at U.N.I.T but I've been promoted and I get to pick and choose my assignments these days." She continued talking about her work and asked him about some of the work he had done for Torchwood. Before long they were both laughing over how hard it is to contain a Fraxillor when you don't have a stasis chamber handy.

"Are we ok now?" John asked as he relaxed back in his chair smiling.

"I think we are, yeah." Martha grinned at her house guest and got up to clear the table.

"Jack hi, how are you doing?" the Doctor had decided to phone Torchwood to see if they could shed any light on that rift spike he had detected. There hadn't been any further anomalies but something felt off to him and he couldn't let it go.

"Hey there Doc, long time no see. When are you coming back for a visit huh?"

"Might be back soon, depends on what you can tell me about a spike in the readings I have for the rift. Anything your end or is this something new?"

"Well funny you ask, we did see a slight spike yesterday but it was so small and momentary we didn't see anything to worry about. It was centred in London which was a bit odd but it was only open long enough for one...SHIT! Doctor, one person could have come through it. You don't suppose Rose...?"

"Well I don't think so; she has no need to try that again. She has a new life in that world and I can't see her leaving him to come here. Still, it could be someone else. Think I'll pop by and have a quick look around. I'll let you know if I find anything you need to know about."

"Ok Doc. Stay in touch. Oh and Gwen and Ianto send their love. See you for a beer soon ok?"

"Sure Jack. See you soon. Bye."

John was back on Martha's couch but this time he was conscious and pretending to watch a game show on her television. He was trying to be a good guest, stay out of her way as she went about her day. She was going into work for a few hours and was trying to get organised.

"You sure you'll be ok here for a few hours?" she looked friendly and concerned. No trace now of their earlier awkwardness.

"I told you Martha I'll be fine. The head hardly hurts at all now so you can go and save the earth knowing I will still be alive and well when you get back." He smiled at her to reassure her that he was indeed fine now. She nodded her head to indicate that she believed him and then handed him a slip of paper.

"That's my mobile number if you need me for anything ok?"

"Sure, but I will be fine. See you later...and Martha...thanks for everything. I really appreciate it."

Martha blushed as she recalled EVERYTHING she had done for him but she simply nodded and headed for the door.

John muted the television and laid his head back against the couch. He had been holding them at bay since they had realised their mistake but now he allowed the memories of what he had shared that afternoon with Martha to wash over him. He had wanted to analyse why it was so different to what he had had with Rose but he never got that far. The feelings Martha had roused in him enveloped him once again and he felt himself harden. This might be a problem, he thought as he gave himself up to the remembered pleasure.

Rose had gone to bed and lain awake for hours as she wondered what John was doing back on her Earth. Her birthplace.

She wondered if he had sought out the Doctor or any of the other companions and what they would think of her and what she had said to him. She was worried that the canon had gone wrong and he might not have made it through the void at all but she was certain that if he had ceased to exist she would have felt the loss of him in her heart.

Her hand drifted to her abdomen, flat and barren. She knew now that what she wanted more than anything in the whole universe was to have John back so that he could plant his seed in her belly and they could welcome a child into their lives. She had been afraid when she had asked him to wait. She had not wanted to share him with anyone else and she had been scared of what a baby would do to who they were together. She knew better now. Now that she no longer had him she knew that having his child would have been a huge gift if she had allowed him to give it to her.

She stared at the ceiling and begged the gods to send him back to her safe and sound. And if that could never be that they make sure he was safe and happy in whatever life he chose to make without her. She let the tears come.

Chapter 6

Work was quiet. They hadn't expected her in at all so hadn't allocated anything to her so she was sat as her desk with her own thoughts and nothing to distract her from her memories.

She felt herself blush as she remembered what she and John had shared and worryingly felt herself moisten at the thought of him back inside her.

Stop it! She thought to herself, he was Rose's man not hers and whatever had happened between them she owed it to John to make a call she really didn't want to make.
She dialled his number and waited for the American tones to answer the call.

"Hey hey Martha! Today must be my lucky day; I spoke to the Doc just a short while ago."

Her small "Oh" spoke volumes to the Captain.

"What's wrong? You sound, I don't know...small?"

"I feel it, Jack I have something to tell you and it's not good."

"Go on..."

"It's him, the other Doctor, the metacrisis, he calls himself John. He turned up on my doorstep early this morning. In fact he turned up unconscious, God knows how he managed to drag himself to my door, he passed out the moment I opened it."

"Well that explains the Doc calling me earlier; he picked up a spike in the rift and asked if we had detected it here. But what's he doing here? Did Rose come through with him?"

"No, no she didn't, he's alone. He says he's left her, they had a fight."

"They had a fight? And he left her over one fight?"

"I don't know details Jack, all I know is she told him to get out and never come back after she called him a duplicate."

Jack sucked his teeth at that.

"Yeah, he's a mess. I... comforted him." She decided not to elaborate on how she had comforted him the less people knew about that the better.

"Where is he now?"

"At my place."

"And he's alone?"

"Yeah."

"Poor Rose, she will be beside herself"

Martha bristled at that, "Did you hear what I said she called him?"

"Yes yes, lots of things get said in the heat of the moment, but she didn't mean it, she'll have regretted it the instant she said it."

"Maybe."

"Definitely, listen you only met her the once, she'd have regretted the words probably as she spoke then. He must have used the dimension canon, what bothers me is why she hasn't followed him."

"Because she doesn't want him?" Asked Martha hopefully.

"She wants him, and remember he isn't the Doctor" Jack added gently.

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry Martha, but he isn't who you think he is and somehow we need to get him back to Rose, those two were made for each other and by the Doctor no less. Can you keep him at yours?"

"Yes I can and I'm sorry too, he just stirs something deep in me."

"In me too, in me too. I'll come to London tomorrow and talk to him, and just so you can choose whether or not to make yourself scarce I might have the Doc with me too. I'm going to have to tell him about this and he isn't going to be happy. Can you try and find out exactly what he did?"

"Yeah and I'll be there. I'll arrange to get the day off."

She hung up and thought to herself so I came to work today to arrange to have tomorrow off. She went to see her CO and explained another personal day was going to be necessary, she didn't go into details just said that it was family related and that she'd work back a bit now to make the time up.

Her CO had taken one look at her confused face and had granted the leave and told her to go home there and then.

When she got home she found that John was busy in her kitchen making a supper of pasta.

When she stepped in to the room, he stopped what he was doing and said, "Hello, I hope you don't mind but sitting doing nothing was driving me mad." He crossed to her and kissed her softly on her cheek. Martha felt her legs turn to jelly and sat down.

"Yeah it's fine. I have something to tell you."

"Yes?"

"Yeah, I called Jack. I told him you'd turned up."

John's eyes flashed angrily "Why did you do that?"

"Because you shouldn't be here."

John was angry, "Well where should I be? She doesn't want me!"

"John, please don't be angry, she does, she was angry, we all say and do things we don't mean when we are angry."

"I don't."

Martha smiled a little at how Doctor-like that sounded. "Anyway, Jack asked me to ask you exactly what you did to get here."

"I used the dimension canon."

"And that's all?"

"Yes"

"Then why hasn't she followed you?"

"Because she doesn't want me!" He had shouted angrily but Martha persisted suspecting there was more to this than he was saying, after all Rose had moved heaven and Earth to find him surely she wouldn't let him slip through her fingers now.

"You know that's not true. What did you do? John, tell me."

He sat down opposite her with his head in his hands and in a voice thick with emotion he said, "I broke it, just as I faded I threw a sonic burst at it, even if she wanted to follow me she can't," his voice broke as his shoulders shook and he gave way to fresh tears.

Martha felt awkward, this was exactly what had started things off before, but she couldn't just ignore his grief. She reached out with her hand and placed it on his arm. He batted her away and stumbled blindly from the room. She heard him on the stairs and as she heard her spare bedroom door close she had given way to her own tears.

The pasta pan boiling over brought her back to her senses and she wiped her eyes and drained the pasta and added the sauce John had prepared. She served up two portions and ate hers alone, thinking. She hadn't even told John that Jack was coming to see them tomorrow and dare she mention that the Doctor may be there too? She decided no, she wouldn't tell him that part.

She collected his plate and went upstairs with it; she listened carefully at the spare room door. She couldn't hear anything so she knocked lightly on the door.

"John? I have some pasta for you, it's good."

"Go away" came his muffled reply.

As she opened the door she said "No, you need to eat, you made it and its good."

He stubbornly refused to turn and face her so she decided to leave it with him. "I'll go now. I'll leave it on the side, you should eat it."

She felt bad for John, he seemed utterly wretched but he needed to eat, he was as slightly built as the Doctor, and a day or two on meagre rations would leave him looking gaunt and frail. Her mind turned to Rose and she wondered if she was faring as badly.

Several hours later, she went back upstairs to John, she had heard him once in the bathroom in that time but he had returned straight to his room. She listened at the door and knocked softly on it calling his name, "John?"

When there was no reply she cautiously opened the door, the room was in darkness and using the light from her mobile phone she saw that he had picked at his meal and was now asleep. His face was tear-streaked and he was hugging a pillow to his chest. She quietly and briefly checked him over and having assured herself he was simply asleep she left him taking his leftovers with her.

Rose was moaning in her sleep, images were flashing across her mind. Cybermen, Slitheen, Zombies, a gas mask faced child, a werewolf, the Ood and finally a Dalek. A Dalek that was advancing on John; she tried to warn him, but he couldn't hear her. She woke in a blind panic his name dying in her throat as she had screamed to warn him "JOHN!"

John was dreaming too. His dream was the argument played over and over in his head, he too moaned in his sleep and he also woke with a name on his lips. He whispered her name in the darkness just as his other self had done when he had needed her, "Rose..."

Chapter 7

Martha was also awake in her bed but she hadn't had any bad dreams. Far from it in fact. She was currently pleasuring herself as she remembered how wonderful it had been yesterday to feel John surging into her body. She knew she shouldn't still be thinking of him this way but she didn't think there would really be any harm in the privacy of her own room. After all she had done this plenty of times while fantasising about the Doctor and John and the Doctor had started to blur in her mind.

Her hand had slipped between her wet folds and she was rubbing her clit in circular movements as she remembered John's hands being everywhere at once when they made love.

He had been an intense lover and had taken her to places she didn't think even the Doctor had taken her in the TARDIS. Yesterday she had seen stars of a completely different kind.

She could feel the tension begin to coil in her centre and her hand moved faster and faster. Her other hand was working on her breasts. Rolling her nipples between her fingers and caressing their fullness. She started to make small groaning sounds but held back because she did not want to disturb her guest.

John had woken with Rose's name on his lips and tears on his cheeks. He lay in his borrowed bed staring at the ceiling for a while and trying to recall what he had been dreaming about. It went without saying that it had been Rose but he could not hold onto the wisps of the dream beyond that.

He was startled by a sound from across the hall in Martha's room. Was she also having a bad dream?

He climbed out of his bed and padded in boxers and bare feet to the door. He listened for a moment and suddenly heard the sound again. What should he do? Martha had been so kind to him and had comforted him on more than one occasion since he arrived. He tried not to dwell on the one time she had gone beyond comforting but he felt a twitch in his boxer shorts anyway.

Another slightly louder groan met his ears and he decided to go in and investigate. She might be in pain, he thought as he pushed the door open silently. And stopped dead with his mouth hanging open.

He was mesmerised by the sight that met him. Martha was lying naked on her bed and was in the throes of a self induced orgasm. Her hands were working her clit and her breasts feverishly and her head was thrown back with her eyes closed as breathless gasps were emanating from her throat. She was not aware that she was no longer alone.

John was hard instantly. He had always enjoyed watching Rose stimulate herself but he rarely let her get to her climax before joining in. He wanted to do that now. Cross the room and dive between Martha's smooth thighs and finish her off. He didn't move though. He was torn between the lust that was rising and the guilt that had followed the last time he had made love to this woman.

Martha screamed as she came. She just couldn't help it. As the waves crashed over her she opened her eyes and saw that she had an audience. She couldn't find it in her to object to his presence. She was still floating in her fantasy and he was the embodiment of it.

She held out the hand that had been on her breasts. John hesitated for a brief moment before he crossed the room and took it in his own. He raised it to his lips and kissed her wrist where he could feel the quickening of her pulse.

Martha raised her other hand, still slick with her juices and stroked it gently over the obvious bulge in his boxer shorts. John sucked in a harsh breath and felt his knees buckle. He landed on the edge of her bed and her hand immediately snaked up around the back of his neck and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

Both of John's hands found Martha's breasts and he began to fondle them and roll her nipples between his fingers. He applied just enough pressure to stay the right side of pain. She began to moan into his mouth and she reached for the elastic of his boxers and started to push them down his hips.

John rose from the bed slightly to assist Martha in undressing him but his lips never left hers and his tongue had begun to mimic the actions that his cock was hoping to be making very, very soon.

He laid himself down on the bed with her beneath him and he began moving his mouth down over her body. He concentrated on her nipples and then trailed his tongue around her navel. Her hands were running through his thick hair and she was uttering little encouraging mewls to let him know that he was pleasing her.

He continued on his exploration of her body, something he had not taken the time to do last time they coupled. She tasted very different to Rose he thought and then tamped it down. Now was NOT the time to make those kinds of comparisons.

He finally reached the part of her body that had been calling to him since he entered the room. The scent of her juices was driving him wild and he ached to taste them. His tongue dipped between her folds and he closed his eyes on a sigh as her flavour ran across his tongue. He lapped gently and she cried out in pleasure.

"Oh god, do that again...please"

He said nothing but he obeyed her command and lapped again. He found her clit and swirled his tongue around it. Martha screamed. He continued stroking. Faster and faster until he could feel her body tensing on the brink. He slipped two fingers inside her and she almost came apart.

"You, inside me now!" she demanded as she dragged him back up her body. The feel of his chest hair running over her sensitive nerve endings was exquisite.

She kissed him hard and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling his cock towards her entrance where he stopped and waited until she could not bear the wait any longer and she lifted her hips off the bed to encase him in her velvety depths.

They both groaned and began to move together. They found their rhythm quickly only to lose it again as they both reached their climaxes together.

Screaming out they collapsed together and tried to catch their breath. It was as they both lay there that they realised what they had said. Just as they had reached the crucial moment, Martha had screamed "Doctor" and John had screamed "Rose".

Chapter 8

"You said Doctor."

"You said Rose."

"Yeah I did, I'm sorry but…."

"I'm sorry too, I had been imagining making love to the Doctor and you were there."

"I heard you; I thought you might be in pain so I came to…investigate." He sighed heavily and ran his hand across his face, his eyes were sore and tears were threatening again.

"I'm not sorry we made love; it was incredible, but I'm sorry that it causes you pain."

"It was incredible, but…."

"It should have been incredible with Rose?"

He nodded wretchedly. "I want her, I want to hold her, and I want to say I'm sorry."

Martha turned on her side and propped her head on her hand, "John?" she asked gently, "What was the argument about?"

"I asked her to start a family with me."

"She didn't want to?"

"She wanted to wait and then I told her I had the Doctor's memories of being a Father, it wasn't meant to hurt her but it did. Then she called me a duplicate and I told her maybe she'd be happier with the Doctor, she said maybe she would and told me to leave and to never come back. I packed a bag and left."

"Just like that?"

He nodded, "Yeah, just like that. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I need to be alone."

He left and she heard his sob as he closed her spare room door.

Martha sighed, twice now their love making had reduced him to tears, but at the time he had enjoyed it as much as she had. She sighed and hoped Jack would be able to offer John some hope. He needed to go home but with the dimension canon damaged how? Her mind went to the Doctor again, Jack was in contact with him he had spoken to him only yesterday and he was coming here tomorrow. Surely he'd be able to find a way. She went to sleep with that thought on her mind.

When she woke up the next day, the events of the night before were the first thing on her mind. She decided not to reference them unless he did and she remembered that she hadn't told him Jack was coming but again decided not to tell him. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him in his fragile state, she'd present it as a fait accompli when he arrived.

She dressed and went downstairs to find John sat at her kitchen table drinking coffee.

"Hello"

"Hello" he replied, "I'm sorry about last night."

"I know you are" she couldn't bring herself to say she was too because she wasn't. He had been an incredible lay and if he offered himself to her here and now she'd have him over the kitchen table.

"I'm surprised you don't seem to have a man in your life. Donna's memories are in here too." He tapped his head, "What happened?"

"It just didn't work. I don't know, after the Doctor…. I need someone who understands what it's like out there. Someone who knows what travelling with the Doctor is like, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. Mickey?"

"Maybe, we are in contact. But he knows how I feel about the Doctor. What man would want to play second fiddle to that?"

John sighed and nodded, "I know how that feels" he said sadly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean you..."

"I know, no work today?"

"No I decided I needed another day."

"Do you mind if I have a shower?"

"No, go ahead. You know where everything is."

He left leaving Martha alone with her thoughts, Mickey…
She shook herself and called Jack to tell him what John had done to the dimension canon and so that he could let the Doctor know what they were up against.
He told her he would be with her in an hour and she set about tidying up before her visitors arrived.

After his shower John had returned to his borrowed room and had taken a note pad and pen from his bag. He wanted to write to Rose, he knew she would never be able to read it but he hoped that by writing it down he could move on from this crushing grief that had his heart in its grip. He began, My Darling Rose….
In the middle of writing he heard the doorbell and heard Martha open the door.
Then he recognised the American tones of Captain Jack Harkness.
He groaned as he realised he had been effectively ambushed, momentarily he thought of climbing out of the window but he knew that this needed to be faced.
He waited till he heard Martha call him and left the safety of the room and stood at the top of the stairs.
Martha mouthed "I'm sorry, " at him but he knew why she hadn't told him.

He descended the stairs keeping his eyes on the Captain.
Jack watched him he knew he should tear him apart for leaving Rose but he looked so broken he couldn't find it in his heart to do so, so instead he shook his hand firmly and pulled him in to a hug saying,
"Hello again, you fool."

"Hello" John replied.

"Do you want to go back?"

John nodded miserably.
"Well we need to find you a way."

At those words the air was ripped apart by the sound of an ancient engine groaning its way in to existence. Each person instinctively stepped back as the familiar blue box materialised in front of them.
Martha and Jack stepped in front of John as the double doors swung open and out stepped a very angry looking Time Lord.
He stared at his double, "You're John?" He asked shortly.

John nodded, he was grateful that Jack and Martha were in front of him but he knew he deserved whatever this man said to him so he stepped forward,
"Yes, I'm John."

The Doctor nodded an acknowledgement to Jack and Martha and took John through to the kitchen. He shut the door behind him.

Jack and Martha looked at each other and moved to the door and listened.
They heard someone making what Martha knew from the cupboards opened was a cup of tea and set it down on the table.
"Drink that, "growled the Doctor at John.

He didn't question why just took it and drank it.
"Know why I've made you that?"
"No" replied John.

"Because you've been an utter fool, it might make you see sense. Tannin heals the synapses."

"Oh."

"You do realise what you've done? Hmmm? I would have given anything to be you. You got the chance to live with and love Rose Marion Tyler and you threw it away!"

The last phrase was said very quietly to emphasise the depth of the words.
"I know" whispered John. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? What happened?"

"We fought, I wanted to start a family, she wanted to wait, and I mentioned you had been a Father."

A flash of pain crossed the Doctor's face at those words.
"I'm sorry. She told me I was a duplicate. I suggested she might be happier with you; she agreed and told me to leave and never come back. I left." He chocked on a sob as he said the last word.

"You're a bloody fool. She didn't mean that. You should have stayed, talked it through, maybe listened to her and waited. And then you sabotaged the dimension canon! What were you thinking man?"

"I didn't want her to come and find me."

"Jack, Martha, stop listening at the door and come in!"

Sheepishly Jack and Martha joined them.
The Doctor turned to John "And now you want to go back?"

"More than anything but…. There is no way back!"

At the last five words John broke down completely and Martha moved forward to comfort him.
The Doctor watched and narrowed his eyes,

"There might be a way."

Chapter 9

Rose wanted to scream. She wanted to rant and rave and swear a blue streak. She did none of those things though as she listened to the technicians tell her and her Director that there would be a delay with the dimension canons' repairs. If John had been here this would have been fixed by now of course but that was the point. He knew exactly what he was doing when he soniced the thing.

She wandered back to her desk and sat down with a sigh. Maybe she shouldn't be pushing this. Maybe, if she really loved him she would let him have a new life without her in it. He seemed to want to be given that chance when he committed sabotage. Should she go home and try to move on without him.

She sat up straight and frowned. No damn it! She had given up the Doctor...TWICE, and she had almost given up on happiness then too. She had truly thought she could never love someone again, but the second time she had been given a chance to find that love with John. And goddamn it she was NOT going to give him up without a fight! She truly adored him in spite of everything they had both said and she was NOT going to lose him now. They had to get that bloody canon working or she was going to pitch a fit.

"What's going on in that head of yours Doc?" said Jack.

"Oh Jack, If I even tried to tell you all that we would be here till even YOU grew old and died...but with regards to our current problem..." he glanced at John, "I am thinking that the rift he caused coming through the void in this direction might be able to be put to good use before I close it up AGAIN!"

"You'll take him back in the TARDIS then?" said Martha over her coffee cup. She had made tea and coffee for everyone in order to stay busy and to prevent herself from gazing at either John or the Doctor with undisguised lust. One of them at a time was impossible to resist but two of them in her tiny kitchen had her hormones in a permanent state of high alert. She was worried she might throw one or both of them down on the dining table and shag them senseless. Hell at the moment she'd even let Jack join in. This was SO unfair...bloody Rose has all the luck.

The Doctor looked hard at Martha before answering. He sensed something was not quite right here but he was hard pressed to put his finger on what it was. She wasn't entering into the spirit of this challenge the way she usually did that much was clear. "That would be the easiest solution. I expect that you did a decent number on that canon; it will take them ages to fix it. Especially without you there to help them. God, Rose must be going through hell." This last said with a trace of bitterness.

"Well maybe she should THINK about her words before she says things to hurt him in future!"
Martha was angry that everyone seemed to be worried about their precious Rose. Old hurts and jealousies that the Doctor had never been able to see her because Rose was always in the way were coming to the surface and bubbling out. She had had two nights of mind-blowing sex with John and even HE couldn't wait to scarper home to ROSE!

"Excuse me." She muttered as she stalked from the room before the tears that were threatening decided to spill over.

"What the hell was that about? "Asked the Doctor. John looked embarrassed but decided that the Doctor needed the full story.

"Sit down, there's something I think you should know."

Rose was back at Jackie's, having left the Torchwood hub before she was moved to commit murder. The techs couldn't work any faster she knew that, but every hour she and John were apart was torturing her.

Jackie had sent Tony off to play and was trying to convince her daughter to stay for a meal with the family. She looked as if she hadn't eaten anything since John had left. She was going to have some strong words with that man if they ever got him home again. She was damned if she was going to watch her lovely Rose sink into a decline again the way she had when they first arrived here. Pete was none too happy about all this either.

"Please stay for dinner sweetheart, Pete would love to see you, he's that worried about you and Tony loves having his big sister around. Pete will run you home afterwards. Go on."

Rose relented. It was too sad being home without John anyway. Tony's chatter would be a great way to keep her mind off her own devastating loneliness for few hours at least. "Alright mum, I'll stay for tea. What are we having?"

The towering rage of a Time Lord was a sight to behold thought Jack as he contemplated whether to get between the two men or head for the hills. Given his unique gift he decided to stay. There was only one man in this room who could just be killed outright and he was the one that the Doctors rage was directed at right now.

"YOU DID WHAT WITH MARTHA?" He bellowed.

John cringed in the face of his "creators" anger but stood his ground. It actually felt good to be held accountable for his deplorable behaviour. He knew Martha would never hold him responsible, she had stormed out because she had feelings for the Doctor which had become confused with him but he didn't think she truly cared for him. That's when it finally hit him.

Rose loved HIM, John. She might have said things to hurt him as he had hurt her during that fight, but she had NEVER in all the time that they had been together mistaken him for the Doctor. She had set aside those feelings and had always dealt with him, as a unique and individual man. She had never called out the Time Lords name as she came apart in his arms. She wasn't trying to replace the Doctor in her heart.

She still loved the Doctor but it had nothing to do with their relationship. That was just about the two of them.

"Doctor I am not proud of my behaviour but can I say in my defence that it has helped me to clarify some things in my own mind. I know where I belong now and it's with Rose. I thought she was just settling for me because she couldn't have you. I know better now and I have Martha to thank for that."

"How could you ever think Rose could be that way? If I had truly believed that she couldn't move on and be happy with you I never would have left her with you. She would be travelling with me even now. I wanted you both to be happy."

"I know that now, and I promise I will spend the rest of my life making this up to her. She will never shed another tear in sadness because of me, I swear."

"She'd better not. Now Jack, can you help me locate the point where he came through. I need to triangulate the TARDIS with Torchwood and the rift to make sure I don't make it any larger when I travel through it." Jack nodded. "If you have anything you want to pack or you want to say goodbye to Martha I suggest you get on with it John. We should be out of here within the hour."

As John left the room and headed to his room and to seek out Martha for a hasty goodbye the Doctor turned to Jack and in his usual obtuse way asked "How do you suppose his ... encounters with Martha helped him see the light?"

Jack just shook his head and phoned Torchwood.

Chapter 10

John found Martha in her room. He had knocked on the door and she had told him to go away but he had ignored her. He needed to thank her for looking after him when he had collapsed on her doorstep and he needed to apologise to her for his behaviour, both while he had been here and in deciding to come and find her in the first place. He knew how she felt about the Time Lord; he had all his memories after all.

"Martha, I can't go without talking to you."

"Go away" she said between gritted teeth.

"I know this is difficult."

"Do you? Have you any idea how hard this is? I love him John. I love him completely and no man is ever going to come close…. Apart from you, you are him and he is you and yet again I lose to Rose" she added bitterly.

"Maybe I don't know how hard it's been but I have to say thank you and apologise to you. Martha, thank you for looking after me. I know you could have left me on your door step and called an ambulance, you didn't. And I am truly sorry I even came looking for you. I know how you feel about him and I played on that when I decided to come here. In my defence I thought maybe we could be happy together, but I know now that I cannot be happy without Rose. Martha, I need Rose."

Martha began to cry and John gathered her up in his arms as she wept. When she had cried herself out he spoke gently again.

"I also know that Mickey has feelings for you, look him up. He knows what travelling with the Doctor is like. Give him a chance, maybe you can find happiness with him. Please will you at least try for me?"

She nodded, she never had been able to deny that face anything. "I'll call him, I promise."

"Thank you and now I need to pack. He said we would be leaving within the hour."

He rose and left her to her thoughts. Maybe Mickey would be the one to mend her heart. At least he would be able to understand what she was missing being away from their Time Lord.

She heard John go back downstairs and decided she would see him off. He had apologised to her and she needed the closure seeing them both leave would bring her.

When John entered the kitchen the Doctor scowled at him and his bag before asking brightly, "You're ready then?"

"Yes I am and I have both thanked and apologised to Martha so please can you drop the false friendliness?"

The Doctor looked hurt at that, "It's not false. I'm just….I'll tell you later."

He turned to Jack, "You look after her please" he indicated Martha and then he walked up to her and said "We keep saying goodbye, I'll see you again, soon. And Martha, thank you for taking care of this idiot. Rose can't say it to you but I know she would want to.

Martha bristled at Rose's name but nodded. The Doctor gave her a quick hug and moved away.

"Blimey I really do hate goodbyes, come on John, till next time."

He and John went in to the TARDIS and the sound of an ancient engine filled the air as the man Martha loved above all others left her once again. Jack crossed to her and held her as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

Fortunately for John the journey was brief but the Doctor did tell him what he had been unable to say in front of Martha. The Doctor was jealous and understandably so, John had the life he craved but could never have.

"John, it will be evening when we arrive. I am aiming for your bedroom. I expect Rose will be downstairs and you can surprise her and I can leave before she sees me."

"If you think that's best."

"I do, now are you ready?"

John nodded, "Never been more ready in my life, he had placed Rose's still unwashed mug at the very top of his bag and wanted to return it and apologise to her for what he had done.

"OK here goes, hold on, might be a bit bumpy have to arrive in a tight area."

He held on and watched as the Doctor finalised co ordinates and flicked switches and knobs.

Rose wasn't down stairs; she was lying on their bed fully dressed and asleep. Having again cried herself to sleep after Pete had dropped her back to the empty house. She was immediately awake and watched as the familiar blue box materialised in her bedroom.

The Doctor pushed John out of the double doors ahead of him and was startled to find Rose looking right at him.

"So much for the element of surprise then. Um hello. Look what I found."

Rose tore her gaze from him and threw herself on John, she was crying and laughing at the same time until her hands grazed the still large bump on his head and he softly said "Ow."

"Is he alright?"

"He will be, but you have some talking to do." He looked sharply at John who nodded, he was all too aware that if he didn't agree to tell her then the Time Lord would.

"I'll tell her."

"You'd better, and don't think I won't know if you don't."

"Tell me what?"

"No not now, when I've gone."

Rose nodded and walked across the room to the Doctor, "Thank you" she said "You've saved me again, without him I am nothing." She kissed him softly on the cheek before returning to John and kissing him deeply and passionately.

The Doctor quietly left and Rose didn't even lift her gaze as the TARDIS groaned out of existence.

The Doctor stood in his TARDIS, he had to close the rift on his way back through and then he planned to pay a visit to Martha to both thank her and apologise for his twins behaviour.

When Martha heard that familiar sound again she hurried down stairs to find the TARDIS in her front room again. He was waiting for her and spoke first, "I wanted to thank you and apologise again for John's behaviour, he told me."

"Yeah, I suppose precious Rose is happy again" she said petulantly. "So long as she is happy all is right with the world."

"Do you think that's all I care about?" He sounded angry but Martha didn't care.

"Well isn't it? Isn't that all you've ever cared about since the day you met her?" Her words were laced with venom, she knew she was being cruel but she was so hurt.

"How dare you talk to me like that after all I showed you?"

"How dare I? How dare I? I'll tell you how I dare" she was furious and had moved so her face was inches from his.

"I love you! You must know that, it was clear on my face and in every action I ever did! Remember the year that never was?"

He nodded.

"Well so do I Mister! I remember all the death I saw, all the destruction. I was the only human being who made it out of Japan alive! And do you know why I did it? Because. I. Love. You." She chocked on a sob as she said the last word and turned her back on him.

He moved towards her, touched her shoulder and she jerked away from him, "Just go! You never once noticed me, you never looked."

"Let me look at you now."

She whirled around, anger blazing in her chocolate eyes. God she was beautiful when she was angry, he leant down and kissed her hard on the lips.

She froze and then returned his kiss. They tore at each other's clothes, flinging them around the room as their tongues danced an erotic pattern in their mouths. He pulled her down to her knees and bowed his head taking one breast in his mouth as he tweaked the other with his hand. He moved his second hand down to her entrance and stroked her curls.

She pushed herself against his hand and he slipped two fingers between her folds, she all but came apart there and then and he gently lowered her to the floor. He continued working her body in three places. He found her engorged clit and laved his tongue around it and across it, now she came apart. Her breathing was coming in short gasps as he pushed further inside her. Her juices flowed and her scent sent ripples through his cock. He was as hard as he had ever been.

Her anger had been the catalyst to his finally seeing her as the beautiful woman she was. She came hard screaming his name as she tightened around his fingers. He removed them and impaled her with his swollen cock. She gasped as she felt him swelling inside her.

He paused giving her body time to accommodate him and then she moved with him their combined rhythm sending ripples through his cock, why had he held himself back from this woman? He moved faster inside her and she matched his pace biting down on his nipple as he emptied himself inside her screaming her name as he came inside her velvet depths.

He collapsed down on her, breathing hard and fast, as his breathing returned to normal he rolled her with him so they lay face to face with him still inside her. He held her as their 3 hearts returned to their normal rhythms.

"You were saying?"

"Never mind what I was saying, just hold me."

He did as she asked and when she drifted to sleep, he pulled himself from her and quietly dressed. He pulled a piece of paper off her shopping list pad and taking a pen wrote to her;

My Dear Brilliant Martha,
I am so sorry that I have ever caused you pain.
You are right of course; you have every right to
speak to me in any way you choose. Without you
I'd have died so many times. You gave me your
last breath on the moon and you
never stopped giving to me.
You've saved me so many times
and you've just saved me again.
Thank you.
Please have a good life, be magnificent,
be brilliant, but above all else please be happy.
Doctor.

He tucked the note inside an envelope he had in his pocket, and put it back in his pocket.

When he returned to the living room he gently picked Martha up and carried her to her bedroom. He was reminded again of their time together on the moon. He laid her in her bed and covered her over with the duvet. He looked at her peacefully sleeping and smiled gently to himself. Taking the note from his pocket he placed it on the pillow next to her.

He turned and switching out the light he left.

Chapter 11

Rose was overjoyed. Her lover had been returned to her and she was back in his arms. Even the departure of the TARDIS had failed to drag her attention from his wonderful lips and the hands that were crushing her to him. She could feel that he was as happy to be back with her as she was to have him here.

She tried to drag him towards the bed but he held firm and wrenched his mouth from hers with obvious reluctance. "No darling, not yet." He saw pain flash through her eyes. "I have something to tell you and it needs to be now, before you decide if you want me back."

Martha woke up and was disoriented at first. How did she get in bed? Weren't she and the Doctor in the living room last night when they made love? Oh god, that hadn't been a dream, had it? She sat up suddenly and looked around. She noticed two things simultaneously. She was naked and there was an envelope on the pillow where she would have liked his head to be.

She grabbed the envelope and slid a note from inside it.

She read it and let out a heartfelt sigh. He had been gracious and kind but it was obvious from his words that he was in no hurry to repeat last night's interlude. She smiled sadly. How can you be so happy to get what you always wanted and so sad at the same time?

She lay back in her bed and relived her one and obviously ONLY night of love with the man she had adored for years. When she had finally replayed every second of their time together she made a decision that she knew she should have made a long time ago. It was time to find a man that not only could she love...but who would love HER in return. Just as she deserved to be loved.

She reached for her address book and looked up a phone number.

She reached for the phone and started dialling.

The Doctor sent the TARDIS into the vortex to float about for a while so he could gather his thoughts. He had been incredibly lucky in the companions he had travelled with. Lovely, giving women, who for some reason had each loved him...in their own ways. He had only returned those feelings with Rose and Donna he supposed. Martha had been right. She had been short changed. He wasn't sure that he was entirely to blame for that but he hoped that after last night she might be able to move on and be happy with some lucky guy. She deserved that more than she realised.

"You slept with Martha?"

John looked wretched as he nodded. He couldn't look at her right now, his eyes kept glancing away from hers.

She twirled the coffee mug he had returned to her in her hands. He had explained that he had taken it as a tangible reminder of her and she had been touched until he had begun telling her the rest of the story.

"Twice?"

He nodded again. "I am so sorry Rose. I was distraught and I truly thought I had to make a life without you. I never intended for it to happen and I felt terrible afterwards."

"Not terrible enough if you went back for round two." Rose choked on a sob as she said the last word.

"Oh god Rose, please don't cry. I know it doesn't change what I did but I did learn that you were the only woman I could ever be truly happy with. What happened with Martha meant nothing except that I was hollow and empty without you and I was trying to fill that void with something. I did Martha a grave disservice too. I am so sorry."

Rose had her doubts that Martha felt "disservice" but she kept that to herself for now. She was at a crossroads here and she had to make a decision. Did she love John enough to move past the recent hurts and infidelity or did she want to send him packing again and try living without him?

That was the easiest question she had ever had to answer. She had spent the last 3 days trying life without him and she knew she couldn't do that again. She supposed that he had lived with this same feeling when they were both left behind here. Thinking that she wanted to be with the Doctor more than him. They had both hurt each other and yet they had both found their way back here and they owed it to themselves and each other to give their love another chance.

"John, do you love me?"

"Rose Marion Tyler you are the keeper of my one and only heart and I love you more than life. I left this universe rather than live in it without you and I will never give you cause to doubt that again. I swear." He looked at her with hope and a touch of desperation in his gorgeous brown eyes.

"I have discovered over the last three days that I can't live without you either. I want what we had before and so much more with you. I am sorry for everything I said to hurt you when we fought but I am hurt at how quickly you sought solace from someone else. If you ever do that again I promise you, you will kill me. I love you so much."

She launched herself across the room and into his lap. Her lips locked on his and he let all of his love and relief and happiness to be home flow through him and into her.

They remained locked in each other's arm as he lifted her and carried her towards the bed she had just been sitting on.

They each had their hands everywhere at once. Clothing was divested in record time and John was positioned above her. She wanted him inside her but he had no intention of rushing his homecoming.

He lowered his head to her breast and took it in his mouth. He suckled her as if she was his favourite food and he'd been starving for a year. He could not believe he was back in bed with the woman of his dreams and she was willing to give him another chance.

His hands strayed to her folds and he found her wet and waiting for him to take her. She arched her back and tilted her hips up to encourage him to replace his fingers with his cock. He stroked her clit with his finger and then with the tip of his erection.

She screamed and begged him to fill her. He smiled and lowered his head to stroke her again, this time with his tongue.

"John please! If you don't get in me now I will just die!"

Even though he knew she was just saying that to get her way, the mere thought of her dying was enough to have him sliding into her folds without further delay. He would pay her back for that later but for now he simply enjoyed feeling her familiar body welcome him home.

They quickly found their rhythm, they always would and they both took comfort in that fact. They climbed towards orgasm and flew beyond the stars together.

Martha was wearing a new little black dress and high heels. She had been to the salon and had her hair and nails done. As she entered the bar of the very exclusive restaurant she glanced among the patrons until she spotted the man she was there to have dinner with. She smiled and strode over to him with a sexy sway of her hips.

"Hey Mickey, long time no see."

FIN